Disclaimer: Alas, nothing is mine.
"Of all the people I work with, you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with."
She had made herself quite clear. She didn't want anything serious… at least not from him.
She didn't even like him. She liked House.
He should have known this was a mistake. He should have said no. He should have walked away… He should have walked away a year ago, when she was high.
He had known it was a mistake when it happened. She didn't actually want it, she was high! He should've left… but he didn't. He couldn't.
He had felt guilty about that night. She wasn't thinking clearly, and he took advantage of her. He had always assumed that she saw it as a mistake, too. That's why he had been so surprised when she asked him to do it again. He knew that it meant nothing to her, but he couldn't help but feel hopeful.
"All this is is uncomplicated sex. Don't try to make it more than that."
Her motives had become clear very quickly. She wanted to make House jealous. She claimed she was over him, but anyone with an ounce of sense could tell that she was lying. She still loved House.
But he didn't love her.
In a way, it made him angry. How could House me such an idiot to turn her away? He had no right to break her heart, to make her unhappy. He didn't deserve her.
But, at the same time, it made him feel slightly happy. He knew he shouldn't, knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but feel happy that House wouldn't have her. He knew that Cameron would never love him, so this really didn't bring him much closer, but deep down, he hoped.
Cameron wasn't heartless. She wasn't mean. But she was ignorant. She had no idea what he felt. She didn't know that he had fallen for her years ago.
And so she wasn't careful. He didn't resent her for it. It wasn't her fault. She had warned him that it meant nothing, and he had followed her anyway. He kept clinging to the hope that things might change.
"Don't break her heart."
Foreman said that one. Cameron might have been ignorant, but Foreman was completely oblivious. So was everyone else. Chase could tell by the way they acted. Cuddy was just as oblivious as Foreman. They saw Cameron as the fragile one, the one who would end up with a broken heart. They knew nothing. Cameron's heart was always safely tucked away when she was with Chase. He was the one in danger.
No one seemed to suspect a thing, which was good. Chase didn't like to allow anyone to know about anything. The fact that the whole hospital now knew that he was sleeping with Cameron was nothing compared to what he knew would happen if they found out about his actual feelings. He always kept everything bottled up because he was afraid people would treat him differently if he let anything slip. He knew that would definitely happen this time if he wasn't careful.
He was worried about how the others would react if they found out: what Foreman would say, how House would tease him, how Cuddy would be upset because this would create bad working conditions, and how the nurses would gossip. But he was mainly scared of how Cameron would respond. She had turned him down once, years ago, and he couldn't handle it again.
"I'm right, aren't I? I've seen the way you look at her."
This comment came from a patient. He managed to hide it, but it really scared him. He had always thought that he did a good job of hiding it, but this woman had figured it out after just a couple of days.
He had liked Cameron almost immediately, but after working with her for a little while, he had fallen hard. He tended to act very stupid around her, especially in the beginning. He made that stupid joke about the patient's girlfriend thinking sex could kill someone, and he reacted in a very immature way when Cameron responded. He became overly aggressive when he attempted to save his job after Vogler forced House to fire someone, even when Cameron had specifically suggested that they work together. He allowed House to blame her for the patient's problem, even though he knew she had done nothing wrong.
Still, over time, he got better at it. He stopped turning into an idiot whenever she entered the room, except for occasional lapses in judgment. One was when she was high. Another was a few weeks ago, when she asked him to sleep with her. She didn't know it, but she had a gift. She could get him to do almost anything. When he was at her apartment a year ago, he had tried to resist… for a few seconds. But something inside him wouldn't let him walk away after she had kissed him.
The same something is what was keeping him from leaving now, when she obviously had no interest in him.
It was the secret hope.
AN: Hope you liked it! My first fic, please review!