Lost in the Woods
The car drove along the winding one lane road slowly. Inside, the two occupants were freaking out.
"Blaine!" yelped Kurt.
Blaine shot him a look.
"Blaine, please find a place to stop. We need directions." Kurt was panicky.
"Calm down, we'll find it." Blaine tried to sound confident.
They had decided to drive to Virginia to compete in an invitation only glee club competition in Northern VA.
The rest of the Warblers had all split up and driven separately, and somewhere in southern WV they had gotten separated from the rest of the little convoy.
Kurt had become frantic. Their GPS had died, and neither he nor Blaine could get a cellphone signal. They were cruising lost around the backwoods.
Finally Blaine caved. "Next gas station we stop" he said.
Kurt was trying not to hyperventilate but he was positively SCARED. He hated to stereotype people or places but he had heard plenty of stories about the hillbillies that occupied the wilds of WV and he was sure that this was not somewhere for a boy like him to be lost.
Finally Blaine spotted a diner along the side of the road.
"We'll stop here, I'll go in and ask for directions back to the highway." he said.
"Wait" said Kurt, "you're going in there alone?"
Blaine wasn't thrilled about the idea, but he felt he could act straight enough to go in and get directions and hopefully go unnoticed by the locals.
"Well, Kurt, um...maybe it would be better if you just waited here. You know. I'll just pop in..." he trailed off.
Kurt objected.
"You're not going in there alone. I've seen movies like this. They'll find us both wrapped in tarps in the woods!"
Blaine paused. He certainly didn't want to go in there alone, but he was more afraid that his walking in with Kurt would attract attention they didn't want.
Blaine parked and they stared at the grubbly little greasy spoon in front of them. It looked like a relic from a 1950's sitcom. The place looked shabby. Blaine noted the three pickup trucks and the 4x4 Jeep out front.
Reluctantly they both exited the car and made their way into the diner. Kurt was aware that the dapperly dressed pair were glaringly out of place.
Inside there were booths lined up to one side and a counter in front of them. They saw several people seated at the booths eating greasy diner food. Behind the counter, the waitress sat lazily on a stool waiting for something to do, a cigarette dangling haphazardly from her lips. She wore a vomit colored waitress outfit like you would've seen on an episode of Alice.
The entire diner stopped their conversations and looked toward the door in a scene reminiscent of a cowboy movie when a desperado would enter a saloon. You could hear a pin drop.
Kurt leaned in toward Blaine and said softly "Oh my God, we're surrounded by rednecks"
As soon as the word left his lips, the man in the booth closest to them dropped his fork on his plate noisily. He stood up and looked at them menacingly. The man in the booth across from him also got up, and they stepped over in front of Kurt and Blaine. Blaine put his arm out slowly to move Kurt behind him slightly, and he steeled himself to try and look like he wasn't scared.
The man was dressed as you'd expect - dusty blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. He looked about 30, with a scraggly moustache and goatee. He looked as if he lived his entire life outside, his skin permanently tanned and leathery.
He leaned in toward Blaine.
"Ex-cuse me" he started. "Did he call us rednecks?"
"Look, we don't want trouble" said Blaine. "We're just lost and need directions."
The man continued his glare for a moment. Then he looked at Kurt.
"I'm sure you meant 'rednecks' in a pejorative sense" he said. "I'll have you know that despite your preconceived notions,
we take pride in being simple, hard working folks. To us, a red neck is a badge of honor, it means you put in a hard day's work."
Kurt stood there slack jawed, and Blaine was gobsmacked.
The other man approached and looked at Kurt.
"That McQueen you're wearing?" he asked.
Kurt stammered.
"U-Uh. Yeah. Yes." he said.
"I like it. The fit is nice and red seems to be a good color on you."
Blaine was in awe.
The man pointed at Blaine.
"You should help your guy friend out here."
Kurt looked at Blaine.
The man continued "His outfit clearly doesn't fit his shoulders properly, he's hunching a little because it's not comfortable on him. I don't like the color either, it doesn't suit him."
A man in the back yelled up front to them
"He should be in purple" said the man, looking up from a newspaper. "It'd set off his eyes better."
Kurt flushed. "I TOLD you!" said Kurt. "Purple!"
Blaine was amazed.
"um...uh...thanks for the advice?"
The waitress mushed out her cigarette and looked up. She grabbed two stonewear mugs and set them on the counter.
She grabbed a coffee pot and poured out two cups.
"You guys look like you could use a coffee. Come sit down".
The two boys looked at each other and then went over and sat down. The men who had been up turned and sat down. The waitress brought them each a slice of home made apple pie.
"Here, it's the house specialty". she said.
The boys sat and had pie, and talked more with the men in the diner. It turns out that just because they were the Good Ole Boy type didn't mean they didn't have taste as well. Kurt discovered that the two men in the front often drove over an hour to go clubbing in the nearest large town.
After they finished the pie and coffee, Blaine got up and reached in his pocket for a $20 bill.
The waitress waved him off.
"It's on the house" she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Sure! I just want you to remember this, so next time you're somewhere new you don't prejudge people based on how they look or seem" she said.
Blaine and Kurt thanked everyone and started to leave.
"Oh" said the waitress, "stay on this road for about a mile, make a left at the giant greenhouse and in a few miles you'll be back at the freeway".
The boys left with large grins on their faces.
"Was NOT expecting that!" said Kurt.
The boys met up with the rest of the Warblers back stage. Wes rushed over and asked what had happened.
"OMG we thought you got murdered! What happened?" he asked.
"We stopped for pie and fashion advice" said Kurt.
The rest of the Warblers look confused.
"We'll tell you later" he said.