"You would kill me without hesitation."
And yet, he did hesitate.
Collateral damage was necessary – and even acceptable – in certain situations, but in this? There was no end-game. There was nothing that outweighed her life.
It was cold and dark, and he could almost hear the laboured breathing of Gerald – or could he hear it? He couldn't tell beyond the rain... - or the nervous energy of...her as she tried to gain the upper hand.
How many openings had he seen? How many times could he have struck? It was his domain – there was enough within those walls at his disposal...
and yet, he hesitated. Their captor had been so certain that allowing him to try would have meant his death – but he missed the true hesitation. He had become too comfortable where he was – to...capitalistic in luxury, taking all for granted – that he hesitated to risk it all to save it.
If he had struck, if he had done as he should have, then he would certainly have lost his place. The action would have required no thought, but the aftermath...
He was a doctor. He was not a killer. But he would have killed, and he would not have been himself.
Gerald would have survived, she would have survived, and he would have simply faded away.
But he hesitated. He blinked, and he lost. Again.
Perhaps this was the way it was always meant to be? The only way it could be? The agents that lived long enough to retire – what became of them? What changed to make them question and doubt themselves?
Tovarisch... Comrade. Colleague. Ally. Friend.
She was a ghost. Like so many others. As much dead by his inaction as otherwise.
Jethro would say he could have done nothing. Anthony would mean the same, but would lose the words in references. Abigail would wrap him in a hug, with only his name spoken aloud. Timothy would give the probabilities of any action of his only exacerbating the situation, if he spoke at all. He would have distracted him, and yet...
He knew the truth. He hesitated.
He would not have done that before.
He had desired a dark alley to meet the other man in. He had wished a chance encounter in the anonymous streets of the city.
He was granted this wish. He was even left alone.
But he was known to be here – it would not be a simple disappearance.
"You would kill me without hesitation."
He had the opportunity now, and the chance to end this game now rather than its inevitable conclusion in the future.
But he hesitated.
Jethro would play this game, and he would watch from the sidelines. He had lost already – he would hesitate again and see if perhaps his lot would return better.
He hesitated. The other man walked away.
AN: The title means 'Irony and Equilibrium', as far as I can tell. Should I continue writing more in this crossover at some point, I won't keep using Russian titles for everything – but for now, it's fitting and at least helps keep the collections together. Continuation of sorts to the companion stories Strašnyj Son and Nepravil'noe Rukovodstvo. Takes place in the Kill Ari episode when Gerald and Ducky switch vehicles. Inspired when I was musing as to how a longterm crossover between NCIS and UNCLE would work without compromising canon too much. 8, February, 2016