Fanfiction… Guess Who Read It

Author's Note: Yo! So yes, I wrote this one-shot to show you how I think the characters would react if they evaar got to read fanfictions about them. *snicker, snicker* Enjoy! R and R!

It was a typical day in the Planet. Rufus was busy signing documents, the Turks were lounging in their office, the three generals were playing a card game and Cloud and Tifa were having an "intimate" talk. In the Turk's office, Rude was reading a magazine, while Reno was leaning on his buddy, as he browsed the internet… everything was quiet until Rude peered at what Reno was so engrossed about.

"What are you reading, Reno?"

Reno looked up with a goofy look on his face. Uh oh, this can't be good, Rude thought, he cringed inwardly.

"Fanfiction."

"What's that?" Rude read what his friend was reading and said, "What the hell is this? Why the hell am I kissing you here? Shit man."

Reno laughed so hard, "Oh Rude, don't take it seriously. It's not true! Isn't it amusing?"

Rude removed his glasses to look at Reno directly, "It's disgusting. Really, Reno… you're so weird! I… need to find this person who wrote this, and torture him to tell me WHY he/she wrote it!"

"Oh Rude, you are sooo boring ya know!"

Rude smacked Reno on the head and stood up, "Whatever, I'm heading out. I need… air or else I'll throw up."

He turned to yell, "Admit it Rude! You enjoyed what ya jus' read, yo!" Reno rolled his eyes, and refocused on his laptop. "Though I threw up a little on my mouth the first time I discovered it. Okay, not a little. I threw up my whole dinner after reading one…"

Tseng walked over to the second in command, his eyes were glinting in annoyance. "What were you two fighting about now?" he asked.

Reno looked up and said, "Oh nothing Tseng, yo!"

"Is that a mission report?"

"…No."

The director raised an elegant brow, "Then what is that? You seem pretty engrossed on it."

"Ya really wanna know?" Oh damn, I could get fired if I let him read these stuff.

"What? Are you reading porn? How…" Tseng stifled a laugh.

"I…. ah! I'm not. Ya know me bettah than that, yo! I can get myself laid!"

"Please spare us the details of your personal life, Reno." Somebody suddenly said, the two men turned to see Rufus Shinra, looking as cool as ever. "Why is Rude outside, looking slightly sick?"

"Ah, sir." Tseng said, then returned to look at Reno again. "Reno made Rude read something and they started to argue. That is all that I know, I'm in the middle of investigating it."

"Investigating…. Tch." Reno muttered under his breath.

"What was that Reno?" Tseng asked.

"Nothing…"

Rufus approached the red haired Turk and peered at the laptop's screen. He raised a delicate eyebrow. "What's this?" he asked.

"N-nothing boss-man! Nothing!"

Rufus clicked on the back button and saw that there were other stories listed on the site. "Why in the name of Gaia is my name and Tseng's listed here, as a pairing…." He clicked the link.

Ten minutes later…

"What the hell! I don't see Tseng this way! Ahhhhhhhhh!" Rufus took out his shotgun, and starting shooting at the laptop's screen. "TSENG! HAVE THE COMPANY'S INTERNET CONNECTION BLOCK THIS PARTICULAR SITE! RIGHT NOW!"

"MY 2,500 GIL LAPTOP!"

Rufus swiveled to snarl at Reno. "You have more things to worry about other than your laptop, Reno. How in the name of Gaia did you find this site?"

"Uhh…" Reno mumbled… "A fangirl e-mailed me a link, and…"

"And you liked reading them."

"Yeh."

Rufus rolled his eyes, "I've also happened to see one that has us paired, don't tell me that you read that stuff too…"

Reno scratched his head, "Yeh, sure, I haven't read 'em."

"I have a feeling that you're lying."

"…I'm not. I swear! Cross my heart and hope to die!"

"Don't swear in such a childish way, Reno."

"I promise boss, I haven't~!"

"Well, excuse me then… I think I need to have my memory altered." Rufus said.

Tseng glared at Reno and walked out as well.

~/~

The three SOLDIER generals, meanwhile, have gotten tired of the card game and were now separately opening their fan mail, for something to do. Sephiroth's mail pile resembled Mt. Nibel, Genesis's were all neatly tied into three separate towering piles—courtesy of his ever loyal, neat and crazed admirers and Angeal's pile was rather sorry looking compared to his companions'.

Genesis lazily ripped the packaging of what seemed to be a book…

"Hey guys! Look at what I've got!" he exclaimed. "It's a story about us three, you wanna read it with me or shall I…?"

"I don't care."

"…."

"I'll take that as a yes. Okay, here it goes…." He cleared his throat. "The title is…."

*Twenty minutes later*

Genesis shut the thin book, his face ashen, and his lips pale. "Okay, I believe I need time alone."

Sephiroth swallowed and tasted bile. "What the fuck was that thing that you just read?"

"I think I vomited a little in my mouth… excuse me," Angeal said to the now empty rec room, he was very thank ful that Zack had not been in the room to listen to the embarrassing story of Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal having a threesome and Genesis having a baby (Genesis had paused at least 30 times, and when he finally came at the end, he looked like he was going to go insanely murderous)… Zack's admiration of the SOLDIER name would have been tarnished for life.

~/~

"Cloud, I've been reading, and well," Tifa said, "I feel so dissatisfied with what we have."

"What do you mean Tifa?"

Tifa bent over and retrieved a thick folder. She handed him the folder and said, "Read them. Read them and I hope you will understand…"

"Tifa, what are these? Is this what you've been printing for the past few months?"

"Yes. They're love stories… about us."

"About us?"

"Yes. Please read them."

"Alright."

After half an hour, he finally shut the folder and faced Tifa. "I'm so sorry Tifa, I never realized!" She smiled gently at him, as he took her in his arms. "I'm sorry that I've made you so sad!"

And they kissed.

~/~

Epilogue:

Since reading the fanfiction, Rufus ShinRa has banned all FanFiction sites on the company's server, and Reno was suspended for a month, without pay for reading such things at work. Rude has been avoiding his partner for a while now, since the trauma still hasn't completely erased itself from his mind. They're still partners at work. The three generals all mysteriously disappeared that day as well, and then, a month after, it was found out that Genesis had gone completely insane in Banora and had killed his parents for not letting him read more LOVELESS, Sephiroth in the mean time had gone insanely evil, vowing to destroy Gaia until the author of the fanfiction was found (the author was never found) and Angeal had died, due to the depression of hearing such a tale.

Cloud and Tifa lived happily ever after.

Author's Note:

Ooooooooooookay, so there you go, I think this sucks, and I am fully aware that I have not included all the characters of FFVII. I am not against yaoi fics or anything here so don't flame me, okay? Thanks. I hope you enjoyed reading!