Don't Trust Anyone With Anger Problems
Cast
Jack DeEimmo – the boy. Stereotypical rebel, college dropout and has a secret crush on Teihaa, who he teases 23/7.
Teihaa Loularlen - Friendly but doesn't know when to not say something, secretly fancies Jack, who she likes to annoy often. Pronounced Tay-a.
Zeldelia Shamus – the brains. Has common sense, goody two shoes and brave, as well as guardian for her sister Sunnie.
Sunnie Shamus – the ickle baby. Clever like Zeldelia, funny and charismatic, stops Jack and Teihaa from playfighting.
Nychento Ynorchyl – the Helcadish man. Sick of Helcadis and wants to go to the 'mythical' land of Earth, hard-working and hopeful.
Yenorchiya Ynorchyl – the Helcadish man's big sister. Bratty but kind, ambitious and wary of strangers.
A/N – THIS WOULD FIT THE 'AS LONG AS IT SOUNDS FOREIGN' TROPE ON TVTROPES
Scene 1
All in dining room for breakfast. Sunnie is cooking bacon and French toast while the others wait and talk grown-up stuff.
Jack Hey who's doing brekkie?
Teihaa Open your eyes dumbass and you'll see that Sunnie's doing it.
Jack Shut up virgin.
Teihaa Wow you're really badass idiot.
Jack Piss off! Go cry to Zeldelia.
Zeldelia Um I am here you know, Jack.
Jack Your little fanny friend's feelings are hurt.
Teihaa Shut the fuck up shite head!
Zeldelia Both of you just chillax! Jesus it's like Big Brother in here sometimes.
A/N – BIG BROTHER IS A LOAD OF SHITE. I'M GLAD THEY CANCELLED IT.
Sunnie Here is your breakfast sis!
Zeldelia Thanks Sunnie! Oh, you finally got the bacon right! You used to undercook it and give us the shits. Congraturation!
Sunnie You should know that it's congratulations, Zeldelia.
Zeldelia It was a joke, sis!
Jack Oh my good god! Sunnie's turning into Teihaa!
Teihaa Stop being a retard.
Zeldelia Shut up! Lets eat.
Jack What have you been planning Zeld?
Zeldelia Oh can't tell you.
Teihaa Please?
Jack Shuttup you.
Teihaa No. Please Zeld?
Zeldelia Okay it's a time-travelling anomaly which is activated by jumping into a forcefield inside a large hula hoop. It is supposed to take you to Helcadis.
Teihaa Helcadis?
Zeldelia The Lost City of Helcadis.
Sunnie Unicorns live in Helcadis. It said at that carnival I went to last week.
Teihaa Zeldelia was good for taking you to that carnival. You learnt something.
Sunnie It was a cheap day out too!
Zeldelia I also saw Bruce Maynes panhandling by the portapotties. You know, that kid who made Clint Roberts 'fall' off the school canteen roof in Year 10? It made the local TV news. And the front pages of the local newspapers.
Jack I always thought that Bruce was an idiot.
Teihaa Me too.
Jack Who asked your opinion loser?
Teihaa Consequently who asked yours?
Jack What the hell?
Teihaa Pwned.
Sunnie Epic fail!
Jack Told you Sunnie was turning into freak girl here.
Teihaa Go whack off nobhead.
Scene 2
Zeldelia is letting Jack and Teihaa try out the teleporter. Sunnie is playing with Zeldelia's laptop.
Zeldelia Just tighten this up then we're good to go!
Jack Why do I have to go with Teihaa again?
Zeldelia Because you have powers. Me and Sunny don't. If you get stuck there you can charge your phones with your power alone so you can tell me and I can devise a way to get you home.
Teihaa Wait, stuck?
Jack You mean, this machine is a quick way to zap us out of this house so you and Sunnie can have it to yourselves?
Zeldelia No way, this house is too big! You're going to take HQ pictures of Helcadis. I want to see it so I can develop a VR simulation with realistic graphics and bump games consoles into the 10th generation!
A/N – I WISH
How exciting! It'll take years of developing, marketing and persuading, but I'll finish with an action game that breaks records and sets a huge milestone!
Jack Worth sacrificing our lives for?
Zeldelia You'll get back here, I promise. You might have to wait a few days but there's food and drink in your backpack so you'll be OK.
Sunnie If they come back alright can I go?
Zeldelia No Sunnie, you're too young.
Sunnie Awwwwwwwww… Please?
Zeldelia No!
Sunnie Not speaking to you now.
Jack I'm worried.
Teihaa Ha ha wimp!
Jack No, Teihaa, this is serious, something you don't understand.
Teihaa Shove it, Jack!
Zeldelia You saying goodbye, Sunnie?
Sunnie Not speaking to you Zeldelia.
A/N – GOD SUNNIE IS JUST LIKE I WAS AS A LITTLE KID.
Zeldelia You 2 say bye to Sunnie.
Jack Bye Sunnie have fun and be careful.
Teihaa Look after the house and don't go in my room and trash it with your little friends, right?
Sunnie Right.
Teihaa Good. Our teleportation time is now.
Zeldelia Goodbye you 2! I'll set up the program now. Budge, Sunnie!
Sunnie Bye Teihaa and Jack! Not speaking to you.
Zeldelia Hold hands now, hold onto the sides of the hula hoop and click!
Jack+Teihaa Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Zeldelia They've gone! Good luck you 2, please be safe…
Scene 3
Jack and Teihaa have arrived in Helcadis. They are confused but amazed at the scenery. They are also suddenly nicer to eachother.
Jack Eww why did I have to hold hands with you?
Teihaa Gross… OMFG we're here!
Jack You OK? Landing hurt you?
Teihaa A bit. But what's a couple of bruises hey!
Jack Thank god you're safe.
Teihaa Thank god you're safe!
Jack So, here we are… Helcadis. It's beautiful. I've never seen anywhere like it.
Teihaa Look a unicorn! Wait, there's 2. No, there's a whole group! They are so cute. They really are adorable.
Jack Come here Teihaa.
(hug)
Teihaa Why are you hugging me?
Jack You're a friend, I have the right.
Teihaa Could have fooled me. We're always mean to eachother!
Jack We could always stop.
Teihaa Good idea…
(looking into eachother's eyes for forever)
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …
A/N – COMPULSORY CHEESINESS LOL
Jack Um, shall we go scope this place out?
Teihaa Yeah…
Jack Uh Teihaa!
Teihaa What?
Jack Oh, never mind! (Damnit!)
Teihaa Jack!
Jack What is it?
Teihaa Oh, it's not important. It can wait. (Shit!)
Jack Look! A city!
Teihaa Oh my god look at the mist around it!
Jack It's smog. There's people there!
Teihaa We made a huge discovery! We'll be famous and stuff!
Jack They might not be humans though, Teihaa.
Teihaa If it's the lost land then there will be people.
Jack They might be humans that have evolved differently or even bred with other species. Who knows unless we get going along this road infront of us!
Teihaa Let's go then! Bye unicorns! Aww, so sweet.
Jack Like you.
Teihaa What was that?
Jack Uh nothing… just keep going, good. (oh crap!)
Scene 4
Jack and Teihaa reach the city, taking photos along the way. They get closer and closer to eachother.
Jack We made it!
Teihaa We made it.
Nychento But Chiya, I'm sick of Helcadis! I want to go to Earth!
Yenorchiya But Chento, Earth's a myth. Myths are fake!
Nychento Earth is not fake! It's real!
Yenorchiya It is! When will you get it into your head that Earth does not exist!
Jack Probably never, especially now.
Teihaa They look weird. Why the hell aren't you human colour?
Yenorchiya Human? Humans are mythical creatures!
Teihaa What you say bitch?
Jack She's a Helcadilyte, aren't you? Zeldelia mentioned these. She says they may or may not be the same species as us, and they may be unrecognisable.
Yenorchiya Nychento, chyontik dechyo nyopl aschyano takla ypecha?
Nychento Garchyn English aypatyo garchynoko!
Jack What the hell?
Nychento She said "why do you not want to come home". I taught myself English from my Zydchyan network. Zydchyan means connect. I told her "speak English when you speak to me".
Jack Oh, right. Sorry.
Yenorchiya Sorry, what is your names?
Jack I'm Jack, and this is Teihaa. I'm guessing you're Cheetah or something, I heard you arguing.
Yenorchiya It's Yen-or-chee-ya, Yenorchiya.
Nychento And I'm Nychento. I'm Chiya's younger brother.
Yenorchiya My pet name is Chiya, and my brother's is Chento. Nice to meet you, uh, humans. Are you really humans or are you dressed up?
Teihaa Real humans. Why you ask?
Yenorchiya The myths are real. Humans are real. Is Earth real? How did you get here? Can me and Chento come to Earth?
Teihaa Our friend, my cousin Zeldelia is a genius. She made a teleportal to here so me and Jack here could research and take photos. She wants to let people know that there is a nice place called Helcadis, but make it into fiction, like what you here think about Earth.
Nychento Can we tag along with you 2?
Jack Sure. We need to learn about you here in Helcadis. So we can tell Zeld and Sunnie.
Yenorchiya Sunnie?
Teihaa My other cousin. She's nearly 10 years old.
Yenorchiya Huh?
Nychento Her life number is 9 but nearly 10.
Yenorchiya Ohhhh… is that how you say that on Earth? She's old 9 years?
Teihaa She's 9 years old! How old are you?
Yenorchiya Uhhhh… Oh! 18 years old?
Nychento I'm 13 years old, just turned. I want to meet Zeldelia and Sunny.
Jack You will soon. Let's explore!
Teihaa OK, let's go.
Scene 5
Zeldelia is preparing the teleportal to return Jack and Teihaa. Sunnie is on the phone to a friend.
Sunnie Yes, I'll be coming to the party Jenny.
Zeldelia Shut up Sunnie, I'm trying to concentrate here!
Sunnie Jenny, do you think Shane is cute? Why? Duh! He wants to ask you out! I'm serious Jenny! Even ask Charlotte! He lurrrrves you!
Zeldelia Aren't you a bit young to be dating, Sunnie?
Sunnie Shut up Zeld! Oh, sorry Jenny, my sister's being annoying. Hey Charlotte! Charlotte's on the line too. Tell Jenny about Shane. See, even Charlotte said he wants to make out with you! Slurpie slurpie!
Zeldelia Sunnie! Get off the phone and help me!
Sunnie Fine. Got to go you 2, Zeld's being moody. Bye! Have fun! See you tomorrow!
Zeldelia Get my phone Sunnie.
Sunnie Fine, lazy!
Zeldelia I'm ringing Jack and Teihaa so sssssh! Hey Jack! I'll be about 2 hours on this thing then you can come back.
(Helcadis)
Jack Um, Zeld, we've got 2 Helcadilytes here, they want to come to Earth too. Can they?
(Earth)
Zeldelia OK but you'll have to give me an extra day to adjust the portal. Bye!
(Helcadis)
All Bye!
(Earth)
Zeldelia How inconvenient! Now I'll have to widen the portal. Damn!
A/N – OH MY GOD THIS IS CHEESY
Scene 6
Jack and Teihaa are alone sitting under a tree with a picnic. Chiya and Chento are packing their things before they go to Earth.
Jack This is delicious.
Teihaa Jack, what were you going to say to me yesterday, when we got here?
Jack Uh, I… I…
Teihaa Was it this?
(OMFG Jack and Teihaa make out!)
(Cut to them smooching in hotel bed naked 0.0)
A/N – I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED
Jack What the hell have we done?
Teihaa We can't do this!
Jack Forget it happened altogether, OK?
Teihaa Yeah. Jesus save me!
Jack I love you Teihaa, but I can't do this!
Teihaa I love you too, Jack.
(make out and do sex again)
Jack goodbye love.
Teihaa we just needed say goodbye to it all.
Jack Shit we leave in 2 hours! Fuck!
Teihaa We never shag ever again. Right?
Jack Sure. Last time we tried to be in a relationship it epic failed.
Teihaa Yup, sure did.
Jack Look, Teihaa, I know we'll never be together but, I love you and I will never hurt you. Oh, and don't tell Zeld again. She'll never shut up about it.
Scene 6
Jack and the 'gang' are back on Earth.
Nychento Oh. My. Freaking. Goddamn. God! WE'RE HERE BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Yenorchiya Chento, shut the fuck up!
Nychento Sozzard.
Jack OMG we made it home! Teihaa, uh, you're such a fat freak.
Teihaa Oh, uh, piss off Jack!
Zeldelia Anything happen? Jack? Teihaa?
Teihaa+Jack Oh nothing, uh, yeah…
Zeldelia Are you sure? No ROMANCE?
Teihaa+Jack Um, no, course not! Uh…
Zeldelia Not convinced.
Jack Shit!
Zeldelia You had another fling didn't you? I knew it!
Teihaa Busted.
Jack Fo sho.
Zeldelia WTF?
Jack Fo sho!
Zeldelia Wierdo. Teihaa, did you shag him again?
Teihaa Twice in 6 hours. It was earlier today.
Jack Innit.
Teihaa Jack, shut the hell up you ponce.
Jack Sozzard. Innit.
Teihaa That's it twat!
Sunnie Back to normal then…
A/N – TEH EDN THANK GOD
TO BE CONTINUED…?