Title: Killer Tennis
Author: Darth Claire
Beta: Ickybicky

Pairing: none, sorry
Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own PoT. The team gets Karate lessons. Inspired by the episode where Akutsu attacks the Seigaku members and they JUST FREAKING STAND THERE!

"You're over reacting Tezuka, it was an isolated incident." Oishi said, reluctantly following Tezuka down the hall. They were taking time out of practice to do this. Oishi had disapproved of both of them being away from the club, but Tezuka insisted it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes and that having both of them there would give a better impression.

"What about the Basketball players who were picking on Horio and Echizen?" Tezuka countered. Oishi mumbled in concession, noting sadly that their freshmen just seemed to make good targets.

"Ok, I'll give you that one, but these guys hate us for no good reason. Do you really expect them to help?"

"I have an idea." Tezuka said.

"I still think it's a waste of time, you're taking away an entire day of training for this."

"Inui seems to think we would benefit from training other muscles that tennis doesn't use."

"You're just not going to let me win this are you?"

"When you're the captain Oishi, then you can win the arguments."

Tezuka and Oishi walked into the small room which was home to the Karate club on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. It wasn't one of the more popular or notable clubs at the school and sometimes had to switch or share rooms. In truth, the facilities enjoyed by the tennis club were the envy of every sport club at the school, but with Seigaku's reputation as a tennis powerhouse, that was only natural. Unfortunately, being the envy of the school meant they had to deal with the actually envy of the school. The Captain Anzai of the Karate club noticed them in the doorway and motioned for his vice captain to take over.

"Well, well." He said in an unfriendly manner. "If it isn't the mighty Tezuka Buchou. What brings you down to mingle with us commoners?"

An indignant look crossed Oishi's face. He and Anzai had crossed paths before. Last year they had frequently been paired up on school projects. Their disastrous working relationship had almost caused Oishi to fail science. Tezuka, a master of concealing any emotion bowed in greeting.

"I have a request." He said. "A recent incident has raised some concerns for the safety of my team members and I would like for you to teach them self defense."

"Did someone finally decide they'd had enough of you asking like you're better than everyone else?"

"A rival tennis team. It appears to be an isolated incident, but I would like to do something about it. I would like for you to teach my team Karate once a week. I understand that you have no place to practice on Thursday afternoon so in return you would have full use of the locker room and tennis courts during that session."

"So what? You're so good now, you can take a day off and try other sports?"

"Maybe the Judo club is interested." Oishi mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to pull Tezuka back out the door. This guy was really getting on his nerves.

"The club's manager as assured me that this will not be in anyway detrimental and may in fact help."

"Hmm, and we get the tennis courts to practice?"

"As long as my team practices with you. I only ask that you vacate 30 minutes before we do to allow us a short tennis practice."

"For crying out loud Buchou!" The Karate vice captain yelled. "It's a good offer, take it!"

"Fine, we'll see you on Thursday." Tezuka and Oishi bowed and left the Karate club to their practice.

That Thursday the two clubs stood side by side giving each other strange looks. Tezuka addressed the club.

"Due to a recent incident of club member's being attacked-"

"I told you I fell!" Ryoma yelled. Tezuka ignored the outburst and continued.

"We will be learning karate starting today. Anzai Buchou will be your instructor. Give him the same respect and attention you would me." The "or run 20 laps" went without saying. Tezuka joined the ranks of the Tennis club and the lesson started.

With a few exceptions, the Tennis club was coordinated enough to keep up with the martial arts crash course Anzai had designed. Momo almost hit someone in the back of the head, but over all things went smoothly. The most notable examples to the contrary were Horio and Eiji. Eiji was unfortunately not accustom to failing his legs around while not in the air and lost his balance learning the kicks. He vaulted off his hand and kicked Horio in the head. The freshman spent the rest of the lesson dodging the unsteady acrobat and regretting his decision to spend 2 years sucking at tennis rather than martial arts. Kawamura, having experience in karate, watched his teammates sympathetically.

After learning punches and kicks, they paired off to learn locks and self defense. Most of the karate members were patient enough not to laugh as the Tennis club fumbled their way through the unusual motions. Eiji with his acrobatic flexibility ended up twisting himself into a pretzel while Anzai was demonstrating a hold. In a demonstration of his unusual acrobatic prowess, he jumped and twisted his body around the hold back into a normal position for his arm.

"Quit twisting!" Anzai yelled. He hadn't thought something like that was possible.

"But it hurts!" The karate captain released him. Giving up on that move for the moment, he chose Kaidoh to assist in the demonstration of a standing center lock. He cranked the Snake's hand slightly, earning an immediate scream from the Snake.

"Needs greater flexibility in the wrists." Inui mumbled to himself, making a note in his journal.

"Can't take a little wrist lock, SnaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Momo's taunt was cut short as it was proven that he couldn't take it either.

"Uh, Anzai, Buchou?" One of the Karate members said nervously. "Can I switch partners?" Everyone looked at the Karate member who was hold Fuji's hand at a very unnatural angle. Then tensai's usual smile was plastered across his face, not showing the slightest hint of discomfort. Anzai looked stared at the tensai, his face turning green. What was wrong with these people?

"That's enough for the wrist locks today." He said.

"Anzai Buchou." Arai said. "Can you show us how to disarm someone holding a tennis racket?"

"Who attacks someone with a tennis racket?"

"It happens!" Ryoma, Tezuka, Arai, and the black hair freshman insisted forcefully.

"How can that little ball hurt anyone."

"Would you like a demonstration?" Oishi said through clenched teeth. Anzai had been civil throughout the whole experience up to this point, and had proved to be knowledgeable and a good teacher, but Oishi had an extremely short fuse when it came to dealing with the Karate Buchou.

"Yeah, I would." Anzai challenged back, not wanting to loose face.

"Echizen." Ryoma took his racket and prepared to serve the ball.

"Right hand Echizen and not the twist serve, we don't want to kill him."

Ryoma nodded and switched hands. He served the ball right into Anzai's chest, knocking the senior black belt flat on his back. Anzai wheezed, trying desperately to catch his breath.

"You… People… Are… Psy…cho…tic!" He said, gasping for air.

"You asked for a demonstration." Oishi said smugly.

"You're all … Nuts! The Pretzel guy, …the one who never stops smiling, … that … that KID!"

"Come on now Anzai, what harm could a little old ball have done." Oishi teased him.

"Oishi! Echizen! Twenty laps!" Tezuka ordered from the other side of the court. Ryoma ran off with a 'What did I do?' look on his face. Anzai stood up and ran to the front.

"Class is over! Attention, Bow." The karate club filtered out after their frantic captain.

"We're not psychotic." Kawamura said to Momo.

"This from the schizo?"

The next Thursday the Karate club showed up minus a few members and led by their vice captain.

"Anzai Buchou had some club matters to take care of so I'll be leading the class." He explained to Tezuka.

"Specifically, he decided to hold out door meditation sessions for the seniors and leave us to the vice captain." Eiji said, ever the little gossip.

Momo hung his head. "We are that scary I guess."

"Made made dane. Maybe the vice captain knows how to disarm someone with a racket."