originally posted on tumblr for the prompt "wait a minute, are you jealous?"
Jealousy does not fit into Blue's carefully constructed ideas about herself - it does not lead to anything good, it is pointless, it is not sensible or reasonable or rational, all the things that Blue prides herself on being. It has no place bothering Blue and she knows she has no right feeling it.
Logically.
But jealousy, sadly, does not care that it doesn't belong and isn't wanted here because jealousy is anything but logical. Blue recognizes that, somewhere deep down in a still rational part of her, and tries to tell herself that she's not even that bothered, really. But truthfully, she's pissed. Pissed because that girl is clearly flirting with an oblivious Gansey, pissed because there's an uncomfortable emotion unfurling in her stomach at the sight, pissed because she cares, pissed because she cares enough to be upset. Pissed at herself and at the girl and at Gansey.
She's working. She needs to concentrate on not messing up the orders and remaining pleasant with the customers and she doesn't need this distraction dangled in front of her, taunting and provocative. She tries not to look or glare at them, she tries to stay busy behind the counter and ignore Gansey and the pretty girl he's talking to but she suspects that she's being really obvious about her emotions anyway. Her assumptions are confirmed when her co-worker, Cialina, hits her arm with a knowing look in her eyes and nods towards the lovebirds. (The word is scathing hot in her mouth and bitter as medicine.) "Aren't you going to go get her order?"
Blue is forced to look in the way she points with some reluctance. Gansey was alone when he arrived at Nino's roughly half an hour ago, the other boys nowhere to be found. She didn't question it; Noah, being dead, was unreliable and inconspicuous at times, and Adam and Ronan had a habit of disappearing together. Gansey had managed to spread out his various maps and books all over the table and told her he would wait until her shift is over. It was not long after that the mysterious redhead he's currently chatting with showed up and Blue still didn't dare go over to ask for her order even though it was her table.
Blue sighs. She's being pitiable and she knows it. The way Cialina is looking at her as if this whole thing is amusing makes her feel embarrassed and silly. A silly school girl who's petty and jealous because her crush dares to talk to a female who's not her. As if she has any claims on Gansey. They're not even dating. They haven't even kissed. He could talk to whoever he wants to.
Angry still, but more at herself and her feelings, Blue slams her hands down on the counter with enough force to make the cups nearby rattle and announces, "I was just about to go over."
Cialina nods with a giggle and Blue can feel her eyes following her as she ambles over to Gansey's table with determination and pride and her pen and notepad. She would not be intimidated by this girl, whoever she is. She would not.
As she gets closer to their table, Blue gets a better look at the redhead. By society's standards, she looks gorgeous but that's not what hits Blue the hardest. What really catches her eyes is her obvious attraction towards Gansey that's even more conspicuous from here. She may not have much experience with this kind of stuff - dating and flirting and batting your eyelashes at boys - but she's not stupid and not blind. It's in her stance; the way she runs her hand through her hair, the way she leans closer when he speaks, the way she laughs at his jokes. She clearly likes him and trying to let him know with her body language. He, for his part, does not seem to get the message. He's smiling and polite and cordial as always, but even though it's clear they know each other, he's still fake. That makes her feel better. Redhead's not important enough to be talking with the real Gansey.
"Can I get you anything?" The tone Blue uses is pleasant and sugary sweet and makes her teeth ache. It was not intentional, it just slipped out, and she's sure it gave away her distaste in a heartbeat. She can feel Gansey's gaze slide to her but she avoids his eyes.
Redhead flips her hair again as she takes out her phone and checks the time. "No, thanks." She turns to Gansey and smiles at him. There's nothing particularly seductive about that smile but Blue can see her intentions and it makes her unreasonably angry again. She closes her eyes. I will not hit her I will not hit her I will not
In that moment Blue loathes herself for feeling so possessive. She does not want to be this girl. Blue Sargent is not this girl, she's sensible, dammit, and she will not embarrass herself by acting like a jealous idiot.
"-should catch up later." Blue snaps herself out of her stupor, having missed a snippet of the conversation. It didn't sound like a request you could refuse and Gansey gives her a smile, his Dick Gansey III one, and agrees. As she leaves, Blue blows out a breath and finally allows herself to meet Gansey's eyes. She's tense and rigid, rooted to the spot, gripping the notepad in her hands. He, on the other hand, seems unbothered and at ease. It's so in contrast with her raging emotions that she feels strange in his presence. She's very careful not to let her mind wander to Gansey meeting up with Redhead again, - is he really intending to see her again? Does he want to? She will not ask him that, there's no way she will ask him that, -
"Who was that?" She winces at how demanding that sounds. Get yourself together, Blue Sargent.
"Family friend," he says and it's too little information too soon. Blue narrows her eyes and he clears his throat, looking at his watch. He does seem a bit uncomfortable now and it does not bode well with her. "Is your shift over?"
"Ten more minutes," she answers without even looking at the clock on the wall behind her. She continues without thinking and without pause, purely operating on instinct now, "Why was she here?"
Gansey regards her carefully. His scrutinizing look makes her feel self-conscious and itchy. She tries not to fidget, embarrassed. "She's visiting," he drawls slowly, then adds, "Not me. Her grandparents live around here."
"What a coincidence." Her tone is short and clipped and too passive aggressive. Much as her head knows she needs to cut the attitude, her body and mouth don't seem to be agreeing. She isn't fully control of her actions anymore and sensible isn't even in her vocabulary at this point.
Gansey shrugs nonchalantly and by the way he's fidgeting with his sleeves, she knows there's more. He keeps looking at her, part-curious, part-bewildered, part-guilty looking. "What?"
"What?"
She sighs, an annoyed short sigh. "Don't play dumb with me, Dick Gansey." She realizes she's gripping her notepad and pen too tightly when it begins to hurt a bit and loosens her hold a little. "She clearly likes you."
"Wait a minute," he pulls himself up straighter in his seat, leans closer to her. His expression is stunned, his eyes awed, his lips pleased. "Are you jealous?"
"No," she hisses immediately in a low angry voice. Then, for good measure, repeats, "No," with more confidence and credibility. It isn't enough to convince either of them.
Gansey says nothing and Blue jumps to defend herself; but it isn't her most thought out speech and it only serves to prove her jealousy, not negate it. "What would I be jealous of? Her pretty red hair? Her posh Virginia accent? The bedroom eyes she made at you?" Stop stop stop stop, stop it Blue, stop.
A strange look flees across his face, gone as soon as he stands up to take her hands in his. Blue is suddenly frighteningly aware that they're in public, they're at Nino's, people surround them. She bets Cialina is still watching. His hand is warm and alive in hers, soothing and exciting at the same time. Blue swallows; can feel her hands clamming up. This is not allowed, -
But he's looking at her with so much tenderness that she doesn't care, that she forgets about the people around them altogether. Now she feels ridiculous about her frivolous outburst. She bites her lip and looks down at the ground which is not a good idea because she comes face to face with their joined hands tangled between their bodies. Her own hand is so small in his, it completely engulfs hers, protects hers, warms hers, and she feels a painful tug in her chest as she looks. This is not allowed, he's going to die, stop it stop it don't do this
"Blue," he begins softly, quietly, and at the use of her real name she instantly lifts her head. Their eyes meet and her breath catches in her throat. "There's really no reason for you to feel jealous of anybody, I hope you know that." He sounds so earnest that she feels the strangest urge to cry. She still feels silly for acting like that but it's mostly drowned out by the loud pounding of her heart.
"You could kiss her though," she mutters pathetically. There's no heat behind her words anymore. She wants him to say that he doesn't want to, that he doesn't like the redhead, that he's not interested in kissing anybody but her, and it's selfish, so very selfish of her, but she still desperately longs for it to be true.
Gansey shakes his head. "I've already done that, it wasn't very pleasing." He freezes as he reconsiders his words and Blue blinks dumbfoundedly.
"I thought she was a family friend."
"She is," Gansey hurries to assure her, squeezing her hands, swaying them back and forth between them. "My mom set me up with her once."
"So she's technically an ex-girlfriend," Blue exhales then immediately shakes her head at herself. Enough. "I'm not jealous," she repeats and tries to mean it this time. Gansey's hand in hers and the way he looks at her helps tremendously.
She looks down at their hands again. Lacing their fingers together, she raises her eyes to smile at him, squeezes his hands once more and lets go. This is still forbidden. Looking around, she quickly discovers that if Cialina was watching them earlier, she's now occupied with customers, and everybody else is similarly minding their own business. No one noticed the little scene between them or saw them holding hands. No one heard how fast Blue's heart was racing. And no one knew how increasingly hard it was for her to not love Gansey.