Hello again! Here's my second fanfiction! Well, actually, I wrote it a really long time ago, but I didn't exactly have the courage to publish it. Now, since people seemed to like my last story, There is a Reason, I've decided to put this on here. Yeah, I know, it's similar to a whole bunch of POM episodes like "King Julian for a Day", "Mort Unbound", and the upcoming "Loathe at First Sight", but in my defense, I wrote this story before all but "Mort Unbound" came out. And anyway, I hope you enjoy it despite all that copyrighted nonsense. Just to make it perfectly clear, I do not own POM! Seriously, I'd love to, but I don't. This is another of my Skipper and Private stories (no romance though) because I just can't get enough of them, I guess! And in later chapters, one of my other old favorites will come into play! It just goes to show you, you can't teach old fans new tricks! Well, you probably don't want to listen to me anymore. Enjoy!
CHAPTER ONE
Every animal at the Central Park Zoo has their own means of blocking out sound at night. Roy buries his head in hay. Burt shoves two peanuts in his ears. Roger goes underwater. The lemurs use the earmuffs they stole from the penguins. And since they refused to return them, three penguins lay in their bunks, cringing every time they heard an explosion coming from Kowalski's lab.
"That does it!" Skipper yelled, as a powerful blast knocked the coffee machine to the ground. Rico and Private slid out of their bunks, bleary-eyed and exhausted. They followed Skipper into the lab.
"Kowalski, what in the name of pickled…fish and chips, soldier! What is wrong with your face?" Kowalski's bloodshot eyes twitched, and he removed his goggles, exposing the only feathers that had not been victim to colorful explosions. The corners of his beak sagged with fatigue.
"Nothing to worry about…Skipper," he said haltingly, as he stifled a yawn, "I was j-just working on my newest experi-experiment."
"Kowalski, have you been up all night?" Private asked.
"Well, in America, yes. But in Indian time zones…okay, yeah, I've been up all night." Kowalski relented. Rico and Skipper exchanged a look. Rico hacked up a mallet and mimed hitting Kowalski on the head.
"Wait!" Kowalski said, grabbing the mallet and prevented Rico from doing any actual damage, "I haven't shown you the device yet!"
"Kowalski, we know all we need to about your experiments," Skipper said, "They go horribly wrong and threaten the entire world. That being said, let's see the creation before we send it to experiment Hell where it belongs."
"Behold," Kowalski stated dramatically, "The 'Awesome-Tron 8000'!" He pulled out what looked like a small ballpoint pen.
Private started to giggle. "The 'Awesome-Tron 8000'?" he chuckled, "That's the silliest name I've ever…I mean, tell us about it?" he added quickly, seeing Kowalski's face.
"It turns boring TV shows into awesome ones!" Kowalski exclaimed.
"Aren't your experiments usually a little more serious? You know, ground-breaking discoveries and whatnot?" Skipper asked.
"I can be selfish too, alright?" Kowalski snapped, "But wait 'till you see it in action! Private, are the Lunacorns on?"
Private shuffled his feet. "Gosh, Kowalski, I'd love to put my favorite characters up for experimentation, but –"
"Goddit!" Rico shouted from the next room. He jumped up and down and pointed excitedly at the pink Lunacorn on the TV.
"Perfect!" Kowalski said. He aimed the pen at the screen and pressed down on the plunger. ZZZAAAP! A jet of green light shot out of the end and hit the TV. Instantly, the Lunacorn was carrying a rifle and engaging in a high speed chase with a dozen police cars.
"Woooooohoooo!" Rico cheered and knocked Private out of the way to get a closer look at the action.
"It works! I can't believe it! It actually…I mean, yeah duh, of course it worked." Kowalski said.
"Skipper, make him bring my Lunacorns back!" Private begged, "You hate all of Kowalski's crackpot inventions!"
"No can do, young Private," Skipper said, "If it gets that G-rated hippie junk out of our HQ, I'm all for it! Ooh, and do I have plans for NBC Nightly News!"
"But Skipper –" Private began. Skipper interrupted: "Now Private, I'm the leader of this unit, and what I say goes. Do I make myself clear?"
Private sighed, "Yes, Skipper."
Skipper smiled, "Wonderful. Now, let's channel surf!"
"All right!" Rico shouted. The penguins spent the rest of the day with their eyes trained on the increasingly interesting images on the screen. Except Private. He was sent topside to entertain the humans.
'It's just not fair,' Private thought as he jumped across the concrete island, 'I always get stuck with the boring jobs, I always get pushed around, I'm always just little cute and naïve Private!' As he kicked a stray pebble, a loud shout came from the HQ.
"Rico! Would you look at this? Hah! Look at those hippies getting the hose!" Private gritted his beak in frustration. He didn't find it funny one bit that Skipper was enjoying himself while he, Private, was stuck with this mundane job. Private couldn't help it if he loved Lunacorns more than violence. It was just the way he was.
"I think I liked Kowalski's inventions better when they threatened the world," he grumbled. At closing time, Private returned to the HQ, and felt a cruel sort of jubilation at seeing his comrades with eyes as red as Kowalski's had been after his all-nighter.
"Skipper," Kowalski muttered without taking his eyes off the screen, "Change the channel."
"I changed it last time; it's Rico's turn."
"No way!" was the indignant response.
"Um, guys," Private ventured timidly, "Don't you think there's such a thing as too much of the telly?"
"Shhh-shhh-shhh!" Skipper commanded, "America's Next Top Models are fist-fighting!"
"Skipper –"
"Leave us alone, Private!" Skipper said, "We don't want you here now!"
Private decided to go draw some pictures in the park to calm him down. He wasn't as good as Rico, but drawing did sometimes ease his mind when he was troubled. Which he was after what happened. Private kept hearing Skipper's words in his mind. What was he, some annoying little brother, interfering with their fun? They weren't doing anything productive; Private was the one actually working. 'That's how it always is. I get stuck with the hard or dangerous work, and I get blamed for mistakes!' Well, deep in his heart, he knew that the mistakes were still his fault. Private just wasn't as experienced as the others. That didn't make it right for them to talk down to him like…like a chick! Just once he wished he could talk down to them!
The idea made him laugh out loud. Little, naïve Private intimidating Skipper? Why, he couldn't even tell them to turn off the TV! Private laughed bitterly again.
"Hey! Would you be shutting it up with the laughter?" A voice rang out, causing Private to drop his pen, "I am trying to be enjoying the royal nap before the booty shaking tonight!" King Julian poked his head over the wall of his habitat, looking extremely agitated.
"Sorry, King Julian," Private said, "Just lost in thought, I guess."
"Yah, well, be going away now!" He disappeared over the wall. Private sighed and leaned over to pick up his pen. To his dismay, he realized that it had fallen down a slightly-ajar manhole. Not willing to undergo a sewer expedition, Private returned to his habitat to get a new one. He didn't want the others to think that he was crawling back with his tail between his legs, so Private used an escape tunnel that brought him just outside Kowalski's lab. The three penguins didn't even notice him; they were so busy with the TV. Private grinned and thought that maybe, if he had the nerve, he could sneak up behind them and startle his teammates. But of course, Skipper would slap him into orbit. He sighed and waddled across the HQ.
Private grabbed the pencil holder on the table and rooted around inside it for a pen that Rico had never held in his belly. He didn't like to mention it around the others, but he was never really comfortable with the whole stomach acid thing. A loud explosion from the TV made Private jump, causing him to overturn the pencil holder. The pens inside the cup flew out and landed with a clatter on the floor. He flinched, waiting for the other penguins to turn around and discover him, but they were hooting at the carnage on the screen and didn't notice him. Private sighed in relief and knelt on the floor, picking up all the pens, and taking special care with one near Kowalski's foot. When at last they were all in the jar, Private tested one on a blank sheet of paper. It didn't write.
"C'mon!" Private hissed. He held the point close to his eyes, and pressed the back repeatedly, "Why won't you –?" ZZZAAAP! The burst of green light hit Private squarely in the face, knocking him to the ground.
"What the?" Skipper jumped to his feet, shaking his head vigorously to rid himself of the TV haze. Rico and Kowalski rose unsteadily. They surrounded Private who appeared to be unconscious.
"Wakey wakey, Princess," Skipper said, "You've got some explaining to do!" Private's toe twitched a little, but that was all. Skipper frowned and slapped him across the beak smartly. Immediately, Private's eyes shot open. In less time than it would take to write a comparative statement, Private had Skipper pinned against the wall of their HQ.
"Touch me again, and I'll make sure the only thing you're slapping is six feet of dirt!" Private shouted.