Attention Every Konoha Ninja: There will be no mention of the furry menace that terrorized the village, nor how it was stopped, nor where it is now. As far as you are concerned, it never existed.
Hatake Kakashi: I must insist that you return the baby where you found him, order effective immediately.
Jiraiya: Cease the never-ending gifts to Naruto immediately, he is much too young to begin learning sealing when a mere week old. Never mind whose son he is, even prodigies begin at the very beginning and not the middle.
Namikaze Minato: I have half a mind to revive you and make you take the job back, if only you hadn't given your life to save the village.
Orochimaru: After what you did, do you truly believe you are welcome back in the village simply because we are one less Hokage than we were a week ago? I am still walking around here, too, or is it you that age has gotten to?
Senju Tsunade: Don't think I do not know where you are, we need you now and if you do not at least come by to help out until we are better off, you will be paying your debts all on your own.
Shimura Danzo: I know what you have done and ordinarily you would not have gotten away with this, but as it is, we do not have the room or money for them all, so good luck raising all those children, you will receive no help from me. This is what you get for that foolish stunt of keeping our Uchiha Shinobi away from the battle.
Shinku Yühi: Unlike with Danzo, I am pleased that you have taken well care of our future. Well done.
Uchiha Itachi: I understand that you wished to protect your brother and show him that you can do so, but the next time you simply stand there as the village is attacked and do not run for safety, you will be required to learn every escape tactic in the books and not be allowed to use anything but until you are Chunin.
Uchiha Fugaku: As grateful as I am for how well you did in protecting our civilians, I order that you at the very least try to reign in your wife.
Uchiha Mikoto: I understand that you wish to honor your friend, but if you insist on helping Hatake Kakashi kidnap children, I will have to insist that you start him off with learning to care for your youngest. Without help from your oldest.
Uzumaki Kushina: Why did you have to be so stubborn and Uzumaki? We could have done better if you were still here.