Disclaimer: I dearly wish that I owned Harry Potter and had all that money, but sadly, I don't.
Sirius Black stared across the room. James and Lily were sitting on the couch. James had his arm around Lily whose head was resting on his shoulder. He could see her rolling her eyes and then a wicked grin spread across her face. It was a look that all of the Marauders had come accustomed to over the past year; it was the look that Lily got when she had an idea that involved bossing James around. James looked uncertain, but finally shrugged and grinned back.
"Remus," Sirius said, turning to his fellow Marauder.
"Mmmm?" Remus looked up from his book. The two of them were sitting in armchairs across the room from Lily and James; Remus reading (what else was new?) and Sirius watching them interestedly.
"If I ever fall in love, I want you to do me a favor," Sirius said very carefully, his eyes never leaving James and Lily.
"What's that?" Remus asked, torn between curiosity and exasperation at his friend's logic.
"If I ever fall in love, I want you to lock me in a room in a secluded area and to not let me out under any circumstances," he said completely seriously…or rather, siriusly.
"Why?" Remus asked wearily.
"Because I don't want to act as stupid as James does," Sirius answered promptly. At Remus' raised eyebrows, he elaborated, "Lily's got him completely wrapped around her finger! She can get him to do anything she wants!"
"Right," Remus shook his head. "Did you ever consider that he's happy with Lily?"
"Oh, I know he's happy, and if I ever fall in love, I think that I'd be happy too, but I'm happy now and I don't act stupid, so why change that?"
"Are you so sure about that?" Remus grinned.
"Sure about what?"
"That you don't act stupid."
"Oh, ha, ha. But I'm being serious here! Actually, I'm always being Sirius, but that's beside the point," Sirius cried managing to work his favorite overused pun into the conversation. "The point is, don't let me out under any circumstances!"
"Any circumstances? Any at all?" Remus asked shrewdly, waiting for the list of buts.
"Well, okay, there are some exceptions. For example, if someone is dying, or is dead, you can let me out to say goodbye and to go to the funeral. Um, if Lily or James threatens you if you don't. Or a Death Eater. You can let me out then so we can kick their Death Eater butts together! Or if I have to go to the bathroom," Sirius finished.
Remus stared. "If I were going to lock you in an isolated room for a long period of time, don't you think that I would make sure there was a bathroom in said room?"
"Oh, yeah!" Sirius said, comprehension dawning on his face. "You see Moony, that's why we keep you around! Because you perfect our mastermind plans with logic!"
Remus just shook his head.
"Oh! And you'll have to bring me food too. I'm going to get hungry," Sirius pointed out. "Do you promise you'll do that?"
"Sure," Remus answered. "If you do me a favor too."
"What?" Sirius asked, leaning forward.
"If I ever fall in love," Remus began, "I want you to always remind me how amazing this girl is."
"A bit sappy there, aren't we, Moony?" Sirius asked. "Pray tell why."
"I just don't want to forget how great she is," Mooney answered, not looking at him.
"Why not? Just say it!" he nearly shouted.
Remus heaved a sigh. "You know my Furry Little Problem?"
"Yeah….."
"Well, I can't put anyone into that kind of relationship. Especially not a girl that's that amazing! So, if you keep reminding how great she is, maybe I'll remember that we're all better off if I just walk away."
At this, Sirius stood up, walked over to Remus, and smacked him in the arm. A few people (including James and Lily) glanced in their direction by went back to what they were doing when Sirius sat back down and Remus merely gaped at him.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" he shouted.
"Ah, ah, ah, Moony," Sirius said, "you aren't supposed to use words like 'for' at the end of a sentence. It's bad grammar or something," he shrugged.
"Fine. WHY DID YOU JUST HIT ME!" Remus shouted instead.
"Because you were being an idiot," Sirius answered simply, "and I thought that I could knock some sense in you."
Remus shook his head. "Just promise me, okay?"
"Remus," Sirius took a deep breath, "If you were to fall in love with a girl, I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be an idiot or a jerk so she wouldn't care about your Furry Little Problem. In fact, I'm pretty sure that that would be one of the things that you would like about her."
"Exactly, so….."
Sirius didn't let him continue. "So then, by leaving her, you'd only be breaking both of your hearts. And really, if this girl is that amazing, I don't think that I could let you do that. No, I know I couldn't because there's no way that you could fall in love with a girl that doesn't have my approval and in order for a girl to have my approval, I have to get like her as much as I like Lily and there's noooo way that I could let you break the heart of a girl as awesome as Lily."
"Wow," Remus said. "That was deep."
"I have my moments," Sirius said lazily.
"Right, just promise me that you won't let me forget how great she is," Remus said.
Sirius thought for a moment, then said, "Sure. But only so that you don't take her for granted."
"Okay," Remus lied easily.
"And you'll lock me away from the rest of the world?" Sirius asked.
"Sure. Why not?"
"We should make an Unbreakable Vow," Sirius decided.
"Really, Sirius?" Remus asked.
"Yes," Sirius answered seriously. He glanced over at James, about to call him over, but remembering that he was with Lily, turned away. Just at that moment, Peter walked through the portrait hole; he'd been stealing food from the kitchen. "Hey, Pete!" Sirius shouted.
Seeing the grin on Sirius' face, Peter immediately turned on his heel and left the room.
"Never mind then," Sirius said, his shoulders drooping slightly.
He and Remus both let their arms fall to their sides; until that moment, both Marauders had been holding two fingers behind their backs.
XXX
"REMUS LUPIN!" Sirius Black shouted, "LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU!"
"No can do, mate!" Remus shouted grinning. "I promised you that I wouldn't!"
They were at Godric's Hallow, visiting James and (a very pregnant) Lily. While Lily was getting herself some tea, Sirius had said to the other two that he thought he was in love with Marlene McKinnon. Once James had gone to help Lily in the kitchen, Remus had shoved Sirius into one of the guest rooms, locked the door, and stolen his wand.
"What is going on in here!" Lily shouted as she walked into the hallway.
"LILY!" Sirius shouted. "HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE! REMUS LOCKED ME IN!"
"Why?" Lily asked Remus. Knowing the two of them, she figured that Remus had a pretty good reason and that Sirius was more at fault that Remus.
"He told me to," Remus said simply. "Actually, he made me promise."
"WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN!" Sirius shouted.
"Why-I don't want to know," Lily said before she caught herself up in a conversation that would surely end in her brain hurting. "Remus, just let him out."
Reluctantly, Remus did as he was told. After all, if Lily forced him to, he was required to let Sirius go.
XXX
"I don't know," Sirius said slowly. "I'm not sure how I feel about you being in love with my baby cousin."
"I'm NOT in love with her!" Remus shouted angrily.
"Whatever you say," Sirius grinned. The two were sitting in the living room of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Remus dearly wished he could bring the conversation to Harry or the Order or something; just not this. "By the way, she's pretty and nice and funny and…."
"Sirius," Remus said, "shut up."