Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise in this story. How I wish I did.
A/N: I liked the character of Bridget in the last series, because she obviously supported Rachel and was a decent sort, so when she wasn't in the fourth series, I thought there should have been some sort of explanation. I knew somehow that Bridget wouldn't just abandon Rachel so this is what I came up with to excuse her not being there, and of course, I couldn't resist making it a Reddie fic. I hope you guys all enjoy it and don't think it's OOC.
Oh, and for this fic, Melissa was never hired, she does not exist which I suppose makes this AU. I just couldn't put her in this. She's making my other fic so miserable at the moment I thought we all deserved a little relief from her!
I've only got five chapters for this, and they're all quite short really, unusual for me. So we hurry on to a happy ending, of a sort. Let me know what you think, everyone's opinions are very welcome!
Summary: Rachel receives a welcome letter from a friend from last year that helps her see just what she missed. Reddie.
The Letter
Eddie Lawson strode through the front doors of Waterloo Road, carrying his old briefcase full of paperwork he needed to work on during Rachel's absence and no doubt there would be more waiting for him when he reached her office. Even though, since Rachel was still off work and in hospital, he was Acting Head, he couldn't call it his office. It would always be Rachel's office, or so he hoped anyway. He certainly didn't want to be the one that had to approve and look over all this paperwork day in and day out, and even more important than that, he would miss her terribly if she did not come back. Pushing open the familiar door, he nodded at Bridget and went to open the inner door, when a voice made him pause.
"Eddie, have you got a minute?" Rachel's assistant had stood and was regarding him with a worried expression so he naturally tried to reassure her, though he didn't know what the problem was yet. He and Rachel had both worked well with the woman and both valued her efficiency, so if there was anything he could do to help her, he would do it.
"For you Bridget, I've got ten. What's up?" He asked, beckoning her into the office and smiling welcomingly, feeling the warmth of a room he always associated with Rachel reach out to him and make him feel easy, an effect he hoped Bridget also felt, as he set his briefcase on top of the desk and motioned them both towards the soft chairs by the door. The room had only finished being redecorated last week, so he should feel like it was a stranger's room, but even with new paint on the walls and new furniture, there was still something of Rachel in the room; whether that was him putting it there or not, he didn't know. Bridget sat down nervously, and her hands wound around each other a little before she spoke.
"I got a letter about a week ago from my sister. She lives in Skeggie with my Mum and Dad. I haven't spoken to her in a while and she says she'd lost my number, which wouldn't surprise me but anyway, she was writing to tell me about our parents. Apparently, Mum's really ill and Dad's taking it really badly, Katie can't cope with them both by herself so she's asked me to go and stay with them for the foreseeable future, you know, until things settle back down or change. I've got to go, Eddie, so I'm moving down there as soon as possible. I put my letter of resignation on the desk for you, but I just didn't want to go without explaining.
"I really wanted to be here when Rachel got back, god knows she's going to need a friendly face, and I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her because of – you know, what happened last term. We got along so well and I liked working with her, but my family needs me." The poor woman looked so torn between her friend and her family that Eddie felt quite sorry for her. He'd always appreciated Bridget's loyalty to Rachel, as well as her skills as a secretary, and he knew both he and Rachel would miss her.
"It's ok Bridget, of course you've got to think of your family first. And don't worry, I'll tell Rachel personally, I know she'll understand." Eddie replied reassuringly, earnest and caring while he patted her knee as well for good measure. Bridget seemed to let out a deep breath and nodded in answer, a faint smile lifting her face. She looked a great deal more at ease than she had so Eddie just patted her knee again and stood, going over to Rachel's desk to have a look at the post. He'd thought Bridget was finished but a few moments later, he felt a tap on his shoulder to make him turn back around.
"I had meant to give this to her myself but since I'm not going to be here long enough by the looks of things, would you mind?" Bridget asked a little nervously, and Eddie's smile grew as she put the white envelope, sealed and named by hand, into his hand before turning away and going to her own desk. He had a good feeling he knew what was in that letter, an apology and an assurance from one of the people Rachel had worked with most closely that they still wanted her back at Waterloo Road. It might be just the thing to help her back onto her feet.
Eddie watched his class of year nines file out of the door in response to the bell for break and waited until the last back had disappeared, letting the door swing shut behind them before he could sit back heavily in his chair, thankful for a few moments of peace before he headed down to the Staffroom for a cuppa. They were only a few weeks into the term and already he was beginning to wish it were nearing a holiday again, though he had the bonus of having Rachel back again this term. She'd leapt back into work with both feet and hit the ground running, setting up the adult learning group, accepting the Kellys into the school when they obviously needed the kind of care only Waterloo Road could provide.
And yet, despite the slowly expanding confidence she'd fought back to gain these last few weeks, he couldn't help but worry. Her confidence was still a little shaky and he'd been looking for a way to boost it somehow for days, to no avail. Opening his top desk drawer to put away his white board pens, he came across a white envelope he'd completely forgotten about since the start of term. Bridget's letter. Taking it out, he turned it over in his hands and his mind drifted once again to the woman for whom it was intended. It hadn't been the easiest ride she could have had since the start of term, what with the problems the Kellys had brought with them, though she seemed to have really connected with the family, and the shaky start to the wraparound community services, but things were getting better. Still, he knew Rachel might need a pick me up just now.
Even now, he couldn't help but wish he could help her, even though it had been her to close that door on 'them', he still wanted to show her how deep his feelings ran and why he was so determined not to give up on her. She would never see herself through his eyes, he knew that, but he wished she could see herself through someone else's eyes, just to give her a slightly better picture than the one her doubts painted for her. Sighing, he picked himself up from the wooden chair behind his desk and exited his classroom, wondering how Rachel would react to the letter. He'd told her that Bridget had resigned, and why, and she'd seemed to accept the reason as truth, though you could never be completely sure with Rachel.
Passing along the corridor, ignoring the usual bustling of students heading out of the building for break, he made his way towards his amended destination, smiling briefly at the nameplate on the door as he entered. Rachel Mason, Headteacher. He loved seeing her name on that door, it felt like a triumph every time he saw it. Nodding gently at the new assistant, whom he had overseen the hiring of prior to Rachel's return, he tapped on door lightly before entering, not having a reason to barge in without asking.
The sight that greeted him as he crossed the threshold was a welcome and heartening one. Rachel was ensconced behind her desk, up to her ears in files and paperwork by the looks of it but contentedly running a pen over the papers before quickly signing her name at the bottom. Despite the obvious lack of time to spare on her part, she looked up and smiled pleasantly at Eddie, who returned the gesture and closed the door behind him.
"What can I do for you this morning, Mr Lawson?" She teased in a mock-formal way, shifting one file away to the side, into what Eddie now knew from experience to be her 'out' tray, and pulling another towards her, flicking it open with one hand and angling her head to regard him carefully, a light smile on her face. Eddie suddenly wondered if maybe now was the right time to give this to her. She seemed happy, settled, in control. She was even dancing the pen in her hand around her fingers, a sure sign she was in a good mood. This was the Rachel he knew so well from last year. But he couldn't put off giving her the thing now, not when he had no excuse for being here other than that and she was already raising an eyebrow enquiringly because he hadn't answered yet.
"I've been meaning to give you this." He took a couple of steps forward and held out the envelope, which she took with a bemused smile. He shoved his hands in his pockets with a faint grin. "Bridget gave it to me before she left, said she wanted to give it to you herself but she wouldn't get to because she had to leave so quickly." He explained as Rachel turned over the white rectangle, eyes flicking over the handwriting that spelt out her name. He knew she'd recognise it but he wanted to tell her how he had it. A flicker of emotions crossed Rachel's face as he finished, sadness, regret and remembered warmth at the thought of her assistant from last year.
"Thank you Eddie." Was the faint reply he received, and he almost regretted bringing the thing up to her now because he knew it had reminded her of last term, and the disaster that was still affecting her after all these weeks. He nodded, turning to leave before the urge to linger overpowered him as she slid a nail underneath the end of the folded flap, splitting the envelope open with an almost hesitant expression. Eddie seriously considered waiting then, to see what happened and to offer his support if the words inside got to her, but he knew Rachel would never show him anything of her reaction if he stayed, so closed the door behind him with one last longing look back.
Rachel heard the door snap shut but didn't look up, didn't see the wistful expression on her Deputy's face as he left. She was fixed on the letter before her, which she slid from the envelope and unfolded as if it was dangerous and about to bite her. She wasn't sure what she would find within it's lines. Eddie had told her Bridget's reasons for leaving and though she trusted both him and Bridget enough not to lie to her, she couldn't suppress the doubt that sometimes Eddie would lie to her to protect her and that was what he might have been doing then. But surely, if that were the case, he wouldn't have given her this in the first place?
Letting her eyes flick over the first line, she felt a smile form on her lips at the instantly recognisable handwriting of her old secretary and the thought of many chats they'd shared as she came in early in the morning, or when they got distracted from her dictating a letter, or sharing cups of coffee at break, or when she left of an evening. They'd developed quite a good friendship last year and she couldn't deny part of her heart had sunk upon being told the faithful young woman would not be there when she returned. She missed that friendship and support. Her new assistant was nice and friendly enough, but wasn't particularly interested in making friends or taking part in the school. Rachel missed being asked about things happening around Waterloo Road.
Dear Rachel,
I'm sorry I won't get to see you before you return, but I did want to explain why I'm not going to be there. I know Eddie will have told you, but I felt I owed you an explanation. My sister, who takes care of my parents down in Skegness, you'll probably remember me talking about them all the time, Katie? Anyway, she's really struggling at the moment and has asked me to move down there to help. I had to go Rachel, she's been taking care of them for ages now while I've been up here and it's only fair I go now.
Having said that, I am truly sorry I'm not going to be there at Waterloo Road next year. I have really enjoyed working with you and working for the school. I didn't want you to think I was just leaving because of what happened last year, as far as I'm concerned, that didn't change anything about you or the school. I am going to miss our chats, you're the first Head I've worked with that's ever taken the time to ask me about my life and family, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. You really deserve your place at Waterloo Road and I know it won't just be Eddie that fights to let you keep it. I hope for all our sakes that you have rethought your decision to resign because it would be a massive loss to the school if you don't.
I don't think you will resign, because if there's one thing I've learnt about you Rachel over the time we've worked together, it's that you're strong, both in will and personality, and I don't think you'll leave the school you've put so much work into yet still mean to do so much more. I know a certain Deputy of yours that would be bitterly disappointed if you didn't return. You're what that school still needs Rachel, and you still have a lot of good to do there. If you're wondering in a few weeks whether you should be there, don't, because I have faith in you and I know there are many others who feel the same.
I'll be thinking of you, and maybe when I've got things more settled for my sister and my family, we could meet somewhere for a drink. I left my contact details for my new house in my personnel file.
Wishing you the very best of luck, and hoping my replacement values their job as much as I did,
Bridget
Shaking, Rachel placed the letter down on her desk, swallowing desperately to hold back the tears welling up in her throat and her eyes. Her doubts were well and truly laid at rest now, how could they be anything but? She almost felt guilty that she'd ever doubted her old secretary. It was such a sweet thought, that Bridget had left this for her, knowing exactly how worried she'd be when she came back. She had already been missing Bridget this year, the habits that they'd formed last year having to be relearned by the new woman, and some of them not being continued at all.
'I have faith in you' Bridget had said, which withdrew a quickly suppressed sob from Rachel, because that was what she had most needed from everyone around her this year. She needed people to believe that she had been right to come back, to resume the changes she'd started last year and move past the complications last term had brought her. That unquestioning support from someone she had to admit knew her quite well, from working so closely together last year, was more valuable than anything she could think of, even if that person was now far away, the fact that she had left Waterloo Road not thinking any worse of the school and it's Headteacher was enough.
That thought sparked another, of someone she had the same unconditional support from. Her Deputy, Eddie Lawson. She'd never given him enough credit in giving her the strength to resist the urge not to come back. 'I know a certain Deputy of yours that would be bitterly disappointed if you didn't return.' It was true, Eddie had been the one to convince her finally that she did need to return, that not only did people want her to but also that she had a right to. And the school had a right to expect her to. He'd been the one to fight for her job against the Governors, had made sure she would have a job to come back to, and had no doubt taken quite a few bullets for her in the process. She would never be able to repay him for that. Mostly because he'd never admit he'd done anything more than she deserved, which she knew was not true.
Then that first day back, he'd been so sweet and helpful, by her side the entire time, making sure she was ok though she'd driven herself to believing she didn't need to be taken care of. She knew she hadn't exactly been easy to work with that first day, but she had gotten better since then and they, both as a team and a school, were getting back to some semblance of normality. Against her will, her mind ran to the evening of her first day, Eddie's soft words, her insensitive reply. She wished she could have given him a different answer, one that was closer to the one her heart and body had cried out when his offer was made clear, but it was impossible.
Her scar made it impossible. Her insecurity made it impossible.
Feeling tears once more clustering in the corners of her eyes, Rachel shoved herself back from her desk in the hopes it would help push them back, before standing and going over to stare out of her window. Instinctively, her arms curled around her chest, holding her upper arms in a mimicked embrace that her body knew she needed but her mind would not acknowledge was necessary. Not for the first time this term, a feeling of loneliness swamped her, running through her like a wave of cold water. She wished desperately that she didn't have to think just then; she had so many conflicting emotions and thoughts.
She wanted to be held, to surrender the strength Bridget had been talking about, to give in and let someone else protect her because her defences were still severely damaged and would not have time to heal for many weeks to come yet. At the same time, she wanted to stand tall, she didn't want to let anyone see her loose the battle she'd chosen to fight. She could carry on fighting, she had that inside her she knew, but she ached to give in, to have someone catch her when she fell. She ached to let someone in. She knew it was dangerous but couldn't help how she felt; she'd tried to alter it but either her control really was deteriorating or she'd never experienced feelings this strong before.
Just then, the door was opened and she heard someone come in. Without looking around, she knew it was Eddie. He was the only one who just came in, sometimes he knocked (like earlier) but most of the time he just came straight in and she let him, because somehow she felt he deserved that right and the part of her that was not a control freak didn't really mind him coming in without asking first. She remained looking out of the window, though she did realise that while she'd been lost in her thoughts, a few tears had leaked from beneath her closed eyelids and slid down her cheeks, leaving a shining trail where they had run that Eddie might just be able to see.
"Rachel?" He questioned, moving toward her and she ducked her head, not wanting him to have seen her cry, lifting a hand to make it seem as if she was pinching the bridge of her nose but was in fact wiping away her tears before he could be sure they were there. It was practically a useless gesture, as Eddie knew she did not ever pinch the bridge of her nose, it would only arouse his suspicions and he'd likely already noticed her cheeks weren't dry because he was unusually perceptive. She was right. In a second, he was by her side, his chest barely an inch from her arm, and she could feel his eyes burning into her, pleading with her to tell him what was wrong.
Turning her head away from him, she blinked rapidly to keep down more treacherous tears fighting to escape her. She felt a hand settle on her upper arm, over her hand that was there already, and the skin-on-skin contact made her suck her breath in rather too rapidly. "Rachel, talk to me." Eddie's voice was soft, tugging far too effectively on her resolve to be strong and instead reawakening the need to have a strong hold around her, to rely on someone else's strength.
"I'm fine Eddie." She tried to say, though the tremble that ran through the statement negated the words immediately and she felt the hand on her arm tighten just a little as she made it once again very obvious that she had been crying. She hated that it was so clear but couldn't seem to hold her voice steady. Gently, he turned her back around to face him and lifted another hand to rest on her other arm, holding her there before him, though her head remained stubbornly looking at the floor.
"No, Rachel, you're not." He stated firmly, and she could feel his gaze still resting so heavily on her eyes though her own were directed at her uninteresting carpet. She refused to give him any more ground than she already had, though to contradict him effectively would mean raising her eyes and giving him a smile, which she felt quite sure was not a good idea. The silence hung between them, filled with unspoken knowledge and feelings, and Rachel wished she could just pull away because being this close to him was killing her, but she knew he would never let her get away this time. Before she could find a way out of this situation she knew was her fault, the hands on her arms slid behind her as he stepped forward, enveloping her in his embrace.
It was exquisite agony. His hold on her was so tender, so gentle, so caring, that she couldn't help but melt into him, her own hands fisting a little in his shirt as her face pressed into his neck, while his light hands brushed over her back, caressing her lightly as his cheek rested on the top of her head. The giving of comfort she didn't deserve was unmistakable and Rachel cursed herself for welcoming it. Her tears were back again, rolling uncontrollably down her face and soaking his shirt collar, while her whole body shook with suppressed sobs.
Immediately, as soon as he felt it probably, an arm secured itself around her waist while the other began a soothing path from her shoulder blades to the base of her spine. He let her cry onto him, holding her with all his strength and goodness while she felt her jumbled emotions begin to calm through his comforting presence. How was it he'd known exactly what she'd needed, when she'd been denying it to herself since the start of term? She couldn't understand it. Maybe she would never quite know how he knew her so well, how he'd gotten past her formidable defences and seen the fragile woman underneath.
After a few minutes, her shaking receded and her tears stopped, and she had no choice but to pull away slightly, though his hands stopped on her hips and would not let her move further away. She could not meet his eyes, after such a display of weakness she was surprised she was even still allowing him to hold her so close, but when he did not release her she had to look up and ask why.
"Eddie, we both have work…" She'd been intending to remind him of their responsibilities, to refocus his mind on their duties and not on the glaring fractures in her mask, but as her eyes found his, she could no longer continue. His eyes were, well, swimming with emotions in a very similar mixture to the one she'd seen her first evening back, when he'd wanted to take a taxi with her. They were far too close, the contact suffocating her sense, and she couldn't decide what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to move, to turn away, to not let him repeat the words she knew were making their way up his throat but the feelings she could see in his eyes held her in place, fixed, and she wondered whether he could see how torn she was between letting him draw her in or running away.
"Rachel, this is killing me. Being so close to you and not being able to say what I'm feeling. There is something between us, you can't deny it. I know this is not one-sided. I just want to help you, show you how amazing you are." Before she could move, a hand had risen and was once again sliding beneath her hair to curve around the back of her head and Rachel knew she was dangerously close to letting what they both wanted happen. "Let me in, Rach. Let me tell you I love you." The words, which were so tenderly spoken, sent shivers running through her again, and her mouth parted in surprise. She'd known he had strong feelings for her, but never had she imagined that he would be in love with her.
"Eddie, we can't, you can't, this is not right-" Every argument against their relationship developing was filtering from her mind as his expression shifted from soft to determined and before she could properly form a sentence, he had moved forward again and, using the hand at her neck, tipped her head up as he moved his towards her. She had a second to decide if she wanted to move away but no longer, and a second wasn't enough to override the impulse to remain still.
His lips descended on hers and pressed gently against them, every movement tender and expressing every feeling she knew they both felt in those few moments. Suddenly, she couldn't stop herself, her fingers were winding in his jacket lapels and she was returning every movement with a caress of her own, as earnest and yearning as he was. Rushes of adrenaline ran through her body and by the way his hand was sliding around her waist and tucking itself closer to her skin, she had a feeling similar flashes were shooting through him. The contact between them was electric, drawing her even further in, and without even realising it, he had coaxed her mouth open and they were exploring each other.
Her mind was spinning, the loss of oxygen robbing her of any sensible thought, and one of her arms slipped up and around his neck, pulling him closer still as she rose up on her toes. He gladly shifted them into even closer quarters and ducked his mouth even further into hers. It was torturous, as if she couldn't get close enough, and she still couldn't breath, though she had enough air to release a longing moan into Eddie's mouth. The sound cut through the air, which had previously been very quiet and Rachel's sense finally managed to push through her want.
Abruptly, she used the hands that had pulling him closer to shove him away and part their mouths, becoming aware of just how she'd let in him as he'd asked, and taking a few steps back herself. She heard a small "oof" as her push caught him in the chest and sent him backwards, almost over her coffee table, but didn't look up as she felt her cheeks flood with colour, moving to stand behind her desk and tugging hurriedly on her clothes. She couldn't believe she'd allowed that. Had let him that close, had pulled him that close. God, what had she done?
"Rachel, what – what's going on?" Eddie's confused and breathy voice barely penetrated the haze her thoughts were spiralling in. She'd never been kissed like that in her entire life, had never lost all sense of reality before because of such a simple touch. It just defied belief that it could be that effortless yet so complicated at the same time. Her hand rose and hovered over her mouth, her eyes flicking around her room, ignoring the man stood on the other side of the office, staring at her with such open dismay.
"Eddie, we – we shouldn't have done that. And you need to leave. Now." She added quickly, her voice becoming sterner by the second, her back straightening and her expression turning very hard. Taking the hand away from her mouth, she took a deep breath before finally forcing herself to look at him, and almost wished she hadn't. His shirt was twisted so the line of buttons wasn't straight, his jacket collar was turned up on one side and his hair was sticking up a little at the back, all reminding her of what she'd done, the mistake she'd made.
"What?" He repeated, his hand running through his hair and his eyes seeking out hers in utterly bewilderment probably but also a little hurt as well. She made her eyes meet his, pulling a harshness she hadn't used in a while to sit in them, a cover for the yearning she truly felt. She patted her own hair, slightly mussed from his hands, and threw a glare at the man she'd held to her only a few seconds ago.
"Leave, Eddie. Now!" Her voice rose above her usual level without realising, sounding far too loud in an office that had been so quiet. Eddie's expression was a picture of incomprehension and part of her couldn't blame him, but her own mind was still going around and around so fast she couldn't recall enough sensible thought to calm herself let alone him. She couldn't bear to look at him any longer and ducked her head, adjusting the position of some files on her desk while she attempted to push her mind onto school matters. A futile effort, as it turned out.
"No." His voice was low, not like hers for it's desperation but just as full of determination. She flicked her gaze at him and wished she hadn't. The hurt in his stance was evident, the rejection she'd made him feel again all too clear. "I'm not letting you run away from this again, Rachel. You cannot say you didn't feel something then! Come on, I'm not stupid, you're just as involved in this as I am."
"I won't repeat myself Eddie." Rachel replied, her voice icy, her gaze still stubbornly on her desk and her paperwork. She saw movement in her peripheral vision and thought it was her Deputy leaving, no doubt angry and frustrated but she hoped after he'd had time to think, he would understand. In fact, it was Eddie moving but not towards the door. He practically marched past the window and around her desk until he could reach her, then roughly took hold of her arm and yanked her around to face him. She angrily pulled her arm from his grasp and threw her blazing eyes up to his, hoping if he saw no feeling there he would give up.
"You can solve all of this now, Rachel. Just tell me, honestly, that you don't feel anything like I feel. That you didn't feel anything just then. If you can tell me that then I'll go and never say anything about it again." His gaze was grimly resolute and Rachel knew she would have to do as he asked though whether she could hide how she was really feeling while her emotions were in such turmoil remained to be seen. She folded her lips together and wet them slightly, then took a deep breath in the hopes it would slow her erratic heartbeat. She saw the way his eyes flickered to her mouth and back up to her eyes and tried to be angry, but really all she felt was a wave of heat through her entire figure. How could he desire her as he clearly did when he had seen her scar, had seen the very worst of her? Channelling that disgust from within her, she opened her mouth and met his eyes steadfastly with her own.
"I don't feel – I don't feel as you do. I didn't feel anything when we," her breath fled from her when her thoughts recalled their fervent and heady kiss and she couldn't go on as she had meant. She'd already stumbled once, now twice, and he would know exactly what that meant. He already did. She knew it by the look in his eyes, triumph and happiness, and she swallowed, shaking her head to hide the doubts in her ability to lie to him, before she tried again. "I don't love…" her mouth went dry as she tried to finish and three strikes, she was out. She closed her eyes as defeat swamped her and she looked down, but before she could try and explain all the reasons that this couldn't happen, that though he might be right, they could not do this, he had lifted his hand again and threaded it gently into her hair.
"Rachel, stop trying to think. We both feel this, why is it wrong?" There were a few seconds of silence as they both just breathed, chests rising and falling together, while her eyes flickered between open and closed.
"Eddie, how can you want me when I'm this scarred…" She drifted off as his other hand rose as well and grazed her lips, his thumb brushing along the edge of her mouth and under her bottom lip.
"You may not believe it, Rachel, but I think you're beautiful. I always have and I always will." He told her in the quietest of whispers, leaning so close she could feel his breath wash over her skin, bringing warmth and security though she knew she shouldn't be enjoying it, she was. She wanted so much to believe him. Maybe part of her did believe, that he could see what she could not. She couldn't say that she didn't believe in him; he was one of the few good things left in her life.
"Rachel, I don't mind so much that you won't listen when I say the scar doesn't matter because if you'll let me, I'll spend as long as it takes convincing you that I'm telling the truth; but you have got to believe me now when I say I love you. Just, please Rachel, tell me you believe me." His voice had softened incredibly and she dared a look up, which was when she saw again that incredible mix of emotions that made her suck a sharp breath in. Her heart, which had already been racing, gave rather a large lurch towards her throat and she knew she believed him.
She felt the light that had been missing from her eyes since Stuart Hordley had walked into the hall at the end of term, return and shine brightly from not just her eyes but her smile as well, one that rapidly reformed, one that was all heart and made one of his blossom in return. Then he moved his hand away from her mouth and stepped closer once more, tipping his head down to the same level as hers. The shot of electric excitement danced up her spine and her smile grew, as once again his mouth moved to close on hers.
Just before his lips were about to touch her skin, she let out the secret she had kept in her heart since the summer.
"I love you Eddie." She felt his answering smile as once more he moulded his mouth to hers, happiness lighting like a flame inside of her, the kiss fanning the feelings she'd suppressed for so long but now was finally willing to accept were part of her, and always would be. He drew her closer, one hand around her neck, the other sliding down to encircle her waist again, passion and warmth in the hold, everything she had ever wanted to feel from someone incorporated into this tender embrace.
For the first time she truly felt her scar didn't matter, her past didn't matter, her insecurities didn't matter, because Eddie Lawson truly did love her and she would return his promise from earlier with as much energy as he had used with her; she would spend as long as it took showing him how grateful she was he hadn't given up on her. She really did love him. And he really did love her. She smiled under his lips and pressed herself further against him, gladness weaving around them, holding them close to each other.