Zombie Mom

This is an original story by me (and will probably be about me). I apologize for any misrepresentations I may make about Outcasts, Jocks, Barbies, Rich Kids, Poor Kids, evil mothers, nice zombies or any combination therein.

Chapter 1

New town, new house, same old problems. Dad and I hadn't talked much since the move. We had our routine down to a science, so there wasn't much to say, really. Unpacking my room was a breeze. My room looks the same, whether we're in Sierra Nevada or Schenectady. Dad spent most of his time with the security system guys retrofitting the house. Does he ever notice it's hard to sell a house with bars all over the windows? At least they were common in our new neighborhood. We moved into our house a week ago, so I had plenty of time to scope out the town and find out enough to…not quite fit in, but blend. Dad knows how important it is to seem "normal."

I like to try to hang out before and after school, kinda in the shadows, before I actually start a new school. I like to see what everyone's wearing, what they're driving, who's kissing who, who's getting beat up, who's doing the beating…you know, recon. I don't want to show up all Emo if everyone's Retro Grunge. And I definitely don't want to bring home someone who's "High Profile".

It was my 15th "First Day of School" since my freshman year. Even though I've got the New-Kid-in-Town thing down to a science, it still made my stomach all wiggy. Anyway, my first day went pretty much like I thought it would be. George Jefferson High was like every other school I'd gone to. Boredom wrapped in a big, hulking, grey, cinder block building. It even had the stank of disinfectant and teenage boy body spray (Hatchet? Blade? Machete?) . Completely fell into "Most Likely to Not Be Remembered" in my book.

I got my schedule from the office, nodding and groaning in all the right places about how much it must suck to have to move so much for my mom's "job." As usual, the secretary thought that a map of the school was burned onto my retinas. When I asked how to get to my first class, (one I was already 15 minutes late to, because she couldn't find me in their system. Like there was another new kid starting school with 6 weeks left!) she pointed in a general "that way" direction and went back to her "Life of Fish" app on Spacebook.

Through much trial and error, I've found that most schools are laid out either North-South or East-West. "Huh" you ask? Easy. The main hallways either run in pretty much a North-South direction, or an East-West direction. I didn't have enough time to figure out which one this was, so I chose North-South.

I was SOOOO wrong!

I ended up wandering around the halls with the perfect "I'm lost, please help me!" look on my face until a janitor finally told me how to find my first class (which happened to be about 20 feet from the Spacebook freak's desk!). Before I entered the classroom, I took a deep breath, unzipped my book bag, and stumbled through the door. Classic entrance # 13 – "Clumsy Book Nerd." Works every time.

'It looks like our new student has arrived.'

A rumble of laughter went through the class. I numbly struggled to put my books back into my bag. I purposely forgot to zip the bag so that they all tumbled right back out. I gave the class my best, sheepish, "Aw, shucks, whadda you expect? I'm a nerd!" look and attempted to pick up the books again.

Usually, at this point, either the teacher or a good-natured, also nerdy, student helps me with my books and shows me to a desk far away from scissors and other pointy objects. I typically try to make eye contact with a student, but they don't always bite. This time I reeled in a good one.

A completely unremarkable boy scurried (yeah, scurried, like a roach) up the aisle and mumbled something like "l'll help ya" and started picking up my books. I made a big production of putting the books in my bag and zipped the zipper while rolling my eyes in my "aw, shucks" way. A few chuckles rippled through the room. Perfect.

My homeroom teacher (we'll call him Mr. Room) pointed to a desk near the empty desk left by the scuttling kid (yeah, he'll be Roach). 'Since you've already made a friend, no sense breaking you two up now,' Mr. Room said with a slight sneer. I'm seriously considering setting up a Parent/Teacher conference with him and Mom. We'll see….

But, I digress. After I took my seat, I asked Roach his name. "Roach," he mumbled, as he put his head down on his desk. I turned towards the front of the class and tried not to be too interested in the lump of a kid in the desk next to me. As I listened to Mr. Room drone on about the affects building canals had on ancient Rome, I carefully took stock of my fellow classmates. They broke down into the usual number of Jocks, Barbies, Rich Kids, Poor Kids and, my favorite, Outcasts. If this is how the whole school is, I may be able to stay through the end of the year…maybe.

The bell rang and everyone started for the door. Roach still had his head down. He wasn't asleep, just waiting. I wasn't sure why, so I waited, too. After about a minute, Roach quickly stood up, grabbed his stuff and scurried for the door. I had to hurry just to catch him.

'Where's the damn fire?' I asked as I practically ran after him.

'Gotta get to my next class and it's all the way across campus.'

'You should've thought of that sooner, don't you think?'

'I did. If I wait in homeroom, I don't…never mind.'

'You don't what? Melt, freeze, fart? What!?!?'

Roach stopped and busted out laughing. 'Fart? Gross!'

I started laughing, too. 'I don't know. You seemed all in a hurry, I thought maybe you had to fart and didn't want to do it around anyone. Seems logical, doesn't it?'

Roach laughed even harder. Tears were streaming down his face. Then…it happened…The Connection. WE BOTH FARTED! I couldn't have planned it better if I wanted to.

After the giggles died down, Roach looked at me and said 'Hey, don't you have another class?'

With all the recon and farting and laughing and scurrying, I had completely forgotten I was supposed to be a "normal" kid going to school.

'Yeah, it's in building 3, room 26. Not that I have a clue where that is.'

'It's near my next class. I'll show ya. If you give me your schedule, I'll draw you a map and show you the fastest routes to all your classes.'

Wow, weird and helpful. Not sure how to handle this one. He could be a good fit for Mom. But, then again, Dracula always needs his Renfield; Frankenstein his Igor. I could use a weird kid like this to help do some of the heavy lifting…literally. What the hell, worse comes to worse, if he didn't work out, he could meet Mom for dinner.

'Only if you promise you're not gonna stalk me or something; that's why I had to leave my last school,' I said in all seriousness. Roach's eyes got all big and he stammered 'Really?'

I looked at him and put on my most serious "Would I bullshiz you?" face and slowly said 'Nooooo' while nodding my head yes. Me and Roach busted out laughing all over again.

By this time, we were late to our next class. Roach started walking slowly in the direction he was headed in earlier.

'Mr. Room never said what your name was. Usually the kids who volunteer in the Front Office get a peek at the new kid's schedule and start the grapevine. That didn't happen when you came.'

'Alice….Alice Well.'

'Really? Like "All Is Well"? That's pretty lame.'

'Yeah, I know. It could've been worse. My mom's name is Ellen. My dad wanted to name me Sam. "Sam and Ellen…Salmonella." I'll take reassurance over food poisoning any day!'

I don't always have to break out the food poisoning joke when I throw out the fake name, but Roach seems kinda more "there" than the kids at my other schools. Gotta keep an eye on that. Might need to make dinner reservations.

Me and Roach walked in slow silence the rest of the way to my class. Roach stopped and held out his hand. I thought he wanted to kiss it, or something. After a couple of seconds, he frowned and said 'Schedule?' Damn, I had forgotten about the map. Man, I hate "First Day of School." I handed Roach my schedule with a stern warning that he better be standing outside my door after class, or there would be Hell to pay. Really.