Chapter 1

Rafael Barba was not the type of person to show his "soft side" emotions. Especially in the courtroom. Sometimes, he was calm, cool, and collected but when someone pisses him off, you'd better watch out. But when he laid eyes on Olivia Benson, everything changed. He would find himself stumbling over his words or even speechless at times while talking to her. He was nervous around her; nervous about saying the wrong thing, nervous about saying too much or even too little. He studied her, not like the creepy, "why are you staring at me" study but looked at her no man has ever looked at Oliva Benson before. She noticed this but thought nothing of it. I mean why would the sexy, hot-headed, attractive, intense ADA be looking at HER? Well in his eyes because it's her, he doesn't need a reason because she was beautiful. He noticed how her dark brown hair bounced as she paced in his office, he noticed how her smile could light up the darkest of rooms (even his darkest of demons deep inside of him). She made him laugh, which is very rare for him, he wasn't really a "people" person which was the doing of his job. He's convicted so many rapists, child molesters, and serial killers, he just kind of gave up on people

"Are you alright?" Benson asked Barba after a long day in court.

"Just another day," he replied. He packed up his briefcase and walked out of the courtroom. He wasn't really in the mood to talk, even to her.

"Look, if you need to talk…you know I'm here."

"Yes, I see you." He didn't mean to sound rude but to Liv, that's how he came across.

"Just trying to help," was all she could manage to say.

"I don't need help, alright? I need a drink." Rafael swiftly turned on his heel and walked the other way. Liv stood still as she watched him walk clueless of what just happened. She pulled out her pulled out her phone and called the captain.

"Captain, its Liv."

"Is everything alright?" Captain Donald Cragen was always worried about Liv, he knew she was strong in the courtroom but fragile in the streets.

"Yes, everything is fine. We won."

"That's great, but, I know that's not why you're calling me. What is it?"

"Well, I was wondering, since it's already getting late…"

"Go home, Liv. You need it," he cut her off. She smiled, thanked the captain, and hung up. She wasn't going home though. She was going to make sure he was ok before doing anything. She knew exactly where to find him.

She walked into the bar, the smell of smoke and whisky immediately welcomed her as she shut the door behind her. She saw him sitting at the bar drinking scotch this time, not his usual whiskey. It must have been a really long day for him if he was drinking scotch.

"I'll have a whiskey, make it a double," She said to the bar tender as she sat down next to Barba. He glanced over at her but continued to drink. He was basically drunk now, he's been here since right after court.

"Liv, what are you doing here?"

"Making sure you're alright. You didn't seem too happy when you left."

"Who would? We convicted the sixth child molester this month. It just sickens me that a grown man can do this to little kids. I mean they're so innocent and small."

"I know, but our job is to make sure that nobody hurts these kids again." The bar tender slid her drink down to her. She picked it up and slid the alcoholic beverage right down her throat. "How many have you had?"

"I lost count after five," he admitted.

"Did you drive?"

"I walked, plus, I don't need a designated driver."

"Oh, but I think you do," she drank her last drink and helped the ADA out of his seat, "let's get you home." He stumbled a bit once getting to his feet but once he found his balance, he was alright.

They got in her car and drove down the streets of New York City. Rafael looked out his window at the beauty of the lights, but was quickly distracted by the beauty of Oliva sitting right next to him. Again, he caught himself studying her; Olivia caught this too.

"You're going to have to direct me. I have no idea where you live." Rafael chuckled and pointed for her to turn on a road she's never been down before.

"Just keep going straight, mi belleza."

"Whatever that means," she laughed.

"My beauty. That's what it means. We really need to work on your foreign languages." She felt her face get hot and red as she blushed at what he just called her. She also smiled a little, but tried to hide it as best as she could. Rafael pointed at an apartment building on the right and said, "This is me." She pulled over to the side of the street and came around to help him out.

"You have a lot of stairs," she said while holding onto his arm.
"We're almost there. You get used to the stairs after a while." They got up to a wooden door that had the number 47 on it, Rafael pulled out his keys and unlocked the door.

"Nice place," Liv walked in and let go of his arm.

"I try to keep it nice. I hate mess." She looked down as she thought about her apartment which was covered in clothes and toys for Noah.

"I have to ask, I know it wasn't just the man we convicted today. What else is bothering you?"

"Nothing," was all he said.

"I'm not stupid, Barba. I can see it in your eyes. The pain that is literally emitting from them."

"Liv, I honestly don't want to talk about it with you." This made her angry.

"With me!? Rafael, I tell you everything, even when I don't want to! What is it about me!? Am I really that bad that you can't discuss one thing with me!?"

"You won't understand…"

"Half the things I tell you I fear that you won't understand! But I still tell you because I need to confide in someone every once in a while, it just so happens to be you!" She found herself yelling.

"I love you! Alright! I am in love with you and I can't have you and it makes me pissed! I have to look at you every damn day and see how beautiful you are. I look at you and see happiness and love. But I can't go anywhere near you without making a mistake. I stumble over my words and I say too much and everything else! Liv, I've been…"

"Rafael…"

"In love with you since day fucking one! Since day one! And guess what!? I can't have you…"

"Rafael please…."

"No, Liv, not this time. It's my turn to talk."

"Rafael maybe if you just shut up for two seconds, you'd figure out that I love you too." He stopped immediately, "nobody said you couldn't have me." He looked down, ashamed that he was yelling at her.

"Liv…I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize," she walked toward him.

"I didn't mean to get…loud." She wrapped her arms around him. He stopped breathing for a moment but when he did, she smelled the scotch coming from his breath. He put his hands on her waist and leaned in toward her. Their lips collided in passion and demand. This was the moment they were both waiting for. She liked kissing Rafael, his lips were soft and they weren't all sloppy like the others. They embraced each other for what seemed like a second but in reality it was longer than that.

Liv pulled away, "We'll have to do this again sometime ADA Barba."

"I wouldn't mind that at all," his lips on her lips once more. They stood in his apartment, completely content holding each other in the embrace they've been waiting for since they moment they met.