Chapter One :
Coming Home
Glancing briefly on the rear view mirror, she smiled to herself. The purest most angelic cherub was deep in slumber at the backseat of her car. It was just the two of them and it had been that way for the longest time. To just keep going and not rely on anyone was how she got through it all.
"Edward." She sighed. Even the mere mention of his name made her heart skip a beat. She felt conscious of the white gold wedding band on her finger as she gripped the steering wheel.
The road was dark, with only the headlights of her blue Range Rover lighting the alley for her. Any tourist would have been confused, but not Bella. She was not a tourist, she had lived there before. She took a deep breath, anticipating the dimly lit streets of Forks as she closed in.
She heard the dogs barking, agitated by the sound of her car coming. She slowed the vehicle a bit as she passed by the houses on either side of the street, careful not to disturb any of the sleeping neighbours. Surprisingly, although it was near midnight some of the houses still had lights on.
How very unlike Forks, she thought as she surveyed the area. Nobody stayed up this late around here except maybe on game night. Forks is a hockey town and the locals were die hard fans of their home team.
"This place is where you want to raise your grandparents." Jacob, her best friend would always say.
Bella imagined old ladies wearing knitted hats pushing their little carts on the side of the street. The image cracked her up every time. She smiled at the memory. How long ago it had been.
She took a left at the end of the street, passing several houses, again, cautious of any unwanted audience. No one from Forks knew that she was coming tonight. It was just how she wanted it to be. Bella didn't want to make a big deal out of her homecoming, and so although the town had but only a population close to 2,000, she was keenly aware of how much talk and attention she would get and took a mental note of everyone from Forks who would want to be in on the latest gossip. Her father, Charlie Swan, was included on the list not because he wasn't discreet but because he was the town sheriff. Bella also didn't want to worry him; especially since she knew what the end of her journey entailed.
She pictured Edward's eyes, the color of melting butterscotch, looking intently into her own. Would it meet her with the same intense and loving way she had been accustomed to?
Bella felt her pulse quicken. She was afraid, not because of the obvious danger but because of the inevitable encounter that was soon going to take place. She needed him now more than ever, replaying the terrifying memories she had in her head. Bella pushed the eerie thoughts aside-for now. She decided that resolving the issues between Edward and herself were her top priority.
But would he take her back? Bella dismally shook her head at the thought.
Bella turned to another corner, the last one she would have to make. She was quite surprised at how she still knew the path so well. No more houses, but shrouds of trees stretching as far as she was allowed to see through the dark, lining each side of the wide road.
Bella bit her lower lip as she stepped on the gas pedal cautiously, her heart hammering wildly in her chest.
Bella took a deep breath as she stared at the huge white glass house from inside her car. The lights on the porch were switched on, making it impossible for her to view the interior of the house. Only the trees from the outside could be seen as reflected on the glass.
She blinked, taking a big gulp. They already know I'm here, Bella thought fretfully.
Her brain was instructing her to get out of the car but her legs were frozen. Bella took a deep breath and glanced at herself on the rear view mirror. Normally she would not even care what she looked like as she ran a hand on her hair to smoothen out her ponytail. She frowned at herself. She felt silly for even caring how she looked. It took another fifteen minutes before she finally detached her hands from the steering wheel and turned the engine off. Her hand was shaking as she tucked a stray of hair on the inside of her ear. She was so nervous that she was afraid she was going to throw up on herself. Bella removed her seatbelt, her hands shaking. She took a deep breath.
Get a grip Bella! She said to herself.
Was she imagining it or was she feeling a bit of throbbing pain from the right side of her head as she stepped out of the car. She jammed the car keys inside the back pocket of her jeans, resisting the urge to take a peek at the house infront of her. She proceeded to open the door to the back seat. Bella paused to look at her son's face-so peaceful and calm-as opposed to hers which she could only presume resembled the face of someone who looked like it was her time on death row. She unbuckled the belt that safely secured her son to the carrier and lifted him gently; hoping not to wake him as she closed the door. Knowing the potential danger of being out in the dark alone, she ignored her nerves as she quickened her pace towards the house and up on the flight of steps leading to the front door. She realized that it was already open. The annoying throb in her head got worse.
She caught sight of a familiar figure standing infront of the door, "Bella?"
It was Alice. Her voice somewhat rivalling the sound of a wind chime gave it away. "You're home."
Bella was suddenly enveloped in a gentle embrace. It took a second for her to react, not able to move, nor breathe. Alice held on to her giving her the chance to recover from shock.
"Alice? I-I…missed you."
She felt tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she hugged Alice back with her free arm. Bella noted from Alice's expression that she was not surprised to see her. She had been waiting for her arrival tonight. Alice was always two steps ahead of the situation.
She shivered as Alice held on to her. She didn't care for it at all but she was worried for her son, who was sandwiched between them. Bella was already thinking of ways to deftly manoeuvre out of Alice's embrace when someone spoke up.
"Hurry and get inside, please. It's dangerous to be out so late."
Bella looked up to see Carlisle; he smiled at her. His gentle eyes calmed her nerves. She slowly walked up to him and bit her lip.
He reached out to touch her shoulder gently, an expression of warmth in his face as he looked down on the baby Bella was clutching in her arm. "He's beautiful."
Bella gave a small smile at Alice, who was already standing near the kitchen door, watching them.
"I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner…" was all Bella could say. She felt like a huge ball was forming in her throat as she glanced at both Carlisle and Alice. "I know I have a lot of explaining to do." She swallowed hard.
Bella didn't know where to begin. She had not prepared for any of this. She didn't even know how to face Edward and let alone, face his family. She guessed that she was the reason for their tired and agonized faces. She was gone for a long time. How worried they must have been for her. And it didn't help that she came home more than a year later, more than a year too late. Most guilty people would have already thought of a plausible explanation for leaving their family behind. She had thought of several excuses of course, but nothing seemed to sound right to her. She could never lie to them again. The only thing they needed to hear from her was the truth. She owed them that.
Carlisle gave her a pensive look, then raised a hand to cut her off, "This isn't the time for any of that Bella. Let' talk about it tomorrow. Right now you need to take it easy. You must be so tired."
Bella nodded. Maybe Carlisle thought he didn't deserve an explanation from her. After all, he wasn't the one she owed an apology to. But still, she felt she had to at least tell them the reason why she left. Why she never contacted them.
Bella's thoughts were interrupted with the sudden involuntary movement in her arms. She glanced down at her son.
"He looks so peaceful, sleeping like that." Alice commented, in her usual sing-song voice as she peered from Bella's shoulder for Samuel's face.
"Why don't you sit down? I know it was a long drive." Carlisle ushered her towards the sofa. He settled himself on one of the chairs. Bella sat down near the edge of the couch just beside him. "Where is- everyone else?"
Carlisle raised his head to meet her gaze, opened his mouth to speak, looking as though he was contemplating on what to say to her.
Alice, who was now sitting beside Bella-handing her a glass of water-answered for him instead, "Well, Rosalie and Emmet are not here. They've gone to their place but they'll probably be back by tomorrow morning. Esme is preparing your room…" Alice continued to ramble on.
Bella took a short sip and leaned over to place the glass on the coffee table infront of her. For a while she got distracted with the thought of having a coffee table in the middle of the Cullen's living room when they all knew they would never use it. Well, so much for trying to be more human, she mused. Then she returned her attention to Alice, patiently waiting for Alice to finish.
"…Jasper on the other hand, is with-", her voice trailed off. "They were hunting apparently this afternoon. But they're not back yet." She studied Bella's expression for a moment then continued, "I'm not sure if they'll be back by tonight."
But Alice did know. Her gift was that she could look into the future and see events as they were to take place. Bella already knew her coming home would be foreseen by Alice and that they have been waiting and preparing for her arrival this week. She was also acutely aware of the possibility of Edward listening in to their conversation at that very moment. He couldn't look into her thoughts but he could read into the thoughts of others. No matter the distance, if he was attuned to Alice's thoughts, as Bella was sure of, he would surely know what she was thinking.
Again, her heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Edward. He was the love of her life.
"Bella."
Esme, in a swift movement went down the staircase then proceeded to the living room. She bent down infront of Bella, a huge smile on her face as she reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. She then brushed the young infant's cheek lightly with her fingertips. Knowing how cold her fingers were, she suddenly pulled her hand back.
"I'm sorry about that!" She laughed softly. "Oh Bella, he's wonderful."
Bella smiled at her baby's face, "He is, isn't he?" She whispered softly.
"Do you mind if I take him up to your room? I'll look after him for a while. You can go and take a rest first dear." Esme took a blanket hanging from the side of the sofa, spreading it on her arms. She knew that her body temperature was too icy for the baby to take. Bella nodded, grateful for the offer, handing her Samuel, still fast asleep. She placed him gently on Esme's arms, tucking the blanket safely around him. Bella was astounded with how deep Samuel was sleeping even with all the craziness around him.
Carlisle then stood up and turned to Esme, "I'll come with you."
Esme nodded, looking at him with loving eyes.
More than a hundred years later and they were still so very much in love with each other. Bella was always inspired with their relationship. It was how she wanted her love with Edward to be like, passionate and pure. As if no amount of time could ever make the fire die out. She used to have that. Now, she wasn't sure anymore.
They bounded up the stairs and were gone before Bella knew it. She managed to let out a deep sigh of relief. She was tired.
"A long day was it not?" Alice said to Bella, her voice full of sanguine.
Bella wished she could feel that way as well.
"Yes, a long one it was. Tomorrow will be another day." She said nervously, chewing at her lower lip as she stretched out her legs from beneath the coffee table. Alice nodded a sympathetic look on her face.
"Bells, I'm sure everything will be alright."
Bella looked at her expectantly.
She shrugged, "Well, don't get me wrong. I haven't seen that far ahead."
Bella was a little bit disappointed that it hasn't appeared in any of her visions. Good or bad, Bella wanted to prepare herself and counted on Alice to give her a heads up just in case.
I'm such a coward, she thought miserably.
But in her heart she knew she couldn't wait another longer. She had to talk to him. She wanted him to say what he wanted, no matter how much it was going to hurt her. Bella knew from the very beginning that this was all her fault and she would more than gladly own up to it.
"You haven't seen anything happen because Edward hasn't decided what to do with me yet. I think it's because maybe he doesn't want me anymore." Bella's voice was sad.
Alice reached for Bella's hands, wrapping hers around them. Her golden eyes were concerned. She spoke firmly, "That's not true and you know it. He loves you Bella, and that I can honestly say. I'm not sure if I should tell you-I know Edward will hate me for telling you this-"
Alice, bit her lip and swallowed hard.
"Remember the day you left?"
Bella nodded.
"You called me and told me to meet you at that place in Seattle. I already knew you were leaving Forks, I had seen it in my vision weeks before."
Bella drew her breath.
"What in the world were you thinking? You left without even saying a word. Was I wrong to think that you considered me as a sister? or a friend even?
She had known.
How could Bella be so naïve to think that she could hide the truth especially from her?
"I tried to keep it from Edward, Bella. I really did. But I was just so worried. I couldn't stop thinking about you and what you were going to do."
Alice's eyes were filled with hurt and betrayal. Bella shook her head at herself, closing her eyes for a second. She felt awful.
"I went to talk to him a few days before our meeting. Of course he already read my mind before I could even tell him. I thought he would go and talk some sense into you. It surprised me that he didn't. Instead, he said nothing, and locked himself in his room. He wouldn't come out, even after I threatened to kick the door off. I was so upset with him. I pleaded with him to fight for you. To not let you go. But, there is just no way into that thick head of his when he has set his mind. I realized maybe he knew he was too late. That maybe you had already decided you didn't want to be a part of his world anymore.
So I agreed to meet you when you called. I knew you had already packed your things and that you were leaving that day. I wanted to stop you and tell you that everything would work out. I had to convince you that you didn't have to face your problems alone. You have us, your family."
Alice removed her hands from above Bella's, placing them on her lap.
"Edward knew you were pregnant with his child. I think he didn't attempt to stop you from leaving him because he was sure you'd be better off. Maybe he thought you had a better chance on your own instead of being here-with us-always in constant danger.
Of course, my visions got the better of me. I could already see you going off on your own. You never looked back—'til now."
Bella blinked in disbelief. "But you didn't say anything that night. When I said goodbye, you didn't even ask me where I was going."
Alice shrugged. "What was the use? You weren't going to be swayed. It wasn't my place to tell you what you could or could not do—even if I was dying to tell you not to leave."
"Alice…" Bella hesitated. She swallowed hard, "I never meant to hurt you or Edward or anybody. At the time, all I could think about was what kind of life my baby would have if I stayed. I thought if I could just remove us from the chaos that was happening that we would have a chance at a normal life. That maybe my child would have a life that didn't involve the vampire coven, the shapeshifters or the Volturri. I was selfish I—
Alice cut her off, "You weren't selfish, Bella. Was it wrong to think of your child's welfare? No. It's never wrong to be a good mother."
"But in the end, people still got hurt. The price I paid was losing Edward."
"It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. And I know my brother. He may be hurting, but he still cares about you."
Bella hoped, maybe after everything had been said and done, that they could start all over again. He would take her in his arms and whisper in her ear the words she had been longing to hear from him. The words he used to say before she abandoned him and his family. She could hope couldn't she?
And so she resigned herself on waiting, feeling the heavy throbbing in her head once again.
Bella awoke, her eyes blinded by the sunlight that shot through the glass windows of the living room. She put a hand on her face to shield her eyes as she sat up from the couch, making the blanket that someone placed on top of her, fall on the floor. She bent down to pick it up guessing that it was Esme who had laid it on her. Bella wasn't sure how she had fallen asleep exactly, but she had been feeling tired as she lay still on the couch, pondering on what Alice had told her that night. She felt the sudden thud of her heart on her chest. And then came the gradual hammering of her heartbeat.
She folded the blanket neatly, placing it beside her. Her hands were shaking.
Bella leaned back on the couch, resting her head as she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly hoping to calm down her nerves. Now was not the time to lose it, she reminded herself.
"That was some sleep, huh?"
Bella felt her body jolt slightly, and cocked her head to the side. It was Emmett, sitting in one corner of the room, his feet up on the dining table infront of him. He had the morning newspaper in his hands. Bella noted a hint of suppressed laughter in his voice. He was mocking her. It was obvious to her that he had been waiting for her to wake up, using the newspaper as a prop.
"Edward never said anything about you talking in your sleep", He chuckled, continuing with the charade not veering his eyes away from the paper he was reading.
Bella felt her cheeks getting hot. She had a feeling that he probably heard her say things he shouldn't have. Although she felt embarrassed, she decided to play along.
Bella rolled her eyes at him.
"Great. I guess now you can tell everyone else about it. You haven't changed the least bit Emmett." she said sarcastically.
She knew Emmett well enough to not be worked up about his teasing. Bella was used to Emmett's innate nature of making everyone squirm with embarrassment. He was the brawny older brother she never had. She realized how much she had missed his innocuous bullying.
He raised his eyes to meet hers, laughing even harder, "I guess I haven't."
Emmett stood up, a huge grin forming in his face. He went to where Bella stood and gingerly lifted her from the floor giving her a hug. Although he had inhuman strength and could crush her literally without even having to exert effort, she could feel the gentle way with which he had handled her. Bella laughed as she regained her balance. "Easy there giant, you could've sucked the air out of me!"
Emmett gave a devious smile. His tone was low but menacing as he spoke, "I could have, but I didn't."
Bella froze, her eyes widening. Emmett guffawed as her cheeks reddened once again. She shuddered slightly when he put her down. At least Emmett didn't feel negative towards her. Now Rosalie, her she wasn't quite sure.
Bella staggered as she regained her balance. Her knees had felt wobbly. For a second there, she was afraid of Emmett. But of course she knew he would never hurt her.
She took another deep breath, calming herself down. She rolled her eyes, her mouth forming a slight frown, "Should have seen that one coming."
He gave her a sheepish smile, flashing her with his pearly whites.
"Sorry. He is my brother you know." He chuckled.
Bella shrugged as she sat on the couch, "I know you're only looking out for him, Emmett. I pretty much deserved that one don't you worry."
Emmett plopped down beside her, propping one leg on his knee. It was a very human gesture, a result of years of mingling with the mortals. And although under the confines of his home, it was now a habit more than anything else.
"I don't know what to do Emmett…" Bella's voice trailed off, her forehead furrowing as she felt a mixture of worry and anxiety.
"Well, I guess you should just expect the worst Bella." He said, as-a-matter-of-factly.
"I'm sure you know how Edward would react to seeing you. He hasn't been a happy guy the whole year."
Bella felt Emmett's words sting her. The thought of Edward detesting the very sight of her had never crossed her mind. Sure he was mad at her but hate her? That was a bit absurd. Edward loved her. But from what Alice had told her the previous night, and from what Emmett was saying right now, she wasn't quite sure anymore.
"I expected he would be angry, but never like how he is now." he continued, waiting for Bella's reaction.
Bella turned to face him, "What do you mean?"
She tried to ignore the gnawing feeling she had the night before. She had Alice's words memorized in her head.
"Well, you know how temperamental vampires are right? We always say what we feel and act on what we feel", then Emmett quickly amended, "most of the time that is, I meant for the last part."
"And Edward, the most emotionally and mentally mature out of all of us-next to Carlisle, of course-would also struggle with his temper and his actions. It is by the way only vampire nature to act on our instincts. But now, Edward's just…"
He looked around, searching for the right words to say, "I don't know." He paused, seemingly hesitant to go on. "Now he's neither dead nor living, you know?"
Emmett was never the one to be so coherent with words, but what he had said made complete sense to Bella. She felt a deep pang of regret, guilt consuming her.
Neither dead nor living.
She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. Edward's face flashed in her mind. She had an awful feeling that the looming thought procrastinating in her head would finally become reality.
It's over. Edward doesn't love me anymore. He hated me.
"But I heard you say you would do anything if he could just forgive you." He said simply, interrupting her thoughts. "So hopefully everything will be alright."
Bella looked up at him. She creased her forehead.
"You were talking in your sleep." He reminded her. He suddenly put a hand on his forehead, slightly bending backwards for a more dramatic effect. "Oh Edward, please forgive me. I will do anything. Please, Edward. Please." Emmett mimicked her voice, overly exaggerating of course. Bella's cheeks flushed again. He noticed this and laughed out loud.
"Lower it down please, Emmett." Esme said in a hushed tone as she gently rubbed Samuel's back. She was carrying Samuel as she entered the room. The baby looked like he had just woken up. He had his head on Esme's shoulder, his eyes still groggy. Bella's face lit up as she leaped from her seat, walking towards Esme. She stood to where she could see her baby's face and bent her head downwards so that she could meet his gaze. There was a huge smile on her face.
"Hello, my baby." Bella said softly.
Samuel raised his head slowly, his eyes widened. He looked at Bella for a moment then smiled, showing one tiny tooth. "Ma-ma."
He reached his arms to her, his green eyes glistening with delight. He began yanking his body free from Esme's hold. Bella mouthed the words "Thank you" to her as she took her son from Esme's arms. Esme gave her a short nod, smiling.
She hugged her son close to her chest, gently tousling his bronze colored curls. "You are such a nice boy aren't you?" Bella murmured to him, placing her cheek on his forehead. Samuel was quiet, seemingly content in the arms of Bella. She looked through the glass window and pursed her lips as she stared out across the river. Bella realized that today was to be the day.
She took a deep breath, and turned to Esme. "Has Edward come home yet?"
Her heart began to beat rapidly against her chest. She held her breath as she waited for Esme's response.
"They will be home in a short while."
Bella slowly nodded, smiling weakly. Emmett, still seated on the couch, shrugged. "Better to just get it over with." He muttered aloud. Esme gave him a shooting glance. "Please be kind, Emmett." She chided him, as she left.
He stood up, walked over to Bella and gently squeezed her shoulder, "I didn't mean it that way, sis. I just think that it would have to happen eventually. Maybe if you guys spoke once and for all to settle your issues, things would be back to normal between you two."
"I wish it was as simple as that." Bella's voice was bleak.
It isn't easy to forgive someone who has abandoned you.
Emmett gave her a consoling smile and left the room.
She stood there for a while, looking across the river. Just then, Samuel suddenly raised his head. Bella turned to look at Samuel. His eyes seemed to be fixated on something behind her. Or someone. Her heart fluttered.
Bella slowly turned around. Time seemed to stand still.
He stood just a few inches behind her, his gaze locked on her. Neither one uttered a word. Bella couldn't find her voice. Her heart was rapidly beating from her chest as she watched him. He just stood there with no trace of emotion on his face. His topaz eyes were unreadable. She noticed that he had looked the same. His hair, as usual, was effortlessly unruly as if he had just gotten out of bed. His clothes however seemed more rugged. She wasn't used to the white shirt and jeans look. Nevertheless, he still looked as handsome as the first day they met.
Samuel suddenly reached out his hand towards him. Edward broke off his gaze on her and turned his attention to the infant in her arms.
Edward smiled at Samuel, his eyes dancing with delight as he approached. He took Samuel's small hand in his, "Hello, Samuel." he murmured, his velvety voice made the hair on Bella's neck rise. Samuel was pulling on Edward's index finger, saying something incoherent only fellow babies would understand. Edward laughed softly, "Nice to meet you too." Samuel squealed, his little voice filling the room.
Bella swallowed and licked her lips. She was going to have to say something if she wanted to talk to him. She had to get over the fact that he was standing so close to her. Samuel was still clinging on Edward's finger, their arms brushing. She felt an electric current run up and down her arm as their skin touched. She was dazed and she knew it. She bit her lip as she struggled to rearrange her thoughts.
"He likes you."
Edward's eyes darted towards her. The smile was gone.
Bella cleared her throat, letting her eyes wander away from his. "I mean, he seems to warm up to you. Samuel doesn't usually like people right off the bat. He has to get used to them first. Mrs. Cooling, our landlord back in Maryland would be very surprised. I think because she's used to Samuel being irritable and all. She doesn't know this but he's only like that when she's around." She laughed nervously. Bella knew she was babbling. He took a deep breath and scowled. Finally, a reaction.
"And you're telling me this because?" His voice was low, and had a somewhat dangerous edge to it. So much for an ice breaker, Bella thought.
She shrugged, not meeting his eyes again. She smiled awkwardly. "I don't know. He's never had that reaction before."
Edward's face was calm, but his eyes were hard. "Maybe if he knew who I was then it wouldn't surprise you why he'd react that way around me. I am his father, Bella. He is my son." She thought she heard him grit his teeth.
She had pushed the wrong button and she knew it. "Of course you are. I didn't mean it that way. I was only—"
Edward waved his hand, and cut her off, "It's fine."
With that, he gave one last look at Samuel, kissed him on top of the head and then fluidly strode towards the stairs. He was gone in a blink of an eye.
Bella felt a tear roll down on one side of her cheek. It was the first time Edward was ever rude to her. They had their arguments before but he had not even once been disrespectful towards her. And it didn't matter to him that they had argued infront of their child.
It was their first meeting since she came back and already they had fought. Or Edward had fought with her. Edward was being mean. It was the first time she cried because he had intentionally hurt her. A lot of firsts she realized. Maybe she was right to believe that it was too late for them after all.
"Are you saying that he doesn't show any manifestations of being a vampire?"
Bella nodded, as she awkwardly sliced the steak on her plate. Everyone was sitting around the table that evening as Bella ate her dinner. How ironic she thought.
"He's warm blooded, eats normal baby food, he sleeps. Basically Sam is a pretty normal baby." She said simply as she forked the small piece of steak she had sliced earlier and put it in her mouth.
Carlisle raised his eyebrows incredulously, "He doesn't crave for blood at all?"
Bella shooked her head as she played with the mashed potatoes on her plate.
"Don't you find that a bit odd? Edward?" Carlisle asked.
Everyone turned towards where Edward was. He was seated on the couch, his back on them. His attention seemed to be on the television.
He answered without turning to them, "It's too early to make any conclusions Carlisle. Samuel is far too young for us to even have any assumptions." Edward with the remote on hand switched to another news channel.
"But it can't be. It's natural for Samuel to at least have one of our abilities if not all. I don't know what to make of this." Carlisle creased his forehead.
"Maybe he's not vampire like we thought he was." Alice piped in. "I mean, isn't it possible that Samuel is more human than he is a vampire? That would be pretty great wouldn't it? At least he wouldn't walk this earth like us."
"But it would also be possible that he's just not showing his vampire traits right now. He's still an infant." Carlisle insisted.
Edward turned the television off and went to where they all were.
"Let's not read so much into this. We have never encountered a half breed before Carlisle so it's obvious that all our previous conjectures have been incorrect. Or, maybe we just miscalculated. Samuel is only seven months old. I don't think it's something to worry about right now, don't you?" Edward looked around, ignoring Bella completely. "But I'm not an expert. Neither are the rest of you. So let's just relax and let the chips fall as they may. There's no use in getting so high strung about this."
Bella studied Edward's face. He was calm. Edward was never calm when it came to things like this. He was always the one who took two steps ahead of everybody else. He prepared for the unknown especially if it involved a loved one. This was about their son. She was used to him being overly protective.
"It's a dangerous world out there, Edward. We have to at least find out if Samuel can protect himself. The Volturri will surely find out sooner or later that we have with us a half breed. It is impossible to hide that fact." Esme spoke out. She was right.
"They will try to kill your son. We can't just sit still and wait for them to come and attack." It was Jasper who had spoken this time.
Edward sat on one of the empty chairs, infront of Bella. He looked around at each one of them. "We can hide him for the time being. They know that Bella and I are no longer together. Alice has mentioned that Aro has been informed that she no longer lives with us."
His eyes met Bella's, his jaw was clenched. Her breath caught in her throat. Nobody dared speak.
Edward removed his gaze from Bella, "Besides, nobody aside from us knows she got pregnant. They think we had separated and she moved away. As long as we keep it a secret from the Volturri it will be alright."
"But what if they come here and we are unprepared? Aro can easily force the truth from either one of us Edward." Alice's voice was stern. They glowered at each other.
Then Edward turned to Rosalie, his eyes blazing with anger. "How can you even think that? He is my son, Rose. Of course I would never let anything happen to him."
Rosalie returned his glare with one of her own. "I just get this feeling like you want to send Bella and Samuel away. We cannot protect them if they are not here."
"I think she means it's not safe to send them to a far away place on their own. Bella can't protect herself obviously she's not like any of us —
Emmett cocked his head at Bella, with an apologetic smile on his face, "-no pun intended-", then he turned to look at Edward, "and Samuel doesn't show any signs of being vampire—yet. How can they both protect themselves?"
Rosalie snapped. "Are you really going to gamble on Samuel's life? or Bella's?"
Edward scowled. "What would you have me do then, Rose? They are no more in danger being here with us than they are far away from us." Grinding his teeth, "I would rather take my chance on the last one if it will keep my son alive."
He paused, furrowing his brow as he turned to Carlisle. His father looked at him, a stern expression on his face. Edward shook his head, an obvious answer to a question Carlisle had asked in his mind. But Carlisle kept his gaze on him. Edward shook his head again, exasperated. "No! I don't want them here!"
Bella bit her lip, fighting back the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes. She tried to keep her voice light. "Edward's right. This is not a big problem. I'll take Samuel away from this place if I have to. I've done it before and I can do it again." She slowly stood up from the table, keeping her eyes down not wanting to meet anyone's gaze. "I'm going to go check on him. Excuse me."
How could I have been so naïve? Bella screamed in her head, holding back the tears for the second time that evening. Did I think that we could just put the pieces back together and start from where we had left off?
Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, Samuel's crib just a few inches away. She raised her head to take a peek at his face. He was fast asleep. Every time she would look at him, she felt as though she was looking at Edward's face.
Bella shook her head, and leaned over with her elbows on her knees, putting both her hands over her face. How can it be? Maybe I should leave. This was a huge mistake after all. Please God, don't let it be. I don't know if I can live through it.
And so she let the tears fall. She felt like she had lost the battle and it was time to retreat. She sobbed quietly, uncontrollably.
During the time she was in Maryland, she had built within herself a wall to protect her from ever feeling weak. She had decided that she couldn't let herself be afraid. She was pregnant then and about to have a child on her own. She had to be strong not only for herself but for her baby as well. She was so used to Edward protecting her and saving her. She realized that she had to start learning to take care of herself. He wasn't with her anymore. It was the path she had chosen to take on her own, and she had to be brave to be able to get through it.
But that wall slowly but surely came crumbling down along with the tears that fell from her eyes.
She just had to say his name and everything would be alright.
Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward…
She clutched at her chest, closing her eyes. She felt an ache in her heart. It was breaking. There was only darkness everywhere. Pitch black.
He wasn't going to come no matter how many times she called out to him.
She felt alone and scared. Edward had become a part of her. He was her other half. Without him, she would breathe no longer.
It hurts. It hurts so much. Have I lost him?
"Bella?"
She shook her head, refusing to open her eyes. She realized she had to get used to the darkness. Still with closed eyes, she slowly laid herself on the bed, curling herself in a fetal position. She wrapped her arms on her knees.
"I'm alright, Alice. I just need to be alone."
Bella knew Alice hadn't moved.
"Please. I'm really tired."
She felt the bed slightly dip on the other side. Alice wasn't going away. Bella turned her back on her.
"I'm sorry you had to hear that. I'm sure it's not what you think. But if it would make you feel better, I wanted to break his jaw right then and there for saying the things he said."
Alice waited for Bella to respond. Bella was quiet. "I don't really know if I agree with him though. But as I have told you before, he really believes you and Sam would be safer away from Forks. He would never take a risk if he didn't think it was worth it."
She tried again. This time her voice was pleading. "Bella, please don't do anything rash. Please. Will you talk to me?"
Alice sighed, closing her eyes. There was no use. Bella knew what she was supposed to do. Alice gave up and said nothing as she let Bella cry herself to sleep that night.
Bella didn't come down until it was sundown. She had slept through the whole morning and afternoon the next day. Or she had tried. She didn't feel like being around anyone so she locked herself in the guest room and refused to come out. She let Esme come into the room to take Samuel that morning. She was ashamed and didn't say anything as her mother-in-law went and took her son. Esme seemed to want to talk to her but she just wasn't up to it. It was selfish of her to think only of herself. She had a child to take care of. But that day, she didn't have the strength. She felt empty. The words "bad wife" and "bad mother" kept echoing in her head.
She had walked barefoot and tiptoed her way into the kitchen as she took a glass from the cupboard. Opening the faucet from the sink, she began filling the glass with the running water. She stared after the whirling of the water going down the drain. I need to talk to Charlie.
"You're up."
Bella blinked. Turning off the faucet, she poured the contents of the glass onto the sink. Now she was wasting finite resources. She shook her head dismally at herself and reluctantly turned around. She was afraid to face the person behind her.
"Yeah, I was pretty tired." she said, quietly.
Edward stared at her. He saw something in her face that made him wince. Then he pursed his lips together and looked past her. He looked strained, as if he was forcing himself to be calm. Bella felt like when she was around, he was always struggling to control his temper. He took a deep breath.
"Samuel is with Rose and Esme. They went to the market." His voice was even.
Bella nodded slowly. She had planned to drop by the market when she got to Forks but had arrived way too late at the Cullen's house. It wasn't like her to forget something very important.
"I'm sorry. I was going to get him his milk the night before. It slipped my mind."
His eyes turned to her. There was irritation in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He shook his head. His voice was low as he said, "I have absolutely no idea how you survived all this time. It is a good thing you haven't forgotten to breathe." He then turned around and left before she could even blink.
Bella stared after the kitchen door as it swung back and forth. She bit her lip, blinking away the tears forming in her eyes.
To breathe.
The sound of something smashing interrupted her thoughts. She looked around her. It wasn't until she had looked down that she saw shards of glass on the floor just right where her feet were. She had forgotten she was holding the empty glass and had dropped it.
Bella wiped her face dry with the sleeve of her shirt and shook her head. She wasn't going to panic; she needed only to replace the glass as soon as she can. Bella worried as she wondered if Esme kept an inventory of her glass wares. As she looked down, she realized that replacing Esme's glass were the least of her problems. Blood came pooling down from her big toe. It didn't really feel painful except that it burned.
Alice came running in through the kitchen door, her hand on her nose. She stopped as she saw the blood on Bella's feet. "I'll call Carlisle." Alice was already gone when Bella looked up.
Then out of nowhere, someone came up from behind her. She looked up to see who it was. It was Edward. "Be still." he whispered in her ear. Bella did as she was told. Her pulse quickening as she felt his hand slide on her back and the other on her thighs as he carried her smoothly through the kitchen door. His chest was rock solid Bella thought, as she leaned on him for support. Her heart fluttered. Edward glanced at her briefly, a look of amusement on his face. Bella felt her face grow hot.
Edward lifted her until they were inside the living room. He placed her gently on the couch and sat on the coffee table infront of her. He slowly raised her injured foot and placed it on his lap then moved her toe slightly from side to side and inspected where the wound was. Alice entered the room, placing the first aid kit on the table beside Edward. She gave Bella an apologetic smile and left the room in a flash.
His eyes were focused, and his face was serious. Bella studied the creases on his forehead as he bent down to study her toe. "The cut is on the inner corner between the big toe and the second toe. It's not that deep. No glass stuck on the skin.", He assessed. He got a cotton pad from the kit, gently dabbed it on the cut and the area around it. As soon as he was sure the cut was clean and had stopped bleeding, he took another cotton pad and dropped some antiseptic solution on it. He began dabbing it gently on the wound. Bella winced, jerking her toe slightly.
Edward raised his head and met her eyes, giving her a reassuring smile. He had smiled for the very first time since she had arrived. Putting the cotton pad down, he began blowing softly at the cut on her toe. "I leave you alone for a second and you still manage to inflict harm on yourself." He murmured.
"You really know how to get a guy's attention." He laughed softly.
Bella took a deep breath and stared into his hypnotic eyes, the color of liquid topaz swaying and swirling like molten lava. He stared back at her, his eyes intense, his lips parting slightly. She could do nothing but stay frozen from where she sat as he slowly leaned his head towards her. Her breathing slowed its pace as his face inched slowly into hers. He kept his eyes intently focused on hers as he brushed his mouth on her lips. He leaned his head back abruptly, stopping the kiss. Bella bit her lip, trying not to look disenchanted. She wanted him to continue kissing her.
Edward, his face still inches away, cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."
Bella swallowed hard, shaking her head profusely. "No, it's not your fault. You're not to blame. I—I should have stopped you."
She doubted she would have.
"You would have?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. His tone was incredulous.
Bella creased her forehead at him, hoping to look as oblivious as she could.
"Stopped me?", he taunted, his eyes moving from her eyes to her lips.
"I'm not sure. But I know you would want me to." Her voice was low and quiet as she looked past his shoulder.
"Bella." He urged softly, waiting for her to look at him.
As soon as she returned her gaze on him, he leaned over to her and closed his mouth on hers. The kiss started slow and gentle, his lips moving on top of her lips in a rhythmic motion. He put her foot down gently and moved himself on the sofa just beside her. Then his kisses became urgent, more wanting. Raking his hands on her hair as his mouth gently ravaged hers. She leaned back on the arm rest and placed her hands on his face leading him towards her, his lips never leaving hers. His hand rubbed the back of her neck, making her skin tingle. He placed his other hand on her shoulder, his palm slowly glided downwards, towards her ribs, then on her thigh.
Bella was disappointed when he removed his mouth from hers, putting her arms around his neck, refusing to let him go. He smiled at her as he bent his head to kiss her again, trailing soft little kisses on her jaw and down her neck. She felt his hand move from her thigh towards her ribs, playing with the buttons on her blouse. She arched her body towards him, knowing how much she had wanted him. "I want you, Edward. Please." she murmured into his ear.
Then he stopped. He raised his head to meet her eyes as he gripped both her wrists. He placed his hands on either side of her body, pinning her to the sofa. "Do you really, Bella? Are you sure that's what you want?"
Bella nodded slowly, "Yes. I want you."
He breathed a deep sigh and stared at her wistfully. Edward then stood up and sat himself on the coffee table, muttering something under his breath. Bella, although confused, took his cue and sat up to face him. He took her injured foot and placed a band aid on the cut she had on her toe. Placing her foot down on the floor, he shook his head. "If sleeping together was what you wanted all along, we should never have gotten married."
Bella looked at him for a moment, registering the words he had said through her head.
"Admit it, you never really wanted to stay with me. You were young and infatuated. That was all it was to you." He said simply, crossing his arms to his chest.
She stared at him as if he were crazy.
"H-How can you say that?" She was furious, her voice shaking. "I love you Edward. That's why I married you. Please, you have to know that I never intended to leave. It wasn't an easy choice but I had to do it."
Bella took a deep breath, calming herself down. "I'm here now. I came back. Doesn't that matter to you?"
He scowled, his eyes blazing with fury, "And that is supposed to make everything okay? All of a sudden, things are back to the way they were? I'm supposed to come to you and forget that you betrayed me?"
He stood up, his voice resolute. "No, I'm not going to fall into that trap again. I won't let you come here, blow us all away with how great you are, and then leave-again." Edward looked at her, a pained expression on his face then started to walk away. But Bella grabbed his hand to stop him. She stood up to face him, tears streaming down her eyes, "I am so sorry, Edward—with all my heart."
But Edward refused to turn his head to look at her.
Bella placed her hand on one side of his face, slowly turning his head to face her. He shut his eyes as she gently stroked her thumb across his cheek.
"Edward, I love you. You have to believe me. Even when I was away from Forks, you never ceased to cross my mind. Each day I thought of the memories we made together. The first time I saw you at the cafeteria at school, the day you proposed to me…our wedding day… My love for you made me stronger. It gave me air to breathe. My feelings have never wavered-not for a second. You have to believe that. " Her voice trailed off with the last sentence. Edward clenched his jaw and opened his eyes.
Bella searched into his eyes, hoping to find a glimmer of hope that he could and would forgive her. But his eyes only had fury in them. He took a deep breath. "If there was one thing I could give you in this world, it would be to give you a chance. It is a chance for you to choose to live your life peacefully-away from my world and away from harm. It wasn't about you and me anymore. It was about what was best for our child. You are his mother and I knew you only wanted to protect him.
But even if all these things I already knew, it still hurt like hell when I saw you leave. You made your choice and as noble as that choice may have been, I still couldn't help but feel betrayed. I thought that maybe you would find it difficult to leave me, but- "
He was sad, his voice shaking as he said, "You left me broken, Bella."
Bella reached for his hand and squeezed it with all her might, "I know that you don't want to hear it. But I will say it again…I love you. I love you, Edward. I know what I did to you and maybe you might never forgive me. But all I ask is one more chance."
Edward stared at her for what seemed like eternity. His eyes searched hers.
He then took a deep breath and shook his head. "I don't know what to believe anymore." His voice was tired, the voice of someone who had given up.
He ran his fingers on his hair, and sighed. His eyes met hers, "After several months of being married, you left me without telling me you were pregnant. You took my son far away from me, Carlisle, Esme, the others especially Charlie. I could have stopped you, but I didn't. I didn't because I wanted you to choose me without me having to force you. I wanted you to choose to be a family that no matter how dangerous or how hard it might be everything would be alright as long as we were together."
Her vision blurred. Edward raised a hand as if to wipe away the tear that rolled down her cheek, but he quickly decided against it. "I held on for as long as I could." With that, he gently removed his hand from hers and turned his back.
Bella weeped uncontrollably, her heart aching and breaking a million times with every step Edward took as he walked away.