Author's note: Long time no see! XD A lot of stuff's been going on and then I got hit with writer's block for awhile. But I'm back with some new fics to share This one was inspired by a France/England/fem!France comic I saw on a Japanese FrUk fansite. Basically, fem!France was flirting with England and France did. not. like. hurr~

I'm sorry this has no title. My brain refuses to let me think of one :c

Francis thought she was exquisite; refined, well-polished, and extremely nice to look at. He would have found her a decent lay if only her ankle wasn't currently brushing up against Arthur's. Said man took no notice of the blonde bombshell shamelessly flirting with him underneath the table. Francis glared at her, this…woman with the blonde silky hair and deep blue eyes and chest far too large for that tiny dress and—

Was Arthur staring at her chest? Oh for heavens sake, that man was insatiable.

Francis promptly kicked Arthur's shin, and although Arthur turned towards him in a rage and started spouting off every curse in the book in every language he knew, Francis was pleased because now his attention was solely on him. He smirked at his counterpart, who sniffed and stuck her nose up in the air. How French of her.

When Arthur was done yelling at Francis, he turned back to talk (and ogle) the other blonde. She was only too happy to oblige him and even had the nerve to push up her chest for him to view better. Francis was not amused.

"Ma chérie, as lovely as your bosom is, must you be so risqué?"

"What the bloody hell are you on about, frog?" Arthur grumbled. "She's being a perfect lady."

Right. A perfect lady who is practically inviting you to rub your face in her breasts. Francis caught her staring at him then and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

She reached forward and took Arthur's hand within her own two well-manicured hands. The Brit blushed horribly but didn't pull away. "You are jealous, non?" she said teasingly, leaning over the table.

Francis blinked a few times. "I am not—"

She held up a finger to silence him. She let one finger trace along Arthur's hand before moving up to loosen his tie. He was reduced to a spluttering mess and Francis could clearly see how uncomfortable and yet intrigued Arthur was by this woman who was so very much like Francis and yet nothing like him.

"You are," she said plainly, unbuttoning the top button on Arthur's shirt.

Francis watched her work, forcing himself not to jump Arthur right then and there. And then she yanked Arthur's tie and he had barely a second to figure out what was happening as her mouth came crashing down on his. Francis was out of his seat in an instant. Her flirting had gone on far enough. Arthur wasn't so much kissing her back as he was flailing his arms back and forth at his sides and desperately trying to back away with wide eyes. Eventually he was released and he took deep breaths to calm himself. She smiled serenely at Francis, licking her lips.

"He tastes like peppermint tea," she giggled.

Arthur looked like he had just kissed a three-headed monster. Francis glared angrily at her. "There was no need to do that," he hissed.

"But he so desperately wanted a taste~"

"I did not!" Arthur cried. "Just because I…I'm distracted by your assets does not mean I wish to be snogged!"

Inside his head, Francis was throwing a party.

"You did not like it?" Even her pout was annoying. Francis didn't do that, did he?

"No, I most certainly did not like it," the Brit growled.

Francis was so proud of Arthur that he could kiss him. So he did. For the second time that day, Arthur found himself wrapped up in French arms and being thoroughly snogged until he couldn't breathe.

"What the bloody—WHY ARE YOU KISSING ME?"

As Francis congratulated himself, he watched his counterpart stand up from her seat and start walking away. Before he could stop himself, he called out to her. "Marianne!"

She turned around instantly, flashing him a coy smile. "Yes?"

"Don't be so obvious next time."

She winked at him before turning back around, leaving the two of them alone.

"—going to murder you in your sleep, you hear me?" Arthur was still blabbering on, and Francis sighed.

"Yes, yes, my darling. You can try out all your naughty little fantasies on me whenever you like."

It was completely worth it to see Arthur's mouth freeze open long enough for a fly to zoom in.