This was inspired in the nightly hours after I read a similar one-shot of Crona (from Soul Eater anime), who's basically the complete opposite of Grell. I then got to thinking; is there more to Grell than he lets on, as well? So I wrote this. :P
Wee, Kuroshitsuji. None of the characters that are mentioned belong to me, and neither does Grell.
Grell Sutcliff was not a complicated person.
There were things he liked, such as Sebastian Michaelis, the demon butler of the Phantomhive household. He liked blood and its shade; he liked flirting with other men just to see if they'd eventually like him, too. He liked Madame Red, because she was pretty and liked his color. He liked Ronald Knox, because they were friends. He liked his scythe, and he liked his job, and he liked believing he was a woman even though he was a male. He especially liked wearing girlish clothing, because it made him feel beautiful where he'd otherwise feel ugly; it was also why he referred to himself as a lady. Undertaker, as well, was someone he liked.
There were things he detested, like a body dying without the scarlet blood off the side of the streets. He disliked having his scythe taken away by cold-hearted William. Disliked it when Will brushed him off calmly, just so they could do their job. When William looked tired and pale, because he obviously hadn't slept for days at a time. Bordering on despise, he heated human weakness and wished he could destroy it.
There were even things that combated his deepest affections with hate. He hated pestering William, because he knew he didn't like it, but if it made him feel loved (like Grell felt he did, deep down inside of that cold-blooded exterior), then he would continue. He hated having his face broken over and over again, and he hated it when his hair was damaged and when he lost his glasses. And hated being ignored, hated it when, at the end of the day, he ended up alone.
And yet there were things that Grell loved. He loved the color red, and he used it mostly to attract Will's attention and for his own enjoyment. He loved spending time at work, because it meant more time with William. He loved his glasses, because the first month he'd spent with William. He loved attention, as well; it was another reason he wore red so often.
But most of all, he loved Will. He loved sidling up to his warm body, loved clinging closely to his arm for those precious moments before the cold-eyed shinigami shoved him off. He loved spending time with him, although it often meant that he had more work to do. He loved knowing the hidden passion that Grell'd glimpsed all those years before but had unable to dredge up again. He loved William with all his heart, more than the color red, more than his glasses, more than even his hair or his face, and more than anything, he loved making him feel wanted, even if he didn't return the feeling.
But being a shinigami didn't mean he couldn't fear, and he did. He was afraid for William's sake, and for Ronald's; although the latter wasn't red, he was still a friend. He was afraid that William would eventually shove him down so hard that he'd not be able to recover soon enough. His greatest fear, however, was loneliness that he would be forever, eternally alone. That no one he loved would ever genuinely love him back.
Grell Sutcliff was not a complicated person.