First one-shot. Be nice! No flames.
A little bit Blackwater.

Shadow of her former self

They never really bothered to help her, she helped herself instead.

They never turned to look at her, when Sam and Emily showed up.

She always helped them, even if it was against her will.

She always looked at them, instead of Sam and Emily.

Since the past few days her mind dropped to zero, she couldn't think- couldn't feel. As if the feelings belonged to someone else.
The sun tickled her skin as her Alpha dismissed them in his own silly way, but she couldn't laugh at his jokes- although they were funny.
Her hair reached her shoulders again, but she didn't bother to cut it off. Her pack did ask why, but she always gave them the same answer. Stop phasing.

But she couldn't.
Her body kept rejecting her orders to stop, it only caused her to be tense- snappy. But she wasn't to blame, although she doesn't believe that.
Her Alpha always offered his help, but she waved him off each time he tried.

He couldn't get through her mental barrier.
His hatred for vampires, his heartbreak, the imprint on Nessie. It wasn't his choice to be that way, and neither did Leah have a choice for her attitude.
He didn't blame her, everyone else did. But he always kept his mouth shut.

There wasn't a single bit of tension in the air, it was cool- a little breezy, but nobody seem to notice her, sitting alone in the shadows.
A shiver ran up her spine, and she cupped her chin into her hand- leaning her elbow on her knees, which she pulled to her chest.
She couldn't help that she felt like an outcast, who wouldn't? The only female, no girl to share your thoughts with. No father to hold her when she cried. An outcast. That's what she was.
The tension began to shift into something darker, the sun hid behind the grey clouds.
She could see her little brother staring up, and gesturing for her to come home. The news warned for a storm, a thunderstorm. But she didn't mind.
Sam invited everyone over to his house, all- except for her. She knew he didn't want to hurt her, but why did he have to invite them all behind her back? Eventually- she would find out through the thoughts of her pack-members.
Not that she cared.

A sigh escaped her lips, now wrapping her arms around her knees to pull them tighter- leaning her chin on her right knee. Dreaming.
Alone at last. Nobody to poke into her thoughts, nobody to bother her. Just Leah Clearwater, sitting beneath a lone tree that stood a little bit further away than all the other trees.
An outcast, just like her.
Sam's invitation still burned till deep into her core, but she refused to let her mind go further than that.

The first raindrops began to tickle down onto the grass. The grey clouds began to get darker at that point, but she didn't notice.
Rain felt good against her skin, the cold little drops that slid down her arms, or the little drops that soaked her hair.
Her father once told her 'when rain falls, the clouds cry for the ones who are hurt.'
She denied that she was hurt, she was far away from hurt- long ago. Long ago she was, but now? She was only broken, waiting for someone to take the first step and heal her.
But her hope died a few months ago, when Sam and Emily just got married. Nobody noticed a slender black-haired female hurrying out of the church. But she didn't mind.

She didn't remember when she started crying as the rain fell. The clouds should know that if she cried- something bad went through her.
She rarely cried, actually. Although they expected her to cry herself to sleep, she used to do that- but she grew over it a month ago.

The sky cracked, causing her to jump out of her trance and look up at the sky. Her tears were still falling numbly, without her stopping them. She was soaked, at that point. But she couldn't get sick, or couldn't even get a cold.
She hated it. Despised the humans because of the fact she isn't one.
A shiver went down her arms, and she didn't make a sound as another wave of grief hit her.
Her sorrow would only end when the storm passed, but this storm was far heavier than any other she used to remember.
The lightning flashed, just faintly. It looked beautiful, yet terrifying.
It made her think of the leeches, they would probably be playing baseball right now. Hah. The leeches. She never liked them, she tried- but her instinct always blocked her from being nice.
She used to be nice, actually- a very loving girl. The nights she spend with Sam, the way they cuddled on the couch while watching a movie. They would gently caress each other, and eventually make sweet love on that couch- or they would move upstairs to find a bed.
At those memories, it reminded her of her being infertile. She used to be on the pill because her mom ordered to. She laughed at it, made jokes of it. Now fate had silenced her with the fact she doesn't even need one when having sex.
But who was she kidding? Ever since she first phased, nobody touched her the way Sam used to. Nobody made love to her- letting her call their name mingled with moans.

But she wasn't a slut. She just wanted some distraction sometimes, her only distractions were her little brother with his cute little jokes- and the patrols she had to go on as an order of her Alpha, Jacob Black.
The sky cracked again, but this time she just listened to the horrible rumbles it made. The clouds were screaming, they wanted their freedom just as much as she did.
She wanted to break out of this shelf she hid into. She wanted to burst out of her cocoon like a beautiful butterfly in the summer.
But a little voice always whispered that she wouldn't be able to do that, because she was a harpy. Someone who made others feel miserable to ease her own pain.

She actually started to believe she's a harpy, because of the thoughts she could read from every member of the pack before she joined Jacob's.
Jared and Paul. They always picked on her for some reason. Seth would bark at them in order to defend her, but now? Seth didn't even point a claw at them. Not that it was possible, they joined Jacob's pack.
Of course, she cheered up just a little. But not enough to make her stop crying whether it all crashes down.
She inhaled deeply, letting the oxygen fill her lungs until she blew it all out. She remembered a time where she felt horrible for nothing. Her teacher had blamed her for drawing on the walls, while someone else did it.
She held her breath until she eventually fainted. Even then, she was a bitter harpy. A stubborn girl who made others feel miserable for their actions.

"Pathetic."

Her voice croaked like a witch cursing at the beautiful princess.
At this point, Emily was the beautiful princess- and Sam was the prince who fell for the princess.
She felt rough, edgy- above all, broken.
Fixing. Nobody would even try and point a finger at her, scared that she might snap or say something humiliating.
Sometimes it hurt, but the pain was only a dull ache in her chest. Forced and squished together by all the other little pains and scars. There would be a point that she would break, falling into the depth of her sorrow.

ROAR!
WHOOM!

The weather started to creep her out, she sat on dangerous territory now. An open clearing, lots of trees.
But why didn't she run? Like she always did. Like her instinct told her to do.
Was it maybe because she was tired of it all? Tired of hurting, suffering?

She leaned her forehead on her knees and hugged herself tightly, a sob rippled through her chest- unable to push those tears away. The storm fell down a little bit, the rain tickling her arms again.
Her shoulders shook with force, but no more sounds escaped her rosy lips.
It amused her that nobody came to look for her. They would probably sit at the house of Sam and Emily, partying. Having fun without her, without the party pooper.

She remembered a time she pissed off Paul at Embry's birthday party. Paul had yanked her towards him, spitting into her face and hissing mean words to her.

"Life would be better if you'd jump off a cliff, Leah."

"Why are you even here? Shouldn't you cry somewhere else?"

"Join your father, we wouldn't mind."

It hurt her so much she couldn't even feel angry about it. But she didn't cry about it anyway. She was strong in her own way, going through life even if the wind blocked her from reaching her goal.
She had recovered quickly, being mean to him in return.

"I would've killed myself if you imprinted on me. Lucky for Rachel she doesn't know about you, you don't exist in her eyes. When do you grow up?"

"Come on, Paul. Don't be such a sissy, even my mom can make better comments than that."

"Sure, will you bring me to my dad then- holding my hand all the way?"

Paul, being a hothead, phased after she had embarrassed him. But she didn't do anything back as he slammed her through the backdoor.
Maybe she would die, and Paul would live with regret. Well- maybe he wouldn't. But then she would be gone, no burden in anyone's eyes.

The sky cracked softly now, and she looked up at the sun which appeared between grey clouds.
She stopped crying as soon the rain only dripped once a 5 minutes on her skin.
Her frail body lift from the ground, soaking wet. But she didn't mind. Because the clouds needed their release just as much as she did.

Her feet carried her back to La Push, the sun tickled her skin as she emerged from the trees.
Dully, she passed Sam's house, listening to the laughs and cheers that came from inside.
She hesitated.
But the little harpy didn't care at some point, so she opened the door from Sam's house and stepped in, closing the door behind her and gently pulling off her shoes like she did when Sam was still hers.
She could hear a bit of silence coming from the living room now, and she began to hesitate again. They didn't want her here, Sam didn't invite her.
She pushed that thought away, entering the living room on her bare feet.
When everyone came into view, a dim smile appeared on her face. Everyone gaped at her.

"Uh. Hey Leah." Sam eventually said, sitting next to Emily like only a couple would sit.
"Hi." She responded, stroking through her wet hair. "Sorry I'm late, the weather.." she mumbled with a little chuckle added to it. Her voice sounded almost sickening sweet.
The boys just laughed very soft, almost fake. She knew it was fake, they never knew how to approach Leah when it came to this attitude.
Leah sat down next to her Alpha, tucking hands neatly into her lap as she still managed to smile.
Jacob bend a little forward to look at her face, Leah met his eyes- and her smile almost faltered.
"You okay?" he asked softly, but Leah just raised her head and smiled hugely.
"I'm great. Where are you all partying about? I'd like to celebrate, too." She looked at everyone, everyone except for Sam and Emily. Making the both feel like outcasts.
Paul actually laughed at that, a humiliating- 'you're-pathetic' laugh.
Leah tensed, but she withdrew her anger.
"Yeah. I'd like to laugh too. What's it about?" she questioned, now looking at Jacob.
"I don't think you would like it, Leah.." Sam said, rubbing Emily's shoulder softly.
"Why not? We're all family, and being together counts." The smile on her face grew bigger, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Leah, have you been drinking?" Jacob asked, bending forward to look at her again.
"No, Jacob. I'm just happy for whatever you're partying about. So let's continue and act like I'm not here. It's easy since you all do it every day." Her smile managed to shrink into the quivering of her lips, until it faded completely. Her voice sounded edgy at the end, and she knew she was being that harpy again.
"You won't like it." Sam mumbled, still withholding himself from hurting her more. But the damage had been done, he couldn't hurt her anymore.

"Aww, come on. Spill! Are you going on a honeymoon since your last had been canceled? Renesmee and Jacob are together?" she questioned, her voice not cracking for once- to which she was thankful.
"Fuck off, Leah. Go home. Emily's expecting Sam's baby, you know? A child you will never have? The reason you weren't invited was because you would ruin it. And here you are, ruining it. So go ahead, snap at us like you want- but it won't touch us. What's a life without someone to make it miserable huh? Glad you took that job-" – "PAUL! Don't you dare and talk to her like that!" Sam roared, pulling his arm back from Emily.

Leah's eyes were wide with shock, everyone looked at her. Everyone saw the huge amount of pain flash through her eyes as Paul's intimidating words penetrated through her chest.
But she recovered, almost too quickly- letting a broken smile take over.
"Okay, that's fine. Um. I'll see you later, I suppose.. Maybe.." her voice was barely a whisper at the end, the 'maybe' made her Alpha gasp- he was probably the only one who heard her.
The crushed she-wolf got to her feet, nobody said a word when she headed for the door.
And if it wasn't enough- Leah slipped because of the puddle of water she left a few minutes ago.

Sam and Jacob stood up in unison, calling her name- to see if she was okay. But she was far away from okay.
The roaring laughter of Jared and Paul took the last bit of dignity Leah had away.
When she got up, she didn't share glances with anyone. But everyone saw that her shoulders shook, only once though. Before she sprinted away, yanking the door open and smacking it into the lock. Leaving her shoes and running barefoot over the town square.
The tremors that ran through her became nearly unbearable, so as soon she reached the forest- she phased. Bursting into the slender grey wolf without looking back.

This has to stop.

I'm better off dead.

So much hurt- Paul's right.

I can't do this anymore.

It didn't take long before she sensed someone phasing, probably Seth. But the thoughts of the person didn't get through her, as if he blocked his thoughts from her.
The whimpers escaped her muzzle as proof she was truly crushed, not because of the words of Paul- not completely.
She just couldn't do this anymore, this unloved feeling killed her.
It killed her to know nobody liked her.
The tears spilled from her huge wolf-like brown eyes, the wetness just slid over her fur numbly.

The cliffs came into view, the clouds were beautiful white- the sun reached her rejected body as she stepped into the light.
But as soon she wanted to step closer- she collapsed. Phasing back to her bare human form, controlling the sobs that escaped her lips with all her might.
She couldn't help it, this feeling had always been familiar. She hurt. She breaks. She cries.
But this time, this time she wasn't alone.

He didn't speak, but he did sit down to take the sobbing girl on his lap. She didn't do anything, just gasping- trying to stop crying.
She didn't want to look vulnerable to him. But he didn't see her as vulnerable.
Leah Clearwater was as strong as a tidal wave, but as broken as a frozen watch.
At some point- she just couldn't keep herself together anymore. The struggles of trying not to cry lessened, leaving her utterly defeated.
He did not say a word, just rocked the bare girl in his arms. He too, didn't wear any clothing. Just for her comfort.

Eventually, she slipped an arm around his neck- pulling herself up to snuggle closer to her Alpha's chest.
She didn't mind it was him, he knew. He understood her pain. They were both the same, although Leah was the one who broke. Every piece in her body burned dully, the aching of her soul only made the sobbing worse.
Still, Jacob kept silent. Letting the fragile heap cling on to him like there was nothing left of her.
This time, she was the one to speak.
"Why-" she choked out, not pulling up to look at him. Another sob rippled through her chest- letting her shoulders shake of the force.
Jacob didn't say anything, carefully running his fingers over her arm- to let her know he was there. That she wasn't alone.
"I can't do this. I'm dying, Jake. It's killing me. It kills me." The broken girl cried, and Jacob closed his eyes.
The exact same words had left the mouth of a girl who gave her life to be a bloodsucker.
Leah felt that her Alpha tensed, and she gripped him tighter.
"Jacob."
His name was empty, hollow- alone, when it came out of her mouth.
"Don't." he just responded, letting a hand run through her dried hair.
"You can't keep me here." She tried to sound harsh, to gain her attitude back. But it left her crushed, torn in two.
Jacob looked down at her.
Leah Clearwater reached the breaking point, the point where everything was possible.
Even killing herself.

"Leah, look at me." Her Alpha ordered, and she couldn't help but obey to that strong Alpha voice.
Their eyes met, hers were glassy with tears- his just bore into hers. Trying to let her know she's not hated by everyone.
"No." she whimpered, stifling another sob- hiding her face into her Alpha's chest.
"Paul is just teasing you, he wasn't serious. Leah."
She didn't believe him.
"I don't. – I don't want to hear her child laugh, it should be me. It should be me in Sam's arms- it should be me. All the time." She sobbed for all that was left of her, and Jacob closed his eyes- gently stroking Leah's shoulder.
She was jealous, jealous and crushed. She wasn't being selfish, she was torn apart by a fairytale she used to believe in.

They sat there, unmoving. The she-wolf breathed harshly, swallowing back the sobs that wanted to leave her lips.
"Paul was dead serious. Can't you- I thought you understood me.. Jake- I'm a dead end. Nobody would want me, I can't get children- I'm cranky, and I will end up dead later anyway." her voice finally sound like a sneer, more like the tough cookie she pretended to be.
Jacob knew better.
Their eyes met again, there wasn't a sparkle of life in the she-wolf's eyes. She was spend, empty- she had enough.
He hesitated, maybe if he would show her that he cared- she would stay.
His arms tightened around her, pulling her closer.
Their lips nearly touched, and Leah gasped at the warmth of Jacob's breath on her lips.
Her gasp was only a sign of approval for the Alpha to let his lips meet hers, he tried to find some life in the kiss. Some electric wave, something that let him know she was still alive.
But he got none.

He slid his tongue over her bottom lip, Leah parted her lips- but she didn't fight for dominance. She let him do it freely.
Leah moved, sitting up and hooking her legs around her Alpha's waist. Their bodies touched, and Leah felt aware of her naked body against his. It was a foreign feeling, she never fantasized about this.
But Jacob did.
Ever since Leah shut herself from everyone, he started to notice her. To hear her broken howls, to see the pain in her eyes, to smell the fear of going through the same pain again.
She couldn't cope. It was too much for her. Even the strongest break.

They pulled back for air, both breathless- Jacob saw something what looked like a sparkle in her eyes. The life was returning.
"Jake, I don't know.." she choked out between gasps, and he nodded simply, stroking a strand of hair out of her face.
"Don't jump." Jacob whispered, leaning his forehead to hers. She bit her lip and closed her eyes.
"I have to." She responded, she didn't want anything else than escape her pain. To escape her heartbreak.
Nobody would probably care that she would be gone.
"Why are you so determent about this..? Don't I mean anything to you?" Jacob asked, his voice a little edgy at the end.
Leah whimpered, pulling back out of her Alpha's arms and getting to her feet.
The rain started to fall again.
"You do. You.. understand me." She spoke softly, taking a few steps closer to the edges of the cliffs.

Jacob got up to his feet, a broken glance in his eyes as he watched his Beta.
She never got the support she needed. She was left alone, trying to find light in her darkness.
But all she found was sorrow.
"Please.."
Jacob reached out for her, but she shook her head. A shuddery breath escaped her lips, and she looked away.
"At least- put some clothes on."
Maybe he could get her back that way, but it was a wrong move.
She laughed, a bitter and angry laugh that echoed through the trees.
"It's okay, they wouldn't even bury me."

It hurt him.
She hurt, too.
"Jacob." She whispered, and he met her eyes. "I have one request." She added silently, Jacob nodded faithfully.
"Tell Sam.. Tell Sam and Emily I'm incredibly happy for them." She paused, her voice drowning in sadness.
"They'll feel sorry, Leah. Even if I would tell them this." Her Alpha pleaded, but she refused.
"Tell them it's not their fault." She paused again, taking a step back. Jacob reached out for her blindly- his own eyes watered with hurt. "Just tell them Leah Clearwater had finally found her happy ending."

Jacob nearly sprang forward- trying to grab her as she leaned backwards- towards the rough sea.
Leah Clearwater fell.
Her shattered soul would be healed.
Her suffering would end.

But she will always be a shadow of her former self.

A/N;

Okay, I spend a little amount of tears. But this is how I pictured Leah.
This isn't just some heartbreak she went through. She went through a heartbreak, she became a she-wolf, and she found out she wouldn't manage to produce children.
Leah has a depression, sure of it. And I couldn't do any better than write it this way.

After all, we crave for an happy ending ourselves. Right?