It was terrible. The worst of his nightmares. She had tb and it was so terrible that even he forgot that he had it too.
He felt a little selfish: he should feel desperate to leave a child who had already lost his mother. And yet, he felt desperate for her, seeing the X-ray with her name. She was not guilty of anything.
And yet, blessed is the girl who did not want to enter the van. It was because of that little girl that Sister Bernadette took that X-ray. And blessed is the machine, which stopped working for a few minutes and he offered to try it, putting his own chest.
Dr. McGuinness patted his shoulder.
"I'll fix everything so that the studies are done tomorrow. I can drive you to the hospital."
"No, I will. Just...fix the rest."
"There is a good sanatorium, it's called St Anne. Surely they take place for both."
"For both?"
"Of course, there is a wing of women and another of men."
He was going to say no, get the best for her and that he would settle for another site, but his colleague was already telephoning, very busy.
Taking both x-rays, he went looking for his car. There was an exam to do.
/
In Nonnatus, Sister Julienne was surprised when he asked to speak with Bernadette in private. She said nothing, only accompanied him to a room and went out in search of her sister.
Meanwhile, he thought about how he would give this news to her. He swallowed hard as he could. This was his fault, there was no doubt. A punishment from heaven for daring to so much.
/
She laughed, it had been a good day. Trixie was telling some funny things that happened while Sister Evangelina was asking for something for her battered throat.
"Oh, Sister Julienne!" She smiled when she saw her superior approaching. "Would you like a cup of Horlicks? I think we deserve it."
Her sister denied slowly.
"It's Dr. Turner and he wants to talk to you, in private."
She felt her stomach tighten and immediately an excuse came out of her mouth.
"I can't…"
"It seems like it's something important."
She nodded, set down her cup, and walked to where she was directed. In the few steps she took, she felt her nervousness grow. Would he want to talk about what happened in the kitchen? However, when she entered, her smile betrayed her. It always did it when she saw him. She said something about the day they had but she saw that things were not as bright as she thought.
When he saw her enter, with a charming smile, he felt his heart sink even more. She immediately seemed to notice.
He showed her the x-ray, she saw her name there, he told her the amount of lesions. He asked if there was a cough, she only mentioned difficulty breathing, sometimes. Something that happened to him very often when he was close to her. She seemed not to fall for what was happening, until he told the truth, he had the same disease.
Bernadette raised her eyes, filled them with anguish. Her mouth was open and she was going to say something but he interrupted her, announcing that he should examine her.
"But you…"
"Don't worry about me."
She did not seem satisfied, so when she saw Sister Julienne, the first thing she said was that the Doctor was sick. She said it sadly, or so it seemed. Afterwards, she just said that she also had the disease.
She is self-sacrificing even for that, he thought.
The older nun looked at him surprised and full of concern.
"I fixed everything so that a good locum comes."
"That's not what worries me. Doctor, this is serious..."
"I must examine Sister Bernadette." He interrupted.
The nun nodded, helped her sister undress and he had to iron himself to concentrate only on what he should hear, and not see. She avoided his gaze, she felt uncomfortable and nervous.
"Crackles. On both sides."
"And you?" She looked up. She could no longer try to be indifferent. She felt uncomfortable but this was not just for her. He was in the same condition, and she needed to know.
"Something like that." It was all he said "They fixed everything, tomorrow we must do more complex exams at the London. I´ll drive you."
She tried to refuse, but he insisted. There was no risk of any contagion, both were equal.
/
Sister Julienne insisted on accompanying her, but she wanted to be alone. Very soon, however, her superior had to leave, there was a mother about to be and a father about to die.
Immediately the tears began to roll. Was this a punishment from God? God was love, and what she felt was also love, how could God punish him in this way? And punish a little child, newly orphaned mother?
She settled into the bed even though she knew she would not sleep. She was dispensable, but Poplar would not have his best doctor. And the world would lose the best of its men, the man she loved the most.