Brenda slowly awakens to the smell of coffee and breakfast cooking in the other room. The sun is just beginning to filter in through the curtains. She and her squad had been working the past three days straight and had finally wrapped the case up last night. Brenda had crawled into bed around 2am snuggling close to Andy and drifting into a deeply needed sleep as she felt his arms tighten around her.
Ending up with Andy Flynn had been as surprising to her as it had been to everyone else. When her relationship with Fritz had disintegrated she thought she would never be that close to someone ever again. Not because she was afraid of being hurt but because she felt that her inability to separate work, from anything really, had poisoned their relationship. She didn't want to hurt someone that way again.
Andy had been an unexpected gift. He understood her drive and somehow, without ever saying a word, helped her to find that balance she had always lacked before. He didn't tell her what she should do or want but expressed an undying belief that she could figure it all out. Even when she didn't trust in her own capacity to love or care about another person, he did, and that was incredibly empowering.
Brenda turns on her back, stretching lazily and thinking back to that night five years ago when they had first kissed. It had been a good eight or nine months since she had split from Fritz. During that time she had started spending more of her free time, what little there was, with her squad. They did dinners together occasionally and Tao's wife had taken to including her in meals or sending in leftovers a couple times a week. This was the result of an inadvertent visit to Brenda's home when it had been discovered she was subsisting almost entirely on take out.
During that time she had slowly developed a quiet friendship with Flynn. He was the one who stayed late helping her with cases and paperwork. He was the one she called when she couldn't figure out something around the house or needed help dealing with life in general. She liked that he didn't try and tell her how to solve a problem but somehow managed to help her gather everything that was in her head and understand it. Even five years later, she had a hard time explaining it. Not to say they didn't disagree or debate. He was not afraid to challenge her but he never tried to force her hand and respected it once her mind was made up.
That night, like many others, she and Andy were the last two left in the squad room. They had completed all the necessary paperwork for the case that had just been closed and were now pulling down the murder board, packing away the information and preparing for the next case they had already been assigned. He had finally made the decision to order food after watching her munch her way through a myriad of snacks. They sat side by side eating and chatting, the conversation light and not at all work related. She can't remember now exactly what they were talking about but she does remember laughing. Every once in awhile he would tell a story or crack a joke and before she could think of herself she would bust out laughing. That is what had happened that night. Brenda had laughed so hard she started crying and her laughter had been contagious. Every time they looked at each other it would start all over again.
As the laughter died down they sat staring at one another. Andy's hand came up to touch her cheek but he stopped short and went to withdraw it. Before she thought Brenda had captured his hand and gently laced her fingers through his. They sat totally still for a moment and then he pulled his hand away and reached for her again. This time he didn't hesitate. Brenda felt a shiver run through her when his lips first touched hers and it was only seconds before her lips were clinging to his and she was moving further into his embrace. She doesn't remember how long they sat there but does recall thinking how strange it was to not realize how much you wanted something until you had it. . .and she wanted him, in every way imaginable. She had asked him to take her home that night and he did, not leaving until the early hours of the morning. They had quietly transitioned into the new phase of their relationship.
Brenda is jerked from her reverie by the sounds of voice floating through the bedroom door. Her parents are clearly up and Andy is as well. She hears a voice that was distinctly Charlie who had convinced Andy and Brenda to let her move in with them while finishing college. It had taken a while for her to warm up to the idea but Charlie and Andy had worn her down. Those two were quite the pair. Now Brenda couldn't imagine their family, or how they would function, without Charlie.
Brenda is thinking that she needs to get up and join everyone in the kitchen when the bedroom door slowly creaks open. She sees the top of a light brown head sneak into the bedroom and around the side of the bed. Brenda smiles and thinks that this is indeed the most important and amazing change to her life in the past five years, after Andy. Brenda sees a little face peek over the side of the bed and when the little girl sees that she is awake quickly crawls up into the bed and Brenda cuddles her close, kissing the top of her head.
"Mama, Santa came!," she exclaims and touches Brenda's face with a little hand.
"Really?" Brenda questions and the little girl nods her head. "What did Santa bring you?"
"I don't know," she says "The presents are wrapped and Daddy says that Santa told him I have to eat breakfast first." Her little face screws up, "Do you really think Santa said that?"
Brenda can barely keep herself from laughing. At four their child is already wising up to her dad's antics. Brenda hugs her daughter close and says, "I think eating breakfast first is a very good idea."
When Brenda found out she was pregnant she had been stunned and terrified. Given her age she had quit considering it as an option. She never once considered not having the baby but was afraid that she wouldn't be up to the challenge of raising a child. She was afraid her heart wasn't big enough to give a child the kind of love and attention it deserved.
It had taken her two weeks to tell Andy. She had been unusually distant and he had known something wasn't right. Finally one night he had come home early from a meeting to find her curled up in bed crying. Andy had pulled her tightly to him. "What is wrong?" he asked. "And don't say nothing this time, I know it's something."
It had taken her what felt like forever to actually say the words. She turned in his embrace to face him. "I'm pregnant."
Andy's face had gone five different shades of white, but she'd had to give him credit, he recovered pretty quickly. "Are you okay? What do you want to do?"
"I want to have this baby. But if you don't want. . . ." He didn't let her finish.
"What? How could you even think that?" he'd said. "This doesn't change anything for me."
Her relief at his words was indescribable and Brenda let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She clung tightly to him burying her face in his chest. "I'm just afraid I won't be able to love it enough. That I'll be a terrible mother."
Andy had kissed her forehead and used his hand to tilt her head up so she would have to look at him, "You're going to be great."
Four years later there were still definite times when Brenda was terrified she was not a good mother. She was still afraid that she would somehow completely screw up this little girl who was so amazingly perfect to her in every way. But Brenda was no longer afraid that she couldn't love her enough. Because sometimes when she looked at her daughter she felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest and the amount of emotion she felt was almost too much to bear.
The bedroom door opened again and Andy came into the room. "Hey," he said "I thought we were going to let Mama get some more sleep?"
"But I just came to check and she was awake," the little girl says as Andy sits down on the edge of the bed and reaches over to lift her up and put her in his lap. "Mama wants to open presents before breakfast." Brenda and Andy smile at each other.
"Really?" he asks and the little girl nods her head and giggles.
"I think you need to go to the kitchen and help Grandma and Charlie finish setting the table," Andy says setting her on her feet.
"Okay," and she scampers off leaving Brenda and Andy alone.
He leans over her setting his hands on either side of her head. "Hey stranger."
"Hey" she says. "Did I wake you last night?"
"Not enough," he says and leans in giving her a kiss that quickly grows in intensity. He hasn't seen her three days and has missed her. She kisses him back but pulls away when she feels a hand sneaking under the covers and inside her shirt.
"My parents are in the kitchen," she hisses.
"I hate to break it to you but we have a four-year-old," his voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper, "I'm pretty sure they know we've had sex."
She gives him one of her withering looks and he chuckles, then leans in to kiss her again. She has missed him too and wants nothing more than to have him crawl in bed with her but there is no way she is having a quickie with her parents, niece and daughter awake and in the next room. She finally pushes him away again.
"Not now," she says and moves to get out of bed. "Later," and she leans in to steal one more kiss, "I promise."
Andy waits for her to freshen up and pull on a robe. She looks at him, "Santa said she has to eat breakfast first," Brenda questions.
"Yep, and you don't want to disobey Santa," he says getting up from the bed, "You'd wind up on the naughty list for life."
"You're already on the naughty list for life," Brenda replies, smiling nonetheless, and Andy takes her hand and they walk out to enjoy another Christmas morning with family.