Title: Elixir of Solomon
Prompt: This is for my H/C Bingo prompt- "Love Potion/Spell gone wrong"
Rating: T
Warnings: Language, slight crack
Summary: Upon Castiel's request, Balthazar shares with him an ancient love potion which will cause Cas to fall in love with the first person he lays eyes on... which just happens to be Meg. When Meg doesn't reciprocate his feelings Cas turns to the Winchesters for advice.
A/N: This is a hurt/comfort story so I really wanted to write something serious and slightly angsty for the prompt but how much can you do with a prompt like "Love Potion/Spell gone wrong"? Truthfully, I can't hear about love potions without thinking of I Dream of Jeannie or Peppy Le Pew :P So this story turned out much more crackish then I intended but I think it still qualifies as hurt/comfort- lol!
Okay, so I think I went a little bit overboard with the crack at times but I hope you'll find the story amusing!
Humans were fascinating.
They were so unlike angels in pretty much every way. Where angels felt no emotions, humans experienced them all: Fear, hurt, jealousy, grief, ecstasy, happiness, love.
Since coming to earth, living among men, Castiel had discovered that angels were not incapable of feeling emotions- it's just that they didn't exactly know how. He still wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not, but since hanging around the Winchester brothers, watching them, observing them, he was beginning to learn.
He had felt fear just before Lucifer had blown him up.
He had felt hurt and grief when he discovered that God had abandoned them all.
And he had even felt a measure of love towards Dean and Sam. Though he didn't think it was the same kind of love that Dean felt towards Lisa.
It wasn't a sexual love. Castiel had never experienced that, though it fascinated him. He wondered what it was like to feel that level of passion towards some one.
/ / /
Elixir of Solomon - A love potion created by the great King Solomon himself.
He wonders what would happen if he drank it?
He wants to know what it's like.
/ / /
It had to be the first person he laid eyes on after the elixir took affect. Those were the rules of the game. That is what Balthazar told him.
Did it have to be a person?
Meg.
Apparently demons counted too.
He had never known how beautiful she was. Well all he had ever seen was her true form but now he could see beyond that.
/ / /
Dean had decided to come back to the motel room early.
Bad idea.
Castiel was making out with Meg.
His trench coat was strewn haphazardly on the floor, his shirt collar was unbuttoned, his tie askew and his hair looked like it had been in a fight with a tiny animal and lost.
"Oh, hi Dean." Cas said pulling away from Meg, his face flushed.
Dean wondered what the hell Cas was doing in his motel room anyway? Geez. "Umm... Okay then. Awkward...I think I will uhh... I think will be uh... going."
"Oh!" Cas looked slightly disappointed, "No Dean, you don't have to leave! You can stay!"
"No! Nope. No, no, no, no!" Dean shook his head vehemently as he slammed the door shut, wishing he could rewind and do over the last five minutes.
/ / /
Cas paced the floor of the small motel room that Dean and Sam were staying in. Sam had left to go get Dean and their disheveled friend some coffee.
Dean sat at the small table, surrounded by papers and books. He and Sam had been researching a potential new hunt and Dean was really not in the mood to hear about angel sex.
Cas was shocked by Dean's reaction when he proclaimed his love for Meg. He had thought Dean would be happy for him.
"It just won't work! Think about the kids, Cas! What about the children?"
"Children? What are you speaking of Dean? I have no children!"
Dean slammed his head against the table, "Future children, Cas! Future children! You don't want to go making babies with Meg! I don't even want to think about what kind of freaks they would be!" Dean shuddered.
Cas scrunched his face in confusion, "I don't think that's possible."
"Whatever! It just won't work between you to!"
Cas sighed, "You are just saying that because you don't like her. You have never approved of her."
"That's because she's a demon, Cas!"
"Yes, but she's my demon and I love her."
Dean took Cas by the shoulders, "Cas, what the hell made you think falling in love with Meg would be a good idea?"
"I think it was that elixir that Balthazar gave me."
/ / /
Castiel wondered if he should try calling her again.
He wasn't used to this whole telephone thing. He was much more comfortable with just popping in here or there whenever and wherever he wanted... but unfortunately that habit seemed to annoy Meg.
He wondered if he was pushing her away. Was he being too clingy? Too possessive? He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
He knew he was in way over his head with all this romance stuff.
He stared longingly at the phone in his hands. He sighed again.
Should he call? Should he not call?
Would he look too desperate?
He put the phone to his ear and heard it ringing. On the fourth ring he heard a slight click, "Cas?" A heavy sigh, "Is it you?"
"It is."
"Well? what do you want from me?"
What did he want from her? He wondered how he should answer that question, A home with you in our own little castle... four children, two girls and two boys...a white picket fence to keep our golden retriever from messing up the neighbor's flower garden...
"I have been contemplating my love for you Meg... uh..." he stuttered a bit as he dug around in his pocket for a piece of paper that he had tucked away in there, "I have something here I'd like to read to you," He cleared his throat and began, "Thy neck is like the tower of David, built with courses of stone, on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. Thy breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse amo-"
"What the hell?"
Cas winced slightly at her language, "Uhh, you didn't let me finish!"
"What the hell was that?"
"It was poetry. Written by King Solomon... I would have written you something myself but-"
*Click*
/ / /
"What makes you think I know anything about romancing a demon?" Dean growled, "Why don't you ask Sam over there- he's the demon lover!" Both Dean and Cas turned to look at Sam, "Tell us Sam, how do you get a demon to fall in love with you?"
Sam glared at Dean, "Wow, Dean. You're a jackass."
Dean laughed, "I know."
"She told me to go to... heck...I think I'm losing her!" Cas said desperately.
"It's sounds like you've already lost her...what do you want me to say Cas?" Dean asked.
"Tell me what to do!"
Sam sighed from where he was sitting, "Look, it's her loss, okay?
Cas looked down at his feet and kicked at a crumbled piece of paper that had been tossed to the floor.
"Come on Cas," Dean interjected, "Isn't there some hot little angel out there with your name tattooed on her ass?"
"Weelll... yeess..."
Dean's eyebrows shot up. He looked over at Sam who was trying not to laugh.
"But Meg is my soul mate!" Cas insisted.
"How can she be your soul mate? She doesn't have a soul?"
Cas' eyes flashed with anger, "Watch it Dean, that's my girlfriend you're talking about!"
"Okay calm down boys." Sam said trying to placate Cas' anger, "What you have to do, Cas, is fight for her. Women like to play hard to get. They like to know that a guy thinks they're worth fighting for."
"Well that's bullshit..." Dean said rolling his eyes.
Sam ignored him and continued, "You should buy her flowers... or candy."
"Whatever happened to no means no, Sam?"
Sam glared at his brother, "I'm not suggesting he rape her! I'm just suggesting he buy her flowers and candy!"
"Yeah, but she said she doesn't want to be with him. He should respect that."
"I'm sorry Dean," Cas said, "But Sam has more experience when it comes to romancing demons... so I'm going to have to take his advice." He smiled and patted Dean on the shoulder.
/ / /
Dean was just about to fall asleep when all of a sudden he heard a faint fluttering of wings, smelled the sickening scent of Dolce & Gabanna, and heard Cas' heavy breathing from behind him.
Dean waited for Cas to say something but he just stood watching him sleep and it was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
Finally Dean couldn't take anymore, "Holy crap Cas! Were you planning to stand there all night or were you planning to wake me eventually!"
Cas looked dejectedly down at his feet, a bouquet of crushed flowers hung limply from his hand, "I didn't want to wake you...
"Well good job with that."
"She didn't like the flowers."
"I'm sorry Cas. I guess that's just the way it goes."
Cas sucked in a sob and Dean wanted to bolt for the door. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with an emotional angel.
He stiffened as Cas put his arms around him and sniffled into his shoulder, "There, there dude..." Dean patted the angel's shoulder awkwardly, trying to pull away.
"I keyed her car..." Cas whispered brokenly.
"Wow... okay... good for you man... get that aggression out..."
"...at least I think it was her car..." Cas mumbled.
"Look, man, you'll be fine... just drink some beer and watch a few pornos and before you know it you won't even remember Meg!"
"I just feel so used!"
"Yeah man. That sucks... wish I knew what to tell you but...I really don't know what to say..."
"Demons." Castiel spat, "You just can't trust them!"
"Yeah, they're pretty much whores."
Cas nodded miserably.
Sam came in the room, "Here," he said, reaching into the plastic grocery bag, "Have some Haagen-Daz."
"Thank you Sam." Castiel whispered, "I guess you aren't all evil."
"Yeah... thanks... I think..."
The End