I'm alive! Okay, I have a reason for my lack of updating, so if you follow any of my other stories, I'm sorry. I've had horrible writer's block and this one-shot is really just an attempt to get out of it, but I still think it's good. Updates on my other stories should come soon. (HOPEFULLY!)
Disclaimer: *Chatting with Chloe*
Me: Chloe! It's the most wonderful time of the year!
Chloe: The Christmas sale at Leon's furniture warehouse?
Me: *Thinking, 'What the heck is this girl talking about.'* No, you idiot, disclaimer time.
Chloe: OH! Okay!
Me: I didn't think it had been that long... So, while Chloe's mind adjusts, I don't own Darkest Powers, Kelley Armstrong does.
Chloe: OH! It's not time! It's SALE.
Me: *Looks and shakes head sadly*
Tori's Point of View
I sat there staring at the sun. It was noon so it hurt my eyes, but it was better than going back into the hotel. Why was the possibility of being blinded better than going into a nice, cozy, warm hotel? Kit was my biological father, Simon my half-brother, and Derek my adopted/foster brother. I didn't want to be there, not now, not after Kit finally told me.
We'd spent the past month on the run and he told me last week. I actually thought that he'd been joking at first. Simon did, too. When Kit didn't laugh, though, I knew that it wasn't a joke. I reacted badly. I shut down to everyone, only having simple basic conversations if I had to.
Chloe had been trying to cheer me up, more because my semi-depression state was a little scary than her actually wanting me to be happy. Derek might have made an attempt, if telling me to get over it counted. Simon was avoiding me, possibly because I had had a crush on him while we had been in Lyle house together. And Kit, his trying to make amends was a little bit above pathetic. Things were awkward all around, really.
I heard footsteps and didn't even have to look behind me to know whose they were. Simon would be too afraid, Derek too unconcerned, Chloe wouldn't come because Derek wouldn't want her to, and Lauren just plain didn't like me. It probably had something to do with the crawl space incident. That left Kit.
"Tori." Kit said, sitting beside me.
I frowned. It had been a natural habit before and it was going to continue to be one.
"Kit." I said flatly, emotionless.
Kit put his hands to his face and rubbed his temples for a minute, then put his hands to his sides and said, "I'm sorry for not being there."
The way he said it sounded sincere, but that didn't mean everything was all okay and happy. If I was seven years old and he had been apologizing for missing a soccer game, fine. All could be forgiven. I wasn't seven, though, and this wasn't a soccer game. I was sixteen and he hadn't ever cared enough to know me.
"What? Are you expecting me to say all is forgiven? Are you expecting me to laugh, call you Dad, and start sending Father's Day cards? Because if that's what you're expecting, go back inside and talk to your only child."
"Tori, I'm not expecting that. All I want is for you to not be so angry at me, at Simon, at Chloe, at everyone."
For some reason, what he said really got me angry. That probably wasn't what he wanted. Likely, he wanted me to start sobbing and say how much I didn't want to be angry anymore. How much I just wanted to be loved. On some level, I still had the impulse to do just that, just to be cared about, but I spent most of my life doing just that. I ignored the impulse.
"Don't." I hissed out, much to his surprise. "I'm angry all the time, yeah, I can admit that. But you know what, I've never had anyone that wanted to be there for me in my life. My mom didn't care about me much, all because I wasn't someone she could control every second of every day. I was a huge disappointment to her because I wasn't her exact replica like my sister was. I tried but never could be that for her."
"Tori–" Kit tried to cut in, but I was past letting him play his game of victimized father. It was my turn to play my role of victimized daughter. He could go whine to Simon and they could both talk about how 'difficult' I was later.
"My dad, not you, but the guy that my mom let believe was my dad never gave a damn about me either. After I realized the truth about all this, I called him. You know what he did? He sent my mom, not even caring enough about his 'crazy child' to deal with her himself. It wasn't even a trick. I checked to make sure after Chloe freed that demon and you found us. He just never cared. Funny thing is, I used to think that he did." I gave a bitter laugh but it sounded strangled.
I was more venting than explaining things to him by this point, "The only reason I even joined this band of 'heroes' was because of what he did. If he had just taken me in, I wouldn't be here. Nobody would have to put up with me. He didn't, so I had to go back to Chloe. She was the only one that was okay with me going with them. It wasn't even because she wanted me around, but because she would feel guilty for leaving me on the streets without anyone."
My voice took on a bitterly amused tone, "And my mom had to go and steal your sperm to get knocked up, you didn't even want to contribute the most basic thing to create me. You even told me yourself that after you found out you didn't even fight for me. You didn't care where I ended up. You fought with her once, and only because she did what she did, not because you wanted me to be born or you wanted to be 'responsible' or whatever."
"Tori, I didn't have a choice." Kit said. I didn't believe that. It was pretty damn likely that he didn't believe it either, back then and even now. It was an excuse, like most of my life was, apparently.
"Yeah, you did, you know you did. You're not my dad, you don't get to care or decide how I should act or what I should do. Last month was the first time you saw me in sixteen years. Now you want to act like you care, like you want all my anger at everyone and everything to go away, but that's not going to happen."
I felt the tears in my eyes and hated myself for crying when I was trying to seem tough and uncaring. I couldn't control it, though. My life would be much easier if I could.
"Anything I've ever done in my life has been with nobody helping me, wanting me to succeed, because although I tried so hard to, I've never done what everyone else has wanted or expected me to do. I've been a burden on everyone since the day I was born, and everyone has let me know that."
I looked him in the eyes, my tear-filled eyes to his sad ones, "Kit, you're not my dad. I like to think that I turned out okay considering, but you had nothing to do with that. I've never been wanted by anyone, for anything, my entire life. That includes you, so for you to tell me that you don't want me to be angry, sad, or hurt, it doesn't mean much. You've been like everyone else to me. You're practically a stranger and that fact has caused enough pain and anger. I'm done trying to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am just done with that. I tried so hard to get my mom to love me and want me around and it never worked. It's about time I start doing what I want and if that means being angry with everyone around me, then so be it. You're Simon's dad, be that for him, you'll never be that for me."
I got up off the hotel steps and started walking away. I shouted over my shoulder, "I'll be back later!" But I didn't have any intention of going back, and I think Kit knew it, too.
