By: Dana Daidouji.
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, neither the song Duvet. I'm not making money with this, it's just or entertaining purposes only.
A/N: Oh well, my first English songfic. Hope you all like it!. Remember that English isn't my mother tongue so don't be too harsh on me. R+R!
A girl with long silky violet hair tied up in a loose bun with locks of hair framing her beautiful porcelain face was looking silently at the serene expression of the man sleeping in front of her. She was seated comfortably in a dark blue chair beside the young man's bed. The lady had sadness and concern in her soft amethyst eyes. Eyes that could melt any men's heart and make them kiss the land she walked on.
The dark-blue haired figure had been an enigma to her. Now with a lot of effort she was able to understand him. They were a lot alike, always trying to hide everything from everyone. Their true feelings always remained a mystery to everyone else besides themselves, and that slowly made them lonely beings. It wasn't that they had no friends, in fact they were dearly loved. It was as if something else was missing, making them feel empty inside.
The handsome young man had loved once but it didn't work out, no matter how hard he tried, they just weren't meant to be. He suffered so much because of that, he promised himself to never love again, but he failed. The girl had been in love also, or so she thought, because when the years passed by and her loved one found love in somebody else's arms, she found out after too much sorrow, that she was in love with the idea of being in love.
… And you don't seem to understand…
A chestnut haired girl with pretty pink eyes that held a strange but fascinating tint of red in them entered the room trying to be as noiseless as possible. The girl seated, whoever, noticed her and turned to face the new person in the room. "How's Master Eriol?" Concern displayed in the unusually soft and calm voice of the Moon Guardian. "He's asleep, I think he will have a nice rest now," was the soft reply.
The girls exited the marvelous room and went downstairs to the kitchen. Nakuru began to make some tea while Tomoyo was seated in the glass kitchen table. "Do you know what's happening to him, Nakuru?" Interrupted the dark haired girl, playing with a cloth napkin. The eyes of the guardian became sad and she just made a motion of denial with her head. "I know he's behaving weird lately but nor Suppi-chan, neither I know why". "Do you think that it has somehow something to do with me?" Worry present in the melodious voice. "Why would you think that Tomoyo?". "I don't know… He's avoiding me," a single tear rolled down the princess'sad powdered face.
Things have been weird in the Hiiragizawa Mansion for quite a long time. Two months. The Daidouji heiress came to London for College and stayed there until she was done with her studies. There she met her old classmate again, and felt somehow connected to him. He looked pretty sad those days, but she managed to make him smile. They became close friends to the point that she decided not to go back to Japan in favor of staying there and start her business in London.
Tomoyo had slowly fallen in love with her mysterious friend, but he seemed to not notice it. She wasn't worried about it, she only wanted to be his friend and help him throughout his suffering. The one that was caused by his break-up with Mizuki-sensei a year before her arrival.
Two months ago, Eriol had been avoiding Tomoyo leaving her deeply concerned. With no apparent reason he didn't answer her calls nor wanted to see her. Nakuru told her that he had been having weird nightmares recently that didn't allow him to take a full night sleep and that it was making him tired and grumpy.
A few days passed after that incident at the Hiiragizawa Mansion. Tomoyo had decided not to go there, instead, she talked to Ruby or Spinel every night to ask about Eriol. Always the answer was the same, "He isn't sleeping well, doesn't want to talk about it… He hardly eats his meals, there's nothing we ca do about him". Tomoyo was no longer in control of herself. After her meetings had ended and she had nothing else to do at the office, she drove all the way to her friend's house.
Tomoyo was in front of the huge wooden doors and rang the bell. Minutes later they were opened by the tall and slim woman she knew so well. The girl embraced Tomoyo in a tight bear hug and she hugged her back, a smile playing on her cherry lips.
"Thank goodness you are here Tomoyo, we don't know what else to do… Spinel and I are terribly worried about Master," slight sobs were heard from the guardian. "I'll try my best to have him back to normal." Tomoyo's voice sounded so sad, but still determined and strong. "You really love him, don't you?". "Yes Nakuru, but he doesn't seem to understand," and with a sad sigh, she left the spacious foyer heading to the stairway.
… A shame you seemed an honest man…
The lovely princess knocked the door without getting a response so she decided to forget her manners and enter without invitation. The bed was undone and there was nobody in sight. Clothes were spread around the whole room and the curtains were closed leaving it in almost complete darkness. Only a tiny ray of afternoon light made its way inside the room through a gap between the tick, dark blue velvet curtains.
She started to fix the mess in the room. Tomoyo picked up his clothes and placed them on a nearby chair. She then moved towards the bed and suddenly a rich voice stopped her. "What are you doing here Daidouji-san?" His deep, rich voice carried a tint of anger. The use of her last name and honorific made her stop dead right there. Since when had they changed from a first name basis to last names? She couldn't remember. However she tried to maintain her cool. "Your room is a mess Eriol," trying to distract him. "That's not the answer I expected. I asked you, what are you doing here?" His voice was demanding, making her tremble. "I came here to check on you… I'm worried. Look at yourself!… What's happening to you?" Feminine voice raised in anger and completely losing her control. The man masked his surprise behind a smirk. "That's none of your business," still hiding in the shadows provided by the curtains. Tomoyo fought her urge to cry her heart out. "Of course it's my business, I'm your friend Eriol… I care about you for God's sake!" Her melodious voice broke down at the end. "If that's it, I don't want you to care about me… We are not friends anymore." He added, his voice like a whisper. "But why?… Why you don't want to tell me what's happening?… You're hurting me, you know that?" She was at the very edge of her emotions, a cold and salty tear came down her rosy cheek with anger and sorrow. "Is just that there's nothing for you to know, that's it… Now if you please, leave." No emotions registered in his voice.
Tomoyo couldn't stand it anymore, but before she exited the room, she walked to where he was and slapped him hard across his God-like face. Tears freely coming down, eyes burning in anger, cheeks colored with frustration. "I won't ever forgive you!… You hurt me badly… I don't know how I could have fallen in love with you!" Tears were rolling down with more fierce than before, her body shaking slightly. She stood there looking at him straight in the eyes and then she ran away… To never come back.
… And all the fears you hold so dear…
Eriol stood there for who knows how long staring at nothingness. His mind argued with himself and thought at the speed of light. Part of him wanted to run after her and the other half just wanted to stay there and think that none of this had happened. The truth was that the young reincarnation of the powerful sorcerer, Clow Reed, had discovered that once again he had fallen in love. However, this time it was with his beautiful princess and best friend, the goddess with the most beautiful amethyst eyes he had ever seen in his two lifetimes. That scared him to death. He was afraid of the thought of a sudden break-up like the one he had experienced some years ago. The thought of losing his everything, his only reason to live scared him out of his guts. So he decided to avoid her and try to forget everything about her. He was so afraid of the idea of being in love again… It just couldn't be… So he let her walk away from his life, and no matter how hard he tried to deny it, she left footprints in his heart.
… Will turn to whisper in your ear…
Daidouji worked hard those days trying to forget. She moved her main offices from London to Tokyo, where they were originally planed to be. She left to Japan four months after the incident she keep on calling "the mistake of her life" and settled up in a nice penthouse in one of the most exclusive apartment buildings in all of Japan. The young woman always managed to have time for visiting her mother and friends. She needed them badly to recover from her wounds. Sonomi understood her daughter and helped her in everything she could while Sakura tried to make her dear best friend to forget and smile. Nevertheless, despite all of their efforts, they couldn't help sweet Tomoyo-chan from becoming as cold as ice towards everyone out of her inmediate social-circle and most specially, men. The usual kindness, softness and pureness of her eyes were no longer there.
Eriol hadn't gone outside of his Mansion during those whole two years of her absence. His guardians truly believed that the reason that kept him from going insane was his magic. He became calmer than usual and so distant that it seemed as if he wasn't really there. An empty body that lost its reason to live, its very soul. When Nakuru didn't find him seated in his so called "throne of evil" with a glass of red wine in his right slender hand, gazing at the flames in the fireplace during winter, or at the blossoms in their way from the trees and down to the ground in spring season, he could be found by Spinel reading in the huge library they had in the basement of the Mansion, filled from floor to ceiling with ancient books.
… And you know what they say might hurt you… and you know that it means so much… but you don't even feel a thing…
On Christmas, Sakura had invited her best friend to spend the holidays with them (herself and Syaoran) in Hong Kong, so she wouldn't feel so alone. The dark-haired girl asked her mom about it and since the elder woman couldn't make it to be with her that Christmas due to some problems with Daidouji Toys European branch, the girl decided to accept her best friend's invitation. Tomoyo arranged all the documents for the release of her winter collection, signed and faxed everything she had to and prepared to go work-free. She really wanted to take a break and go away from the stressed world of the show business. She packed some things and took a commercial flight to Hong Kong on December, 20th. The reason was that she wasn't in the mood to deal with the paparazzi and reporters that could follow her if she traveled by her private jet, besides, she wanted to get the least attention possible. Sakura was waiting for her at the International Airport of Hong Kong. When the light-brown haired girl noticed the raven woman, she ran to her and hugged her tightly and that remembered Tomoyo of the bear hugs that Nakuru used to give to her. "Ohayo Tomoyo-chan, okaerinasai!" A cheerful voice filled Tomoyo's ears. "Ohayo Sakura-chan, how have you been?" Trying to manage a soft giggle. "I've been great, thanks!" There was truth in her transparent voice. "I'm glad," a soft smile reaching the amethyst eyed woman's lips. "Let's get out of here!… Is this everything you got?" Surprise in the merry voice. "Yes, I wanted to do some shopping so what's the use of a big suitcase anyway," was Tomoyo's answer. "I guess you're right, let's go!"
Back in London things were a lot different. Like previous years there was not a single Christmas decoration in the whole house, not that Nakuru and Spinel did not want to. It was Eriol who kept telling them about the uselessness of merry decorations when there's nothing to celebrate about. The usually talkative Moon Guardian was quieter than ever, submerged in a sea of worries which was drowning the Sun Guardian along with her. Things were slipping out of their hands.
… I am falling… I am fading… I have lost it all…
Sakura drove Tomoyo to the Li Mansion to drop off their things there, change into more comfortable clothing and go out on Christmas shopping spree in a new mall that was opened some months ago. Tomoyo slipped into a dark-brown woolen skirt that reached her knees, a tight-fitting turtle-neck beige sweater and a pair of black knee-length leather boots. She combed her hair quickly and exited the room she was given to join Sakura downstairs who had actually changed her Chinese-styled dress into a pair of bleached blue jeans, a white tank top and a gray sweater.
Nakuru was in a serious conversation with Spinel Sun trying to find a way to wake up their master from the horrible nightmare in which his life had been turned into. They got to one conclusion after two hours of intense debate: Daidouji was the only person in the whole world capable of doing such a thing. They both agreed to call Tomoyo and ask her for help, but they weren't completely sure about it since Eriol had shattered to pieces the girl's beautiful heart. "You'll see Suppi-chan, to knock doesn't means that we'll get in… So let's call Tomoyo and see what happens," said Nakuru taking the black cordless phone from its craddle and dialing Tomoyo's home number. The tiny black creature watched his partner's face turn disappointed. "What's up?" Curiosity in his voice. "Nobody's at home… I guess I'll leave her a message," she answered while waiting for the beep of the answering machine. "Hello Tomoyo, it's me, Nakuru. I really need to talk to you, please call me back."Tthe pink-eyed woman pressed the off-button with a sad sigh. "Why don't you try with her mobile phone?" Was Spinel's advice. "You're right!" And she dialed again hopping to have an answer, but it was shut off. Another disappointed sigh and a despaired expression in her face. "Nothing?" Inquired Spinel. "Nuh-uh… Only the answering machine again," placing the phone back to the receiver to then grab it suddenly. "I have an idea… Let's call Sakura, she probably knows where Tomoyo is, or better yet, maybe she's with her!" She exclaimed regaining her hopes. She was answered by a maid who diligently informed her that her mistress wasn't home at that moment but and assured that the message will be given as soon as she comes back. Ruby placed the phone definitely back in the base and went to the kitchen to prepare some warm tea, followed closely by Suppi-chan. They needed to calm their nerves.
When Sakura arrived home with Tomoyo, it was pretty late. However they managed to have dinner with Syaoran and some of his sisters. The handsome Chinese young man talked to them during dinner time and then left excusing himself due to some things he had to do in his study room. Tomoyo was so tired that she went to her room to have some rest. When Sakura was alone, one of the maids gave her the message. The bright-green eyed beauty walked to the nearest phone receiver and dialed the Hiiragizawa Mansion phone number.
In London, Nakuru heard the insistent sound of a phone and rushed to it. "Good morning Sakura, I'm so glad you called!" Cried out a voice over the phone. "Hi Nakuru, what's wrong?" Worry could be heard in the other girl's voice. Nakuru explained everything that was happening with their master and it got the jade-eyed girl deeply concerned about her friend's well being thus decided that she had to do something to help him. "Tomoyo-chan is with me right now, she came to spend this holidays with us," explained Sakura over the phone. "What can we do?… I'm certain master Eriol won't go out of this gloomy mansion even if his life depends on it, he is so bottled up in himself," was the guardian's reply looking at Spinel's eyes who was seated across her. "Maybe if I talk to him, I can change his mind," said the Li Clan Leader's wife with hope in her voice. "That's a good idea… Please wait a sec." Nakuru began to run all the way to her master's bedroom. "Master, there's a call for you," she informed holding the black phone in her right hand and covering the mouth piece with the other. "I don't want to talk to anybody, I thought I had made myself clear," a deep male voice replied. "But it's Sakura!" She said with pleading pink-reddish eyes and he gave in. "Very well, give it to me," and she handed him the phone.
… And you don't seem the lying kind…
Three days later, a doorbell was heard inside the Chinese stately home and a maid went to answer it. In the doorway stood two tall figures and a tiny creature. She gestured them to come inside and make themselves comfortable until she brought her mistress. Sakura was in her room getting herself ready when somebody knocked on the door. She already knew that her visitors had arrived since she could feel the magician's strong aura. With a smile she dismissed the maid and went to where they were waiting for her. Reed Clow's heiress greeted them warmly, showed them their bedrooms and commanded them to take an afternoon nap just because she knew they must be very tired.
Tomoyo was out on her last Christmas shopping and returned to the Li's place around eight. She placed her bags and things in the room she was occupying and a maid informed her that dinner was ready. The long-haired young woman dressed up in a tight-fitting blood-red winter dress headed herself to the huge dinning room and froze when she saw an oh so familiar figure standing at the foot of the stairway. However, her mask remained untouched and nobody could see what she was feeling right then. The lady maintained her cool and descended the long carpeted stairs with grace.
"Good night Sir. I didn't know you were here," she greeted in a cold but polite tone. He was taken aback for he wasn't aware that she would be there and the way she addressed him and talked to him felt like a hard slap across his face. "Good night Daidouji-san, I wasn't informed of your presence here myself." A smirk sketched on his lips. The stunning woman in front of him managed to smile, a freezing smile, and walked away.
When Tomoyo entered the dinning room, a deadly silence filled the air. The people in there knew that she had met Eriol just moments before, but they couldn't figure out what had happened between them since Tomoyo's expression was unreadable. "Good night everyone," she said in a rather merry tone making them become more puzzled than before. The lady in the red dress walked towards the guardians and hugged them with a smile. They always had treated her in a very special way and they had nothing to do with what happened between their master and her. Nakuru and Spinel where surprised by the girl's actions but hugged her back tenderly for they always had loved the girl dearly and when she returned to Japan they felt incredibly sad. When they were taking their seats at the table, a dark-blue haired man entered the room and had a seat across Tomoyo.
Dinner was quiet, none of them spoke and a thick tension was in the environment. Tomoyo finished her fancy meal and after excusing herself she exited the room. Sakura was worried about both of her friends but mostly about her sweet Tomoyo-chan. She hadn't noticed a single reaction in her, it was as if the English man wasn't even there. Maybe the businesswoman was trying to avoid the reality and bottled everything up inside of her in the process. Sakura herself wasn't able to read through Tomoyo's masks and that made things worse for her because she couldn't understand so she wasn't able to help. They didn't notice that Eriol had left the elegant room as well, following the ice princess closely behind.
"Wait Daidouji-san, we need to talk." A calm voice was heard in the hall making her stop dead in her tracks. She turned around to face him, amethyst eyes without emotions, not even hatred. "I have nothing to talk about." Clear soprano voice coming from her tempting red lips.
… A shame that I can read your mind…
"Are you sure Daidouji-san?" He tried to get a positive answer from her, he wanted to believe she had something to tell him and it didn't matter if those words were "I hate you". "How couldn't I be sure of myself?" Sweet sarcasm in her siren's like voice and his eyes darkened. "Alright, I'm the one who needs to talk." Defeat registered in his husky voice. "And why would I even want to listen to you Hiiragizawa-san?" Slender, pale white arms crossed in front of her chest in a clear sign of annoyance. She got a point, Eriol thought. Why does she have to listen to me after what I've done to her? He could only pry for her kindness. "I know you have your reasons to not want to listen to me or see me again… But please Daidouji-san, I need to explain," he begged trying to touch her but she moved away elegantly. "Very well then, I will listen… Do you want to talk right here?" She said seriously looking at their surroundings, a hall. "I would like to go to the garden, if that pleases you." He said choosing carefully each one of his words. She simply nodded and began to walk to where he had selected.
Nakuru and Sakura saw them going outside the mansion and exchanged confused looks, but hope was a constant in their eyes. They decided to leave them alone and the Sakura Card's mistress began to help her maids gathering the plates and everything although they told her that it wasn't necessary. The Japanese woman was so warm-hearted that she helped with everything she could, even with the house chores. Syaoran knew that and didn't protest. Well, at first he did with the argument of how the Li Clan Leader's wife could be found in the kitchen doing the washing up or cooking, or cleaning around the house. But she had said that it didn't matter wether she's a queen or an empress, it doesn't mean that she's no longer a mere mortal; so she helped her maids because she wanted to. Besides they were there because the house was far too big for only herself to take care of. He admitted honorable defeat, amazed at his wife's reasoning. And he, the Li Clan Leader himself could be found some days cooking for his wife with a tender smile in his face.
Tomoyo opened the front door and steeped outside. The front garden was wonderful, even in the middle of winter season. Snowflakes were falling graciously in slow motion, covering everything with their whiteness. It was cold so she embraced herself, waiting for her thick red cloak to provide her slightly shivering body with some warmth. The pale girl, as white as snow, walked towards a pair of chairs with a table between them and had seat, waiting for her "partner" to do so. He understood and did likewise.
The black-purplish haired woman's eyes hadn't changed, no emotions were showed there… Or perhaps there was something in them, impatience. He observed her for a long time realizing that she was more beautiful than before. Even with the blankness that those amethyst eyes held, she looked ethereal, dark hair tied in a loose French twist with some locks framing her deadly pale face with tempting dark red lips. "First, I want to ask you to forgive me for everything I've done to you that had hurt you." There was hesitation in his rich voice. "Give me reasons…" She replied coldly, crossing her wonderfully toned legs ss though she was in her office talking to one of her employees. "I was confused and afraid back then… I didn't want you near me because I had realized something I thought could never happen to me again… And it had something to be with you." He explained with embarrassment in his voice, hoping that she wouldn't laugh at him. A dark perfect shaped eyebrow was elegantly raised in the girl's face; questioning. "And what's it?" She asked actually guessing the answer, reading between his lines. What she found out wasn't something of her liking.
… Candlelight the smile that we both share…
Eriol kept silent for a while, absent-mindedly thinking about what he was going to say. He knew for sure that a love confession wasn't the best thing to do at that time, but it was the only answer he had for her. He took deep breaths of cold air before breaking the silence that had fell upon them like a thick curtain. "I was in love with you," he simply said, not daring to look at her eyes afraid of what he could discover in them. That was what she expected, and a melancholic smile reached her almost frozen lips. She would had given everything she had to hear those words years ago, to hear them and believe them. That would had made her heart beat with happiness. However things were different know. "And that's why you avoided me and hurt me?" Bitterness in her soft voice.
He lifted his head and gazed into her dark-amethyst eyes, guilt creeping in his newly founded soul. "Yes. It might sound bizarre but I was so afraid of the tiniest idea of a rejection or a break-up, I was so traumatized with my last experience with Kaho-san… I was so confused, I couldn't even think things straight… And I've hurt you". He saw her eyes change a little bit, an understanding glow appearing in them. "You should had told me, I had the right to know," she said still distant, but more "human". "If you truly loved me Hiiragizawa-kun…" Melodious soft voice sounding like a lovely mother's. He suddenly felt and incredibly warm hand against his. He smiled.
… And you know I don't mean to hurt you…
Tomoyo drew away her hand, realizing what she had done, but still looking at him. Not a trace of embarrassment or regret in her pretty eyes. "When you left, I felt that I had lost my very soul… Just like when Kaho-san broke my heart… It was so painful." He made a stop, watching how she leaned against the back of the chair, wonderful legs still crossed and hands resting neatly on her lap. "I've been driving insane both of my guardians these two years, always locked up in the library or my room, not wanting to see neither talk to anyone." He stopped again and she kept silent, like silently giving him permission to finish whatever he was going to say.
… But you know that it means so much…
"I'm truly sorry Daidouji-san… Could you ever forgive me?" He pleaded, guilt reflected in his sapphire eyes. He looked like a street-dog, so vulnerable, so lovely.
… And you don't even feel a thing…
Daidouji kept silent, seated majestically with the serene expression of a queen, as if she was debating with herself the decision of spare him his life, he who had destroyed her heart, or condemm him to death. She gathered strength to talk to him. "I'm not God to judge you, I don't even want to try… I just want you to know that I've forgotten everything about it… You can now go in peace… You are forgiven." She said, her mask still untouched but letting out a sad sigh.
… I am falling, I am fading, I am drowning… help me to breathe…
Her words hit him like a hard earthenware. Eriol was confused, he didn't know how to take her words, what was the hidden meaning in them… He didn't even had a single clue. The handsome English man looked at her, straight in the eyes, seeking for a hidden purpose in what she had just said, but found nothing.
… I am hurting, I have lost it all, I am loosing… help me to breathe…
"I don't understand you Daidouji-san." He finally said, defeated. The young woman in front of him had mastered the art of masks during the time they were separated, and he noticed it. "I meant exactly what I said, Hiiragizawa-san," was her calm answer. Eriol wanted to yell at her, to kiss her, to hate her and love her all at the same time, but he just couldn't. So he stood there, facing her, running a black-leather gloved hand through his silky dark-blue hair. "I can't leave without you!" He finally said, exasperated. She blinked so quickly that he wasn't sure if that really happened or was something of his crazy imagination. Tomoyo had a puzzled expression in her china-doll like face, she was suddenly awakened from the vague dream state she was submerged into. It was like if someone had slapped her, but her cheeks didn't ache, so it wasn't a physical slap. It was something more complex than a mere physical touch. "Please Tomoyo, come back to me!" He said at the very edge of tears, looking at her. He was very surprised at what he saw. A single crystalline tear was rolling down from her right eye. Tomoyo didn't bother herself about cleaning it, she just looked at his misty deep azure eyes with her own amethyst ones, searching for truth in them. Something in those sorrowful eyes reassured her that he was, indeed, sincere. "I can't go back to you…" She said standing up, still looking at him. A painful smile playing on her lips. Eriol felt the whole world crashing down upon him. He couldn't breathe anymore, she had killed him. "I can't go back to you Eriol… You are the one who has to come back… To me." Tomoyo said, her previous smile turned now into a content one, and she left, entering the house and leaving the sorcerer alone in the freezing winter breeze.
She had killed him… And brought him back to life, only with her words, in just seconds.
A/N: Sugoi! Did you guys like it?… I like how it turned out . The song here is Duvet, opening theme of Serial Experiments Lain. I love that song!. One day I was listening to it, this idea popped up in my mind so I decided to write it . Hope you had found out, the first part of the song tells Tomoyo-chan's thoughts and feelings while the second part (when Eriol-kun arrives at the Li's place) is sort of Eriol-kun's feelings. Got it?. Please drop me a review!
A/N2: This story has been edited and finished on August 12th 2005 at 03:31am.