Waiting - The Rouge Glowworm

Disclaimer: You think I own something? Heh. Methinks not. J.K. Rowling owns everything except the song, which is called "Waiting" and belongs to Jamie O'Neil. There's also a few lines in here which I took and re-worded from LanaMariah's "Least Likely Of All" (I got permission!) and Maggie Shayne which I don't own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so tired. I'm so very tired of pretending. But I'm getting very, very good at it. People look at me with concern and worry in their eyes. As if I'm so frail I can't stand a blow such as this.

I can't.

They say "I'm sorry." Sorry. That has got to be the most meaningless word in the English language. It doesn't change anything. At the end of the day, you're still gone.

What I'm feeling, time is gonna heal it.

I've been hearing that for so long now.

It shouldn't hurt this bad after so long, should it? Months, it's been, but I know full well it will hurt this bad after years. Maybe forever.

I still cry every night before bed. A ritual. I should move on. But I don't want to. You would be disappointed. You always said I was the strongest person you knew. I could use some of that strength right now.

They say I'll move on, got to try and be strong.

Life will go on, I'll get through this somehow.

You know, I dream sometimes you just waltz into the common rooms and wrap me in your arms, like nothing's changed. I wish you could. Sometimes I stay up all night hoping that if I think you will, then you will.

Oh, but how, when I'm still waiting

For you to come back, if you could only come back

I remember now, what I was thinking at your funeral. I was thinking how unfair it was, what we'll never get to do. We'll never see the sun set and rise in one outing. Never go dancing. Never watch me grow with our child, or walk down a street holding hands.

Someone should tell the fates that the young can't die. The handsome, the

loved, the needed, the young, shouldn't die.

It was a Sunday we buried you in the rain

I never knew pain 'til that first night alone.

I was also thinking about what I'd do if I could spend one more day, hour, even one more minute, with you. I'd lock the door, close the window, and forget the world. I'd study your face. Make it so I could trace each line, each crevice, from memory and remember you in my mind's eye forever. Now all I have to remember you with is these pictures. Poor substitute.

Opened your closed, breathed you in and lost it

The truth of it, baby, finally hit home.

No, you're not coming home

All I have left now are these pictures and my dreams. But I don't like to wake up. To wake up from a dream is to loose you all over again. So I hug sleep tighter and hold you close in my dreams.

I wish I could somehow talk to you. If I could, I would ask if you remembered the night of the Yule Ball. You didn't forget it, I know you didn't. I never will. It wasn't our first time, but it was special. It was an emotion, not an action. We didn't have sex, we made love.

I'm aching for you to walk through that door

Hold me once more.

But you won't

Still I go on

waiting.

Don't ever forget, Cedric, for we all will remember.

I miss you, Ced.

Love always, Cho



A/N: I love reviews… I love reviews… I'm feeling unloved… LOVE ME!