Fluttershy had always been the quiet one. She was sure of that. As far back as she could remember, way back to when she was a little filly, she was always the pony in the background. She didn't mind it though. Infact the background was really where she was most comfortable. When she was being quiet she could spend more time thinking in her head. She liked thinking in her head. In Fluttershy's head all sorts of wonderful things happened. Special moments lived on forever there. Special moments that she wanted to relive again and again. There were some other moments though, that popped up unwanted occasionally. Horrible scary thoughts about things that had happened a long time ago. But she didn't like to think about those. Those memories should be locked up forever at the back of her mind. And most of the time, that is where they stayed, hidden behind her happiness and kind nature. But sometimes at night while she was dreaming the bad memories would seep into her mind and manifest in the most horrible of nightmares. They never lasted long though. And the whole memory never managed to appear completely in one single dream. That was what troubled Fluttershy the most. The bad memories split themselves into lots of tiny details and in each dream she had a tiny little detail of the bad memories could be found there, if you knew enough to notice it.
But yes, the background, that was where Fluttershy liked to be. She was shy and reserved and even a little bit self-conscious. Her other friends were much more confident, she thought. But they had reason to be! Just look at Rarity! She's beautiful, stunning and makes the most wonderful gowns. It would be impossible for her not to love herself! And Applejack and Pinkie Pie are the best friends anypony could ever ask for; they're fun and exciting. They work hard to make other ponies happy. And Twilight Sparkle? Well, her cutie mark is magic for goodness sake! She really is a special unicorn. She knows everything! Thinking about her friends made Fluttershy smile. She loved her friends very much, they were the most important ponies in her whole life. But one of them was the most important of all: Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy had been friends with Rainbow Dash for almost all her life. Rainbow Dash had looked out for her ever since she was little. And for that, Fluttershy felt like she owed her a great deal. She admired her pegasis friend more than anypony else in all of Equestria. But still, however much she tried she knew Rainbow Dash would never really want to be her best friend. Rainbow Dash would always have Gilda. Fluttershy frowned just thinking about that bully. Gilda the horrible mean meanie gryphon. Even after the party Pinkie threw that exposed Gilda for the scary person she really was Fluttershy knew that Rainbow Dash still missed her 'awesome' friend. Fluttershy wasn't awesome. She wasn't even a teeny bit awesome. A tiny sigh slipped from her mouth. Fluttershy was just… well… Fluttershy. There wasn't anything special about her at all. She couldn't even fly very well! No wonder her friends didn't like her. Or at least, only pretended to like her. Fluttershy knew this was the truth. They all just felt sorry for her and only invited her to things with them because they wanted to look extra special and kind for helping out poor little Fluttershy.
I guess I should be grateful, she thought to herself. For what they're doing for me. But deep down Fluttershy wasn't grateful at all. She felt sad and broken. This was the way she always felt. The way that she always had felt. Even after the bad things stopped happening she still felt the same. Because really she could never get away from them. She never had got away from them. Her memories would always be in her head and they would always find a way of making her sad. And when she was sad she would want to be alone. And wanting to be alone drove her so-called friends away. See! They didn't care about her problems at all! Sure they'd hang around with her to make themselves look good. But as soon as she told them about the bad things, they'd never want to see or speak to her ever again. And Fluttershy knew she couldn't risk losing the only ponies that ever spoke to her, just for the sake of her getting a few things off her chest. Anyway, Fluttershy could always talk to Angel about those things. Sometimes.
See, Angel was a bit difficult. He liked to get what he wanted and had his own special way of making Fluttershy attend to his every desire. Some days he reminded Fluttershy a little bit of the bad things that used to happen. The bad things that used to stop her from talking. Sometimes Angel stopped Fluttershy from talking; he could get very very angry when he wanted to and Fluttershy never liked making him angry. But really Angel was very sweet. And he really only got angry at Fluttershy when she deserved it. Fluttershy knew she deserved a lot worse than an angry bunny who wanted more attention or feeding. The animals were her real friends. She knew that for definite. She had a special way of talking to them and making them happy. Fluttershy liked making animals happy. But there was that one time… At the gala… Fluttershy had got angry then. Angry like Angel and the bad memories. But Fluttershy didn't talk about that to anyone, not even the animals. She knew she couldn't lose her pony friends, but if she lost her animal friends? Fluttershy didn't even know what she would do if that happened. Probably something terrible.
But, she thought to herself, I mustn't think about those things. I must think about all the lovely things I have in my life. But Fluttershy knew she couldn't block out bad thoughts forever. They would come for her tonight, while she slept. They always did and they always would. She could put them off if she'd had a couple of really good days, but recently she hadn't had any of those. Stuff wasn't too great at the moment. She'd been extra shy and quiet. And that had really wound Rainbow Dash up. And that had just made her feel even worse. She couldn't even make the pony she cared most about in all of Ponyville happy. When looking on it like that Fluttershy felt absolutely useless. That was it, she was pointless. There was no two ways about it. She wasn't liked by anyone, she couldn't do anything, she had no purpose whatsoever.
Fluttershy shut her eyes and tried to work out why she was like this. Why am I so awkward? The tiny voice in her head whispered. I don't know. She thought back, choking away silent tears. Her eyes dampened up and she attempted to blink back the sadness. She couldn't believe she was really doing this, lying to herself, it made no sense. She did know why she was shy and quiet. It was all part of the bad memories. But surely thinking about those would make it all worse? She would cry and bawl and feel even sadder. Then again, Fluttershy thought, she'd never tried thinking really hard about it before. She'd started wondering, but stopped before the recollection was totally complete. Maybe she just had to be brave? If she was brave like Rainbow Dash she might be able to make more ponies happy. And then that might make her happy? Perhaps. She had always longer to be happy. Fluttershy smiled a lot. But that didn't mean she was really happy. It just meant she looked like she was happy. It was all superficial. It kept other ponies from hating her. That was her worst fear. Not being liked. And she knew for a fact that nopony likes a sad pony. But… Fluttershy thought… Nopony really likes a quiet pony either. Maybe she'd have to be brave. Just this once.
Thinking about things often made Fluttershy feel a little better when she was in situations she didn't like. She had thought about how much she wanted to impress her friends when she shouted at that sleepy scary dragon that was ruining the skies of Equestria, that had helped. But would this help? Thinking about bad things, can that ever help a pony to move forward? It was possible, she guessed, and logical to at least try. Screwing her eyes tight she relived the past couple of years in brief snapshots of ponies and events that went flying through her head. Her mind whizzed backwards, trying to remember the bad memories, even though it didn't really want to. Suddenly a clear image formed in her head.
A big pony was shadowing over a tiny filly. The filly's soft yellow wings were shaking, causing little plush feathers to fall onto the floor.
'What did you say?' The pony bellowed, causing the filly to shiver even more. 'I can't hear you! Does little Fluttershy want to repeat herself? Hmm?'
'N..n..no. I'm sorry.' A silent tear fell to the floor. This further provoked the raging pony.
'Stop crying! You think that's going to solve any of your problems? Blubbering out tears? Whimpering to yourself? Since when has that helped any of my problems? You're the cause of all my problems, you know that? Even since you were born you have been nothing but a burden on this family. Don't you see how selfish and careless you are? Bringing filthy animals into the house! Making friends with disgusting loud ponies like that Rainbow girl! You know how I hate a girl that gets too loud!'
Biting her lip the shy pegasis looked upwards, 'Daddy… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I never mean any of it.' Her mane dragged along the floor as she moved slowly forwards. The pale pink hair scraggly and unkept. Only that morning the other pegasis fillies had picked on her for how messy she looked. But it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault she didn't have a real Mummy of her own like the other ponies. And it wasn't her fault she had to live with her horrible Step-Mummy who hated her and only paid attention to her own real daughters. In fact, it wasn't Fluttershy's fault at all! Maybe Daddy didn't realize? Maybe all she had to do was tell him? 'It's not my fault really though Daddy. Is it?'
With a heavy startling thud her father stomped his grey hoof to the floor. 'What did you say?' His nostrils flared and he stared down at his daughter like an enraged bull. Fluttershy was scared of bulls, he knew this, and he knew that his daughter was falling out of line and needed to be put back into her place. 'Are you saying this is my fault? That I have to live with a weirdo daughter that embarrasses me everywhere I go? That is your fault! Not mine! When will you grow up and act normal like the other fillies do? Yeah that Dash pegasis is too loud for my liking, but at least she's not an embarrassment to her parents. She doesn't stand around crying and hoping all her problems will go away. She deals with things. Why can't you deal with things? What's wrong with you?'
Filly Fluttershy gulped, 'I'm sorry Daddy. I don't know what's wrong with me.'
'I do.' He replied, 'you just need to be taught a lesson.' His hoof swung high in the air and then came speeding down towards the side of her head.
Fluttershy winced. She hated remembering that. She hated all her bad memories. She remembered now why she didn't like to think about them, why it was safe to keep them away. So that they couldn't hurt her anymore. She didn't need to think about bad things. She would preoccupy herself with good things. She would go see her friends later and feed Angel and she would talk to them all about lovely happy things. The bad memories would leave her alone for a while, when she'd really remembered them hard they often gave her a few days of peace and tranquility and she would have wonderful dreams that would make her smile. She knew the bad memories would come back. But not yet. For a while, she could be happy.