Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Foreword: For some reason, I'm in the mood to write some humor. I hope you like it!
Aromatic
by Romantic Silence
Ron knew there was something amiss between Harry and Hermione.
He knew he may not have been the most perceptive bloke in Hogwarts, but he wasn't dense enough to find that something strange was going on. Ever since term began, Hermione had been frantically worrying about the O.W.L.s at the end of the year. She was studying very hard ahead of time and it was affecting her immensely, making her tired and irritable. Suddenly, that shifted away into something entirely different. Hermione was entirely calm and relaxed. She hadn't even bothered him to study in quite a while!
Of course, how did this pertain to Harry as well? Simple, Harry's horrible moodiness had vanished. Almost all the time, there was a hint of a smile on his face. He looked much more rested. Strangely enough, Harry noticed that he smelled very similar to Hermione upon closer inspection. They had almost the same aroma. Of course, it wasn't just that. They were disappearing constantly and when they reappeared, they were always together. Ron couldn't help that there was something really suspicious as to what was going on.
Ron knew he had to get to the bottom of this.
He decided to ask the twins first. They were largely unhelpful.
"Harry and Hermione are off disappearing and coming back together?" Fred asked incredulously, staring at his little brother as if he had been told that Snape was going to marry Professor McGonagall.
"Fred!" George exclaimed. "You know what this means?"
"Harry and Hermione are going to get together and we'll win our bet!"
"What bet?" Ron asked. "What are you betting on this time?"
"Now, dear brother, that is a secret." George said winking. "Now run alone, little brother. We have some things to do!"
Ron knew better than to stick around. He knew that those 'things' they were going to do were nothing more than ridiculous pranks. Ron definitely didn't want to be caught up in all that. He was not going to be a test dummy to their stupid new products!
After the twins, Ron decided to ask Ginny. Of course, she was with Michael Corner in the library. In favor of continuing his quest, he decided not to make a scene over it. He didn't like the fact that the prat was dating his sister. Barmy Ravenclaws.
"Doesn't that just mean that Harry and Hermione are secretly dating?" Michael asked Ginny and Ron. "I mean, they probably didn't want anyone to know."
Ginny nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I can see that. They're probably keeping it a secret from Umbridge. She's been baiting Harry lately and they don't want her to have anymore ammo."
Ron shook his head. "They're not dating! If they were, they would have told me!"
Ginny snorted. "Doubtful."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Figure it out yourself! Now leave Michael and I alone! Unlike you, Michael and I actually wants to have an 'O' on our assignments." Ginny reprimanded.
Ron frowned and walked off. His sister was now becoming a total bookworm. She should just date Harry or something and be done with it.
As Ron walked back to the tower, he came across Lavender and Parvati. Along with two other girls, they were Hermione's dormmates. Surely they knew something about Hermione's strange behavior in the past few weeks. They practically live together, after all. Ron greeted them, with Parvati shooting him a dirty look. Ignoring that, Ron explained what was happening.
"What? No way!" Lavender shouted gleefully.
"Hermione and Harry? Wow!" Parvati commented, nearly squealing. "Lavender, we have to tell everyone!"
"Tell your sister and spread it to Ravenclaw! I'll contact Hannah and we can have this going around all over school by this evening!"
Both nodded affirmatively at one another and parted ways, rushing to their targets. Ron was left standing alone in the corridor, confused as to what exactly just happened. Since when did Lavender and Parvati operate a rumor mill? Actually, that wasn't surprising. The better question was, when did Lavender and Parvati become efficient information specialists operating a rumor mill? He shuddered to think.
Ron skulked back to the dorm. Dean was painting as usual. Neville was spread out on his bed, reading a Herbology book. Seamus was writing something. He would ask, but for some reason, the Irish Half-Blood barely acknowledged him. What had he ever done to him? Ron plopped himself down on the bed. He laid there for a few moments,thinking if the three other boys would be of any help to his investigation. Well, it doesn't hurt to try. Ron thought and sat up.
"Oi!" Ron called, catching all three's attention. "Do you guys know anything about Harry and Hermione running off? They've been acting strange lately and disappearing, then reappearing together."
A pregnant pause filled the room. Seamus coughed and then smirked. "Ron, doesn't that just mean Harry and Hermione are shagging?"
"What?"
"Seamus and I noticed it too. Harry's been a lot happier and Hermione isn't harping on anyone all the time anymore. In fact, you could say they're pretty relaxed." Dean stated, grinning.
"Like I said, they're probably shagging. About bloody time too." Seamus laughed.
Ron glared at his fellow Fifth Year. He opened his mouth to retort when Neville interrupted him. "Ron, what does it matter? Harry's happy. Hermione's happy. It's none of our business what they're up to. If they're shagging – which I don't think they are, by the way – then it's their own business."
"It is my business. They're my best mates." Ron scowled. "We don't keep secrets from one another."
"Everyone has their own secrets, Ron." Seamus said. "Can't you just leave it well enough alone?"
Stubbornly, Ron refused.
The next day, Ron walked into the common room to find Harry and Hermione sitting alone at a table, whispering something to one another. After hours of investigating the previous day and getting no answers, Ron immediately stilled and strained his ear to listen to what they were saying. He heard:
"...my dorm..." Ron heard Harry say.
"...during Hogsmeade...noon..." whispered Hermione.
Ron gulped, the boys and the twins were right! Harry and Hermione noticed him and greeted him warmly, none the wiser of Ron's eavesdropping. As Ron watched them talk to him and one another, he realized how amazing their deception was. It was if they weren't guarding some amazing secret! Well, he was definitely going to find out, one way or another. Ron settled down with them, chatting amicably as he started laying down his plans to catch them in the act.
A few days later, it was Hogsmeade weekend. He had managed to rope in the twins and the boys from the dormitory to help them in their endeavor. However, Ron hadn't figured that along with them was Ginny, Lavender, and Parvati.
"What are you three doing?" Ron hissed.
"We're curious too, Ron." Ginny replied, rolling his eyes. "The twins told me. Seamus told the girls."
Ron looked at Fred, George, and Seamus. They were grinning from ear to ear and shrugging nonchalantly. He turned back to the girls and said, "This is a sensitive operation! You guys are just trouble."
"Merlin!" Ginny cursed. "Stop being a baby. Aren't we just eavesdropping or something. Besides, it wasn't if you could do anything by yourself. The twins said you were just going to be using their Extendable Ears."
Ron flushed red. That was pretty much the plan in a nutshell. Seeing as he could not dissuade Ginny or the other two, he let them be. The twins began passing around the ears. With everyone set, they all traversed up the spiral staircase and onto the fourth floor where the Fourth Year Gryffindors slept in. They were just below where the Fifth Years were in. All of them activated the Extendable Ears and the ears began to stretch up the spiral staircase.
Luckily for them, Harry and Hermione didn't put up a silencing charm. Ron had completely forgotten that it was even possible.
"Oh, Harry, right there." Hermione moaned.
Immediately, all of the eavesdroppers blushed – with the exception of the twins who simply just snickered.
"You're so good with your hands, Harry. I wish we could do this everyday." Hermione sensually said. Ron couldn't help but feel a rush of blood in a place below his waist.
"Sorry, Hermione. You know we can't. If we do it too often, someone is bound to catch us." Harry mentioned lightheartedly.
"Have you heard about all the rumors that's been going on around us lately? It's a little bit infuriating that they're talking about us behind our backs."
"Don't you find it funny though?"
Hermione chuckled. "I suppose so. Still, I feel bad. Shouldn't we have told Ron?"
"I love him like a brother, but if I told him how good I am at..." Harry grunted, making Hermione happily sigh. "...this. He would want in on it as well."
Fred, George, Ginny, Seamus, Dean, Neville, Parvati, and Lavender stopped and stared at Ron with wide eyes. Ron blushed and immediately shook his head.
"I wouldn't!" His face grew redder. "I'm not like that! I'm no poofter!"
"It makes sense." Fred said. "If you think about it, Ron is awfully close to Harry."
George nodded. "Ever since they first met, they were almost always together, but I didn't think Ronniekins actually had feelings for him!"
"Yeah." Ginny continued. "Their Fourth Year now makes sense too. Ron was heartbroken that Harry rushed off to almost get killed in the tournament, not because he was jealous!"
"And you know all that jealousy with Harry and Hermione being so close?" Lavender added. "Ron isn't really jealous of Harry! He's actually jealous of Hermione!"
"Oh my goodness! That means that unresolved sexual tension between them isn't that! They're fights between a love rival to another!" Parvati exclaimed.
"One time, I caught Ron checking out Harry when he stepped out of the shower." Dean mentioned horrifically.
Neville shuddered. "Then that means Ron wasn't upset with Hermione during the Yule Ball because she went with Viktor. He was upset with Hermione because he caught Harry checking her out! I saw the way Harry looked at Hermione that entire night! He was practically ignoring Ron!"
Ron could not believe what he was hearing. Everyone thought he was homosexual!
"Don't stop, Harry. Right there! Right there!" Hermione cried out pleasurably.
"That's it!" Ron yelled. "I have had enough of it."
Immediately, Ron shot up the stairs. The rest followed after him, shouting for him to stop and not interfere with whatever was happening. Ron would have none of it as he climbed up the steps and into the dormitory. As soon as he walked in, his senses were immediately assaulted by a tantalizing smell that made him feel absolutely weak on his legs. Ron stopped and then stared at the sight on Harry's bed.
Surrounded by colorful candles, Hermione was lying down on her stomach on Harry's bed. She was wearing nothing but a towel that only covered her bum. Her back was fully exposed. Harry was at the side of her, his hands on her back, fully clothed. His hands were roaming and squeezing her back, but had stopped when Ron busted in. Harry and Hermione stared at Ron. On the floor, there were petals strewn about close to Harry's bed.
"Ron." Hermione said calmly. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here with Harry!" Ron asked petulantly.
Harry and Hermione sighed. Their eyes gazing at one another, silently conversing with each other in a single moment.
"It's called an aromatic massage." Hermione explained. "Basically, Harry massages me while we have very nice and pleasant smells in the room. It helps me relax and alleviates all the stress that's been building up. The smell helps Harry relax too and he finds massaging me to be meditative."
"Oh." Ron quietly muttered. The others that were on the stairs realized their mistake, but they were definitely not going to have the full brunt of Hermione's anger. Slowly, they began leaving. They did not want to be caught up in the mess that Ron created.
"Yes, mate. Oh." Harry sighed. "My aunt made me do this to her when I was younger. It made me quite good, actually. I'm glad to see my talents are for good use. So, let me guess, you want me to do you too now?"
"No." Ron said, his face turning red. "That's fine! It's really fine!"
"I would be angry with you since it's obvious you eavesdropped on us, but I can't bring myself to care at the moment." Hermione admitted casually. "I'll deal with you later."
"Okay, then." Ron noticed the awkward formulating in the dorm. "I'm just...I'm just going to go then."
"Alright then, bye Ron. Don't mention this to anyone, okay?" Hermione warned him.
Ron gulped and nodded, quickly retreating back downstairs. As he did so, Harry and Hermione continued on with their session. Ron certainly hoped that Harry was good enough to have Hermione forgive him without her having to resort to bodily harm. He found the others attempting to look casual in the common room, no doubt wondering if Ron survived the confrontation with the bushy-haired witch. To their relief, Ron was alive. That meant they were spared. For now.
"Huh. Do you think Harry takes requests?"
Ron pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head low.
"Shut up, Seamus."
Afterword: This story came to me when I was massaging my friend's back the other day. With the way she expressed how much she enjoyed it, it could really be taken out of context! For some reason, Seamus stood out in this story for me. I personally like my own depiction of that lovable Irish lad. He is quite the snarker.