Better Not Knowing by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. Sam gets misteriously pregnant.
Spoilers: All seasons, including 9.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.
Better Not Knowing
After stumbling upon the extensive naquadah mines of Losada, SG-1 had made its best effort to arrive at an agreement with the planet's inhabitants. It was a rather strange planet, at least from a sociological point of view. The residents in possession of the stargate were an all female population, if the few boys under ten years of age were not considered a "real part" of the group. "We only raise them until they are ten; then they travel back to their fathers," one of the community leaders had explained.
Daniel had taken an exceptional interest in their society. He had not found any exact references in Earth history to any civilization like theirs. He had compared them to the Amazons, a mythical race of warrior women –from the Greekamazoi, "breast less"– who supposedly removed their right breast when young, in order to easily draw their bows, but the similarities had ended in the "all female" aspect of the population. The Amazons were called "the ones who go to war like men" in the Iliad and Herodotus identified them asandroktonos or "murderers of the males." The Losadian women did not engage in war –they seemed utterly pacifistic– and they certainly did not kill their men either; they just kept them as far away as possible.
If he remembered his zoology well, hundreds of animal species on Earth did not have a specific use for the male and many females were able to reproduce without being fertilized, but none of them were mammals. Trying to find out an explanation he had learned that all of the male population in Losada lived at least a hundred kilometers north of the women. As soon as a boy reached the age of ten, he was taken to live with the rest of the men. Twice a year, a selected group of women, fertile and ready, traveled to the male villages to "ensure the survival of their tribe". If lucky, they would return pregnant to their city and continue their lives as before.
What most attracted Sam to the planet were their astounding scientific advancements in the use and management of naquadah. She had a hard time understanding how the Losadians had achieved such progress in that area when the rest of their civilization seemed to be far less developed that earth. Finally, she had come to suspect a benevolent superior race lending a hand in the process. Daniel had agreed with her and had subsequently requested permission to analyze their historical records and the ruins surrounding the gate.
During the negotiations, a fairly strong seismic movement –Daniel refused to call it "earthquake" since they were not in Earth– had caused severe damage to the platform where the gate stood and had rendered it useless for travel until all the debris had been cleared. The SGC had immediately sent the Prometheus to the rescue. Among the passengers on the ship were General Jack O'Neill and Colonel Paul Davis who brought the final drafts of the future agreement and who carried the authority to finalize it.
The Losadian women were not happy with the contingent of men arriving on their planet. After arduous negotiations, Daniel obtained permission for a small group to remain remain on the planet's surface. Cameron Mitchell, Teal'c, and Daniel were already there with Sam, and soon they were joined by O'Neill, Davis, the captain of the Prometheus, colonel Lionel Pendergast, and Jonas Quinn, who had agreed in the name of his people to exchange naquadah for information with the Tau'ri.
The Losadian had difficulty understanding how a planet as advanced as the one from which their visitors seemed to come could send only males to negotiate. Nonetheless, they signed the treaty and they allowed Sam to remain on the planet to learn how to compensate for the instability of naquadah in a non-perilous way. In exchange, Dr. Alisen Brightman, on board the Prometheus, was called to share her medical expertise with the local women, who appeared to be very lacking in that area. Daniel, Teal'c, Cameron, and Jonas were also allowed to remain on the planet and continue their research of the ruins and the history of their people, as long as they did not approach the nearby population.
A week before the Prometheus began its trip back to Earth, a group of women departed for the male villages. Sam and Alisen were invited to join them repeatedly, but, understandably, they refused. The women seemed to appreciate Alisen's reasons, after she had explained she had a fiancé waiting for her at home. Sam's case was different. She not only had admitted she was not married or even engaged, she did not have any prospects and she was reaching the age when procreation would become harder and harder. The women redoubled their efforts to convince her and finally left her behind with a heavy heart.
A few days later the ship was gone and the small group of explorers was left to its own devices until the repairs on the gate were concluded. Every night, Alisen and Sam would come back to the encampment the men kept close to the ruins. They shared a small tent between the other two occupied by the men. Though the two scientists felt guilty about the comfort they enjoyed daily in town while their teammates worked under the unforgiving sun, they were happy with the results of their work.
Almost a month had passed since the treaty had been signed. There were only two more months left to complete their mission on the planet and everything was going according to plan.
Daniel had discovered that another race had been keeping the planet beyond the radar of the Goau'ld for centuries. The same people had given the Losadians "the gift of the inner sun", or as he interpreted it, the knowledge to use the power of the naquadah, especially during the harsh months of winter. He was almost certain that the race mentioned in the historical documents and in the inscriptions on the walls of the ruins was the Furlings, but the infrequent references he had found before about the race that had been allied to the Ancients, the Nox, and the Asgard, were not enough proof to sustain his theories. Nevertheless, he was very excited about the discovery and he was also pleased with the assistance that Jonas was giving him. Working as a team has clearly sped up their progress.
Cam and Teal'c had finally convinced the women working at the gate to allow them to help. Since they had joined the "restoration crew", the task had seemed to advance more rapidly.
Alisen was very satisfied with the progress of her team of "healing mothers". The group of women she had been assigned to tutor and train in many basic aspects of modern medicine was doing extremely well.
Sam was elated with her new knowledge of the physics of naquadah. She stayed up at night thinking of the many positive uses the mineral would have when handled in this new way. Her only concern was her own health. She had started fearing that she had been contaminated with radiation from the naquadah, even though the safety procedures were rigorous and her Geiger counter had not detected any radiation at all. However, she was not doing well. She tried to hide her symptoms, but Alisen, with her good clinical eye, saw what was really going on. Sam finally admitted feeling sick most of the day, vomiting often, and having odd pains in her body. She also revealed that she had problems with her boots because she repeatedly woke up with swollen ankles. Alisen listened to her with a surprised look on her face and then she requested to examine her.
On the same primitive laboratory where she conducted her lessons, she examined Sam and analyzed her blood. That evening, when the two of them were back at their tent, she sat in front of Sam and softly told her, "Sam, you're pregnant."
Sam refused to believe it; she argued over and over again the physical impossibility of a pregnancy, but Alisen showed her the irrefutable results of her tests. Sam was devastated. Together they were not able to come up with any scenario that justified the pregnancy. In the end, they discussed the possible paternity of the baby.
"Only a few men were here at the time of conception, according to my calculations," Alisen said.
"Jack, Cameron, Teal'c, Daniel, Paul, Lionel, and Jonas," Sam counted.
"There are no records in any of the documents that Daniel has shared with us that any of the male Losadians ventures near the gate. If he had thought there was a risk, he would have alerted us. We can also discard the possibility of any experiment or in-vitro fertilization conducted by the women; they do not have the technology or even the knowledge. Most of their medicine is based on potions and natural remedies. That leaves us with only our men."
"But I would remember anything like that happening!" Sam said indignantly.
"I understand, Sam, but this is not a typical situation. Who knows what happened. I cannot test the DNA of the baby until we go back to the Prometheus, so we'll have to try other methods to find out."
Very late in the night, they finally decided that they would confront the men in the camp with the news and gauge their reactions. There was a chance that the father had left on the ship, but they had not much else to do. Sam did not sleep at all. She cried for many hours, as silently as possible, trying not to disturb Alisen.
She was torn between two major feelings. She was scared and she was unfathomably happy. She was scared of the possibility of being a mother; she was not sure if she was prepared, ready, capable even to be a mother. What would happen to her career? Did that really matter? She was far more scared of finding out who the father of the baby was. One of her teammates? One of her friends? Who could have done anything like that to her? She did not believe any of them was capable of rape. She had known them all for many years, even Jonas. She trusted them with her life. She did not want to think about it.
She was also happy; that surprised her more than anything. She was having a baby. She had thought about it, especially in the last years, but she had always found something more important to do. Now, nothing else mattered; there was nothing more important. All the symptoms that had been bothering her for weeks were now joyful signs of the life growing inside of her. It didn't matter who the father was; she didn't care. This was her baby and she was going to put her child above everything else.
The following morning, Alisen and Sam had put their nicest smile on their faces and, during breakfast, they had delivered the big news.
"Attention, people," Alisen had said while hitting her mug with her spoon. "Sam has good news she wants to share with her friends."
Four expectant faces looked straight at Sam.
"I'm pregnant," she said and smiled, hiding her desire to cry. "I'll complete this mission and when we go back to Earth, we'll decide what the options are for the future." She forced a smile again
It was clear that all of them were shocked by the news, but it was also evident that was all the information Sam was willing to share. Though they did not know how far along in her pregnancy she was or who the father of the baby was. They felt that the way Sam had delivered the news had left no room for questions. She was telling them because it was affecting her and it would affect the mission. She seemed not ready to talk about the paternity of the baby or anything else related to it yet. Jonas effusively congratulated her. Teal'c inclined his head slightly and agreed with Jonas, keeping his face inscrutable. Cam congratulated her happily, but couldn't hide his surprise. Daniel repeated the congratulations without conviction and looked deeply sad. After the light talk that followed the news and a couple of nice jokes about Sam in maternity mode, the group disbanded. Daniel got up and walked toward Sam.
"Sam?" he inquired softly.
"Daniel! Aren't you happy? This is great!" she said fast, trying to hold her tears.
"Sam?" he repeated.
Sam could not keep the sight of his inquiring blue eyes and hugged him at the same time as she started crying. Daniel guided her to a more secluded area, where they could talk more privately, and sat on a piece of material from the ruins, taking her with him.
"I didn't know you were seeing someone, Sam, or that you were thinking about having a baby. What's going on?" Daniel asked carefully.
Sam did not stop crying and told him everything she knew between sobs.
Daniel was dumbfounded. "I'm glad you're happy about the baby. I agree that the identity of the father is secondary now, but we still have to found out how this happened. I'm going to give some instructions to Jonas, so that he can go on without me today, and I'll go with you and Alisen to the town. We first have to found out if they know anything," he said.
A while later, the three walked together in silence toward the small town. After they arrived, they asked to talk to their leader, an old woman called Catila. She was surprised that Daniel had trespassed the walls of the city, but listened to them carefully. She then denied any involvement in what had happened to Sam and hoped for a continuation of the agreement between Losada and the Tau'ri. Sam and Daniel were not convinced but had no proof to the contrary. They decided to keep the circumstances of Sam's pregnancy a secret for a while longer, especially since they had no means to contact the SGC.
That night, Sam met Daniel in the ruins. She needed to talk about what she was feeling and her best friend was there for her.
"Even if I forget completely about the fact that I don't know this happened, there are still other things that scare me more, Daniel," Sam said after a while.
"You know you can count on me for anything, Sam. Tell me, what scares you the most?"
"Finding out who the father of the baby is. There are times when I hope it's some obscure Losadian and I would never find out, but-"
"But what?"
"Other times I'm afraid he's one of you."
Daniel dropped his gaze. "I was going to say that I would know if I had done anything like that to you, but after the things we've seen and done, I'm not sure anymore. I only hope it was not me."
"I only hope it was not Jack," Sam blurted out without thinking.
"Why not Jack?" Daniel wanted to know.
"I don't know," she sighed. "You know all these years I've been waiting for a word, a gesture, something beyond a flirt from him, but nothing has happened. I've been avoiding every other man that has gotten close to me for him. I've been this near" she tried to show a small distance with her hand, "to falling in love with him, and everything for nothing." Daniel lowered his head; he knew of his other best friend's insecurities. "Now, I don't want him to think that he has to take me because of the baby. We lost our chance. I don't think he wants another try at parenthood. Now, I only care about the baby. Even if Jack is the father, there's no way I'll have anything to do with him."
"You will not let him be a part of the baby's life?" Daniel asked.
"No, that's not what I mean. He could be in his life if he wanted to, just not in mine; not anymore."
"What about the rest of us; would you marry any of us if we asked you?"
"No, I cannot see myself married to any of them. You know Teal'c has something with Ishta, Jonas has Kianna, and Cam is pining for Carolyn Lam. I don't know about Paul or Lionel, but no, I don't see myself married to any of them."
"You said them," Daniel said. "You didn't include me."
"You and I married, Daniel? Some days I think that we are married; actually, that we've been married for so long that we are now one of those old couples that walk around the mall holding hands."
Daniel smiled softly, "I know what you mean. We are very comfortable with each other and we spend most of our free time together, right after spending most of our work time together."
"Yeah. If we had even a little bit of passion for each other we would make a perfect couple, eh?" Sam answered smiling. "Look at us, sitting here in these ruins, side by side, in the middle of the night."
Daniel nodded, smiling too. Then he got serious again. "Sam, if you need someone, if you want to get married just to avoid what you know will come when your pregnancy is known, you can count on me." She looked at him questioningly. "I'm not asking for anything, Sam. I don't have to answer to anyone. You know my love life is inexistent. We can get married and I can help you deal with this, even with the father of the baby. Then, after the baby is born and you're settled, we separate and go back to being friends. You can give my name to your baby; I'll be proud to be his father. We can move you to my house. You can have one room for you and one for the baby; you know how big and empty it is."
He was talking fast and Sam was too stunned to interrupt him. When he finally made a pause to breathe, she took her chance. "You really mean that, Daniel? You'd marry me just in name without asking for what any husband would have the right to? I know you will never find anyone like Sha're, but a life of celibacy just to help me? I cannot let you do that, Daniel."
"Sam, if you tell me you don't want this because we are not in love and you want to keep your options open, I understand. Don't tell me it's for my benefit. I care too much about you to leave you alone on this. A 'single colonel mother' it's not going to go very well in the Air Force. Don't tell me times have changed," he stopped her from interrupting him. "We both know the truth. I lived all these years without a woman in my bed; it's not going to kill me to do it for one more year or so."
Sam reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you, Daniel. I'll think about it. I promise you I'll give you an answer before we leave this planet." She started getting up and he helped her.
Before they parted ways to go to their respective tents, Daniel hugged her softly and kissed the top of her head. "You know I love you, right?"
"I love you, too, Daniel," Sam said softly. Minutes later, back in her tent, right before falling asleep, Sam thought that not everything was that bad if she had her baby and a friend like Daniel.
Only one week was left of their stay on Losada. The stargate would be completely repaired by the end of the month and they would be able to go back home. The documentation of the ruins had been completed, and even though there was much left to do, the translation could be finished at the SGC.
Sam had been unable to discover anything else about her pregnancy –it was showing slightly– but she had mastered the use of naquadah. She was ecstatic about all the applications the knowledge she had acquired would lead to when back on Earth.
Alisen was very satisfied, too. She not only had finished the training of her group of women, but she had also learned plenty herself. She had been given multiple samples of autochthonous plants and the recipes to elaborate very simple and efficient medicines with them. When going through one of the books where the basic recipes were kept, she discovered something that caught her attention. She was not sure that she had interpreted correctly the purpose of the elixir she was looking at, but she believed she was not mistaken. Later in the afternoon, while her assistant was helping her clean the small lab, she asked her.
"Lud, can you tell me exactly what is this for?"
The young woman looked in the book, thought for a while, and then answered. "Well, when our women go to the men's villages, they know exactly what man they are looking for. You choose the one that you will look for, for the rest of your life, the first time you get to one of the villages. Every time you journey back, you look for the same one, to avoid mixing the wrong bloods. Everybody knows whom you've chosen and he is respected. The problem is men are not used to being near the women; they have learned to live their lives in solitude and they resent the women for 'using' them to father their children. With this potion the woman gets the man to open up to what he feels, to the longing he has for his woman, to the desire to be one with her. They always remember how much pleasure they achieved by sharing their lives with their woman, even if for only a couple of weeks."
"So, this makes them remember?" Alisen wanted to be certain.
"Not exactly," Lud answered. "They know it all along, at the bottom of their hearts, but they refuse to acknowledge what they feel. This takes away their inhibitions, all the tricks their minds play in order to avoid the pain of the loss. It's like a recurrent rejection every time a woman turns back and leaves them alone. Their hearts become cold and they close to their feelings not to suffer. After they drink this, they are free to express what they feel, without any negative feelings."
"It only works on the men?" Alisen asked.
"It works on anyone that takes it. Some women take it the first time, when they are feeling fearful of the new relationship, but it's useless if you have not developed feelings for the other. You may lose your inhibitions, but you're not going to feel what it's not already there."
"How many people have access to this?"
"Anyone in the village."
"Does it have any secondary effects?"
"Sometimes, after the effect of the elixir is gone, the men don't remember what happened. It's like their minds try to protect them from what they could feel if they remembered. It usually happens with those who are more in touch with their feelings. Other men are just happy the women are there; they don't care what happens later. They don't need the elixir."
Alisen sat down. She had the suspicion that she had solved Sam's mystery, but she still had plenty of doubts. If Sam was in love, who was the lucky man? It had to be someone who loved Sam that way, too. She had heard enough rumors about her and General O'Neill and he had been there at the time of conception. There was a second question: who could have given Sam and her mystery man the potion, against their wills, of course?
She did not know how to break the news to Sam; she was afraid it would shock her too much. Sam had been trying to be upbeat about the whole story, concentrating in enjoying every little sign of her baby. Daniel had been great support; Alisen knew they were good friends and she was happy that Sam could count on him.
When they were walking back to the camp that night, Sam asked her to sit on fallen trunk on the side of the road.
"You've been a great friend this time we've been working together, Alisen, so I thought I could talk to you about something."
"Go ahead, tell me," Alisen said, thinking that perhaps Sam had remembered something.
"I've decided to marry Daniel," Sam blurted out.
Alisen was so surprised she couldn't talk for a few seconds. She recovered and asked without thinking, "Why?"
"Why? Well, I've been thinking of all that is going to happen when we go back home. I don't want anything to hurt my baby and I want to be in great shape to take care of him. I know I can do it on my own, but I don't have to; Daniel has offered to help, without asking anything for himself, and I think that it will be the best solution. I don't even have to test the DNA to find out who the father is; I don't care anymore, and Daniel doesn't care either. After the baby is born, we'll get a divorce and go back to our lives as before. It's a great idea!" she finished with excitement.
"Let me get this straight," Alisen said, "Daniel is going to marry you, give his name to your baby, raise him and make the world believe that he is his, just to make you happy, and he doesn't even get you to be his 'real' wife?"
Sam thought for a little while and then said, "Yeah."
"And you don't think it's unfair for him? You don't think it's too much to ask from a guy that already has been through so much?"
"I didn't ask for anything; he offered himself."
"I'm sorry, Sam. I know we haven't been friends for too long, but I think that's pretty selfish. To be fair, maybe I see it that way because I have some information that you don't have."
"What?" Sam asked with dread.
"I found information today about something women use around here. You may have been not that 'innocent' in getting pregnant."
"What do you mean?"
"I think that someone in this town slipped an elixir in your water that allowed you to express your hidden feelings to the man you love. He probably got it, too. I have no proof, but if I'm correct, your baby is the fruit of that love that you share with one of the men that was here three months ago."
Sam was petrified. So many ideas crossed her mind. What had she done? With whom? Alisen tried to calm her and related all she knew about the drug.
"You mean I was not raped at all? After someone gave me that thing, I went and told the man I love about my feelings, we made love, and that's how I got pregnant?" Alisen nodded. "That has its advantages. It's very helpful to know that it was not rape. I haven't been able to sleep much lately, every time that possibility came to my mind. I didn't think any of 'our men' could do anything like that, but the possibility was there. I feel much better now."
"But?"
"But now I have to really sit down and face my feelings to know what I did. I'm not sure. I didn't think that was what I wanted. I thought I was over him. Oh, God! This is so embarrassing! And I'll have to tell Daniel. That's even worse."
"Daniel will understand, like he's done before. If he didn't judge you before, he won't now either."
Sam knew that was true; however she was afraid of hurting Daniel and of ruining the image he had of her. She had asked him to meet her in the ruins that night, to tell him that she was going to accept his proposal. Now she had something very different to tell him.
Alisen and Sam soon continued their walk toward the camp. They walked silently, both lost in thought.
After dinner was finished Sam and Daniel walked to the ruins. For a short while, Daniel shared with her his latest discovery on the walls. He was very excited about what they had accomplished in that mission. When he finished his little tour, they sat down on the same stones they usually used as seats when they felt like talking. Sam slowly recounted what she had learned from Alisen. Daniel kept very silent until she was finished.
"I don't think they meant to hurt you, Sam. They just wanted you to be happy. This is not a very advanced society and a child is still a very important benchmark in a woman's life. In modern societies women have other goals, like success on their careers or achieving economical independence."
"I believe you, Daniel, but what I'm concerned about is what I did after I got the elixir."
"Do you think you went to see Jack?"
"I'm very afraid to admit so, but where else could I have gone?" Sam said with a sigh.
"My job here is done, Sam. Tomorrow I'll go back to town with you and we'll confront Catila. She probably has more chances to find out how this happened than we do."
The following morning Daniel and Sam requested an audience with Catila. She believed they were preparing to give their farewells before the end of their mission; she was taken aback by Daniel's account of what had happened to Sam. Catila apologized profusely, stating that it was not custom of her people to disrespect other women and interfere in their life choices. Sam put her at ease by explaining that she had come to peace with the results of the 'intervention' and that she was happy at her chance of having a baby. She just needed to know what had happened given that she couldn't remember it. Catila called one of her assistants and they had an agitated exchange of words that neither of the scientists was able to hear. After that, she soon invited the couple of friends to an early lunch and guided them to a beautiful room were the food was already being served.
Halfway during the lunch, Sam was listening to Catila's account of what their legends said about the beginning of the separation of women and men in Losada, when her eyes wandered toward Daniel sitting almost right in front of her. He was deeply enthralled by Catila's story and Sam could not avoid noticing how beautiful he looked under the sunlight that came from the window behind him. His hair was shining under a ray of light and Sam felt a sudden desire to stretch her hand and touch it. She blushed ostensibly and kept her hands firmly occupied with the silverware. Her eyes could not keep from looking at him again and this time she stared at his lips. She didn't remember ever having seen another pair of lips like those. They mesmerized her. She wondered how they would feel if kissed. That thought brought her immediately back to reality. To kiss Daniel? Where had that come from? She tried to stop looking at his lips and she looked down, but not too much because the perfection of his chin held her in place. Oh, the lines of his jaw, his cheekbones, those eyes… They seemed to reflect every spark of light in the room; their blue deepened by the second as she looked at them and she felt they invited her to a peaceful retreat. Wow! She was hallucinating. She took several deep breaths while Daniel and Catila continued on their animated chat wit hour even noticing her. She wondered what had made her notice Daniel's arms, tanned and muscular, gesticulating as he talked. He was always that expressive with his arms and hands and he wore that same black sleeveless t-shirt many times a year during the summer. Today there was an enchanting quality to those arms and Sam kept her eyes on the food to stop staring.
Her companions didn't seem to notice what she was going through. She began to think how many times she had felt upset because Daniel had seemed to not notice her. It was true that he could get lost in a translation or when facing another discovery, but it was irritating how he seemed to be oblivious to the effect he had in women, even on her. After all, she was a woman, too, not only a soldier, and she needed a little bit more of attention. Hey! What was that? Hadn't she been asking to be treated just like another one of the men? Well, she didn't really want all the men to treat her differently, just Daniel. He was her best friend, wasn't he? Don't best friends notice when you wear a special pair of jeans to go to the movies or put extra care on your make-up before a briefing? Nooo! Best friends don't care about those things. Boyfriends care, but Daniel was not her boyfriend. Wouldn't it be great if he were? If she could come home and sit by his side on the couch while having dinner… They already did that, very often. What was missing? She wanted more; she wanted him to stay with her in the house; she wanted him to hug her when she felt cold in bed and to be by her side when she woke up in the mornings… She had fallen in love with Daniel!
Wait, wait, wait. That was not possible. She was not in love with Daniel. She was having Jack's baby, wasn't she? This was too much!
Sam suddenly stood up and ran out of the door. Daniel got up and was about to follow her, when Catila's hand on his arm stopped him.
"Let her go," she said. "We gave her the elixir and she's gone to look for the one she loves," she explained.
"What if he's no longer on the planet?" Daniel asked.
"The effect will wear off in a few hours, but this time she will remember what she was feeling. We'll give her another dose to take with her. She can take it when she is near the man she loves; if she touches him and he shares her feelings, the effects of the elixir will transmit to him. Without the inhibitions that come with social obligations and repressed feelings, they will be able to tell the truth to themselves and to each other."
Daniel thanked her for her efforts in trying to help Sam and went to look for her. He had to explain to her what Catila had told him and that way she would feel better. After walking for a while in the direction of the encampment, Daniel found Sam sitting on a tree trunk, crying.
"Sam, listen to me. Don't cry, please. Everything is going to be all right," he started saying while he knelt in front of her and surrounded her with his arms. "Catila gave you the elixir again, so that you could remember what happened and you could admit to yourself what your true feelings are."
Sam leaned on him and softly put her head on his shoulders. "I understand my feelings already," she whispered but refused to say anything else and kept crying.
Daniel intensified the strength of his hug and softly started stroking her back. As he was doing that, with his eyes closed, he had sudden flashes of memory of Sam kissing him, looking at him, under his weight. He released Sam almost violently and she stopped crying immediately, full of concern for her friend. He sat on his heels and covered his face with his hands.
"Daniel?"
"I'm sorry," he said a few seconds later. "I just remembered something. No, it was not a memory." He was deeply flushed and Sam grew more concerned.
"What was it?"
"I don't know. I think… I think I got some of the elixir, too, Sam." He paused and then raised his head and looked at her with an expression that begged for forgiveness. "I just realized that I have been unsuccessful at my efforts over these last years to stop myself from falling in love with you." Sam was about to say something but he didn't let her. "All this time, especially since I came back from my first ascension, I've been battling with those feelings, because I knew how you felt about Jack, but I cannot keep lying to myself and to you. Forgive me, Sam. You're such an extraordinary woman; there's no way I could avoid falling in love with you."
"I think I've heard that before, Daniel." Sam said with a smile.
"Excuse me?"
"I got a full dose of the elixir, Daniel. I remember, I remember everything now!" Her smile broadened. "You told me that, at the beginning of this mission, right before I told you that I love you more that I have ever loved anyone else in my life."
"You mean, it was us…" Daniel suddenly realized. "The baby?"
"He is –or she is– all ours, Daniel." She hugged him softly and repeated, "All ours."