Disclaimer: I do not own The X-men or Resident Evil
AN: Ok let's just say I have completely lost what was left of my mind. This crack story came into play by getting over tired and thinking the goofy stuff that just randomly pops in my head. I hope you like it.
X-Men and Resident Evil: A night to forget
Let's set the stage Alice, Claire, Chris and K-mart are at the Xavier school with Beast, Logan and Rogue. They are in Beast's lab trying to come up with something to kill the undead. Beast mixes two chemicals together in a test tube a puff of green smoke emerges from the tube then engulfs the room everyone starts coughing and then they were propelled into a high like euphoria.
Alice begins to flip her guns around on her fingers one flies off and she just aimlessly looks around for it. She starts blinking her eyes repeatedly trying to focus.
" Wow are you guys moving in slow motion?" She bends down to look for her gun under the chair only to fall on her head and roll right out of the chair landing on her back on the floor. Everyone began to laugh at her.
Chris went over to help her up but instead fell over her with a knee on each side of her head and his crotch in her face. " I'm sorry, No I'm not, Yes I am." He looked at her face laughing " I'm not sorry Alice."
Alice focused on his crotch " Oh my gosh! Get the one eyed wonder worm out of my face you perve."
Beast began to jump around the room on all fours " I feel as bouncy as a bucking bronco in a rodeo."
Claire walked by Logan and grabbed the hat he was wearing off his head " YEE HAW! I'm gonna bust me a blue bronc." As she started running after Beast " Slow down so I can get on."
Logan walked over and pushes Chris off Alice's chest "Let me show you how to help a lady up bub." He grabbed Alice's hands and pulled her up only to fall over backwards himself and she fell on top of him. Logan looked around then looked at her " Wait a minute how'd you get on top?"
Alice stumbled up and was having trouble getting her duster jacket off. She got it off and began to swing it above her head in a circle three times "WOW! Is anyone else hotter than crap."
She let it go and it flew across the room landing on K-Mart's head " I'M BLIND!" Rogue who was laughing uncontrollably grabbed the jacket and pulled it off " You looked like a little brown ghost."
K-Mart had found a bunch of toilet paper she waded it up wet it and started throwing it at the walls to watch it splatter and stick.
During one of her throws Rogue stood up and it caught her in the face " AH! Something squishy just exploded in mah face."
Rogue began to feel her way around the room she tripped over Chris who looked to be humping a pillow. He jumped up to recite on of his favorite movie line's from Young Gun's " YOU GUY'S! Did you see the size of that chicken?" then he dove back on the pillow.
By this time Claire had grabbed a lab coat and twisted it up and tied it around Beast's neck. She jumped on his back " Eight seconds is all I need blue boy…GO!" Beast began bucking around.
Alice put her finger up to call " K-Mart, K-Mart, K-Mart come ere."
The girl crawled over to Alice "Yeah huh?"
Alice looked her in the face and blinked her eyes trying to focus "Where's the blue light special?" Alice fell backwards laughing.
Logan sat up " I have a question." He pointed well tried to point his finger "Why isn't your name Wal-mart aren't they bigger than K-mart?"
Alice grabbed the front of his shirt and they both were laughing as they fell to the ground.
Chris popped his head up " When did we get to wal-mart?"
Rogue was rocking back and forth in the corner when she started voicing the intro to Ozzy's crazy train
" Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo."
K-mart jumped in " I I I" They both jumped to the chorus " I'm going off the rails on this crazy train."
Claire was now swinging her bra above her head as she was bucked off Beast only to hit the wall and slide down it.
Alice got up while K-Mart and Rogue were singing " I love this song" She stumbled to stay on her feet as she began a belly dance.
Logans eyes got wide as he watched her hips swinging he tried to get up only to find Rogue had tied his boot laces together " What the Hell?" he fell forward and sent the table flying in the air which crashed down in the corner.
Claire had came to by now and was looking for Beast again " Here Kitty Kitty Kitty."
She tripped over Logan and grabbed Alice's shirt which ripped in half and fell off crashing to the floor with Claire " Son of a bitch Logan watch where you're laying."
Claire threw Alice's shirt at her Alice looked down " How did my shirt come off?" She started laughing.
Logans head popped up "Your shirt fell off?"
Claire kicked Logan in the face trying to crawl over him to where Beast was sitting cleaning himself like a cat.
K-mart was running around with a pair of scissors in her hand singing " I'm gonna run with scissors, I'm gonna run with scissors."
Rogue fell backwards in a chair and passed out.
Logan, Alice and Claire were playing strip checkers on the computer " Lose the pant's Logan and king me." Alice told him.
Beast looked at Claire "Sometimes I wish I was human again."
Claire put her hand on Beast's shoulder "We can make you hoo-man again." She walked over and grabbed some hair clippers 'BUZZ BUUUUZZZZ'.
Logan looked at Alice " Lose the shorts I just jumped what you had left."
K-mart was in the process of gluing toilet paper rolls to her forehead and around her eyes.
As the sun rose it caught Alice in the eyes her head was splitting. She reached up to her head "Aahh" she looked around the room it looked like a plane crashed and there were victims laying everywhere. " What the-" It was then she noticed the lamp shade around her chest
A low growl came from her right she looked over Logan stood up "Why are my claws in a vice?"
Alice looked at him and burst out laughing " Why are you wearing my thong?"
He looked down then looked at her "I don't know." He scratched his head.
"Aaahhh what fresh hell is this?" Claire's head popped up from behind a cabinet. " Where are my pant's?" She kept looking " And my bra?"
" I CAN'T GET THEM OFF HELP." K-Mart was trying to get the toilet paper rolls off her eyes while stumbling and falling over everything.
" Can someone explain to me why my fur is in a pile on the floor?" Beast had been shaved.
Claire dropped the hair clippers that were in her hand when she woke up.
"Where's Chris?" Claire looked around for her brother.
" Over here." Chris stood up and everyone's mouth dropped.
Logan thought he should be the one to ask " Why is your pecker in a glass tube and why are you covered in feathers wearing Claire's bra on your head?"
Chris looked at Logan " Why are you wearing Alice's thong?"
" Enough said." Logan undid the vice and retracted his claws.
" Hello does somebodah want to get meh down." Everybody looked up to see that Rogue had been toilet paper mummified and hung on the ceiling fan like a pinata.
Claire looked up " Hey there's my pants on the fan." She gave her brother a look " I want my bra too."
Alice looked at Logan " Well Logan why don't you go ahead and keep those."
Beast looked at everyone " This is something we tell no one it is a night to forget."