Blurb: Meet our two comedic characters, and they're Romanian! Both born into old gypsy families now settled, the two friends set out in search of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after being expelled from Beauxbatons. Prepare yourselves for mischief, mayhem, love and laughs as these Romani girls invade Hogwarts.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, but the two Romani girls are KK's and mine.
* * *
Chapter 1: Lost"Ve're lost," said a tall girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair. Her blue eyes flashed dangerously at the girl beside her.
"No, no! Ve're not lost! Ve just took de scenic route, dat's all," said the other girl, who had very long, fiery red hair.
"Ve're lost," said the dark girl again.
"Ve are not lost!" argued the red head.
"Fine," said the other girl. "Den vhere are ve, Andréa?"
The girl called Andréa thought about this for a moment.
"…About 3hrs past vhen you last ask, and about 2 days since…Prague," she said at last.
"Vhich vould be vhere?" the dark haired girl asked, rolling her eyes impatiently.
The red head paused.
"I don't know, exactly," she said. "But give me a few minutes, Milena, and I make GPS spell to tell us."
Twenty minutes later, the two girls were sitting on the ground. They were both staring at a map with a small flashing light on it.
"Dat's vhere ve are," said Andréa triumphantly.
Milena looked at the map and rolled her eyes again.
"Well, dat's farking brilliant, isn't it," she said. "It says vhere in de meedle of novhere! You got us lost."
"Vell, I teenk ve just have to valk dat vay," said Andréa, pointing left. "Or dat vay," she added pointing right. "Or dat vay," she said, pointing straight ahead, "or possibly dat vay," she finished, pointing behind her.
"You don't know, do you?" said Milena.
"No, not really," said Andréa. "Did you have to ask?"
"Should ve call home, you teenk?" asked Milena. "Mama has new telephone for de mansion. Ve had noteenk in Romania. Such a hole."
"I have muggle cell phone," said Andréa.
She reached a hand into the pocket of her pants and pulled put a Nokia N-Gage, holding it up.
"No farking reception," she said. "And deese phones supposed to be so good. Ve pay – actually parents no tell me how much phone vas. Dat never goot sign."
She pocketed the phone again.
"Vait a minute," she said, her face lighting up. She began to gesticulate to Milena, who stared at her, looking both puzzled and annoyed.
"Vhat are you doink?" she asked.
Andréa continued to make some form of gesture resembling an explosion.
"You vant to blow this place to hell?" asked Milena, drearily.
"Vell, dat too, but no," said Andréa. "Dat vasn't vhat I vas teenking."
"I give up," said Milena, monotonically, as Andréa continued to gesticulate to her.
Andréa threw down her hands, putting them on her waist.
"Vhat have ve been practicing illicitly for de past 3 years?" she asked, straight-faced.
"Dat doesn't help, Andréa," said Milena.
"I guess you're right," said Andréa, thinking about it for a minute. "Vhat I meant vas dat ve could Apparate to Hogvarts."
"You can't Apparate onto Hogvarts grounds, remember," said Milena. "And besides, remember last time ve tried to Apparate?"
"Vell, I'm sure ve can make it in vun piece vitout almost drowning dis time," she said confidently.
"I vish I could share in your confidence," said Milena. "But remember dat you veren't nearly eaten by a shark."
"Dat vas your own fault, you know," said Andréa.
"No, it vasn't," Milena retorted. "You farking vhistled to him. Dey is not pets, dey is vicious man-eaters."
"Ve could try," said Andréa. "At least to London."
"Ok, fine," said Milena. "Ve might at least get to a place dat ve can get phone reception."
They stood up and closed their eyes, thinking very hard about where they wanted to go. A few minutes later, they opened their eyes to see where they were. The scene around them was not London.
"Vere you teenking about London?" asked Milena.
"No, I vas teenking about cute Irish boys," she said guiltily.
"Good, den I vasn't de only vun," said Milena.
They both looked around again at their surroundings.
"I teek ve're in Ireland," said Milena. "But I don't know vhere. Did you bring de GPS map vit you?"
"I left it back vhere ve vere," said Andréa.
Milena rolled her eyes.
"Vell, now ve are officially farked," she concluded.
Andréa caught sight of a gorgeous dark haired, blue-eyed guy walking past them.
"No qvite," she said.
She walked over to him and began to talk to him in her best Irish accent, flipping her long red hair and flashing her bright green eyes.
"I'm from out of town and I think I might have caught the wrong train," she said, innocently. "Would you be able to tell me where I am?"
"You're in South Dublin," said the guy.
"And where would my friend and I be able to catch a train, or get a boat, maybe?" she asked.
"Would you like me to show you?" asked the man.
"That would be very nice," replied Andréa, motioning for Milena to follow her.
Eventually, they found themselves on a boat, sailing away over the horizon. The sea breeze was blowing in their hair as they went. Andréa took out her phone again, looking at it.
"Now de reception vorks," she said. "I'll call Mama."
She dialled home. The phone began to ring.
"Hello? Mama? Oh, it's you. No, I don't vant to talk to you. Put Mama on…. Oh, get farked you shit-faced little brat, or you vill be in deeeep shit vhen I get home, get it…. Don't threaten me. Dat's my job…. Put Mama on now! Hello Mama…. Yes…. Ve're on a boat…. I don't know vhere it's goink…. But he vas really cute… I know I should have asked, but I got sidetracked… Ok, Mama. Ve'll call vhen ve get off… I don't know vhere, but vherever…. No, ve'll be fine…Love you too, Mama…. Goodbye."
"I take it she vasn't pleased dat you have no idea vhere ve're goink," said Milena.
"No," said Andréa. "And my little shit of a brother is threatening to tear up my massive Orlando Bloom poster. Oh, heee'll get it goot vhen I get back. I'll turn him into a furby, dat's it."
About 2, 856 kms (1, 774 miles) later and day and a half since they had left Dublin, they finally reached a port. Looking at the sign, Milena turned and looked at Andréa, who was wearing the same bemused expression on her face. Andréa turned to face Milena.
"Ve're in Hrissopigi," said Milena.
"Ve're vhere?" asked Andréa.
"Don't know," said Milena. "But this time, I get to ask cute guy."
Andréa snorted loudly and pointed to a hairy, short, pot-bellied man of about 40, with messy black hair and a vacant expression, standing near the dock.
"You mean dat guy?" she scoffed. "He's all yours."
Andréa shook her head, and pointed to a handsome, dark-haired guy walking out of a nearby building.
"He's mine," said Milena.
"Dis I have to see," said Andréa, watching avidly.
Milena flounced over to the cute guy, smiling sweetly and asked him where she was. The man smiled back at her and nodded as she spoke. Finally, when she had finished he spoke very slowly.
"I – no – speak – English," he said.
Milena's face dropped. She began speaking in Italian, and asked if he understood. But the man only gave her a strange look. Milena nodded and smiled before turning and walking back to Andréa, who was cackling with laughter and pointing her finger.
"I'll never hear de end of dis, vill I?" she said, bluntly.
"Nope," said Andréa, and started laughing again.
"Shut up for two seconds vhile I try and vork out vhere de hell ve are," said Milena, looking rather peeved.
"You're on Sifnos, vun of de Greek islands," called the pot-bellied man from the dock.
"Thank you," Milena called back, holding up her hand in gratitude.
"I teenk he likes you," muttered Andréa.
"I have had enough of your comments for today," replied Milena, pointing a finger at her. "Vun more, and I knock your farkink face in, got it?"
Andréa snorted again before putting on a straight face.
"Ok, I promise," she said solemnly. "No more comments."
"Good," said Milena.
"He vants to marry her after dat smile," muttered Andréa quietly, as Milena walked away.
"I heard dat," she called back.
"I still say he likes you," said Andréa.
"Vould you like me to transfigure you into Mrs Kermit again," said Milena. "I'm sure you vould enjoy another night out on dat drainpipe."
"Vhy did you have to turn me into a farking tree-frog?" asked Andréa. "I still have nightmares about svooping birds."
"Punishment for last comment you make," she said.
"Dat vasn't punishment," said Andréa. "Dat vas just cruel."
"Den no more comments about you-know-vhat," she replied.
"Ok, ok," said Andréa. "But please don't turn me into frog again. I vas just having a beet of fun."
"Vell so vas I," replied Milena, grinning.
"Don't do dat," said Andréa. "You're scary vhen you do dat. You look like my ex boyfriend."
"Vhich vun?" asked Milena. "De vun you dress in fluffy bunny suit and leave on sidevalk in New York or de vun you turn into small tree and planted in next door neighbour's garden so his dog could piss on him?"
"De vun I dress in fluffy bunny suit," she said.
"Oh, he vas scary," said Milena.
"Ja (say 'da'), dat's vhy I dump him," she said.
"Vell, enough about dat," said Milena. "Ve need to get off dis island."
"Ve Apparate," said Andréa. "But ve need to concentrate. Ok, teenk Hogvarts."
The two girls closed their eyes and thought hard of Hogwarts.
"Vait!" cried Milena. "Ve have to Apparate to Hogsmeade, remember."
"Right," said Andréa. "Then teenk Hogsmeade."
They visualised Hogsmeade in their minds and concentrated hard…
* * *
A/N: Ok, there we have it. The first chapter of my new Harry Potter story, co-written by the crazy ladies, KK. Please show us your appreciation of or work or anything you would like to tell us, please review. We'd love to know what you all think of this story, and whether or not we should bother to continue writing it. There are more adventures to come, as soon as I can finish writing Chapter 2. Please review and leave your comment. We would much appreciate it.
Lisa and KK