Title- Every Day
Author- Rachel 'gypsy'
Date- 2/18/06
Rating – PG I think
Paring: L/K
Word Count- 582
Category- Angst hints of romance
Disclaimer: not mine. If I did do you really think I would have lee and Dee together?

Every Day

Every day when she runs, she wishes that he would be running along side her and when she stares at the empty corridors of the hell hole she calls home she realises that he will never run with her again.

She hates herself every time she sees the old man staring into space as he wonder's that maybe if he had paid more attention, would he have been able to stop him. Maybe if he acted more like a father then a commander , his son might have come to him to tell him he was in trouble.

She knows its not true. No one could have helped him but her. And she didn't.

She doesn't see the old man that much anymore. She can't handle the look in his eyes when he looks at her.

A look that says he knows that one day she'll meet the same end.

Every week Helo makes her get out of bed for a card game in a vain hope to make her forget the past. It works. That is until she remembers all the times she sat at this very table with him as she cleaned him out, laughing in his face as she did so. Just like the night before it happened.

The night before the day her world ended for a third time.

She never lasts longer then five minutes before she thinks that he was happy. Well as happy as he could be.

She could have sworn that he smiled at her at least once.

Maybe if she had smiled back he wouldn't have done it. Hell maybe if she had been a better friend after his 'space walk' and his confession that he didn't want to come back alive he might have told her that he was still drowning.

Maybe if she actually talked to him about their relationship instead of running away he might had believed that he had something to hold on too. Something to stay for.

She can never forgive herself for that.

That's why everyday she pulls her sidearm out of her locker and sits with it on her rack just hoping that she has enough strength to pull the trigger.

She was meant to stronger but after all it was him who had enough strength to do it.

Deep down she knows that she'll never be better then him. She knows this everyday as she puts the gun back and spares a moment to look at the empty space where her picture used to hang.

She tore it down after she had seen him. After she had seen his lifeless eyes and his strange peaceful face.

After she had read his last letter.

Apparently he loved her. Apparently he was sorry.

She can never believe it.

If he did. Then he would never have pulled the trigger. She knows that she could be angry. That she should yell and scream but she also knows that she can never stay mad at him.

Only because she loved him too much.

So every time the Cylons appear and she goes out she fly's with even more edge then she did before. Because Lee Adama isn't there to stop her.

Every day she gets closer and closer to each raider and every missile just waiting to go out with her own kind of bang.

And everyday she comes closer to him.

The end