Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine.
AN: Because after this past week's episode, I had a thought when hearing some of the secrets from the caves. This sparked from there.
I can't Fault Her
"Emma, you need to breathe."
"Breathe?" She pants, feeling her chest constrict and burn as her lungs protest against her. She needs to breathe, but how could she? Not when she wanted – pleaded, prayed for – Neal to be dead. Just to end the aching pain within her body that had become a distant throb over time and get over the pain it has caused in her life. Just to close that chapter and be done with it.
Not when she knows her father – her unbelievably heroic and stupidly noble father – Prince freaking Charming under any other name, was going to die once they left the island. A man who had fought for her, saved her, defended her more than once – and was her long lost father. And that her mother wouldn't live through the separation.
At the mentioning of her mother, Emma's heartbeat increases and she feels as if a slight panic attack is overtaking her. Spots appear in her vision and her head feels dizzy.
Hook rolls his eyes, grabs one of her arms and spins her to face him. After leaving the Echo Caves, Emma had darted away from the group while they continued toward Henry's location. Neal looked ready to chase after her, but held back. Hook saw this, and slunk through the greenery to follow the Swan girl without much knowing or noticing his departure. He knew of the dangers in the forest alone – and he knew a distressed Swan when he saw one.
"Yes, love. Breathe." He murmurs, holding her close to his chest. She is barely taking a deep breath; her eyes are wide with fear and with something else. He takes a deep pull of air, meaning for her to mimic. "If you don't breathe, you'll likely pass out. And I don't need your father coming after me when he sees you unconscious."
The quip isn't ignored as Emma's lips quirk as she inhales. They both know Charming is attending to his wife after his admission but Emma doesn't doubt he'd go after Hook given the opportunity; it's just something she knows about her father. His protective streak is a mile wide.
Hook's deep blue eyes watch her as she does it again and again, tension slowly leaving her shoulders.
Finally she looks somewhat calm and he slowly releases her – already missing the comfort of her nearby. But he knows how she feels about being held. She isn't the coddling type.
"Much better lass," he comments, walking from her and toward a huge boulder. He perches himself on it, holding his flask out to her.
She eyes it and takes a swing before he can blink. She swallows it without a hiccup, much more than her father had done when given the beverage. She shrugs then, handing it back to him. "Thanks."
"It was nothing but a drink. One you clearly needed." He tucks the flask away, eyes never leaving her form. Her hands dangle at her sides, ready to grip the handle of the short sword at her hip. He notices that she does it to steady herself when she's feeling unsure. "Would you want to talk about it?"
She rolls her eyes at the Captain, face trying not to smirk. "Not really."
"It can be therapeutic." He offers, opening his arms to the dark jungle around them, face grinning. Then more solemnly, he shrugs. "I understand if it's not me you wish to speak to, after our incident in the cave."
Her mouth drops open, and she stutters for a moment before shaking her head. "This isn't about what you said – though trust me I'm not ready to talk about that either." He didn't think she would be, and they both know it. Hook has always read her easily enough. And besides in order for her to comprehend what he said she'll need wine – perhaps two bottles of it before understanding it all. "I just – I can't understand…" she looks to the sky as her words drift off, mouth closing without thought. Her shoulders drop in defeat.
"Can't understand what Emma?" Hook asks, standing by her side. He tries to catch her eye but she isn't looking at him; she refuses to look at him.
"She doesn't want me either," she whispers. It's a small admission, something one would expect to hear from a child, not a grown woman; it is heartbreaking but said in such a matter of fact tone that no emotions come forth.
"Who?" He answers, voice just as soft. He pulls her face to look at him, and in her sea green gaze, he sees a vortex of emotions. It's like a beautiful and terrifying hurricane on the open seas and his breath catches. Yet, she doesn't let her mask fall. She's a strong one, and he admires that.
"Mary Margaret," her voice cracks, and finally tears collect on her lashes. "She wants another baby, and I can't fault her for that. I mean, can you? She wants to be a mom. She wants a baby to take care of. But, it's not my fault for not being a child anymore. They sent me away – they were the ones who left me-"
Hook pulls her into a tight embrace, her shaking hands grabbing at the lapels of his leather jacket much like she did when they kissed. But now her face is buried into his shoulder, her body is racking with silent sobs, and she's using him as an anchor in the tidal wave of pain she's feeling. And Hook holds her, his hook resting on the small of her back, and the other running through her golden curls.
"I know love, I know." And he understands the feeling of abandonment all too well. And Emma has yet to face her issues before learning of her mother's want for another child. "It's not that she doesn't want you Emma. But Snow wants to be a mother. And you don't rightly need one in the sense of being taken care of anymore – that's what the fair princess wants."
She nods, sniffling as she pulls back. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are puffy; and yet to Hook, she is still beautiful, untamable and strong – like a mythical goddess of the sea. He never felt like this with Milah – and only pulls it back when he remembers Neal's oath to fight for her. He lets her go slightly – who is he to intrude on a woman who another man claimed to love, especially Neal of all people? He's taken too much from him. She can't be another thing he plunders. But she holds tightly to him, unable to let him leave her.
"But I just found them. After 28 years, I finally found them. And they're a prince and princess of a magical land. And they want a child – who is not me. Mary Margaret, she would be a great mother. She's amazing with Henry, but I just want… I just want…" She trails off, eyes falling from his blue gaze to the dirt ground below their boots.
"You want her to yourself first."
The admission is quiet but not untrue. Emma's head hangs lower before she pulls herself up, becoming the strong woman Hook knows her as. "Is it so wrong to want the chance to know my mother? She's my mom. The only one I've got. And I want to experience it first before another child comes in – one she can teach to walk, and talk and hopefully dress for their first ball. Like she wanted for me." Her voice wavers and Hook can't stop the hand that strokes her curls softly.
"It's not wrong Swan. In fact, it's normal. You grew up without parents, deemed a lost girl in a sense. And now you finally have them. It's not selfish to want to experience having parents before their attention is divided on to another person. In fact, it's quite natural." He twirls a piece of her hair thoughtfully, sighing slightly. "But you and I both know, it will be a long journey. And your mother just wants someone to take care of – since she missed out on taking care of you."
Finally she steps back, wiping at her eyes as she nods. Hook is insightful into her life; and a part of Emma hates it but also loves it. She doesn't have to explain herself to him – he just knows. "And then there's David, who can't leave this place alive. Mary Margaret won't survive that." She crosses her arms over her chest and bites her bottom lip. She isn't being dramatic, but it's true. She wants the chance to be a daughter to Snow and learn her as her mother – but Emma has already learned Snow as a friend. And as a friend, she knows she won't survive without David.
"What do we do Hook?" She asks, staring at him with naked and open insecurities. He sighs, and picks up a piece of golden hair to place gently behind her ear. She watches, with wide eyes and isn't breathing as he shrugs.
"We look for a cure for your father. We find your son. And we get back to your world – one where hopefully you will finally get to know your bandit princess of a mother, and learn to be a daughter." He smirks then, slowly raking his eyes from her toes, to her eyes in an overly seductive manner. "And perhaps with a charming, roguish gentleman on your arm as you do it."
She snorts, lips quirking into an almost laugh. It lightens up her face momentarily blinding the pirate before she taps his arm in an almost tender touch. Because even if she's grateful for his support, Emma has already showed enough weakness to the pirate captain – and she isn't about to let anymore come through. "Thanks. For… well. Everything, I guess."
Tilting his head, Hook smiles. "Do I get the same type of thank you that I received last time for saving your father's life? I believe this may very well be worth more than a simple kiss."
Emma smiles and rolls her eyes, turning from the captain. "Not this time pal. We need to catch up."
"As you wish," he bows mockingly, igniting another smile from the golden beauty before he follows her into the jungle to find the rest of their crew.
AN: Drabble. Total drabble. But I had to do it – I had a thought when Snow White admitted to wanting another child in the Echo Caves.
You can't fault her – Snow wanted to be a mother. But after finding a grown daughter (which she sent away and no matter the reasoning, Emma still looks at it that way per Pan's statement), and having only what – 2 weeks of getting to know her as a daughter before more chaos entered their lives? – she wants another kid. To Emma, with abandonment issues and trust issues, I could see it being a crushing blow that maybe she isn't enough for them; hence her almost breakdown. And then Hook to the rescue – considering his admission and his insight into Emma, he deemed like a good companion. Hopefully I stayed in character.
What do you think? Thanks for stopping by!