Ants in the Pants
Part of Playdates, a Hulk series
Disclaimer: As usual, I make no claims whatever to owning any recognizable Marvel characters. That joy belongs to the fine folks at Disney.
"So, Clint gave me an idea for Hulk's rec room the other day," Tony said early one morning, wrapped snuggly in the arms of his lover.
They were barely awake, and that Tony was already mentally off and running didn't really bode well for the rest of the day. It wouldn't be very restful, which had been Bruce's plan the night before.
"Oh?" Bruce quietly asked, nuzzling Tony's neck and placing soft kisses at the nape. Most mornings found them spooning, but they didn't have a set 'big and little'.
"Mhm, something about an ant farm?" Tony breathed, arching into Bruce's kisses.
"Ants? Really?" Bruce asked, confused. He rubbed gently at the arc reactor, and the scarred flesh that held it in place. Tony fairly purred.
"I don't know either. Thought watching the little bugs would be interesting for Jolly Green, I guess."
"Clint realizes, well, you all realize that Hulk is not really inclined toward pet care? Even insects need some care."
"Apparently he thinks that there's a type of farm where the ants won't need extra care outside of plucking out the dead ones every now and again. Hulk lets you take care of his room for him, right?"
"Yeah."
They shelved the discussion for the morning, distracted by their desires, then later intent on working on plans for expanding Stark Tech into more green arenas. The idea of an ant farm slipped easily from Bruce's mind as he focused on the other plans.
It was a good two weeks after Tony had first mentioned the idea of an ant farm to Bruce. Clint was in the workshop, talking with him about the latest round of trick arrows they'd compiled.
"So, the tranq arrow's problem is too small a payload. It would be great if I could adjust it as necessary, but I know combat situations rarely allow for that. Maybe just a milligram more liquid per vial?" Clint said, holding one of the arrows in question.
Tony stood before one of his 3D modeling wire frames and looked at the specs of the arrow. "I think it can be increased without adding significant weight. I'll mock some up and call you in for a test firing."
"Sounds good. Hey, you ever mention that ant thing to Bruce?" Clint turned to put the arrow back in the black quiver sitting on the nearest work table.
"Oh, I sure did. He was curious, but it didn't go anywhere. Too many projects, I guess."
"Huh, so why don't we surprise him with one?" Clint looked at Tony, who was still fiddling with the wire frame.
"It could work," Tony began. The wire frame arrow disappeared and a template of the rec room came up in it's place. "Just, where to put it, so it's visible, but not in any danger if Hulk gets upset." The holographic image broke up into maneuverable pieces that Tony could pick apart more easily.
"You research the actual farms, find out what's needed for one," he told the archer.
"Right." Clint turned to another screen that obligingly appeared for him, and he started a research string.
Hours later, they had some options, and a plan to discuss.
"Should we get the others? Make it a team project?"
"Good idea, I bet Cap would enjoy this kind of thing."
"You do too, Crusty," Clint said, laughing.
Tony mock pouted, sticking out his tongue, then requested JARVIS call the others in. They had a short meeting before lunch, and at least agreed to make time for a separate, longer meeting in a few days.
The planning was short, but involved. Each member took it upon themselves to accept a particular part of the idea and see what they could do with it. Tony worked on the set design for the farm, while Clint sourced appropriate ants. Natasha rearranged the rec room to make space, and Steve and Thor decided they'd be responsible for building the farm once a final design was in place.
Bruce was kept informed once they decided on the final plan, so that Hulk wasn't completely surprised. They'd discovered months ago that Hulk did not like surprises, no matter the type. Hulk also didn't really like others messing about in his room. He knew it was his, and was very protective. The last time they had tried to do something as a surprise had created a massive clean up effort in the wake of the angry demolition.
Bruce looked over the plans, and tweaked a few things. Tony made a little suction robot to deal with ants that would die. They agreed the pale blue gel was the best substrate, and Clint had put together a large, integrated 'space station' plan, combining several modular farms*.
In the space of an afternoon, the new addition was up, and Tony spent two hours convincing Bruce to let Hulk out to see the ants as they began to dig their tunnels. Bruce was proving reluctant to release the beast, as he didn't want there to be any problems.
"Tony, why can't it wait until our next call out?" he asked the engineer testily. He frowned at his partner, worrying his hands as they stood in the open doorway to the Hulk's room.
"I don't think it should. This way, he gets a chance to see it, and if there is a problem, which I doubt," Tony's comment was biting with a depth of sarcasm he usually reserved for the small minded, "Then Cap and Thor are here to help me deal with it. Hulk is not the problem, Brainiac, you are." He poked his partner in the arm for emphasis.
Bruce sighed, tired of arguing. He scrubbed a hand through his curly hair and closed his eyes. "Fine. But if there's so much as a scratch on you," he let the threat hang. Hulk had been good lately, after each call out. If they were in New York, he usually came to a halt in the fighting and waited for Steve to tell him he'd done a good job, and that he could either wait for the others, or go home. If they weren't in New York, Hulk usually returned to the Quinjet, or other transport as the situation warranted.
Unbuttoning his pale blue shirt, Bruce took 10 steps further into the room, and then stepped out of the dark brown loafers he'd been wearing. "I hope you're right." And he gave himself over to the change.
Five minutes later, Hulk grunted as he looked around his room. He saw Tony, and growled, "Tin Man, why am I out?"
"Hey Big Green. Um, the team thought you could use a pet. But," Tony was nervous, and the sour odor made Hulk wrinkle his nose in distaste, "We knew a dog or cat wouldn't be appropriate. No one here to take care of it, and Bruce hardly lets you time share as it is. So," and Tony slowly walks around the Hulk's shifting body to show him the giant plexiglass enclosure that glows a gentle blue.
Hulk's eyes light on the object that is situated next to his lounge chair. It is nearly as tall as he is, filled with a gunk that smells of chemicals, and has small, black crawling bugs in it. The tunnels through the goo had stabilized in the preceding days, as the ants had moved through and dug out the initial ones. Several harvester ants were working on new tunnels in a fist sized globe hung on the right side of the main structure.
"What is this?" he asked, moving closer to inspect the bugs.
"An ant farm!" Tony said, ecstatic that Hulk was showing interest in the device. "There's a small colony of ants in there, and they have everything they need. Food, water, all of it. You just get to watch them digging around and moving stuff. I have a couple little robots attached that will deal with bringing them sugar water, and remove any dead ones. Apparently you shouldn't just add random ants into a colony, they'd get killed." Tony was rambling, trying to explain the whole thing. He watched Hulk who stood before the farm, and watched each ant at its job.
"Pretty," Hulk whispered. It was not a typical whisper, his voice not quite up to the task. He reached out one large hand to the plexiglass, but stopped centimeters away.
"We hope you like it, Big Guy, all of us," Tony said quietly from beside the behemoth.
"Team did? Thank team, please," Hulk managed, choosing to sit on the lounge chair to watch his new pets.
"Sure buddy, have fun. Bruce will come find me later, all right?"
"All right," Hulk said, with a firm nod. He nudged Tony out of the way and settled down.
Tony laughed, and left him to it.
Hours later, Bruce did find him, in the garage, under the hood of his '69 Challenger. He laughed to see it, glad that it wasn't orange. Tony pulled back from bending over the engine, grease a dark streak on one cheek, his eyes lighting up upon seeing Bruce.
"Well?"
"Okay, fine. You win. Hulk enjoyed the farm, and nothing happened. Eventually, I might believe you. Come up and have dinner?" Bruce tempted.
Tony groaned, "Of course. This machine is being annoying." He kicked at one of the tires, and fortunately for his toes, missed.
"Good, get a shower and meet me in the kitchen," Bruce told him, leaning in for a kiss that quickly turned filthy as they explored each others' mouths.
Breaking for air, Tony panted as he asked, "What was that for? I'm not complaining, would never, but a little out of the blue, yeah?"
"Because you are marvelous, and I need to trust you more often. Hulk is happy, and I wanted to make sure I showed my appreciation for that," Bruce replied, resting his forehead against Tony's.
"Ah, I see. Well, appreciate away!" Tony leered a little.
Bruce laughed, "After you shower, and we eat. I'll appreciate every inch, promise."
"Deal."
Another, softer kiss, and Tony broke away to get that shower. Bruce smiled fondly at his retreating form.
AN: The ant farm I chose was this: www. Storeforknowledge Ant-O-Sphere-8-Pods-Wild-Science-P13409. aspx?gclid= CIvUhvSGyroCFYqk4AodJSUAxA And just modified it for the purposes of Big Green.