disclaimer: i do not own anything that is rightfully Stephenie Meyer's and i would never steal her glory! i especially do not own the passage i borrowed from her book, Twilight, which is located on page 273; the second to last paragraph, and rightfully belongs to none other than S.M. please don't sue!!

so, this is my version of the preface of Twilight frim Edward's perspective. it's how i imagine he feels in the climax of the story. i have to say that i owe a debt to krazykatie, who unknowingly inspired me to write my own midnight sun preface when i read her's. so if you get the time, read her's as well, because it's definitely worth doing!!!!!

also, i am planning to sometime write my own version of Midnight Sun, called Dawn, but i need to finish my other projects first, so if i can, i will write it soon, but until then: here's the preface! please review...i'd love to have some feedback on this!

-isabell the looser- ^^

Preface

Desire. Hate. Love. Insanity. Lust. Guilt. Envy. Fear. Temptation. Anger. Happiness. Hope. Horror. Pity. Rage. Remorse. Contempt. The feelings shook me; coursing through me like poisoned blood. No, I would not think about blood; but how could I not? It was everywhere: everything. My nose burned with the sweet stench, it made my stomach growl, the monster raged against its bonds.

For a moment I was fazed, knocked breathless by the sudden force of the monster, then I reclaimed control and slowed my heavy breathing. Air, it was thick with the metallic scent of blood; sweet blood. Again the monster raved, and I gasped; drawing in too large a breath. The scent overwhelmed me; clouded my vision. Had it always been so potent? Had I always wanted it so badly? I looked away from the pooling liquid to the still, deathly-white body at my feet. Could I do this?

Do it, now, before it's too late. The words resounded through my skull, egging on the monster that stirred just below the surface of my flesh. The monster reached forward and lifted the pale white hand, testing. I screamed; the monster laughed. Do it, now, before it's too late. I wanted so badly to ram my skull; to run from the terrifying scene and get some fresh air; to think. It's too late for that, the monster reasoned, If you leave, she'll die.

Love. What was once such an innocent feeling now drove me to the edge. I used to think I understood love; I'd read enough minds and seen enough displays of it to know how it worked, but this was a mystery. When you love someone, you don't fight; you give in. When you care about them, you don't take; you give. But how could I not fight, or take? What if I had nothing to give? You can give her life, the monster coaxed; It just takes one taste…

I raised the hand to my lips, but did not give in; I waited, poised, still undecided. Angered by my resistance, the monster screamed and thrashed inside me. Just one taste! It screamed, Just let it be natural. Just a taste. My grip tightened on the cold hand, my body bent over the lifeless form. Could I save her?

If you don't try, you'll regret it for the rest of your existence. If you leave, she'll die. My jaw tightened, saliva flooding my mouth; my stomach growled again, louder, expectant. Just one taste. I swallowed, blinked, then opened my eyes. All I could see was the blood; pooling, bubbling, dripping off my fingers. It was intoxicating. I blinked again, seeing the person who used to mean everything to me; now she was dying…now she was a feast.

I breathed deeply, swallowed, and bent far over the palm that waited in my grasp. I pressed my lips to the wrist, to the vivid bite marks; the start of a passionate kiss.

The blood flooded through me; bubbling over my tongue, oozing between my teeth. I swallowed one mouthful, preparing to withdraw. The taste and smell hit me at the same time the monster thrashed. The blood cleansed me; brought me out. I was the monster.

Instinct took over, and I drank deeper; like a dehydrated man given a pitcher of water, I began to drain the source. I wanted more, one mouthful wasn't enough; maybe the next would be. I would stop after the next…and the next…just one more. My eyes blazed, my stomach churned, I fed greedily.

Just a taste… The words were foreign, I knew them; but didn't want to obey them. What was one more taste? A few more gulps? I drank deeper and deeper, drinking and drinking; feeding, giving in to instinct.

"Isabella…Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thougth of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush crimson again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I drew back, but I could not stop the drinking; it was me now, the monster. I was the monster. It was me holding her wrist to my lips; me sucking the life from her; me who swore to never hurt her, and was now killing her. Anger flared in me, but I couldn't stop; could only drink less deeply, and hope that I had the strength. I was killing her. Me, not the monster; there was no monster, never had been from the beginning. It was always a lie; always myself I was fighting, just never wanting to admit it.

A scream echoed around me, but it was not mine; it was my victims, the one whom I was killing. My shoulders shook and droplets of blood splattered into my face. I let go of my hold on her, but I wasn't strong enough, and my teeth pierced her skin again. Another scream. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but they were red and glistening; hot. Blood. A fountain gushed down my chin, but I could not turn away; couldn't let go. I wasn't in control anymore…I couldn't stop.

Love. What was once such an innocent feeling now drove me to the edge.

"I love you."

first off, did it make any of you thirsty? when i reread it and my sister read it we both got really thirsty and i chugged like five glasses of water...which is weirdbecause i usually don't drink a whole lot of water. ...anyway, please review, and have a nice day!

A/N: sorry about the gore! O_o