blood on the carpet

by crazylittlefangirl

Clary seems to be a normal teenage girl but really she's broke inside. She's suffering from anorexia and depression and completely hates herself. She's been through a lot in her life and it's left her broken and damaged inside. Will she pull through her depression? Or will she end her life? Read to find out... Clary oneshot, all human, rated T , please give it a read:)

Hi, this is my first oneshot so i hope you enjoy it

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

Cut Cut Cut

Clary was sat in the bathtub, razor in hand, rhythmaticaly cutting her wrists. Her gold-red curls cascaded down her back against her pale, thin frame damp from the bathwater. Her bright green eyes were big on her pinched face, full of sadness and despair. Clary didn't want to live any more. She'd had enough of this world were everyone hated her and were she hated everyone back. She was sick of never being good enough, of never being skinny enough or pretty enough. In her head everyone was so much better than her and she just couldn't stand it anymore.

Cut Cut Cut

She had a sudden flash back to when a girl had bullied her. She saw the girl clearly in her mind shouting insults at her before slapping her across the face. In her mind Clary saw herself fall to the floor, not fighting back just lying there like the pathetic lump that she was. She came out of her daydream and back to the bathtub were she continued to cut her wrists, blood dripping down her arms into the water turning it a eerie shade of pink. Clary was fascinated momentarily by the strange beauty of the blood dripping down her wrists and into the water but then she continued on with her mission, ignoring the blood.

Cut Cut Cut

She had another flashback to when her friends had been worried about her at school.

"What's up Clary?"

"Nothing."

"Well it can't be nothing or else you wouldn't be like this."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"Have you eaten today?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"A couple of days ago... I dunno."

"What are them scars on your thighs?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. Just leave me alone okay?"

*sigh* "Okay then."

Cut Cut Cut

It had always been like that with her and her friends. The scars, the not eating, the bad mood would always get them asking questions and worrying but she would always push them away. She couldn't tell them how she was feeling they would have told her mum and then her mum would have sent her off to some loony bin. Clary never let anyone in. There were high walls guarding all her emotions and no one was ever allowed to break them down.

Cut Cut Cut

She'd always wondered what it would be like to die. Whether she would go to heaven or hell or even if they existed at all. She wondered about things like: Who will pretend to miss me when I'm gone? Who will actually miss me? Will anyone cry at my funeral? What kind of flowers will people bring? Who will actually turn up? All these questions went round and round in her head as she was slowly killing herself.

Cut Cut Cut

She couldn't feel any pain. She'd taken a huge overdose of painkillers about an hour before just in case the cutting didn't work, so maybe it was them taking effect. Her whole body just felt numb. She didn't feel like she was dying yet so maybe she needed to do something else. She sat up in the bath and lent over to reach the bleach. She unscrewed the lid and chugged down about half a bottle. She couldn't really taste it that much but she wouldn't have cared anyway she was going to die tonight no matter what so why be fussy about the taste of bleach.

Cut Cut Cut

She had cut quite deeply into her wrists by now and was starting to feel quite dizzy. Thank god, she was starting to think that it wasn't working. She jumped up out of the bath and starting to vomit violently into the toilet. It's a good job her mum wasn't home or she would have gone mad about the blood all over the white rug turning it a similar shade of pink to the bath water. That's the kind of person her mum was; shout at you for getting blood on the carpet before realising you're hurt and take you to the hospital.

Cut Cut Cut

She was back in the bathtub again pushing the razor into her wrists. One of the things that had lead to her depression was her dad. Clary was a mistake. Her mum had gone out on New Year's Eve and had a drunken one night stand with her dad. When she was born her mum had had to raise her on her own as her dad wouldn't help support her whatsoever. She used to get really upset about it when she was younger that her daddy didn't want to see her. Now it was just another reason why she was a useless human being and why she should kill herself.

Cut Cut Cut

Clary just didn't see the point in living anymore. There wasn't anything she was good at. There was always someone better than her at something so why even bother. She had tried so hard in the past to push through her depression and move on but she just couldn't do it. Every time she took one step out of it someone would say something to her or something would happen that would push her back 3 steps.

Cut Cut Cut

Clary was an easy target for bullies, paedophiles and just general bad people. She was one of those people who was quite blonde and naïve and very gullible. Over the years she'd been bullied quite a lot and abused by a couple of paedophiles. She just didn't really understand how to see the badness in people and thought that everyone was genuine and kind. How wrong she was. If she'd have known what she knew now about bullies and bad people she probably wouldn't have been sat committing suicide in her bathtub she would have probably been out having a good time with her friends with no worries at all.

Cut Cut Cut

Another thing that really bothered her was her self-esteem. All those bullies and bad people knocked her self-esteem right down. Clary thought she was ugly and fat. She started to wear lots of makeup and went on diets. Clary thought she was useless and worthless so she started self-harming and thinking about suicide. These bad people put all these thoughts and feelings into her head that weren't necessarily true.

Cut Cut Cut

Clary was starting to feel really ill now; her head was spinning her stomach was churning and she felt her pulse starting to slow down a bit. She hoped she would die soon. She hated this. Sat in the bathtub waiting to die reflecting on her whole life. She just wanted it to be over so she could fall into a blissful sleep that she would never wake up from.

Cut Cut

Clary's pulse was slowing even more now, her fingers started shaking under the razor and her whole body went cold. She knew was nearly there now. She'd waited so long for this moment to come and now it finally had. She knew that if she just cut once or twice more that it would be over at last.

Cut

Clary cut one last time and waited. Her whole body felt nice and warm. She couldn't see the bathroom or blood anymore, all she could see was this lovely bright light and she could just hear the faint fluttering of wings in the distance. It was a soothing sound and she finally felt safe and secure.

Clary was dead, finally all the pain was over.

So what did you think?

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Please check out my ongoing fanfic 'By The Angel'

Sorry if i offended anyone with this btw ino it's a bit disturbing

Thankyou for reading:)