Story title is from a song by Frightened Rabbit called Woke Up Hurting. For some reason the first time I heard it I imagine Asahi when I listened to the lyrics and then things snowballed from there and now I have this fic to show for it.
I happen to love pining and angst so I always manage to work them into my stories somehow.
"It's your own fault." the long haired teen whispers to himself in the dark space that is his bedroom at half past midnight.
Asahi's hand trembles as he reaches for the glass of water on his nightstand and he has to take a deep breath before he is able to slowly sip the cool liquid. His shirt is soaked through with sweat and his unruly hair is sticking to his forehead. He sweeps his hair up into a loose bun on his head to in an attempt to cool down his heated skin. He has to try a few times because his fingers are clumsy from his fatigue.
This isn't the first night that he has woken up in a cold sweat because of a nightmare but they have become more frequent in the past month. He can't remember the specifics of the most recent dream that woke him this evening but the overall feeling of despair has followed him into his conscious state.
The tall teen hugs his knees to his chest and he does his best to regulate his breathing, a technique he learned several years ago for managing his anxiety. The past week has felt so long, he can't believe that he has another day before the weekend. One more day before he will have two full days of relative peace - just one more day and he won't have to look into the eyes of the person that causes his stress.
Asahi chuckles, self-deprecating to himself, it is funny how the person that used to alleviate his anxiety is now the number one cause of it.
When his racing heart has returned to its natural tempo he lays back down, settling on his stomach and hoping that he won't have to wait too long until he falls asleep again. He prays that he won't have another dream, that he can get through tonight with just one nightmare and finally feel rested.
His prayer goes unanswered.
XXXXXXXXXX
Asahi's mouth opens wide and an enormous yawn escapes, tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He is utterly exhausted and he tries to hide it behind one of his hands, he really doesn't want to have to explain his lack of sleep to anyone.
Unfortunately for him someone does notice and it is exactly the person he was hoping wouldn't.
"Hey, Asahi-san! Are you okay? Did you not sleep well?" Nishinoya inquires, inching his small frame into Asahi's line of vision. The younger man's eyebrows are pinched together on his forehead in concern.
Asahi gives him a shaky smile, "I'm fine."
The taller boy sees Nishinoya nod in acknowledgment and he isn't sure if Noya really believes him but he doesn't say anything else so Asahi counts himself lucky.
Asahi represses the sigh that he wants to release at their current situation. He hates the tense and strained atmosphere that now has a strangle hold over his relationship with Nishinoya. Until recently their friendship was always relatively effortless with the exclusion of the whole Date Tech fiasco. It was true that Nishinoya has always sort of intimidated Asahi because of his vibrant personality but that was one of the most endearing parts about the younger boy. Their bond had always been deep seated and comfortable but that was no longer the case.
Asahi hates himself because he knows he is at fault for the shift in their friendship.
He manages to get through practice and is ashamed by how relieved he is that he won't have to be in Noya's presence again for two days straight thanks to the weekend. The rest of the team is rushing around so that they can get their weekend started while he dresses slowly, he is not in any particular hurry because he has no plans.
"Hey, Noya-san! Do you have a date with Keiko-chan tonight?" Tanaka asks from across the club room and Asahi is unable to control the way his shoulders tense.
Nishinoya is struggling to get his t-shirt over his head without mussing up his hair too much, "Of course! It's Friday night. We are going to see some movie she has been talking about all week."
Tanaka lets out a low whistle, "Lucky! Who would have thought you would be the first one on the team with a steady girlfriend."
Tsukishima and Yamaguchi hide their laughter behind their hands as Noya squawks indignantly.
"Laugh all you want Ryuu but I'm the one with the cute girlfriend." Noya says pointing to himself, "You, on the other hand, are going home alone."
This makes Tsukishima and Yamaguchi laugh harder than before and Tanaka suddenly looks stricken, as if this is the first time that thought has occurred to him.
"Low blow, man." he says sullenly.
Nishinoya shrugs with a grin on his face, "You brought it on yourself, pal."
"Alright, alright! Hurry up and get out of here." Daichi says firmly obviously a little antsy to get out of there.
Everyone scrambles to finish packing up their things so that they can head out the door - no one is interested in earning their Captain's wrath tonight. Nishinoya smiles warmly to everyone before waving and ducking out the door. Asahi watches him go and feels his chest constrict just a little more. Until recently he used to walk home with Nishinoya since his apartment complex was on the way to Asahi's house. Sometimes Tanaka would come along with them and sometimes not but those times when he was alone with Nishinoya were some of his favorite. Nishinoya would chatter endlessly about anything that came to his mind and Asahi would offer up his thoughts every now and then but mostly he just enjoyed listening to Noya's animated speech, happy to be the center of the boy's attention even if it was for such a short period of time per day.
These days when he walks home it is silent except for the sound of his own lonely footsteps. Sometimes Suga and Daichi will walk with him but he almost prefers to be alone now. Suga and Daichi were dating now and the shift in their relationship created a different dynamic between the three of them - not necessarily in a bad way, just different. Besides, Asahi knew he wasn't a good conversationalist lately and it made him feel guilty when he was with others.
When he finished zipping up his duffle bag he looked up to see Daichi staring at him with a concerned frown. Asahi gave him his most convincing smile before telling everyone goodbye and leaving by himself.
Now that it was late September the evenings were becoming chilly so he wore his jacket. Even in his depressed state Asahi was able to appreciate the beauty of this evening's sun set, the sky was painted in blazing pinks and oranges - soothing blues and purples. He felt his mouth turn up in a smile, the first genuine one of the day and he let himself take pleasure in the moment.
When Asahi was passing by the street that he knew led to Nishinoya's apartment building he looked out of habit and he was instantly punished by the universe for his mistake. Regret hit him like a slap in the face but he had not been expecting to see anything, it was just a subconscious reaction he had and now he was cursing himself for it.
Nishinoya was there with his girlfriend, her back was pressed against the wall and he was speaking to her in a voice that was too low for Asahi to hear. He watched as the girl's cheeks turned pink and she turned her head to giggle. When she turned back to face Nishinoya she gave him a kiss on the mouth.
Asahi's hands curled into fists at his side and he ground his teeth together with so much force that his jaw hurt. He tore his eyes away from the scene before him and kept walking on his way home. He mentally chastised himself because didn't have any business feeling angry or distressed but it didn't stop the pain from blooming in his chest.
When he made it to his front door he realized that he couldn't recall the last half of his walk home. Heaving a sigh he fished in his pocket for his keys and made his way into his foyer. He didn't bother calling out a greeting because his parents weren't home. They were out of town visiting his grandparents because it was their fiftieth anniversary or something. He managed narrowly escape having to join them by blaming his heavy school workload and while that was a partial truth, the real reason he didn't want to join them was because he couldn't stand being near people that were so obviously in love with each other the way his grandparents were.
After dropping his school bag in his room he changed his clothes, putting on a t-shirt and some shorts. He went to the kitchen to rifle around in the fridge, his mom had left some prepared meals for him for the weekend and for that he was thankful; at least he didn't have to worry about how he would feed himself.
After eating he turned on the television - his plan was to watch something mind numbing and easy to follow but it wasn't until he was into the third episode of a show he had been meaning to check out that he realized he had no grip on the plot.
He grumbles to himself before shutting the television set off and heading off to his bedroom with the intention of doing at least some of his homework.
Another hour of staring into space lets Asahi know that he is farther gone than he had ever imagined. He shouldn't be sitting here feeling like this because he has no one to blame but himself.
Asahi has always been a bit cowed by Nishinoya's attentiveness to him though he found it flattering. The younger boy seemed to be mindful of him more so than their other teammates, always the first to shower him with praise if Asahi did anything particularly impressive. It made Asahi's chest fill with pride and the encouragement from Nishinoya only increased when he returned to the team after his month long absence.
Asahi appreciated Nishinoya's confidence in him, it in turn made it easier for Asahi to be more confident in himself.
It wasn't until they had spent a week at the training camp in Tokyo that Asahi found out Nishinoya's interest in him wasn't just platonic.
XXXXXXXXXX
After one of their one-on-one sessions where they spent time practicing with Nishinoya tossing for Asahi they sat down together against the wall to cool down, sipping from their water bottles and breathing heavily. They were the only ones in the gym at the time, Yamaguchi had just thrown in the towel for the night and they were not far behind.
"We are going to look so cool if we can pull this off during an official match." Nishinoya said, smiling wide as beads of sweat rolled down his face.
Asahi chuckled softly, "Yeah, it will. You made some great tosses tonight by the way."
Nishinoya said nothing for a moment so Asahi looked over to make sure that he had heard, the blush dusting Nishinoya's cheekbones caught Asahi off guard. The younger boy was so generous and easy going about lavishing praise on others but he always seemed to have a harder time accepting praise about himself.
Noya picked at the hem of his t-shirt when he says, "I'm nowhere near as good as Suga-san or Kageyama but you did look really cool when you were spiking them."
The taller boy jumped when he felt the smaller boys hand settle overtop of his.
"I... really liked hanging out and practicing together this week." Nishinoya admits, he takes an exaggerated inhale before continuing, "I really like you, Asahi-san."
Asahi's heart jumps in his chest and swells at Noya's admission. Someone as cool and perfect as Noya thought he was cool and fun to be with. As embarrassing as it sounded it made him feel proud.
"Thanks Nishinoya. I like you too, you're a great friend." Asahi replied and he meant it. Though Asahi was close to Suga and Daichi he had a deep connection with Nishinoya.
The small hand atop his twitched briefly before it was removed, taking with it the warmth that Asahi had been enjoying. Nishinoya stood abruptly, "Well, we should probably get showered since we head out early tomorrow morning."
Asahi was shocked to see the firm set of Nishinoya's mouth and he wouldn't meet Asahi's eyes. Asahi wanted to ask after it but he didn't want to ruin this moment between them.
The walk to the bathroom was silent and the air around them felt tense which confused Asahi. They had been getting along so well all week, he couldn't understand what was wrong.
It wasn't until Asahi was washing his hair, thinking over what had just happened that he realized the blunder he had made. The last thing Nishinoya had said wasn't supposed to be a compliment or praise: it was a confession.
Fuck.
Asahi quickly dissolved into a full blown panic attack at the realization. It just didn't register to him at the time that it could have been a confession because Nishinoya spoke kindly of him and to him often. He never would have dreamed that someone as vibrant and kind-spirited as Nishinoya would find him attractive and want to be with him in that way.
It was everything Asahi has ever wanted and he blew it! He's had a crush on Nishinoya since midway through last year, halfway through Nishinoya's first year at Karasuno. For the longest time Nishinoya didn't speak to Asahi at all and Asahi had worried that maybe Nishinoya had overheard some of the unfair and - more importantly - totally false rumors about him around school and that made him keep his distance. The tide had turned the day Nishinoya showed up to practice with his hair dyed the first time. Asahi had been the first to compliment him on his new look and that seemed to open Nishinoya's flood gates. After that, Nishinoya had always referred to him by his given name, never as Azumane and their close friendship began.
Slowly, Asahi had started to fall for the pint-sized libero and his fiery attitude but he always kept it to himself. Nishinoya had his own interests, Shimizu for example, so he just kept quiet, continuing to admire his friend from afar.
Now he was aware of his folly. God, how had he managed to screw up so miserably?
The tall teen rushed through the rest of his shower and when he was getting dressed he realized he was alone in the bathroom. Nishinoya had already left and it hurt more than it should that he didn't wait for him.
He had to tell Nishinoya that he was sorry and had he realized what Nishinoya was actually saying he would have responded completely differently.
When he reached the room where all of Karasuno had been bunking the whole week he found Nishinoya already rolled up in his blankets facing towards the wall. Tanaka met his eyes and shook his head and Asahi wasn't sure if that meant he knew what had just happened or he didn't know but wanted Asahi to leave Nishinoya alone.
Nishinoya was silent the next day on their journey home, he sat in the back of the bus next to Tanaka, his head leaning on the taller boys shoulder. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked a little pale. When Suga asked after his well being Nishinoya cites a stomachache and leaves it at that. Suga forced him to take some medicine but Asahi knows it won't help because that isn't the problem. He was Nishinoya's problem and he feels horrible about it.
After they reach the school they have a brief team meeting in the gym before everybody starts dispersing quickly to head home to sleep in their own beds for the first time in a week.
Asahi tries to catch up with Nishinoya but the smaller boy shrugs him off, "I really don't feel well, I just want to get home." he says and his voice sounds so small and pained that Asahi can feel tears starting to form in his own eyes.
"I can walk you home." he offered because he wanted to be there for Nishinoya. He knew he had screwed up but he wanted a chance to fix it.
"No, thank you." Nishinoya mumbled before he turned to walk away. Tanaka, who had stayed back waiting for Nishinoya, starts walking with him and nods in Asahi's direction, letting him know he will get the other boy home safe.
Asahi did the only thing he could do, he walked home. Alone.
XXXXXXXXXX
That was over a month ago now and Asahi knew that he had missed his chance. Nishinoya has a girlfriend now and by all accounts she seems like a lovely person but it doesn't stop the jealousy from twisting, ugly and poisonous in his gut every time he sees them together.
The worst part of the entire situation is he has no one to blame but himself. Nishinoya had been straightforward in his confession: he had said 'I like you' so there really was no excuse for his misunderstanding. If the words had not clued him in, the fact that Nishinoya was practically holding his hand should have.
So, in a moment of glaring idiocy Asahi had managed to lose not only one of his best friends but also his love interest.
Sure, Noya was still friendly enough to him and now that time had passed he even chatted to him on occasion but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the easy gravitation that they had once had around each other.
Asahi has tried to clear things up with Nishinoya but the younger boy has stopped returning his text messages and calls and every time he tries to explain in person someone either interrupts him or Nishinoya himself did by laughing it off and telling him, "There is no need to explain."
Now with his friend happily in a relationship he doesn't feel like it is necessary to try explaining himself anymore because Nishinoya has moved on. He knows it is in his best interest if he does too but he just isn't sure how.
Asahi just hopes that someday they can manage to be as close as they used to be.
XXXXXXXXXX
Asahi takes his time walking on his way to school on Monday. He isn't particularly excited to get to practice or to class because he has a test today so he takes his steps slowly and more carefully than is truly necessary.
"Hey, Asahi-san! Wait up!"
The tall teen stops abruptly and turns around to see Nishinoya running towards him with a bright smile on his face. It makes his heart skip a beat in his chest, he has missed having that look directed his way.
"N-Nishinoya! Good morning." Asahi says in greeting. He's happy that Nishinoya has sought him out, this isn't a common occurrence anymore.
"Good morning!" Noya shouts back, "Is it okay if I walk with you this morning?"
All Asahi can do is nod, granting the smaller teen permission though he would never deny him, not in a million years.
"Did you have a good weekend?" Noya asks as they make their way towards the school, arms behind his head as he stretches his body in anticipation of the day.
Asahi shrugs, "It was alright." he admits and though he doesn't want to he asks anyway, "How was yours?"
Noya laughs, a bright sound in the morning air, "It was great! We saw that movie Keiko-chan was begging to see, I thought it was boring but she was pretty happy. Then on Saturday we walked around some shops and then had a picnic in the park."
The dreamy quality of Noya's voice makes Asahi want to scoff and he hates feeling so petty. He wants to be happy for his friend, Nishinoya deserves happiness like this but it is a bitter pill to swallow - especially when he knows that Noya could have been speaking about him in that way.
He offers his friend a weak smile, "Sounds great."
If Nishinoya notices the begrudging tone in his voice he doesn't mention it. Instead he nods in agreement, blissfully unaware of how miserable Asahi happens to be.
"Actually, I wanted to ask you a question, Asahi-san." Noya says and his voice is a little shaky, like he's nervous.
"Okay, sure." Asahi can't even begin to imagine what Nishinoya might ask of him, they have barely spoken in a month except for the necessary pleasantries.
"Well, you see, Keiko has this friend and she is really very sweet and Keiko asked if I knew of anyone that maybe we could set her up with and I was thinking you might be a good guy." Noya says in a rush, obviously flustered and uncomfortable breaching this topic. "Don't get me wrong, I love Ryuu and at first I thought he might be a good idea but it sounds like this girl is kind of shy and quiet - a little like you are so I thought you might make a good match. Besides, you're the best guy that I know."
Asahi can feel the blood draining from his face as icy panic races through his veins. Is Nishinoya trying to set him up... on a blind date?
With a girl?
"I-I don't think so, Nishinoya. I'm not..." Asahi was going to say he wasn't attracted to girls but Nishinoya interrupts.
"Oh come on, Asahi-san! It doesn't have to be a commitment! Just one little date, I swear!" Noya begs, his tone just this side of a whine and he looks up at Asahi with his big brown eyes and Asahi knows he's done for.
"Well, I guess s-..."
"Great!" Nishinoya shouts and jumps in the air. "Thank you so much, I'm going to look like the best boyfriend ever. I'll give you the details after practice tonight, okay?"
Asahi swallows against the lump that has formed in his throat, "Yeah, sure" he croaks out.
It's virtually silent on the rest of their journey to school and Asahi hates himself. He should be honest and tell Noya that there is no way that he is going on this stupid date. For one thing, Asahi has zero interest in girls and it would be rude of him to pretend he is even if it is to help Nishinoya out with his own girlfriend. For another, Asahi is in love with Nishinoya.
His self-hatred grows a little more when he decides to keep his mouth shut and just let it happen.
XXXXXXXXXX
Asahi feels a little bit pleased with himself as he makes his way to the gym for practice that afternoon, the test he was dreading all weekend turned out to be relatively easy and he feels like he did well. When Asahi arrives at the gym for afternoon practice he notices immediately that something is out of sorts. The room is eerily quiet and when he walks further into the gym all eyes turn to him. He panics for a moment, his heart dropping to his stomach as he tries to figure out what it is he has done wrong. After wracking his brain for a few seconds he realizes he hasn't done anything stupid... lately.
Simultaneously everyones attention turns back to one person in the room: Nishinoya. Asahi follows their collective gazes to the small libero who is shaking off everyones concerned looks, moving through his stretches with ease as if he is not the center of everyone's attention.
"It's really not a big deal, I swear. Now can we just get back to practice?" Noya says and Asahi can hear the note of discomfort in the younger boys voice.
If anyone was going to argue it was a moot point as Coach Ukai arrived and yelled at everyone to get to practice immediately. Asahi was still completely in the dark as to what was happening with Nishinoya but it didn't sound like it was anything good.
Asahi can't help but wince as Nishinoya makes another barely passable receive - it is clear that the younger boys mind is elsewhere and the frustration is starting to show.
He hears Nishinoya scream a rather impressive string of profanities and that earns him a raised eyebrow and pointed look from their coach.
Nishinoya waves in his general direction with a half-assed apology and tries to focus on the rest of the match.
The rest of the match would be considered a disaster in anyones estimation and by the end its clear that no one's heart is in it. They are all having a tough time watching Noya struggle - it feels unnatural for their high-spirited libero to be so down.
The unusual day continues when practice is finished for the day and Nishinoya is the first one out the door - the only time Nishinoya is the first out the door is if Daichi has decided to treat them all to meat buns after practice.
Asahi sees Tanaka rush to go after him, calling out Nishinoya's name and getting no reply. His eyes scan the room seeking out Suga and Daichi and he spots them in the far corner talking to each other. Daichi's eyebrows are pinched together on his forehead like he is worried, the concern for Nishinoya is clearly written all over his face.
Asahi walks over to his friends, "So, do either of you have any idea what is going on?"
Suga smiles at Asahi but the expression seems a bit forced and Asahi can tell that Suga is just as concerned about their kouhai as he is.
Daichi is the one to respond, "Yeah, from what I overheard I think Noya broke up with his girlfriend and it was apparently a very loud and ugly situation."
"What?! Why?" Asahi questions, as of this morning everything had been fine between Nishinoya and his girlfriend as far as he knew. Something must have happened during the day because this morning Noya ha been actively trying to set up a double date. This new information didn't make any sense.
Suga grimaced because he knew that question was coming but he didn't really know how to answer it. He rubbed at the back of his neck nervously before answering, "Well, you see..." he started then stopped, "The thing is..."
Daichi cut him off, "He dumped her because of you."
Suga and Asahi gasped simultaneously.
"Daichi! I was trying to be tactful, why did you have to be so blunt?" Suga scolds.
The dark haired boy shrugs his shoulders, "Well someone had to tell him and you were getting nowhere fast."
"M-m-me?" Asahi stutters in his shock, "What did I do?"
Daichi shoots him a look that says 'What didn't you do?' that is knocked off of his face by a pained grunt when Suga punches him in the stomach for picking on Asahi.
"Leave him alone, Daichi." Suga hisses at their captain before turning back to Asahi, "Well, it's not really clear. All we know is what we overheard from other people but apparently Noya mentioned you during the spat that caused the breakup."
Asahi stands there staring with his mouth gaping wide open. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't understand how he could be the cause of Nishinoya's breakup when they have barely spoken recently. Still reeling from the news he thanks his two friends for the information even if it leaves him with more questions than answers.
After gathering his belongings from the club room he makes his way down the street towards his home. As he is walking he passes two girls from his school who are talking to each other emphatically about something or other, Asahi pays them no mind until he overhears a familiar name.
"Yeah, I know. Nishinoya got so upset with Keiko over that big, scary looking third year on the volleyball team that he just broke up with her! It's weird, they must be in a gang together or something. Keiko was too nice for him anyway, he was kind of odd and a little stupid." one of the girls says causing the second girl to gasp, her hand covering her mouth.
Asahi is stunned, he cannot believe that anyone would talk about Nishinoya that way. Nishinoya isn't stupid and he most certainly was not a gang member. Asahi can't help but mentally list off all the wonderful thing that Nishinoya is - excitable and passionate and bright and he didn't have a mean bone in his body.
He stops and looks over at the girls and he can see the moment they recognize who he is because their eyes widen in shock and one of them lets out a frightened little squeak. For the first time in his entire life Asahi is glad that his physical presence is so intimidating. He says nothing, just narrows his eyes at the girls before he continues walking. Who cares what they think, everyone thinks he is a thug or a gang member anyway but he hates the idea of someone thinking that way about Nishinoya.
He hears their hurried footsteps fading in the opposite direction that he is heading in and he's glad. Hopefully they will think twice the next time they think it's okay to speak so negatively about a person that they truly don't know.
The tall teen is halfway home when he passes by the convenience store, the rattle of the door prompts him to look over and he sees Nishinoya exiting with a popsicle in his hand. The corners of the younger boys mouth are pulled down and his eyebrows are furrowed, it's the closest thing to a scowl that Asahi has seen on Nishinoya's face in quite some time.
Asahi calls out to him before he makes the conscious decision to and Nishinoya looks up sharply. Asahi can see the moment of hesitation from his friend before Nishinoya calls out his own greeting and walks over to Asahi.
"Are you on your way home?" Noya asks as he falls into step next to Asahi. He is looking at the path straight ahead, his eyes not moving to Asahi's face
Asahi nods before he realizes Nishinoya didn't see the gesture, "Yeah."
They fall into silence and it is the most tense situation that Asahi has ever been in - its somehow worse than the time they screamed at each other after the Date Tech match, which had been their only real fight. He has so many questions he wants to ask - 'What happened?' 'What did I do to ruin your happiness?' "Do you still feel the way about me that I feel about you?'
Of course Asahi knows that it is unfair of him to ask any of these questions, Nishinoya owes him no explanations. If Nishinoya wants to tell him anything, he will. Nishinoya has always been open and honest where Asahi has always been one big confused ball of emotional chaos.
Nishinoya finishes his entire popsicle in silence, the only sound is their feet scraping along the pavement and the far distant sound of children playing before they are called in for dinner. It would be peaceful, Asahi muses, if it weren't for the mounting pressure he feels to say something - anything, even if it was just benign and pointless chatter.
He is about to make some comment about the weather but Nishinoya finally breaks the silence, "Hey, Asahi-san. That thing I was asking you about this morning... don't worry about it. There won't be any date."
Asahi, of course, knows that but he still can't manage to suppress the sigh of relief that leaves him at the news. He didn't think he could have gone through with it honestly, not because he didn't want to help his friend out or because he wasn't interested in girls - it was because he didn't think he could sit through a date and see Nishinoya so happy with another person.
Asahi was shocked to hear a small, breathy laugh from Noya, "Well, don't act too relieved, Asahi-san."
The taller boy rubs at the back of his neck and flushes, embarrassed to be called out, "Sorry."
Noya shakes his head, "Don't worry about it. I know you weren't interested." he looks up at Asahi, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you."
"I would have done it anyway." Asahi replies but he leave off the reason - 'for you'.
"Yeah." Noya agrees, "I know."
The way he says it makes Asahi feel strange - like somehow Nishinoya really knows why he would have gone through with the date. He keeps quiet for several moments before he just can't take it anymore, and it figures that when it comes to Nishinoya he has absolutely no self control, "What happened, Nishinoya?"
Noya looks up at Asahi and his eyes are cold and hard for a moment before they soften, the smaller boy exhales a shaky sigh, "There was a misunderstanding of sorts but I think in the end I just realized that we weren't meant to be together."
Asahi presses his lips together to keep himself from pushing any further. He's rewarded for his restraint a moment later when Noya goes on to elaborate.
"I didn't get a chance to talk to her this morning but at lunch I was able to tell her the good news that I found someone to go out with her friend but when I told her who it was she didn't react very well." Noya is scowling now as he remembers the uncomfortable memory, "She got all upset and asked me how I could set up one of her friends with a criminal like you." Noya laughs now, as if the very idea of Asahi being a criminal is comical - and it is - Asahi knows this. "I tried to explain to her the kind of person that you really are, that she was mistaken and she got so angry - as if she knew you better than I do. That's when I got angry, I told her that you were the complete opposite of any rumors she had ever heard but she didn't listen and that was when I decided it wouldn't work. If she could really believe the worst about you without even knowing you then she wasn't someone I wanted to be with."
Asahi wants to say something, knows he should say something to Nishinoya but he can't, his heart has relocated to his throat and is lodged there choking off any words that he might be able to say. So it was true, he was the reason Nishinoya had broken up with his girlfriend. It seemed surreal and although Asahi was flattered that Nishinoya thought so highly of him he didn't think it was any reason for him to have ended a relationship.
"You know, now that I have had a little time to think about it I don't think I ever had really deep feelings for her." Noya smiles sadly, "I think I was just so happy that someone had confessed to me. That has never happened to me before and I figured I would give it a shot. Keiko is a really nice girl but there really wasn't anything there. We didn't have much in common and I think maybe she felt the same way."
"Sorry, Noya." Asahi says because he can't think of anything else that would be adequate. He wants to take his friend in his arms but he can't because it wouldn't be platonic and he can't take advantage of Nishinoya right now when he's emotional and vulnerable. Asahi has already done the other boy so much wrong, he can't allow himself to do anymore damage.
A broken sound escapes Nishinoya's throat and Asahi is shocked to see his friends eyes are watering, "I'm not sad about the break-up or anything but she was my first kiss and now that this is all over I wish that I had just said no. I think I made a mistake by accepting her confession and now I've hurt her feelings but I just couldn't let her keep talking about you like that and when I finished defending you she looked at me and I could tell that she knew."
Asahi isn't going to be an idiot this time around, he refuses to let another opportunity to pass him by so he pushes when he would usually keep quiet, "What did she know?"
Noya stops walking and stands with his head down, chin tucked into his chest with his hands gripped into fists at his sides. When he finally gathers himself enough to look Asahi in the eye, tears have started to roll down his face, "She could tell that I loved someone else."
"Nishinoya..." he calls out and moves towards his friend but Noya takes a step back and puts both of his hands up, palms facing Asahi.
"It's okay, I already know that you don't feel the same way. I just thought I should tell you all of this before you heard it from anyone else." the smaller boy explains.
Asahi steps forward and takes one of the younger boys hands in his own, "No, Nishinoya. You don't understand, I- I do care about you. I just messed up the first time. It sounds stupid even saying this out loud but I didn't understand what you were really saying before and I wanted to tell you but I couldn't get close to you afterwards and then you were suddenly with Keiko and I didn't think it was fair to tell you then."
Nishinoya stands there in stunned silence, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide until a hiccup rocks his small frame. That works him out of his speechless stupor, "Really?"
Asahi worries his bottom lip between his teeth and nods, "Yeah. I told you it was stupid but I really do like you Nishinoya. I'm glad that you confessed first because I would never have been brave enough to tell you on my own and I know that is cowardly but if you still feel the same about me... well... then I hope you can forgive me being foolish before."
It takes a moment before Noya nods, "I think I can do that."
Asahi is a little stunned that Nishinoya is still crying and he doesn't understand until Noya launches himself at Asahi, arms wrapping around his torso to realize that these are happy tears. Asahi wraps his own arms around Noya and nuzzles his cheek into Noya's hair, not caring that he is most likely demolishing the carefully constructed look that Noya works so hard for. He settles one large hand on the back of Noya's neck and allows his fingers to massage the soft skin he finds there gently. He relishes in the feeling of Noya melting against his chest as the tension and the stress of the day seep out of his small frame.
"What?" Asahi questions, Nishinoya is mumbling something into his chest but he can't hear him properly.
Noya pulls away from Asahi's chest and wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his jacket, "I said that was nice."
Asahi can't help but laugh at the admission, "I'm glad. Can I walk you home?"
Nishinoya rolls his eyes, "I don't think my boyfriend has to ask to walk me home."
Heat flares on Asahi's face and he knows it is silly to react that way because he and Nishinoya just confessed to each other but now it's real, Nishinoya is really his boyfriend and that just makes Asahi's head swim and his poor glass heart flutter dangerously in his chest.
"Come on, big guy." Noya says, rescuing Asahi from his anxiety attack by grabbing one of his hands and threading their fingers together. Asahi can't help but run his thumb along the back of Nishinoya's hand. The smaller boys hands are so much softer than his own and he gets caught up in the warmth and the feeling of their clammy palms pressed together. He feels a small pang of jealousy when he thinks about Nishinoya doing this exact thing with Keiko but when he thinks of them kissing he feels his blood boil just a bit. He hates himself because he should have been Nishinoya's first kiss - they should have been each other's first kiss.
When Nishinoya's apartment building comes into view their pace begins to slow, knowing that they have to separate is making their movements sluggish - they are loathe to part now that they have finally arrived on the same page regarding their feelings.
"Well, here we are!" Noya says and Asahi wants to laugh because the last time Noya looked this awkward he was throwing up a toss for Asahi for the first time. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Asahi agrees but he can't leave it like this, not after all this time. He needs to be brave, "I'm sorry Nishinoya."
Noya looks at him like he has grown a second head, his nose scrunching up, "What the hell for?"
Asahi bring one hand up, fingers taking a gentle grip of the smaller boys chin before he stoops down and presses their lips together. Asahi feels Nishinoya take a sharp inhale through his nose and it makes Asahi's blood roar in his ears. It's strange to think that he has caught Nishinoya off guard and he feels a bit guilty about how satisfied it makes him feel. When he pulls away Nishinoya looks dazed and Asahi's mind gets a little carried away, thinking about all the different ways he could put that expression on Nishinoya's face, before he is able to reign it back in.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't your first kiss but I wanted to be." Asahi explains, "You were my first kiss."
The confession makes blood rush to Nishinoya's cheeks and Asahi thinks that there is nothing more beautiful in this world than that face. He hopes that as time goes on he can still manage to make Nishinoya look the way he does right now.
"It's okay." Noya says, his voice breathy and his speech slow, "You have time to make it up to me."
The taller boy nods, "I swear that I will."
Noya chuckles at that but doesn't say anything further, he just reaches up on his toes while he yanks Asahi down to his level and kisses him again. They kiss for longer than they probably should in such an open and public space but neither boy can bring themselves to care. When they finally say goodbye for the evening the stars have begun to come out in the evening sky and the temperature is dropping dramatically. Asahi zips up his jacket so that he can stay warm on the remainder of his journey home. He only walks along the path he's on for a minute or two before he hears a familiar voice calling out his name.
"Hey, Asahi-san?"
Asahi turns around to see Noya standing behind him, his breathing heavy because he needed to run to catch up with him.
"Do you even like girls?" Noya asks, his head cocked to the side.
Asahi laughs so loud that Noya jumps and it takes a minute for him to calm down enough to answer, "No, I don't."
"I knew it!" Noya yells and then he is running in the opposite direction, turning back once to wave goodbye to Asahi.
The tall boys shakes his head and smiles and starts to walk home again. Today would probably be counted as one of the strangest in his seventeen years on this earth but at the moment, it is also his happiest.
He calls out a greeting to his mother when he gets home and she meets him at the foyer, giving him a kiss on the forehead and telling him to clean up for supper. She must notice his jovial state because she comments on it and he agrees that his day had gone well. He can see the way her eyes soften considerably and her shoulders relax, he feels guilty because she must have been worried about him lately with his depression.
He makes sure to give his mother a warm hug before he goes to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. After his shower, he does some homework, working on an essay that he has due at the end of the week. He has completed a few pages when his phone chimes with a new test message and his eyes widen when he sees that it is from Nishinoya.
At first, he is surprised but then he recalls the events of the day and he thinks it isn't so strange that Nishinoya would text him now. Now they were on good terms with each other, now they were together.
Asahi is glad he is alone in his room because he makes a distressed noise because he has a boyfriend and for some reason that still seems so surreal.
The text is short and simple, just a "Goodnight, Asahi-san! I'll see you tomorrow 3."
The little heart tacked on at the end of the message makes Asahi smile so wide he is sure he looks mentally disturbed but he doesn't care! It's so cute and sweet and it's just for him.
He replies with a similar text and after another hour he finally packs in his books and decides he can finish the rest of his essay tomorrow. He sets the alarm on his phone before snuggling into his sheets and turning out the lights.
When his alarm goes off the next morning it scares him so badly that he accidentally rolls out of his bed. He pushes himself onto his hands and knees, disoriented, and fumbles around until he is able to locate his phone and turn off the offensive noise. It isn't until he is brushing his teeth that he realizes that last night was the first time he slept through the night without waking up from a nightmare in ages.
Asahi smiles as he sends a quick text to Nishinoya to tell him that he will meet him at his apartment so that they can walk to school together and it takes less than a second for the reply to come through complete with exclamation points and emojis. He feels excited about the day ahead and he has Nishinoya to thank for that. He knows he is lucky that things have worked out for him and he resolves that in the future he is going to be more observant and more decisive in his actions. He was the only one standing in the way of his happiness before and he never wants that to happen again.
When Asahi sees Nishinoya's smiling face this morning he knows it will be a good day. Any time spent in the presence of Nishinoya is time well spent in his opinion and he can't help how happy it makes him feel that he will be able to do so more often from now on. Asahi loves the idea that he will get to see Noya's smile every day. Asahi thinks that from now on it will be easier to wake up in the morning, from now on he won't wake up hurting.
Thank you for reading! Comments are always appreciated. :)