Green Eyes
By,
Aestivate
Rating: K+
Characters: Miss Martian/M'gann Morzz, La'gaan/Lagoon Boy, Conner/Superboy
Summary: None of their break-up was M'gann's fault. It was Superboy's inability to compromise; Superboy's antiquated sense of morality. And yet… And yet…
Word Count: 1,410
"Green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you"
- "Green Eyes" by Coldplay
The fact that there is already initial attraction makes it easy for M'gann to make the next move. A small part of her – the ever-smaller unencumbered innocence that she's not sure really exists anymore – tells her that she shouldn't, that Conner would disapprove, and that this is wrong. But then the beast within her stirs and she was right, she was right, Conner was wrong, Conner wasn't grateful for what they had and he no longer has the right to claim ownership to his resentment. Anyway, she's not supposed to be trying to gain his approval. Not anymore. And maybe she's a little bit spiteful but maybe it's really just these Earthlings that don't understand that every relationship consists of some sort of mind game.
Love can't exist without some sort of bending of will, and it's a pity Conner didn't – doesn't – understand that. She remembers how strongly his will resisted hers when she got that silly little idea that she could unmake the wall that had grown uninvited between them. She tried to get rid of it before it became a huge problem, before it could fester, but he was never grateful.
M'gann also remembers how painful it was for him to resist like that, to seemingly want to keep that division between them. The break-up was his idea, but he was already starting to become unreachable, an intangible presence in her mind. He wanted it. He didn't want her. He had (has) no reason to be bitter when it was he who made the decision to no longer love her.
None of the break-up was her fault. Neither is the event that transpired afterwards:
Every person M'gann ever comes in contact with telepathically leaves their mental signature on her mind. Superboy was a torrential presence, so full of emotion he was never able to hide nor did he care to hide it. She liked that sort of raw honesty about him.
So because of her powers she knows when La'gaan is coming to see her because she can feel his humble presence in her mind, full of awkward longing and idiotic loyalty. La'gaan's brain is not at all like Superboy's, but his feelings towards her feel familiar and his presence is definitely comforting. She shouldn't be beckoning him to come to her when he so often does on his own. And yet… Yet…
M'gann bites the inside of her mouth and her knuckles even turn a paler shade of green from squeezing so hard. La'gaan is crossing the doorway now. "Hello, La'gaan," she says, trying to keep her voice steady. "What brings you here at this time of night?"
"Look," La'gaan says, and the familiar scent of some Atlantean flora meets her nose. He enters the bedroom uninvited (Conner never did that) and pushes the bouquet beneath her nose. "I may not be a brooding self-obsessed anchovy like Superboy but I just want to see you happy, Angelfish. Merlin's beard, was he way out of line during today's mission. When I lay my fins on him…"
M'gann giggles out of her own accord. "That won't be necessary. Thanks for coming to cheer me up, La'gaan." Every word feels like a stab wound. She accepts the bouquet of flowers, levitates a vase that Superboy had given her during one of their anniversaries and gently sets the flowers in them. If La'gaan knows that the vase was a present from Superboy he gives no indication. As the flowers are Atlantean, pretty soon they will need to be submerged in saltwater and placed under an LED light. She wishes that the vase was made of organic material so she could reform it to suit her needs; but alas, the ceramic is unbendable.
La'gaan, in all of his endearing sweetness and hot-blooded simplicity, stupidly splutters on once M'gann's silence makes him frazzled. "Heck, you were the one that got us out of that mess! You're way more professional than that anchovy will ever be! You were the squad leader and he shouldn't have undermined your authority like that. Nightwing thinks it was a successful mission and so do the rest of us. So smile, okay?"
Today's mission wasn't her fault either – just that Conner is too stubborn to realize that there is no such thing as absolute good nor is there such thing absolute evil. He doesn't realize that to do right sacrifices have to be made too. M'gann can only hope to cling to what she knows what is right and she'll take that with her to her dying day. La'gaan knows she's right. He wants her to be right. To him, she'll always be right.
So why does this feel so wrong?
"La'gaan," says M'gann, and her voice sounds alien, even to her, an actual alien. She feels him beckon closer but she won't yield to him, not yet, and her body grows taut at the feel of his body as he sits down next to her on the bed.
"What is it, beautiful? You can tell Lagoon Boy anything." He puts a slippery arm around her shoulders and then tears begin to fall, fast and hard. A hard sob erupts from her chest. "Hey Angelfish, don't cry."
She just wants to apologize. But now that she has him she can't have enough of him. This feeling of desire is entirely new – finally, she curls her arms around him and buries her head in his neck, and the sensation is curious as her skin meets a combination of skin and scales. She lifts her chin to his to meet his lips and he responds enthusiastically, a dam breaking over a waterfall. "Thank you," she murmurs, after it's over. "Thank you for loving me when I don't deserve it."
"Anything for you, Angelfish," says La'gaan, the man with a will more pliable than a piece of wire. So different from Conner, from Superboy, the only person she's ever met that has ever been able to repel her will before. "Anything for you, my sweet mermaid," he murmurs, lips brushing against her ear.
With her arms around La'gaan's and La'gaan's face buried in her neck, M'gann's shuts her eyes and breathes in the scent of salt and sweat.
"Anything," La'gaan repeats, voice soft and low. He strokes the bob on her head, and she leads his eager fingers around the perimeter of her body. The last person to touch her wasn't nearly this gentle. They lie together until La'gaan dozes off, breathing deep and even.
"I can't even look at you right now!" cries Conner, the hurt apparent in his face and his mind. He looks utterly at loss, and M'gann floats over to him to grab his arm, and he throws her off – almost hurting her, almost. The recoil sends her flying backward.
"I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I didn't mean to –"
"Didn't mean to try and enter my mind and make me forget why I'm upset with you? Do you even hear yourself? Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you of all people think that I wouldn't recognize the way you use your powers?"
"I… I…I thought I could make things better between us…" M'gann is distinctly aware of how hysterical her voice sounds.
Conner gives a weary sigh and puts his head in his hands. "Don't even try to justify it. I was going to say I can't believe you did that but I can't say I'm actually surprised." Then come the corrosive words: "We're through."
After all they'd been through together he wouldn't even open himself up to further compromise. His love for her really had been that feeble. He never understood – or even tried to understand. He never tried to consider other perspectives – her perspective. Not her fault. His. His fault and his antiquated sense of morality. She is one of the good guys. She's saved lives, planets, his life more times than she can count, not that she's ever kept score. Her sense of right and wrong is what lets them complete missions, win waged wars. M'gann thinks at that moment that she needs someone exactly like La'gaan, someone willing to be…
"Anything," repeats M'gann, kissing La'gaan's forehead, green eyes glowing.
Fin.