A/N: I probably should have never said that I wasn't going to write gain because here I am. Honestly this story came of an idea I told Chefie1 and she wouldn't let me breathe until I wrote it LOL. But I am glad she did, because it felt great just writing it all down. But I want to thank her because really this story is as much mine as hers, because she filled in a lot of the blanks, she made this story elegant, added a great deal of details that I am just not capable of doing myself. So I want to say this story is a joint effort between the both of us. Thanks for all your girl! This story is long, so I broke it up into three chapters. I will post the rest before the end of the week.
Checking my watch, I notice that it is five-minutes until show time. A heavy sigh rolls past my lips as I reluctantly settle on the crème settee, the beaming bright lights overhead already causing a bead of sweat to form on my forehead. I look beyond the mock stage that took them nearly four hours to set-up in my office. It slightly resembles the same layout my staff orchestrated for mandatory portraits of the first family of Illinois after I was newly elected governor. The heavy-duty professional grade lights and cameras, along with two thirty-two inch monitors behind the interviewee's chair and a camera crew of five huddled in a corner, reminds me that this was indeed primetime and not a measly photo-shoot. Squinting my eyes, I try to get a better view past the sharp beams of light to see if Alicia was finally getting the last round of touch-ups on her makeup. She had been getting dressed, and in hair and makeup far longer than the allotted hour and a half Eli said she would be.
I've done hundreds of interviews before, but this one was different. It was both of us together.Pretending.
Forced to pretend we are a happy couple after the rumors came out about Alicia's affair with Will. This was all Castro's doing I am sure. There was no controlling the media's speculation, and they went out of their way to find proof when we wouldn't confirm or deny the gossip. Until finally some pictures of Will and Alicia at different hotels, surfaced. There was no longer any point of denying it. So now, we are here, pretending to be happily married to shut down Castro's bidding and remind the people of Chicago that my wife is every bit as noble and deserving to be the next State's Attorney.
Hearing the crew guy shout a ninety-second warning, it is then that I see Alicia waltz towards me in a two-piece blue skirt suit. She already has that political look to her—cool, calm, and collected. She flashes me a nervous smile and sits next to me on the couch, closer than she usually would have. I knew what was about to take place in the next thirty-minutes and hated it. I'm sure she was aware of that. But, I have no choice. I'm only doing this for my wife. As long as I am in the position to do so, I will use everything in my power to save her political future, just as she did mine.
"You ready?" she asked.
"Yup," I say, settling into a more comfortable position.
Steve Kroft—our interviewer—finally joins us and plops down in the designated chair positioned in front of the couch.
"Thanks again for agreeing to do this joint interview. It should be a breeze," he says.
We both offer him a small smile as the doubt seeps into our minds. A breeze? Yeah right. We have never done this type of interview before and having been debriefed on his line of questioning, I'm sure I can speak for us when I say this will not be a walk in the park.
"Ten seconds," the crew guy yells, followed by a countdown.
Within the doled out seconds, Steve begins his sixty-minutes introductory speech, thanking the audience for joining us. He is staring straight into the camera as he gives a brief background about Alicia and I, to which I am barely listening. When I glance over to her, I notice she is looking at him and smiling like she is ready for whatever is coming her way. You see, that's my wife. She is always prepared for battle. I wouldn't imagine her as nothing short of the strong and brave woman she is, sitting beside me on this couch. She is truly one of the most courageous women I know.
After introducing us to America, Steve finally turns to us and begins the interview. He first directs his attention to Alicia.
"Mrs. Florrick, let's start with you, since you are the reason that we are here. You threw your hat into the State's attorney race a few months ago. Why?"
She laughs nervously. "Well, Steve, I thought I truly would be the best person for the job. The office is deeply flawed in a political gridlock right now and the current State's Attorney just isn't pulling his weight. I believe my law background along with my slight involvement in politics, makes me an outsider who has seen the world through the eyes of an everyday citizen. My vision is not blinded by the demands of government. That being said, I would be able to come into the State's Attorney office and bring real change, because I wouldn't have to answer to anyone else but the people of Illinois."
"But, your husband appointed Mr. Castro." Steve now turns to me and so does Alicia. "Mr. Governor, do you think it was a mistake to nominate him?"
Taking a deep breath, I weigh out the endless answers in my mind and carefully respond.
"Steve, Castro was the smart choice back then when I left the State's Attorney's office. He had worked really hard to get to where he was and had a lot experience. But he has since completely mismanaged that office. This is why I am so happy and proud my wife decided to enter the race." I turn to Alicia and cover her hands resting on top of her thigh with my own, and then focus back on Steve. "She is one of the smartest and most dedicated individuals I have ever met. She loves to work hard and loves to make a difference. And she loves this city as much as I do. That is why I don't believe any other candidate is as qualified as her."
Steve nods. "You speak very highly of your wife, which leads me to the reason I feel many people have tuned in tonight." Both Alicia and I shift uncomfortably on the cushion, knowing what he is about to ask next. "Mrs. Florrick, can you please speak on the allegations that you had an extramarital affair with your former boss, Will Gardner, a partner at your previous law firm?"
I feel Alicia's hand tense under mine, but I keep my hand steadfastly on hers and give a slight squeeze to let her know it's going to be okay. That I am right here, that we are in this together, and it will all be okay.
"As you know, as does the public, Peter and I have experienced a lot of difficulties in our marriage. This dates back to years ago when his scandal surfaced. It was a very hard time for us. We wanted to make it work, but I was very angry. I was heartbroken."
She nearly whispers "heartbroken" and I fear she will habitually recoil in herself, on live television, as the memory swallows her in grief. But by the grace of her strong will, she continues to hold her head high and speaks confidently about our marriage, and her affair.
"During the first few years after the scandal was brought to light, Peter and I were separated. And that was when..." she inhales a breath and glances at me briefly, then continued, "I engaged in a relationship with an old friend, Will Gardner. It lasted a few months, but that was it. He was a good friend and a good person, who was there for me during a hard time in my life. I think a part of me just needed time to heal and move on. He helped me do that."
Alicia smiles at me, clearly confident in her response before focusing back on Steve.
"And Mr. Governor, how do you feel about your wife's affair?"
Her hand begins to tremble lightly beneath mine. I know what she's thinking. Before answering Steve, I offer her a little reassurance by the squeeze of my hand.
"I feel a lot of regret." I pause and look at Alicia again, the same as she did me. "I almost drove our marriage to a point of no return. At the time, I didn't realize I could have lost my wife and our two children. Every day I am afforded to live and see, I am grateful that Alicia gave me a second chance to make it up to her, to make it up to my kids. To make it up to the people of Illinois. If she is able to forgive me for my misdoings, then I am willing to forgive her as well and really work on making our marriage stronger."
Steve nodded slowly, taking his time to digest my answer. He casually leans back in his chair, shifting his eyes between the two of us. I'm not sure what he will ask next, but I know that my response has given fuel to whatever analysis is going on in his mind right now.
"And how well did you know Will Gardner? Did you know about their affair while it was going on?"
Alicia begins to withdraw her hand slightly, but I hold it firm.
"I knew Will Gardner, but not on a personal level. He was a good lawyer and a nice guy. But Steve, whether I knew about the affair or not, in my opinion, doesn't really matter now. I think it is time to put that behind us and focus on the real problems of Chicago and what my wife can do to improve the State's Attorney's office."
Steve scoots forward within his seat, resting an elbow on the wooden arm of the chair as he shakes his head.
"But Mr. Governor, many Americans don't feel comfortable voting for someone whom had an extramarital affair. Considering the recent appearances by the two of you and based off your answer just now, it seems as if you and your wife have found some sort of arrangement, or middle ground in your marriage. The public feels that you are both in a fake or staged marriage. What do you two have to say regarding that?" He stares directly at Alicia. "Especially you, Mrs. Florrick. The people of Chicago are speculating that you are both together for one reason, and that is to get you elected. Are these rumors fair? Is there any grain of truth in them?"
Alicia tucks a lock of hair behind an ear with her free hand as she straightens her back against the couch. Although I'm sure those out there watching can't tell from her poker face, but inside, she is barely holding on. We hardly ever discussed us to this extent. Even I'm a bit taken back by the depth of scrutiny of our marriage. Is the grounds she laid out for us finally falling through the cracks? Is everyone seeing right through our tony-award worthy performance right now?
"Those rumors are entirely false. Our marriage is not some sort of arrangement." She flashes me a brief smile and stares at me longingly, no doubt purposefully lingering and playing this role to the hilt for the cameras.
Damn, she is good.
"I love my husband," she continues.
My eyes narrow slightly as our gaze remains locked and I can't help but think of how it's so chilling that she can say that lie with such a straight face, while her voice echoes deep conviction. I take back what I said. No, we aren't putting on an award winning performance. My wife clearly takes the cake.
"You are looking at two people who have loved each other for a long time. I am not perfect. And he isn't perfect. But we have been together for over twenty years now, through good and bad. We have two of the most amazing kids, whom we both adore." She places her other hand on top of mine. "Marriage isn't easy. We aren't going to wake up one day and all of a sudden, it's going to make sense. All that we can do is work on it, which we do every day. What's important is that we are always there to support and guide each other. "
I obligatorily smile at her and look towards Steve, further adding to her comment.
"There is no agenda here, Steve. We have had our share of problems and have decided our marriage is not worth giving up. What you have here, with us, are spouses who have hurt each other deeply, and are now vying to get back to a good and healthy place. Two individuals who want to dedicate their lives to public service by helping the people of this great state. We are staying married because we love each other, and Alicia is running because we both believe she will be the best person for the position."
Steve rubs his bottom lip as he considers my words. "But does the public have to worry about another scandal resurfacing and derail the work of the next State's Attorney?"
I answer first. "No. Absolutely not. I have amended my shortcomings. I have gone to prison and I have learned the grave extent of how I hurt my family very deeply. I will never do that to them again."
"What about you, Mrs. Florrick? How can the public trust that if you and your husband have another falling out, that you wouldn't begin another affair? Your husband went to prison for his mistake, but how about you? Did you learn from it?"
I could sense Alicia was getting tense from the invasive questioning. Her delay in responding told me that. In a very indirect way, Steve was shaming her for her affair. I couldn't help myself; I had to jump in and help her.
"Steve, I can tell you my wife was put in an extraordinarily terrible position by me. There is only one person to blame here, and it is me." I can feel her eyes staring a hole through my skull, but I won't look into them. For I know there is a deep sadness flickering there, a sadness that only I would be able to see. "I broke an ultimate vow, and she forgave me. Her mistakes don't even come close to the ones I made. I broke us. And we have been trying ever since to get back to one another. To be the husband and wife we used to be."
Alicia looked at Peter, finally finding her voice. "Peter and I have discussed my shortcomings and my involvement in my affair. And you are right, Steve. Two wrongs do not make a right. Just because he broke his vows did not mean I had the right to break mine. I know this. When I had to explain my infidelity to my kids and my family, it was simply…indescribable. Their disappointment was punishment enough. Peter and I were separated at the time and we all have moved forward. We have chosen not to get hung up our on mistakes from the past, for we were in completely different places back then, but now, we're on the same page again. We are strongly, 100% recommitted to our marriage and our family."
Steve nodded, as he crossed his legs and hooked his thumb beneath his chin, focusing his eyes only on her.
"Okay. To make sure we are all on the same page here, Mrs. Florrick, did you have an affair to punish your husband for his infidelities?" he asked, pushing even further.
Alicia tensed up even more and glanced down at her wedding ring, then looked back up at him.
"It's a lot more complicated than that. I was deeply hurt. I thought I was ready to move on, given our separation. It was a vulnerable time for me and I found comfort in a long time friend. And maybe, just maybe a small part of me wanted to hurt Peter as much as he hurt me. I didn't go into the relationship thinking that way, but I also didn't think it through when I began the affair. I thought I wanted it, but quickly realized it wasn't in me to continue on. So the short answer is, no, I didn't go into it to punish my husband. But I can't say my actions were totally honest to myself."
Steve finally spoke again. "Mrs. Florrick, I'm not sure you are aware or not, but your scandal is already causing a major distraction from the campaign. Do you think this looming cloud is honorable to the public? For you to continue to paint a picture of a strong and ambitious political wife, a woman who can be every bit the man her husband is, but harbor such a colored past? With the doubt etched into so many minds tonight, wouldn't it be a wise move if you stepped down now to save yourself a loss in the coming months?"
"No, Steve," she fervently shakes her head. "I am the best candidate for this position. I do not believe that our personal life is an indicator of how much change I can or cannot bring to the State's Attorney office. It's not fair to the people of Illinois for me to quit the race over a personal issue between my husband and I that was made public. I am not a quitter, and I will continue to fight to do what is right. It's extremely hard to sit here, on this couch, and air out my personal life to you and to the world. But I am doing this because I think the people deserve answers and I want them to know I am willing to give them. Because, again, I believe I am the best candidate and should not be pushed out of the race over this insignificant matter."
"Insignificant matter? Are you saying an affair is not a big deal?" Steve continued to push.
"No, Steve, I am not."
I watch as she inhales a brave breath and grips my hand so hard it makes me want to cringe. Being a woman who carefully reveals her innermost feelings, I know the pressure of her having to answer these tough questions is getting to her. Fast.
"I am saying that my affair from three years ago, has nothing to do with how I am going to perform as State's Attorney. My affair was a very private and personal moment, and it shouldn't influence my candidacy. I believe these are separate issues, even though the public is interested in both. How I intend to get my job done in that role, does not, in any way, have to do with this affair, which ended three years ago. The public can trust this. They gave my husband a second chance and he has proven he deserved it. They elected him back into office twice after his scandal, because they were able to separate his mistakes and capabilities to lead this state in the right direction. And that is exactly what I want to do. Lead Chicago into the right direction."
"I am sure that is music to everyone's ears, whom is listening tonight." Steve nods at her and smiles. "I want to thank you both for answering these questions, which I know were uncomfortable. I appreciate your willingness to open up." He then pivots to his right, facing the camera. "When we return, more from First Lady Alicia and Governor Florrick. We will talk more on their marriage and the conflict of interest that could arise if Mrs. Florrick wins the election."
The cameras, much to our relief, stop rolling. Steve rises from his seat and walks towards the small make-up station near the entry of the room, giving us a moment of privacy. I take advantage of this break and finally let my guard down. Exhaling a deep breath, I unlink our joined hands.
"That wasn't so bad," she tells me, smiling. All I do is nod. I shift on the couch, the lightweight of my tailored suit adding to my discomfort. I feel super-hot under it, my tie all of a sudden feeling as if it's choking me. I loosen it slightly. "Right?" she asks after I don't respond, clearly still looking for reassurance.
"Yeah, not too bad at all." I lean in close and whisper in her ear, making sure nobody else around us could hear me. "The art of pretending suits us both so well."
I can tell she picks up on the bitterness in my voice just by how her facial expression changes.
"Look, I know this feels uncomfortable. Let's just get through this, and we won't have to do an interview like this again."
"You two are doing great!" Eli comes out of nowhere, dismissing my chance to respond to Alicia. He must have been holding his breath behind the monitors, watching us do this, waiting for any slip-up that would cause him to fly off the handle.
"You are both hitting all the right chords, which will resonate with the public." He smiles widely. "Hell," he bent down to be eye level with us, "I even believe you two have overcome your difficulties and are madly in love," he says in a softer voice.
I nod and look towards my desk. Alicia also avoids eye contact with Eli. That is the farthest from what either of us feel.
"I am glad that we are making you proud, Eli," I finally say.
My response strikes the flicker of unease I know he was badly hoping to never see between us until this interview was over.
"What's wrong?" He finally probes. "Don't you two dare get all cold on me now. We only have one segment to go."
"We won't, Eli," Alicia quickly interjects.
"Two minute warning," the crew guy finally says.
"Keep doing what you're doing!" Eli winks at us, and gives a thumb up before going back to his hidden position.
Partially loosening my tie, I sigh heavily, my eyes widening when Alicia rests her hand on my thigh.
"Look Peter, we can talk about this once it's over, if you want."
"No. It's all right. Don't worry. I will continue to play my part. There won't be anything left to discuss once we're finished."
The makeup artist comes towards us to do a quick touch up on us both. Steve returns to his chair and smiles in our direction, shooing away the artist who also tries to blot his forehead one last time.
"Are you two ready to continue?"
"Yes we are," I answer, flashing that fake but familiar, genuine smile.
"Five seconds everyone," the crew director informs us as he continues his count down.
Steve doesn't waste any time jumping right back in to the questions once we're live again.
"Before the break, you both were expressing the struggles most marriages have to deal with. Can either of you tell us why your marriage has survived, compared to other marriages?"
"Commitment," Alicia said. "It's always easy to give up. To stop trying. It takes a lot more effort and courage to forgive and keep trying. I committed to this marriage over twenty-years ago, and I don't like breaking commitments. I fell in love with a young lawyer back then, whom was kind, funny, and smart. And he is still all of those things. I didn't want to give up on that man I fell in love with. Just like he didn't give up on me."
"But what do you have to say to these women who judge you for giving your husband a second chance?" Steve inquires.
"I would say…" She rests her hand on my thigh again and looks at me, surprising me for a split second. I almost forget to play my part, so thrown by the contact, before I reach an arm back and rest it behind her on the chair, then cover her small hand on my thigh with my free one. "I would say forgiveness is not easy. That you can't judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Every single situation is different. What I decided to do is very different than what another woman may have chosen. I would tell those women who question my actions, that you have to do what is right for yourself, because what is right for me might not be right for them and vice versa." She nods, affirming her own answers and I actually truly believe that for the first time in the last twenty minutes, I know she is telling the truth. "Peter has changed; he has atoned for his failures and so have I. Second chances are not easy, but I do believe Peter deserved it and he hasn't proved me wrong."
"Governor, would you say your wife deserved a second chance as well?"
"Absolutely, Steve." I answer without hesitation. "The only reason Alicia and I are together now is because she didn't walk out on me when my scandal surfaced. Not only did she stand by my side, but she saved our family. She sought a career after thirteen years of being a stay at home mother, never giving up after employers told her no. Giving up wasn't an option; it never crossed her mind. That is the kind of woman she is, one that perseveres in difficult situations and that is one of the many reasons why I love her. She is the same girl I fell in love with twenty years ago. So yes, my wife deserves a second chance, and so much more."
"Ok, thank you," Steve says as he readjusts himself in his seat. "Now, moving on to a lighter topic. Mrs. Florrick, you said that you met your husband when he was a young lawyer years ago. Can you tell everyone the story on how you two met?"
I chuckled at the memory because I have told this story a hundred times before and it always brings so many memories. Alicia looks at me, waiting for me to begin.
"I think Peter likes to tell this story. How about it, honey?"
I smiled at her, and cleared my throat as I reflect on what it was like when I saw my wife for the first time.
"Alicia was a second year at Georgetown and I was a second year associate at McCord and Associates in D.C. She had landed a job as our summer intern, working closely with the associates on cases. She caught my attention right away. She was breathtakingly beautiful, and very, very smart. There was never a moment when she wasn't always working or running around doing something. She wasn't on my case then, but I knew I needed to get to know her. I would stare at her all time. In meetings, in the break room, when we walked down the hallway…
"One day, a few weeks in, little did I know, Alicia was tired of waiting," I continue on with the story. "So, she approached me in the break room, and said, "If you are going to keep looking at me, and I am going to keep looking at you, perhaps we should get to know each other". Then she properly introduced herself to me," I laughed. "A very determined woman she was. I was even more attracted, and intrigued to learn more about her right away."
Alicia laughed at the memory as well. "You know, he took me to a basketball game on our first date. It was pretty funny because I had very little interest in sports, but I could tell it was important to him. I went to the game, not really knowing what to expect. I ended up being so bored." She laughed lightly; I've missed hearing that laugh. "I have since learned a thing or two. I can actually sit down and watch a game with him now," she added.
"Yeah, she is a trooper, even if she doesn't enjoy it as much. She likes to spend time with me," I say with a chuckle, thinking of the endless Sunday's we've spent watching basketball and football games.
Steve smiled. "Well, you two definitely seem to be in a much better place now. But you both lead very busy lives. When do you see each other or your kids? With the Governor traveling back and forth all the time, how do you manage not to lose sight of your renowned commitment being apart so much?"
"We are in a much better place, Steve," says Alicia. "We endured very tough years for a while. But I think we have finally reached a much-desired level of stability. We try to see each other as much as we possibly can. When Peter is in Chicago, we make time for each other. And we absolutely make time for our kids," she tells him as she squeezes my hand.
"It's not easy, I can tell you that," I add. "But communication is very important to us now. I call her multiple times a day just to see how she is doing. If I am away, I make sure that I call her at night before bed. We try to stay in touch as much as possible," I lie to him, but with great ease. However, I suppose this isn't all entirely a lie, because before Will died, this was all true.
"Is there anything else you would like to tell the public, Mrs. Florrick, about your marriage? Anything to reassure those who are hesitant to vote for you because of your past?"
"I want the public to know that our marriage is private, and just because we are now speaking about it publicly, we don't want to remain hung up on that. Right now is the time to focus on talking about the issues plaguing this county and state, about my experience and how I will be a necessary addition to the State's Attorney office," Alicia said.
"Speaking of the State's Attorney's office, what are your plans to combat conflicts of interest between yours and potentially your wife's office, if she wins, Mr. Governor?" Steve asked, finally deflecting the conversation away from the private details of our marriage.
"Well, I have a lot of smart people working with me, holding me accountable as well as the people of Illinois," I say to Steve. "I don't plan to interject in my wife's office if she wins, and it's not my place to do so. I urge anyone who works with me now, or worked with me then, to know that it's a completely different office and they shouldn't feel like they need to be more lenient in their roles just because she is my wife."
"To add to that," her voice is distinct and clear, filled with passion and assurance. "Peter and I have been juggling this delicate line for years and I believe we've found a good balance. Where he knows what he can or can't ask or know, and the same goes for me. We hold ourselves to very high standards when it comes to our careers. And the public doesn't have to worry about any ethical lines being crossed with us," Alicia said in a serious, but soft tone.
"Well, it will definitely be very interesting to see you both navigate this new dynamic if Mrs. Florrick wins the election," says Steve. "Thank you both for sitting down with me today. It has been a great pleasure."
"Of course, Steve. Thank you so much for having us. Peter and I are grateful to have had the opportunity to answer any questions the public may have before the election," Alicia answers for us.
Steve does his closing arguments and within minutes, finally, the cameras are off. Alicia starts unbuttoning her microphone and I do the same.
"Again, good luck Mrs. Florrick." I look up to see Steve shake her hand, smiling brightly. "If you win, I'm sure you will make a fine State's Attorney. Thank you again, Mr. Governor."
"It was a pleasure, Steve."
Shaking my hand as well, the three of us bid goodbye as I realize that even though the battle was over, Alicia and I were about to be left alone in this room.