I do not own the Teen Titans, nor any other DC Justice League characters.
I dedicate this one to Shmizzim. Without her silent shadow hovering over my shoulder, I would have never completed it. Thanks, Schmezzy!
Chapter 1
Chapter the First
Come on, give me a break, that is not the way it happened...
There I was, just minding my own business, sashaying down the sidewalk - not a care in the world. I'd picked up some very special things at the Vicky's Secret down the street, and by 'picked up' I mean 'not caught', so you can imagine my bright, positive disposition.
At that moment I was just wondering whether I should get 'the boys' all hot and bothered by waving the teensiest, teasingliest flash of my new girlie things at them before slamming the door in their lecherous, no-chance-in-heck-with-me faces, and then wondering more - and not the first time, I have to tell you - if I really wanted to let See-More have a peek, and just maybe not slam the door in his face. He is kinda sweet, at least when compared to the other troglodyte goons who are my teammates and roomies, but he isn't allthat sweet, and he'd probably get the wrong idea if I did.
Sometimes you just need a boy to remind you that you're all girl, and I really was missing that. It had been a dog's age since that stinker Stone had led me astray, and See-More is the nicest boy in the Five, slim as those pickings are, but then you let even The Nicest Boy have a little kiss-but-don't-tell, and right afterwards that boy gets all crazy, and becomes down-right territorial about you, and it's no end to trouble. Now, if See-More got me all breathless and fluttery then I wouldn't really mind any of that Neanderthal 'Me Man, you mine' attitude, but as it stands, well, he just doesn't, so I won't, and that's that.
Anyway, there I am, mulling over just how much I was going to taunt the easily-taunted, just law-abidingly minding my own beeswax on this public thoroughfare, when some guy in a top hat and a cape runs way too close by, sideswiping me and knocking me on my keester, maniacally cackling all the way. "Hey!" is the best I can do in complaint, but he just keeps on cackling while he tears down the street. A kind of 'old man' sort of cackling, I note while I get myself back up. I see that for once everyone's eyes aren't glued on me - and doesn't that get to be a drag after a while - but then I catch a sight of The Rude Knocker-Over Man looking back over his shoulder, and I see why. "Whoa," I perceptively remark, because the impolite old guy is that crazed 'magician', Mumbo Jumbo. And it occurs to me very soon afterward that if he's high-tailing it out of here, and looking over his shoulder, and cackling -he was cackling, did I mention that? - then...
"Shine-ola!" I scoot aside and dive right into the nearest store. And right on cue a flashing green comet of peppy goodiness streaks down from on high, throwing toxic-green star bolts all over the thoroughfare as she dives, and then she shows off by ending her power-dive with a gratuitous immelman and a barrel roll, and right over the spot where I had been, too.
Civilians are scattering in screaming waves, and cars are swerving and slamming and bashing each other, and it's gridlock and pandemonium in seconds. I peek my perfect hair and irresistible eyes around the corner of the entrance and give a long, low whistle of appreciation. I have towork, and pretty hard, too, to futz-up a boulevard this quickly, and she does it as an absent-minded bonus. Dang, I think, the Titans have gotta have a hell of an insurance policy. The way they're breaking the city all the time is a crime. A Crime! I smile; I crack me up sometimes.
So, Starflyer is strafing Mumbo, and the old coot is dancing around her shots like a flea on a skillet. It's an entertaining show, but from a strictly professional perspective I'd have to say that the alien chick needs a bit more discipline. She depends on speed and power to carry her attacks through, but she lacks focus. Up against someone who is thinking their reactions to her, like me, not simply reacting by instinct or in panic, well, they'd play her like a deck of cards. I got my head inside her action cycle once, managed to never be where she needed me to be, and eff'ed her up pretty good. Looks like Mumbo has the trick down now, too. But, if another Titan shows up to split the effort, or to nail Mumbo's attention...
That unpleasant thought set me to scanning the skyscraper-hemmed skies again, because where there's Star, usually the Witchy-Bitch is close behind. And that was not what I wanted to see at all.
Just an F.Y.I. - I really can't stand that witch girl. It's more than just her being on The Other Side. It's a vibes thing - she's as cold and clammy as an aquarium full of dead guppies. I've heard she's half-demon, or something like that, and I don't believe it. It's just a story to keep us jumpy when she's around. I've read up on my demons, and everything I read about girl demons says they're sex fiends. And that sure as hell is about as different from Raven as you can get.
There's not a single picture on the internet of her smooching.
And you can't ask why I know that.
Anyway, I'm searching the heavens for any sign of Raven-bitch, when what do you know, a green, furry blurry comes barreling down the sidewalk, locked and loaded and heading straight for Mumbo. It's the Beastie Boy, of course, and I'm thinking that old and clever is no match for a jokes-fixated youth in a cheetah get-up, but I don't know everything, I guess, because Mumbo holds his hat out at the fur ball like a cannon, and said fur ball starts frantically backpedaling even as his momentum keeps sliding him forward. It's a hoot - just like one of those Jerry & Tom cartoons. But then, with a cheetah-like squeak he gets sucked up into a cyclone coming from out of that old top hat and disappears.
"Dammmn..." I am impressed.
But my reaction is mild compared to Starfire's. She drops like a rock to the pavement and stomps ominously toward Mumbo, energy crackling and hissing from her fists, and her eyes gleaming an especially sickly green. "You shall return my friend from this nefarious captivity, Mumbo Jumbo, or you shall be most seriously punished!" she says.
'"Star girl," he says, and his eyes narrow ominously, "time to put your money where your mouth is." He holds up that top hat again, and before you can stay 'cease and desist, you foul miscreant' Starfire finds herself flying with obvious strain against the force of the magic-hat-twister spinning out and about her. And just like the Beast, it's a losing proposition: she gets sucked in after just a couple of seconds.
Right afterwards, it's just too quiet. Mumbo smiles, all proud of himself, and looks down into his hat. "I mean, 'put your mouth where mymoney is'." Which is such an obvious groaner that I, well, groaned. Which was the wrong thing to do. Because he hears me. It being 'too quiet' and all.
He looks startled, and swings that hat right in my direction. I, being the soul of peace and discretion, and wanting no part of any upcoming donnybrook, hold my hands out away from my sides and walk into the street, very peaceable-like. "I was just passing through when I got caught in the crossfire, Mumbo. You can do whatever you want with those Titans. No skin off my nose."
He stares kind of intently at me, obviously ransacking his memory, then slowly mumbles back, "You're one of those Hive brats, aren't you."
"No need to get hostile," I reply. "I'm just passing through." After all, I don't need to be here, not with more Titans vectoring to this very spot. "Live and let live." I am a sweet, gentle, reasonable creature by nature, as you know. "The last thing I need is to be cheek-by-jowl with your friends in there."
Which was my second foot-in-mouth moment in as many minutes, because I practically see the light bulb pop on over his head. A half-smile creases his cheek and he asks me, "What's your name, kid?"
"Jinx," I reply.
"Jinx?"
"Yeah. Jinx." I thought I'd said it clear enough the first time.
"Well,Jinx," and I can see it coming, like a runaway semi careening at me down a one way street, "this is your lucky day." Then he fires-or-whatever-you-call-it his hat.
I was already halfway through a backwards hand stand on my way out of there when he takes that potshot at me, so score one for my prescient tactical eye and balletic grace, or so I think until I'm blind-sided by that top hat twister thing and find myself tumbling free in the air, and being sucked straight into his magic hat.
I know, for a super-villainess I'm looking alot like a pushover, but I was surprised, and really, who actually expects that old geezer to be so fast?
So, I get sucked down into 'the hat'. And to anticipate your curiosity, it isn't all that painful or anything. There's a moment where you feel just a little tight, I guess you'd say, then it's fine.
I'm in this pitch black somewhere, falling at terminal velocity, doomed to splat when I strike what floor there is in here, but I do have plenty of room to stretch and stuf--
"OWWW!!"
I land on my pert little butt, and boy, does that smart!
I am quite the cheezed-off girl, I can tell you. And after only a paragraph or two of very rude phrases, I am dramatically bathed in what seems like a giant spotlight. I squint up, and way up there, way way way up there, a giant Mumbo head is looking down at me through a bright hole in the darkness. If I didn't know better, and really, I do, I'd say it looks like he's looking down into a hat.
Which I'm in.
"Those are the wrong kind of 'magic words' to say to get you outta there, kid," the giant-Mumbo booms at me.
I stand up and plant my fists on my hips, and shove my chin up at him. And I squint a little, too - two mean eyes fed up with whatever games he's playing. "What is this all about?!" I yell it. I sound completely outraged. I practically exude 'unjust imprisonment'. Which I'm especially good at.
I have a lot of practice.
"Listen, kid," he answers, "I have my own problems up here, so I can't chat. You keep the Star girl and Beast Kid busy for me, and there'll be something in it for you."
Then the 'spotlight' goes out, and I'm alone in the dim. "What'something'?" And of course there's no answer. "Mumbo!?!" He does not want me to get an attitude about this. "Mumbo?!?"
Nothin'.
"Oh, snap."
I cross my arms, and tap my foot, and bite my lip, and then I drop the f-bomb. Then I do it again, with sincerity and feeling, because it is definitely one of those moments.