Its 4:20 in the morning. I am sitting in the dark at my computer desk. I can't sleep. I needed to write this. It may be short, and it may not make sense, but I just need to write this.

This is my first time actually submitting something in a few years. I am still a VERY active fanfiction-ie and hope to continue writing until i can't us my hands anymore. which hopefully won't be too soon. This is also my first time writing for Kingdom Hearts AND the pairing AxelXRoxas, and probably not my last time. I adore this pairing and hope that as readers you can help me make this as accurate sounding as possible.

As always reviews and criticisms are welcome. (being in art school has taught me to deal with criticism)

WARNINGS: cutting. Attempted suicide. Axelxroxas fluff. ANGSTY. I'm sorry if I offend someone with the story. But you have been warned.

Bee Tee Double-you: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Disney and Square Enix do. Isn't that a shocker?

working title: Three Eighteen
status: one-shot
by: Sunset_Of_Youthfulness

Axel was running. Two minutes into his mad sprint he realized it probably would have been easier if he had taken his car, but his mind wasn't exactly in the best condition to be driving. Or thinking for that matter. The only thing on his mind right now was the phone call he had gotten three minutes ago, and the broken sounding boy at the other end of the line.

Flashback

Axel had managed to fall asleep earlier than 12 for the first time in a week. The last week of school meant that he had to sacrifice many precious hours of sleep to study and finish up last minute projects. Now that it was over, he was looking forward to going to bed early and getting up as late as he possibly could.

His phone ring was the last thing he wanted waking him up in the middle of the night, and yet we see him now, rolling over in bed, groaning at his phone like if he sounded angry enough, it would shut up. Axel lazily threw his left arm across his bed to reach for his black rimmed glasses on his bedside table. Without opening his eyes, he put the glasses over his eyes and stared at the time. 3:18am. He groaned again and threw his right arm over his eyes before grasping at the table, searching for the mobile device making the offensive noises. After grabbing the phone, he flipped it open without even looking at the number and held it against his ear.

"mm.. its three in the morning... this better be good"

There was silence at the other end.

".....Hello?"

Again, silence. Axel scowled into the phone.

"Listen Demyx, if you think you are being funny by waking me up in the middle of the night to mess with me, you've got another thing coming. The next time i see you i'm going to kick your--"

"..Axel?"

Axel sat up. All the tiredness he had been feeling at the moment was gone. The voice on the other end of the line was so meek and and fragile sounding, Axel almost couldn't hear it over his own rantings. This voice didn't belong to his sitar playing friend. It belonged to his best friend. And if he hadn't known the kid for more than six years of his life, he wouldn't have recognized it.

"Roxas?... What is it?"

Again with the silence. Axel felt a small pang of fear run through him.

"Roxas... Whats wrong? Is everything ok?"

"...Axel..."

He threw the sheets off his body and placed his feet on the ground, trying to gain his bearings. Roxas's voice sounded so hollow and broken. Axel had never heard this from his best friend before. It irked him.

"Roxas. Whats the matter?" He tried not to sound too panicky, for his friends sake. He had no idea what was going on, and he didn't need to freak out and scare the poor kid even more than he sounded.

"Axel.... I... I can't..."

"You can't what Rox? Tell me what going on."

"I... I can't do this anymore... p-please... help"

Axel was scared now. Terrified. He jumped out of bed and reached for his

"Roxas. Listen to me ok? Don't do anything. Just sit down and wait for me ok? I'm going to come and... and help you ok? Are you at home? ...Roxas?"

"Y-yes"

Axel threw on the nearest t-shirt he could grab and took his jacket off his desk chair. After grabbing his keys he made his way out his bedroom door and down the stairs.

"Alright. I'll be there in five minutes, ok? I need you to unlock the door for me, and sit and wait for me. Do you understand?"

"..Yes..."

"Good. I'm hanging up now. Just wait for me."

"...Hurry"

That last word was all he needed to hear before he slammed his phone shut, threw open his front door and ran out of the house.

"Shit!"

End of Flashback

His heart was beating so fast, he was sure if there was anyone else on the streets that night, they would be able to hear it. Axel still didn't know what was going on, but he knew he needed to get to his blonde friend as fast as his legs would carry him. He had never heard anyone sound that lifeless, and Roxas was the last person he would ever expect that phone call from. Sure, the blue-eyed kid was never the most optimistic and happy-go-lucky person, but he never sounded like that. The Roxas over the phone sounded like he had given up on life.

Rox, what happened??

Before Axel could continue his thoughts, he saw his friends house come into view, the front door wide open. Axel stopped his running and stared at the door, panting.

"Roxas... you there?"

No answer. Axel slowly made his way into the house, looking around for a sign of a struggle. For all he knew, there could be someone in the home, that had tried to hurt Roxas. He knew his friends' parents were away on a business trip, so there shouldn't have been anyone in the house other than Roxas, but he had to make sure. After observing nothing out of the ordinary, he made his way up the stairs towards Roxas's room.

"Roxas? Its Axel..."

He stopped outside the door and put his hand on the knob. He heard a a small whimper from the other side of the door, its sound magnified since the rest of house was held in silence. His eyes widened and he turned the knob and looked into the room.

"Roxas?!"

His room looked like it had been picked up and shaken like a snowglobe: broken glass and clothing strewn throughout. Said boy was laying on his side on his bed, facing the doorway, with his feet placed on the floor. He was wearing a pair of red and black plaid sleeping pants, and no shirt. His hair was messier than it normally was, and the moonlight sneaking into the room made it seem dull. He was holding his left arm protectively against his chest. The most striking image for Axel though, was the site of Roxas's normally sky blue eyes, that looked gray and glazed over, with fresh tears spilling out of them like a faucet.

He ran over the the boy and kneeled in front of him, placing his hand on the younger boys cheek. He wasn't surprised it felt as cold as it look. He looked at him with concern filled eyes. Eyes that were threatening to spill over tears, but he wouldn't allow them yet.

"Ssshhhh Rox.... whats the matter?? Whats wrong? I'm here to help... What happened?"

Roxas moved his eyes so he was staring at anything but Axel's eyes. He didn't look like he was going to say anything, then his face scrunched up in pain.

"Ax... I-it hurts...."

Axel was now wiping the tears from his best friends eyes and trying to get him to look at him. Giving up for a moment, he scanned the boys body for anything injuries.

"What hurts Roxas? Where does it hurt!?"

Axel looked at the boys chest and saw how he was holding his right arm. He gently reached over and pulled the arm towards himself and gasped at what he saw. There were two lines that ran vertically across Roxas's wrist. Thats all he could make out though. The arm was caked with so much blood, both fresh and dried, he couldn't tell if there were more. He looked up from the blood covered arm to stare at his friends half-lidded eyes, still looking anywhere but at his red haired friend. He prepared himself for what he was about to ask, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear it from the blonde.

"Roxas... d-did you do this?"

Finally, the younger boy looked at his friend without turning his head, making him all the more pathetic looking.

"P-lease..."

"..Shit Roxas!!"

The red head jumped from his spot on the floor and ran back into the hallway, into the bathroom across from Roxas's bedroom. He grabbed a towel from the cabinet and wet it under the sink. He then grabbed another sheet from the closet and ran back into the bedroom. Roxas hadn't moved from his position on the bed, but his eye's were now closed.

"Roxas... Rox!? I need you to keep your eyes open bud... i need you to stay awake..." He tapped his friends face a few times with his palm until Roxas's eyes snapped open, then closed halfway again.

When axel picked up the wet towel and placed it softly on roxas's arm, his eyes flew back open and he let out a silent scream, retracting his arm back to his body.

"No! ..N-no!... please"

Axel reached over to grab the hand again, but Roxas turned so he was facing the opposite side of the bed, curling in a ball, holding his arm.

"Roxas, i need to get the bleeding to stop. Please.. let me help you"

Roxas began to shake his head violently back and forth, mouthing to word no over and over. Axel climbed onto the bed and sat in front of Roxas, holding his shoulders and trying to get him to calm down.

"No! No NO!"

"Roxas!! Calm down Dammit!"

Axel didn't want to sound angry with the blond, but he didn't understand why the younger boy wasn't letting him help.

"Please! Let me clean your arm... i need to take you to the hospital!!"

Suddenly, the boy pushed Axel off of him, stumbled off the bed and clumsily made his way to the bathroom. Axel grabbed the towel and sheet, ran after the blonde. When he made it to the bathroom, Roxas was sitting, leaning against the sink, with a blood covered razor blade in his hand. Before Axel's mind even registered what it was, his body lunged forward and grabbed the wrist holding the razor and gave his friend a pleading look.

"ROXAS! What are you THINKING?!...."

Roxas's hollow eyes looked up into Axel's petrified eyes, and dropped the knife gently from his shaking hand into axels.

"Please... Axel... I can't do it..."

If it was possible, his eyes widened even more. What was Roxas's asking him to do? Did he want him to...

"I... I-I don't have the courage... please.. help me... end it"

Those eyes finally held some emotion as more tears leaked out of them: they were pleading. Begging. Begging Axel to do something he knew he never could.

Roxas wanted Axel to kill him.

"NO!" Axel screamed, and threw the razor across the room. He sat in front of the younger boy and pulled him into a stong embrace, pulling the boys body into his lap. He placed one hand on the back of Roxas's head, clutching the blond mess of hair, and the other around the small boys waist. He finally let the tears fall out of his green eyes and cried into his best friends neck...

"W-why? Please Rox... t-tell me WHY? ...what's so bad, you have to... die for?"

Axel felt small shaking arms reach up and clutch his shoulders, and felt the boy shuddering against his chest. He was crying.

"Axel... I-I'm so.. alone... I can't d-deal with it any-anymore... I'm tired of being all alone..."

Axel tightened his embrace and rocked the smaller boy in his arms as he sobbed, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. It was killing him to hear Roxas admit to being so lonely he was willing to kill himself. It broke his heart. He knew Roxas's parents were out of the house most of the time, away on business meetings, and his twin Sora was always out with his boyfriend Riku. He was always alone when he wasn't at school or out with Demyx or Axel. It hurt him to think he had never realized how lonely he was. How could he not notice his best friend was miserable?

"Ssshhhhh, Roxy... you're not alone... i'm here for you. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you, ok? P-please, just don't give up. N-nothing is so bad that you need to resort to this..."

Roxas only continued crying and twisted the fabric of Axel's shirt into his fists tighter.

Axel rocked the boy for what seemed like hours, shushing him and telling him everything would be okay. The words were meant for both of them. After a while Roxas nodded his head into the taller boys chest and began to calm down, loosening his grip on the boy, his sobbing now the occasional whimper and hiccup. Axel used this opportunity to turn Roxas so his side was leaning against his chest and picked up his arm and the bloodied towel with shaking hands. He wrapped the towel around the wounds and let it sit for a little while. Roxas winced and pushed his face into Axel's neck, but didn't pull away.

"SShhh, just let me clean it"

Roxas nodded into the neck and let Axel clean his wrist, wiping away as much blood as he could and wrapped torn pieces of the clean sheet around the arm and wrist. The wounds had stopped bleeding for some time now, so he figured his patch job would hold up until Roxas's was willing to cooperate a trip to the hospital. For now, the teen was spent. When he was finished he stood up, holding the boy bridal style in his arms, and carried him back to his bedroom. He placed the half asleep boy on the bed and went to go clean up the mess in the bathroom but a tight grip on the back of his shirt stopped him.

"N-no... don't leave..."

Axel sighed. Roxas's needed him right now. He climbed into the bed with the blond and pulled the sheets over the two of them. Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas as he gripped the front of his dried blood stained t-shirt. The blood of the boy laying next to him. Who he almost lost tonight.

You know how they say you don't know what you have until you lose it? Well Axel was just realizing how much this blonde haired blued eyes boy in his arms really meant to him. He couldn't imagine living in a world where Roxas didn't exist. He looked down at the peaceful smile that now lay on the smaller boys face, and smiled to himself, petting the boys hair soothingly

"Sleep for now Rox..."

I've got a lot to tell you in the morning...

fin

alright, well i'm not TOO thrilled about how it ended, but when i started writing this, i didn't really have an ending planned. Or much of it planned for that matter. I kinda just typed until *looks at clock* 7:10 in the morning... I don't think its too bad though. Really dark though. Man i can't believe i wrote this.

well i hope you enjoyed this. I'm really glad to be posting up something on fanfic for the first time in what feels like EVER, and i hope to be back soon.

Also, if you haven't started playing 358/2 days, start! Its a pretty awesome game so far. I'm on on day like 99, but its really exciting. LOTS of Roxas and Axel :) And please don't give away the ending if you have played! I obviously know what happens, i just don't know how :) Thank you!

review and criticize if you must! :) it would make me happy. and don't i seem like i need to be cheered up after writing that?

all my love,
sunset_of_youthfulness