Fool Me Once, Shame on You
The inmates of Arkham Asylum would usually get along with each other well. By 'get along', it meant that none of them had the urge to kill one another. Fighting was a normal incident in the asylum though. It would usually end with an inmate or a guard in the infirmary or hospital while the other in Solitary Confinement. That was what happened to the Joker and a new guard.
The Joker happened to be in a foul mood one morning as he was escorted into the cafeteria. Harley Quinn was already there waiting for her boyfriend when a new guard passed by and whistled at her. She had told him to back off but one wrong move by the guard caused the Joker to lose him temper.
The guard, Aaron, touched Harley's face. She retaliated by slapping him but it didn't seem to scare him the slightest as the man laughed and before she even realised what was happening, her Puddin' snatched a fork and stabbed the man's right eye. Everything else after that was total chaos as three guards, including Aaron, were killed while one lucky soul survived but was sent to the nearest hospital.
The Clown Prince was sentenced to Solitary Confinement for two weeks and that meant he was free from Harley but it also meant he wouldn't get his daily newspaper or even his set of favourite crayons. Pencils, pens, brushes and other writing materials, aside from crayons were banned for use by the inmates, especially the Joker.
Regardless, once he was sent back to his cell, he noticed that everyone from the guards to inmates, was trying their best not to laugh.
"Did I miss something?" he muttered, narrowing his eyes in annoyance as he noticed Two-Face was about to laugh. "Alright, what's the joke, people? What'd I miss?"
"For the first time in forever…"
The Joker glared at Harvey Dent. Something was up and he was the punch-line. He wanted to get to the bottom of it. The guard escorting him opened the door to his cell before shoving him into it and locked the metal door as fast as he could.
"Riddle me this, who has a date with Harley at three?"
Instead of threatening Eddie the Loser as he would call him, the Clown Prince of Crime burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh I get it. This is all just a joke to get back at me for that stupid song I wrote, right?"
"I think it's best if you were to find it out yourself from Harley," Johnny Crane muttered as he calmly read a book.
The Joker's hands turned into fists. He was part of the joke and instead of laughing with them, he was being laughed at. He didn't like that one bit. The words that Harvey said sounded familiar, he will admit that.
That was when it hit him. Harley, his one and only Harley Quinn is leaving him. It made sense. Meat-Face said 'For the first time in forever' and Eddie the Loser mentioned that Harley has a date at three. The Joker wasn't sure what time it was but he was sure it was still morning, at least not noon yet.
There was no way in hell is he going to lose his property to someone else. He was so distracted in his thoughts that he didn't even bother reading the newspaper innocently lying on the floor.
During lunch, most of the inmates were in the cafeteria. There was just one particular person missing. Harley eyed her boyfriend's empty seat. She wasn't able to dine with him for two weeks.
"What's the matter, Harley?" Poison Ivy asked, noticing that her friend wasn't eating her food.
She looked up with teary, big blue eyes. "I miss my Puddin'."
"I'm sure he doesn't miss you at all, Harley," Ivy retorted, rolling her eyes in annoyance before taking a bite of her meatloaf.
"He misses me. I know he does. He just doesn't like showing it, Red," the clown girl replied, playing with her food. "He misses me," she repeated.
The truth was, the Joker was busy attempting to get a key-card so that he could sneak into Harley's cell after lunch and kill her for dating someone else. The plan was simple. Fake a stomach ache, get the guard's attention and break his neck as he attempted to check him. The Joker then dragged the body to a therapy room nearby. All he had to do next is wait for Harley in her cell.
The moment Harley entered her cell, someone seized her by her throat and she was immediately pinned against the concrete wall.
"P-Puddin'?"
"Who else, baby? Were you expecting some other loser?" the Joker asked, a huge grin on his face. He tightened his grip, causing her to choke on her words. "You see, this is what you get for cheating on me, Harl."
"What?" she managed, her eyes widening.
He could tell she was genuinely shocked and loosened his grip a bit. "Don't you have a date with someone at three?!" he demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr.J!"
"Everyone's been laughing at me and Deep-Fried-Face said 'For the first time in forever' and Nygma told me you have a date at three…" his grip tightened once again. "What's the punch-line toots?"
Harley was sure he was talking about the article on the newspaper and so she pointed at the newspaper on her bed. She could feel him loosen his grip on her and she gasped for air. Sometimes, she just felt like punching the man for being so ignorant… or maybe she should just kiss him. He rarely showed his soft side.
The Joker snatched the papers and squinted his eyes. "I don't see how the Gotham Knights' victory over the Metropolis Eagles has anything to do with me!" he snapped.
"Front page, Mr.J."
He flipped the newspaper over to the front page and immediately, his green eyes widened after reading the headline.
'For the First Time in Forever Lyrics Altered'
An author on FanFiction, by the name of 'TheJokerisAwesome', published an altered version of the popular Frozen song, For the First Time in Forever.
Batman:
For the first time in forever, I finally get a chance
For the first time in forever, I get to punch a man
We can head out this warehouse together
People don't have to live in fear
Cause for the first time in forever, the Dark Knight is here
Joker:
Batsy, please go back to your cave
Your boring life awaits
Go enjoy the dark and close the Arkham gates
Batman: Yeah, but…
Joker:
I know you mean well but leave me be
Yes, I'm wanted but I'm wanted and free
Just stay away and you won't laugh in glee
Batman: Actually we're in trouble
Joker: What do you mean you're in trouble?
Batman: I get the feeling you don't know
Joker: What the hell do I not know?
Batman: Gotham's in deep deep deep deep snow
Joker: What does that have to do with me?
Batman: Nothing. I just need you to help me
Joker: I'm not interested
Batman: I know you can help me cause for the first time in forever
Joker: I'm in trouble – I have a date with Harley at three
Batman: You don't have to go to that date
Joker: No escape from the storm when she sees me
Batman: You can work this out later
Joker: I need to get to my car
Batman: We'll reverse the storm Freeze made
Joker: Batsy please, you'll only make it worse
Batman: Don't panic
Joker:
Harley is so gonna be in anger
You're not safe here
Batman:
We'll make Riddler super terrified
We can troll Ivy together
We can eat Bat-snacks together
Joker: Harley's gonna be pissed!
The Clown Prince of Crime felt like an idiot for falling for the lies. An idiot he was not and so he made a mental note to get back at Two-Face and Riddler. "So you're not cheating on me?" he muttered, eyes still fixed on the article.
"Nah Uh."
"And it was all just about a stupid song?"
"Uh huh."
The Joker pursed his lips before tossing the newspaper away. "That was a complete waste of my time."
Harley then grinned at her boyfriend. "Puddin'," she purred before punching him square in the face. "That's for thinking I'd cheat on you! What kind of a floozy do you think I am?!" she snapped.
Her boyfriend wiped the blood off his nose. "There's no need to get all emotional, you dizzy dame!" he retaliated and before he could even react, she grabbed his face and kissed him.
"That's for being jealous. You do you love me, Mr.J!" she exclaimed and kissed him again.
"I hate you, Harley," he murmured as she continued to smother his face with kisses.
His girlfriend then ran her hand through his green hair. "I love you too, Puddin'."
He then pushed her away before approaching the door. A look of disappointment washed over Harley's face. He noticed this and grinned at her. "Don't worry, Pumpkin Pie. I'll be back later tonight after… getting even," he said as he held up the key-card. He winked at her and left without another word.
The clown girl sighed happily once he was gone. "My Puddin'."
A few days later, photos of Two-Face wearing dresses were on the front page of many local newspapers. While even an amateur could tell it was photoshopped, the images were still humiliating to Harvey. He was dragged to Dr. Leland's office after attempting to punch the Joker. As for the Riddler, let's just say he wouldn't be able to speak for at least a week. One does not simply use Harley to troll the Joker.
Looks like I'm on a streak! Three stories in a month is an achievement for me. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope it entertained you in one way or another.