AN: I don't own John or the music, in fact I own nothing.
John sat in a booth at the local bar; his shoulders were hunched over as he leaned onto the table. A waitress had just brought him a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a smile, but he wasn't interested in her offer, not tonight.
He poured the whiskey into the glass she'd brought and took a long swallow.
Where he was sitting he had the best view of both doors, he was also closest to the jukebox.
He was here to drown his sorrows and forget, if only for a minute, forget she was gone.
The last thing he was looking for tonight was company, he'd be in a cabin by himself by now, but his truck had a flat outside of town a guy and his girlfriend had stopped to help him since he didn't have a spare.
Something about that girl had reminded him so much of Mary, he knew he wouldn't make it to the cabin, his still broken heart hurt to much, he needed the oblivion only alcohol gave him.
So after he'd gotten his tire changed he'd driven to the nearest bar, and he figured he'd have a shot, and then find a couple liquor stores to stock up on enough booze to keep him drunk for the next week at least.
He walked over and put money in the jukebox picked out some sad old country songs then walked tiredly back to his whiskey, fell into his seat, and tried not to cry, not there where everyone and their mother could see him.
He was just sitting there looking around the bar and drinking he noticed a women across the bar was watching him.
"Great" he grumbled under his breath "now I'm gonna have to shoo her off"
This was why he preferred drinking his pain away alone in a secluded cabin, no people, no drunks getting into fights (which he didn't mind so much when he was the one throwing punches), no last calls, and no women trying to get between him and Mary.
Thinking that they could cure his heart break in one night, that if he was with them he wouldn't be thinking about her, because some how they all believed that they were better then her.
They think that a few hours in bed with them will make whatever heart ache he's feeling disappear.
They were wrong, all of them no matter how smart, pretty, or funny they really were, none of them were better then Mary.
None of them could make the pain of losing her go away.
This one watching him tonight would try the same thing they all did, and he'd have to tell her about his broken heart.
It wasn't that she wasn't good looking, she was tall, light brown hair, and great curves, and any other time he might have welcomed the company, but not this time of year, not with Mary's memory weighing on his mind.
She walking over now, He tried to wordlessly convey that he wasn't interested, but she didn't get the memo, He looked anywhere but at her as she walked towards his table, then he looked at her and shook his head no.
She came anyway, and sat down across from him, obviously one of those people that don't understand No.
His heart clenched in pain, Mary had a mile wide streak of that, it's where Sam got it from.
She smiled at him, he tried glaring at her, but with the amount of emotional pain he was in it ended up looking a lot like one of Sammy's pouts.
"You want some company?" she asked sweetly.
Stupid, John thought not like Mary, Not stubborn, Just stupid.
"No" he said bluntly, her expression was surprised and hurt.
"No sweetheart, it's nothing bout you, this here" he pointed to the bottle and glass in front of him "this is just, just between an old memory and me, She meant the world to me, and she's gone now, this sunday it will have 19 years since the day she was killed, and tonight is just between me and my wife, I just need to be alone" He explained pointing to his wedding ring still on his finger after all these years.
"I understand" she smiled gently "She was a lucky woman"
"I was the lucky one" he replied sadly as she got up and left.
He downed the rest of his glass and left, bought more alcohol and headed for one of Jim's cabins that he usually stayed in this time of year.
When Jim showed up at the cabin a few days later to try to talk him out of drinking himself to death, He drunkenly grouched and yelled and screamed at the docile preacher, like he did every year.
Then later that day he sat sadly on the couch "I'm sorry I yelled at you Jim, it's just that this is just between her memory and me." He said.
Jim nodded recognizing that John needed to be alone that he needed this time to be able to make it through the rest of the year without Mary.
AN: As a female I truly and honestly sorry for the comments seemingly against my own gender, its not my intention to insult women in general I'm just trying to convey that no matter where John is when the anniversary of Mary's death comes around if he's in public, Women flock towards him because well, he's hot. and since he's always depressed that time of year, they wanna make it better cause well, who wouldn't, but they can't cause she was his wife and true love and she died a horrible and tragic death. So if I have offended fellow females I am sorry.