Why tonight? He wondered, why had she said that tonight! His mind reeled as he continued to operate the vehicle. She is in the car, sobbing, after he made his statement:
She isn't a consolation prize, I love her.
Those words now stung in his mind. Who was he trying to let down, himself or the woman next to him? I have to do something; he offers to call someone to be with her.
Her sobs break and she declines, stating
she is fine, alone.
He screams inside, ordering himself to fix this, that she isn't alone. "I am here!" He wants announce but he silently sinks into himself a little. He wasn't there like he had been. He should have been there to talk, to give a "guy hug", to let her know he was waiting for when she was ready to fall. Now he felt awful using another woman's love, now that she was ready to pour out her own for him. He was mentally wrestling too much to notice he was driving aimlessly through the city. He didn't want to depart from her, leaving her as he had before but now really knowing the depth of her loneliness after facing an abandonment and rejection. He knew that one relationship would be going downhill quickly and her cared more for one to survive than the other. He got to a stoplight and looked over to see a most beautifully broken woman he wanted to be the one to help fix her as he'd been.
It was different; he did the breaking, something he never wanted to do. He wanted to take her pain and let it course through his own body and mind, he wanted to save her.
Somehow they finally arrived at her apartment. Silently exiting the vehicle, walking toward the development, he lagged a step or so behind. As they reach the door she brought the keys from her pocket, depositing the key in the lock. She grabbed the door knob, without turning it. He reached over, on her hand, and turned the knob. He had to stay with her, he thought. She stepped through the portal but as he tried to enter she placed her hand up to stop him. She stepped back with her hand still raised but to not touch him.
He looked at her through pleading, dark eyes rimmed with tears. "I don't want you alone." was all he could manage to choke out.
Her eyes stared back, red and puffy globes of a beautiful, lost blue. "I didn't want regrets." She stated, tears broke free from both of their eyes as the door shut between them.
He listened to her soft cry diminish as she retreated to the far end of the apartment.