"I need to get her home Carlisle. Is she okay to leave," I heard Edward ask. I looked up and saw Carlisle nodding his head sadly as he looked over to me. As our eyes met, I realized at that moment if I didn't stand up to Edward I would never see the Cullen's again. I stood slowly from the kitchen bar stool. Carlisle sighed and looked away from and back to Edward.
"No," I said firmly. Carlisle and Edward looked at me in confusion.
"What do you mean no? I need to take you home to Charlie," Edward told me. I shook my head.
"And I said no. I'm not leaving until I talk to Jasper. So I don't care how long it takes, you need to find him," I said.
"Bella, he just tried to kill you. I'm not going to put you in danger. I won't have him come near you. Not until he can control himself," Edward said. I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder.
"Edward…," Carlisle said quietly.
"No, I won't do it. She's not going to lose her life because of my stupidity," Edward yelled. I turned my head as Esme, Alice, and Rosalie appeared in the kitchen.
"Where's Jasper," I asked. They looked at me.
"Emmett is with him," Rosalie said. "What's going on here?"
"Bella is being irresponsible again by wanting me to bring Jasper back here to talk to her. I guess she's forgetting that he just tried to kill her," Edward hissed as he glared at me. I threw my glass at the wall and watched as it shattered. The families eyes widened at my rare act of violence. I turned to face him squaring my shoulders and resolving to not let him charm me out of my decision.
"Damn it Edward. You and I both know that it wasn't like that. We all do. Every person in this room right now wants to drain me dry. EVERYONE… so when I cut myself or bleed in anyway, you all feel it. You feel the bloodlust just as easily as you feel happiness or anger. Now think Edward. Think really fucking hard. You can read minds and Alice can see the future. But what can Jasper do? Feel, Edward. He can feel every emotion that we feel. So when a room full of vampires has a spike in blood lust, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? He's not going to be able to control his own bloodlust when he's fighting off yours. Or did you not realize that," I asked as I looked over the family. Everyone except Carlisle looked away ashamed.
"You all really didn't think about that did you," I asked.
"Bella," Alice said. I looked at her and she turned her eyes away from me.
"Alice, he's your husband. Have you always blamed him for losing control or have you told him it's not always his fault," I asked. She turned and looked out the open kitchen door. I turned to Edward.
"You can read minds Edward. How could you not know? Or did you realize but just not care enough to be there to support your brother," I asked. He didn't answer me so I continued with my rant. "You blame him don't you Edward?"
"He could have killed you Bella. He needs to…" Edward said. I glared at him.
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare say he needs to learn how to control himself better or say it was his fault or anything along that line of thinking. It wasn't his fault. It will never be completely his fault. If you have some stupid notion of blaming anyone, blame yourself for not changing me like I asked you to. Now will someone please find Jasper for me," I yelled. The room stood in silence for a moment staring at me in shock. Carlisle cleared his throat and I turned to face him.
"Bella, Jasper is sitting outside waiting for you. He'd like to discuss what you said, privately," Carlisle told me. I turned to the back door and saw Edward standing there.
"No, I don't think it's safe," he said quietly.
"I don't care what you think right now. Move," I said. He shook his head. I sighed. "Move or it's over between us."
"Bella," the room gasped collectively.
"You don't mean that," he said as I watched his face contort in pain.
"Do you want to find out? I'm telling you now Edward, if you don't let me do this, it's over between us. I'll move to Florida so quick you won't know what hit you. I can't be with someone who doesn't respect my decisions as a person and doesn't allow me to make my own choices. I need to do this Edward. If you can't accept that then we're over," I said quietly.
"I don't believe you," he said. I shook my head as tears flooded my eyes.
"Fine, you're now a single vampire since that's your answer. Now move so I can talk to Jasper," I said as I went to walk past him. He put his arm out to stop me. I looked up into his eyes.
"You don't know what you're doing," he told me as his eyes flicked to Alice. I looked at her and saw she was having a vision about something. Tears filled her eyes and she put her hands over her face. I looked back to Edward and I sighed.
"I love you Edward, but I'm not going to live my life putting all my faith in Alice's visions. I'd rather live my own life. And I know deep down inside that this is something I have to do. I can't explain it any better than that," I told him. I blinked and he was gone. I took a deep breath and looked over to Carlisle and Esme. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but it's time that someone eased Jasper's conscious for once instead of their own."
"Thank you Bella," Carlisle said quietly as he and Esme left the room and ran into the woods. Rosalie followed after them giving me a small smile. Only Alice was left standing there. She looked at me with a look of pain and anger in her eyes.
"Please don't do this Bella, I know you feel like you need to but you don't know what this is going to do. Please, just leave him be for now," she said. I shook my head.
"No Alice, I'm tired of you all running my life. I told you I didn't want a party and you didn't listen and you saw what happened. Did you know beforehand that I was going to cut myself? I'm going to do this for myself and for Jasper. It's about time somebody did, don't you think," I asked her. She shut her eyes and she turned away from me.
"I suppose you're right Bella," she whispered before disappearing out the back door. I followed her slowly and looked around. I saw Jasper sitting on the deck at the stairs leading to the yard. I moved over to him slowly and I sat down next to him.
"How's your arm," he asked quietly a few minutes later.
"I can't really feel it yet. But I've had worse. Much worse in fact," I said. Then I turned to look at him. No point in avoiding the inevitable. "I know you heard everything I said inside so let's skip all the bull shit."
"How can you be so forgiving? I almost took your life tonight Bella," he said as he looked at me with a sad smile. He looked away from me and the moonlight glimmered across his face. The sight was stunning and my verbal filter was momentarily disconnected. So I said the first thing I could think of.
"You're beautiful, you know that right," I told him. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes widened in shock. Then he laughed.
"You're delusional. I think you might have hit your head harder than we thought," he said, shaking his head.
"Well of course you don't see it. But you really are. You have the whole vampire thing of course. But I mean, on the inside Jasper. You're a great person. You're patient, kind, not to mention a complete gentleman. You're every girls dream guy. From what I've seen you're a great friend and brother, and you're a very loyal family member. I wish I knew you better, to be honest. I think we'd get along really well. We'd be great friends if given the chance," I told him. I blushed as I finished talking, but I swallowed my pride and looked into his eyes. I gasped as I saw the venom pooling in his eyes.
"Bella, you have no clue about all the horrible things I've done in the past. There are so many things that I regret and I fear that I'll never be finished paying for all the evil I've committed," he told me, his voice breaking at the end. I took his hand in my own and stared at him steadily, refusing to let the tears fall just yet.
"Jasper, I don't care. It might shock you but I accept you for you, past and all. I accept you and I will always be here for you," I said firmly. Before I could say anything else he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. I mumbled his name.
"Thank you Bella. God, thank you so much. You don't know how much that means to me. You have no idea at all," he whispered into my ear as we held onto each other for support. I felt his shoulders shake with silent sobs, even though he could never shed a tear. So the tears fell from my eyes instead. I felt his gratitude and respect flow though his gift and I cried even harder.
"Oh Jasper, it's going to be okay. You're the strongest, bravest person I know. We'll get through this. Together, okay. I'll help you as much as I can," I whispered as I rubbed small circles on his back. He nodded his head as he rested his face on my shoulder. The bond I felt forming between us was rich and wholesome. It was something I'd never felt before. I had no fear for this man who was holding me as if his immortal life depended on it.
"Thank you," he whispered again, "Dear God Bella, if you only knew how much of a monster I used to be. How much I still have to control it so that I don't lash out and hurt someone I love. I am so sorry I was too weak to stop myself."
"Jasper, we all have our demons. It's about time though you accepted yours and realized that just because your family has judged you and tried to hide yours away, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person," I whispered in his ear softly. He sobbed again and my tears ran down my face and onto his as I tightened my grip around him and willed his pain into myself so he would stop suffering. I saw Carlisle and Esme approach us slowly with sad smiles on their faces. Esme sat behind us on the porch and Carlisle crouched in front of us on the stairs. Their silent approval of my actions and their small measure of comfort as they sat with me as Jasper came undone in front of us was enough for us both as I rocked Jasper and whispered comforting words to him.
"I'm so sorry. God forgive me, please forgive me. I'm so sorry," Jasper kept mumbling over and over. I kept the anger from surfacing as I decided to do whatever I had to do to help Jasper heal. Edward and Alice be damned.