So I should probably say this contains spoilers for the latest Kickin' It episode. The season finale, too. *cries* Why would Jack and Kim leave each other?! Right after they kiss, too?! And now that Olivia Holt is not coming back... *dies*
Um...I think I'll explain this oneshot now. The part in italics is the parting scene between Jack and Kim in the last episode, and the rest is an explanation of what comes afterward. So before you read this (assuming someone actually does read this), please let me thank you beforehand for even clicking on it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kickin' It.
He steps forward, looking at her with such intensity, and she tries hard not to break down and cry. Instead, she leans forward and meets his lips halfway, kissing him shortly ad sweetly as they prepare to part ways for good. When they pull apart, they smile shyly, and they both can feel their hearts ache. As a soft rain of pink petals fall from the sky, Kim's eyes light up in delight as she turns to Jack excitedly and catches one in her hand after she laughs a little.
"Look, cherry blossom petals," she says with a hint of a smile on her lips. Jack smiles back, and they meet each other's eyes as the truth sinks in again, making them both fall somber. Kim places the blossom in Jack's palm and closes his fingers over it as she looks at him sadly.
"When you look at it, think of me," she says, and Jack looks at her for a few seconds before he takes her in his arms. They hug for the last time, and when they pull away, Kim leaves him without even a final goodbye. She can't say goodbye. Not ever. Not to him.
Jack doesn't watch as she leaves. He can't say goodbye either. Instead he looks down at the flower in his hand, and he sighs a little to himself, feeling the ache in his heart growing bigger. Finally he just walks away himself, with the cherry blossom in his hand.
He's looked at the blossom many times over the years. It's long dead, long dried, but he keeps it in plastic, carefully preserved, and on a chain so he can keep it forever. Every once in a while he'll slide it out of his shirt and place his thumb over the pendant, wondering where she is and what she's doing, but most often he just leaves it there and tries to forget. It hurts him to think of her most days, so he resolves himself not to think at all.
The first year they keep in contact somewhat. Jack has his missions, of course, and they're supposed to stay secret. For that, they have a general misunderstanding. Kim assumes he doesn't want to talk to her. Jack can't tell her what he does and why he never has time to talk to her. The fact that they're miles apart doesn't help, and their relationship is strained, even if they have agreed that staying together won't work and they will remain friends. Jack stays up most nights that year, mostly for missions, but also because he can't stop thinking about her.
The second year is harder. They rarely talk now, and only send each other emails every other week or so. They never call each other anymore. They both wish to hear each other's voice, but they never make the first move. They just sit back and let things unfold how they do, even if they don't like it. This year is the year Kim spends more time with her new friends, and she loves them, but they're not her old ones, and they can never be her old friends, either. This year is the year she mostly stays awake, though not just missing Jack, but all of them.
The third year is the first call Jack recieves from Kim after a year. He answers right away, and she's in tears as she says his name. He asks what's wrong. Kim says she has done something horrible, and tells him that she has kissed another boy, and it has hurt her horribly. Even if they aren't together, she admits that she wants him with her still, and kissing another boy has made her realize that. Jack tells her it's alright. She cries that it's not, and begs him to give her some reassurance about their relationship. He mentions the cherry blossom and the fact they're always connected, and she cries again, but because she's so happy and embarrassed she did anything at all. They both stay up a lot that year.
The fourth year is when Kim calls him one last time to ask if Jack's okay with her going down to see him in Washington. Jack tells her no, of course, seeing how he has a story to uphold, being a spy and all. Kim doesn't get mad, but she's a little hurt he doesn't want her there. She's graduating this year, so she suggests they round up the gang and get together again after her graduation. Jack declines, saying he and Milton are busy, but suggests she talk to Rudy or Jerry. Right now he and Milton are scheduled for a trip after her graduation they can't miss. Kim is further hurt now, and she blurts out that she's seeing someone, and that he shouldn't fear having to see her again because she won't want to get back together with him or anything. When she hangs up, Jack sits in a stupor for a while. He doesn't call back.
The fifth year, Jack gets shot. One mission he and Milton are separated and the suspect fires at Jack's shoulder, getting a direct hit. When Jack wakes up in a hospital later, the doctor asks who Kim is. Jack realizes he was saying her name in his sleep. Jack places the dried cherry blossom in a pendant this year, and he keeps it looped around his neck now. This is the year he resolves himself to forget, or at least to try to. Kim's words always echo in his head: that you can never forget your first love. He knows it's hard not thinking about Kim, because she's his first love, and he shouldn't forget her at all. But he tries hard, and he has to take sleeping pills most of this year.
The sixth year Kim forgets about him the first time since she left. She is listing her past boyfriends to her current boyfriend, and somehow she forgets to add Jack's name. It doesn't occur to her until the end of the day, when she's going to bed. At first she's frightened. Jack wasn't her first boyfriend, but he was her first love- she shouldn't be forgetting him already. As she puzzles what this means, she finally just decides to let it to. After all, she'll never see Jack again.
The seventh year is when Kim does see Jack again.
"Milton, I'll be fine," Jack assures his friend, laughing a little. "I told you that your girlfriend can stay at our apartment for the last twenty four hours already. It's cool, I've already found a hotel. No, don't feel bad- look, I'm already here, so don't try and talk me out of this. Okay? No, I'm not listening! Bye, Milton!" He hangs up and chuckles before he parks his car and grabs his duffel bag, preparing to check in to the hotel he's pulled up at.
"Hello," a woman behind a desk greets Jack as he enters.
"Hi," Jack says politely. "I have a room here...room 231?"
"Oh, yes. It's on the second floor." The woman takes out a key and types into a computer quickly. "It's for a Jack Brewer."
"That's me."
"ID, please?"
Jack hands her his ID and she looks at it before giving it back, along with the key. The woman gives him the usual "have a nice day" speech and Jack gives her the "you, too" that he's been taught to say. When he takes an elevator to the second floor, he marvels at how nice the place is. It's not a four star hotel- no, not even close, he wouldn't spend money on that- but it's still nice. He reaches his room and unlocks the door, satisfied that he can spend the one night he booked in peace.
"Jack?"
His peaceful feeling falls through when he turns around.
Kim is standing there. At first he doesn't quite place her name in his memory, but when he does, he feels dizzy. Kim Crawford is standing in front of him, and she's real, not something he has dreamed up. Jack doesn't say anything at first. Instead, he quietly studies her. She's biting her bottom lip and wringing her fingers nervously, standing there and shifting her feet.
"I- I'm sorry." Kim flushes now. "I didn't mean to...well, you know..." She trails off, but Jack still doesn't know.
"Kim," he says dumby, speaking at last. "It's- it's nice to see you."
"It's nice to see you, too," she says. "How's your life been?"
"Uh, pretty good," Jack says without thought. "I mean, it's no walk in the park, but it's...okay."
"Yeah." Kim looks down at her feet.
"Can I ask what you're doing here?" Jack asks, choosing his words carefully.
"I'm on a business trip," Kim answers. "I go to college now, but I'm interning at a law firm."
"That's great." Jack tries to smile.
"So what have you been up to?" Kim asks him, and she places her hands behind her back as she rocks back and forth on the soles of her feet, shyly looking at Jack from under the curls of her hair. At first Jack doesn't answer, but he's called back to reality when Kim says again, "Jack?"
"Uh, I...I've been up to things," Jack says curtly. "Look, I should go. You're probably busy..."
"Yeah." Kim tries to smile as well. "And you probably have stuff to do, too. Bye, Jack."
"Bye." Jack smiles this time, a real smile, and he lifts his hand a little as he enters his hotel room. When he shuts and locks the door, he places his back on it. His head is reeling from seeing Kim. It's been six years, and he can't believe how much of a toss up this is. It's like some cliché movie or something, not something Jack would have ever expected to happen in real life.
As he places his head between his hands, something falls from his shirt. It's the chain he's worn without thought these few years, with a dried cherry blossom in the pendant. He runs his tumb over it, hearing Kim's last words to him echo in his mind: "When you look at it, think of me." Finally, Jack snaps.
He throws the chain across the room after angrily removing it from his neck. He curses at it, at Kim, and at the world. He picks up the lamp from the nightstand that the hotel provides and he throws it. It crashes on the floor, satisfying his need to break something. He goes into the hotel bathroom and grabs anything he can find, throwing them as well.
"Damn you!" he yells. "Damn you to hell!"
When he's done wrecking the room, he falls to the floor again and lets his eyes squeeze out tears. He feels hurt for a reason he can't fathom. Kim never kept in contact with him, but Jack hadn't exactly tried to keep contact, either. Being angry wasn't going to help him at all, but it did help release the pent-up feelings in his chest. After taking a few deep breaths, he decides to forget about it. Forgetting will be for the best.
That doesn't mean it will be easy.
Jack then starts to clean up the room after he places the chain around his neck again. He's ashamed of making such a mess in the first place. He has never been a violent guy, yet somehow throwing and breaking things made him feel better, so he decides that it wasn't a total waste. After he's cleaned up the best that he can- the broken vase is still on the carpeted floor- he lies down on the bed and tries to sleep, even if it's only six in the afternoon.
There's a knock at his door a few minutes later.
He cautiously opens the door to see Kim standing there. Kim smiles weakly at him, but Jack looks at her closely and sees her makeup has been hastily reapplied, and that her eyes are a little red. It's like she has been crying. Kim then wraps her arms around her middle and takes a deep breath before she starts talking.
"I'm sorry, Jack," she says breathily, and her chest constricts like she's going to cry. "I- I shouldn't be here. I know you don't want to see me, and that you have better things to do than listen to me, but I really want you to hear me out. I...I forgot you."
"Okay." Jack looks at her weirdly. "And-?"
Kim's mouth falls open. "And I shouldn't have!"
Jack runs a hand through his hair. Kim looks down at the ground.
"Jack," she says, trying again, "I told you I could never forget you, but I did, just once, last year. I'm sorry." Kim bites her lip, trying to seem like she's okay, but Jack just looks at her quizzically for a few seconds, his eyes squinted a little in sheer confusion.
"So you forgot me once," he says at last. "It's okay."
"Yes, but..." Kim trails off. "You mean you're okay with it?"
"Kim," Jack laughs, "it's not like it's something big or unforgivable. We're...we're...well, we were friends. I think sooner or later everyone forgets each other, and nothing really happens. I couldn't remember half of my middle school friends in high school, and it's fine if you don't remember me, because high school has passed and we've all moved on."
"We were more than friends, though," Kim says slowly. "I didn't want to forget you."
"Then why did you?" Jack asks simply, and he tenses a little.
"I don't know why." Kim looks away, looking as though she's near tears. "I thought about you a lot when we weren't together, and when we fell apart, I was so hurt. Then I kind of tried to put you out of my mind, and when the time came and I did forget you, it hurt me even more. I know this all sounds so stupid right now, but I- I miss you, Jack."
Jack looks away, unsure of what to say. Of course he misses her, and of course he wants her back in his life, but he fears that two broken people together will not amount to anything. It would be better if she forgets. It would be better if they both just forget. Jack looks Kim in the eye, and she looks so delicate, and so afraid, and just so hurt.
"I miss you, too," he manages to mutter, and Kim exhales, smiling just the slightest.
"I don't want to mess this up again," Kim says as she looks into Jack's eyes. "I want you back in my life, even if you have a job here, and probably a girlfriend. We can still talk like we did before we stopped. We can still be friends. Like- like we used to be, before things changed."
"Yeah," Jack says, and he nods. "I'd like that. If your boyfriend doesn't mind, I mean."
"Right, right, and if your girlfriend doesn't either." Kim toys with her hair absentmindedly. Jack rubs the back of his neck. The tension is thick in the air right now, and they're both unsure of what they can do to kill it, or at least stifle it a bit.
"I don't have a girlfriend," Jack blurts after clearing his throat a little.
"I don't have a boyfriend," Kim says at the same time.
Kim blushes after that and shyly continues to toy with her hair. Jack stares down at the floor as his face flushes.
"So, friends," Jack says nervously, changing the subject to their earlier topic.
"Yup." Kim looks anywhere but at him.
"So, do you want to do something later?" Jack asks. "As...friends?"
"Sure." Kim looks a little surprised. "That would be nice."
"Great." Jack nods. "Maybe we can get dinner?"
"Yeah," Kim says. "Do you- do you want to go right now?"
"That sounds great," Jack agrees. "I'm ready."
"I kind of look like a mess." Kim laughs shyly. "Sorry."
"No, you don't," Jack says slowly, taking her in carefully. She's so beautiful to him, and he can't remember ever telling her that when they were together, or when they knew each other. "You look great. I mean, if anything, I'm the mess. You look beautiful."
Kim's eyes widen. Jack's heart beats faster.
"What?" she says dumbly. "You mean-?"
"I think you're beautiful, Kim," Jack repeats. "Truly and honestly. I know I never said it to you a lot, but I thought it a lot when we were younger. I know that I should've said it. I'm just glad I have a chance to now." He sticks his hands in his pockets then, glancing at her and holding his breath.
Kim look at him, her eyes scanning his face. She steps closer. Jack exhales. Her slim, cold fingers trace his cheek shyly, and he stands still and lets her touch him. Finally Kim closes all distance between them and places a soft kiss on his mouth, her hands holding his face tightly as Jack's hands come out of his pockets and go around her waist, pulling her close to him. When they break apart, they both breath heavily and stare at each other, both with confusion heavily outlined in their eyes.
Kim tries to say something, but Jack cuts her off.
"You know I never forgot you, right?" Jack's voice shakes a little. "I tried to. Honestly, I did. But I couldn't." He steps back from Kim, his hands going away from her waist as he reaches into his shirt and pulls out the slim pendant on the chain around his neck. He thumbs the surface of the pendant before he takes off the chain and holds it out to Kim.
Kim takes it and stares down at it. "Is that-?"
"A cherry blossom," Jack says simply. "The one you gave me before we separated. Every time I looked at it, I thought of you."
Kim holds it carefully in her hands, keeping her gaze downward as she weighs his words. She realizes that, since he has kept it around his neck, he has always kept her memory close to his heart. When Kim looks up at Jack again, she's almost crying.
Jack takes her in his arms again, and this time they both struggle not to cry as they finally feel the warmth of each other's arms, and the feel of their bodies pressed together, and the way they just know that they won't fall apart again. They may be broken, but Jack knows that even some broken things can be succesfully fixed.
"I don't want to forget," Kim says into his shirt. "I don't want to forget you, not ever again."
Jack swallows the lump in his throat that's threatening to choke him. "You won't."
"But I..."
"You won't forget, and I won't forget. We'll always remember each other, Kim. We're connected. We'll always be connected."
And as they hold each other, they quietly honor the idea in their minds. They won't forget. Not again.
After all, you can never truly forget your first love.
To any people familiar with my other work, How To Love, I'd like to say sorry that I haven't updated. In fact, I probably won't pick it up again soon, so I guess this is a hiatus. Not that many people would care...I mean, my writing sucks.
Away from that topic, thank you for reading this! I realize it's a little OOC, but thank you for sticking through with it. I just wrote it to get it out of my system, but I would love feedback on it on how I can improve. So please review! :)