Title; Where Did You Go
Summary; It always annoyed me when you cared to much...Now you don't care at all [JadenChazz
Warnings; Rated M for swearing and mentions of sex. Slight Jesse bashing on Chazz's part.
Disclaimer; Not yet, but I'm working on it ;)
Author's Notes; ...o.o
It always annoyed me when you cared to much.
"Hey, Chazz, you're bag looks heavy. Want me to carry it?"
Alright, I admit it, I didn't mind about that. Having a willing personal slave had it's perks.
"Um, Chazz...don't you think your trousers are too tight?"
That was your polite way of telling me not to dress like a hooker. Of course, when I confronted you about this, those huge brown eyes of yours widened further and you were quick to apologize, saying you didn't mean it like that.
But you did mean it. That was annoying.
"Chazz, want to have a big breakfast? I'll get Sy to cook!"
Having Syrus as our timid, reluctant slave was fun. You were just too oblivious to notice he was far from content with the occupation, and I didn't really care. The guy makes good bacon.
"Chazz, lets have a romantic dinner! I'll cook!"
I'll always remember the first time you cooked for me.
I'll also always remember walking to our room after a study session with Atticus, only to find our side of the Slifer dorm up in flames.
After a few days of constant apologizing on your part, I got sick of it.
"Slacker, want me to cook for you?"
"Really?"
"That's what I said, isn't it?"
"Well okay! Just be careful not to burn yourself"
Geez, I wanted to stab you in the eye with the nearest form of cutlery.
I'll always remember the first time I cooked for you.
And the next week of make-up sex we had after I gave you food poisoning.
It shifted the blame off of you, and it worked to my advantage as well. It worked both ways. And people call me self-centered, ha.
But after that...
"Chazz, you want some of my chocolate bar?"
You never share your food. To be honest, when it comes to food, you can be a selfish bastard. So it was no surprise when your sudden offer got me suspicious.
"Uh, Chazz, I'm full. Want the rest of my fried shrimp?"
Yeah, that's what tipped it over the edge. History had been made right there and then.
"No, I don't need the nurse, Chazz!"
"Hmm, yeah, kay. Tell her that when we get there"
"Oh, c'mon! Ask me how many fingers your holding up!"
"Don't be stupid, everybody knows you can't count"
"Chazz, wait-...it's just that I'm worried about you"
Shock horror, Jaden cares. You made me feel like such a baby sometimes.
To be truthful, you were the baby. You were always scraping your knees and shrugging it off, but I was the one you turned to -with big brown eyes- to bandage you up before you got infected.
Idiot.
"Chazz, you're really thin..."
The main argument. Somehow, whenever we raised our voices, it always wheeled back to that topic.
"Chazzy, open up and eat some pie, skinny ass!"
Okay, that was Atticus, who's a bit on the blunt side. This was you;
"Chazz, I have cookies!"
Going on an 'anti-diet' was fun. It meant I got to lick whipped cream, chocolate and other fatty stuff -that went right to my ass- off of your naked body, and instead of trading saliva through kisses, you'd exchange small sweets from your mouth into mind.
Sneaky little shit.
What annoyed me the most, though, was the moments before you'd make love to me.
"Chazz, are you sure you're prepped enough?"
"Yes"
"Really sure?"
"Yes"
"I don't want to hurt you-"
"Just fuck me already, dumbass!"
Every fricken' time
I mean, it was great that you cared and all, you just didn't have to remind me every second of the day.
What was more annoying than when you did, though, was when you stopped.
Yeah. During when we went into a different dimension, that's when you stopped looking out for me. And it made me follow you all the more like some little lost puppy.
Stupid, spazzy Chazzy getting all dependant on the slacker...
"I want to help you find Jesse!"
Pft, yeah, Jesse. Like I give a damn about that fashionably challenged little...grr! Don't even get me started on him. But, he was your friend...And I wanted to -eww- support you and stuff...
I'm such an idiot.
When we came back to the Academy and Jesse and the other exchange students returned to theirs, I thought it'd go back to the way it was. You trailing after me babbling like your motor-mouth self, until I either kissed you into shutting up or I throttled you.
Instead, you started avoiding me. All of us. When I confronted you, we just started arguing over a load of rubbish about how you promised Yubel a bunch of crap I wasn't listening about and...
And then I got huffy and packed my clothes and left.
You didn't try and stop me like I thought you would, and I was too stubborn to turn back.
Then Aster came, and we officially went 'on a break' you said it was to clear your head, because we both needed it. You thought you might be okay after that, everything would get better. The night before I left, we had sex. It wasn't 'lovemaking' It was emotionless.
You didn't bother to ask if I was prepared enough. I wasn't, by the way, and it hurt like a bitch the next day.
Asster the bastard (heh, that almost rhymes. How appropriate) relished in making his snide little wise-cracks about my limp all day.
And then we started talking (before he went and sissy slapped me, that is) about how you had changed. I told him to shut up, that he didn't know what he was talking about. He just gave me the same look you'd give someone who'd just been hit by a car, before he went back to his neutral, hard-ass expression and told me to lug around his suitcase again. I think he carries bricks in it. Or Zane.
Yeah, I think it's the latter. Little Assy has a crush on Mr. Bondage. But I don't really care about them and their fucked up little relationship.
So, then I snuck into your room after I almost made Aster retire (hehe...oops), and we talked for a while. You readily agreed to help me, which was a good thing, and I actually started to hope that things would gradually start to mend themselves in time.
Ha, then you found out I'd lost that duel to you on purpose and you physically grabbed the collar of my shirt, palpable anger directed towards me.
You'd never gotten rough with me before. No matter how pissy or bitchy I'd been towards you, or when I was in one of my spiteful moods and actually tried to provoke a reaction out of you. You'd just hold me and kiss me and tell me how much you loved me until I'd calm down.
You hurt me in public, as well. Then you got all happy again and encouraged me along. And the caring Jaden came back. And so did my hopes.
That got dashed again pretty soon after.
We kept fighting, arguing over tiny little things. About how you'd cleaned the room, so I didn't know where anything was anymore. You said you thought I'd at least be happy about the fact you'd taken the initiative to tidy, but I was riled up by that stage and petulantly replied that maybe I liked it messy. Secretly, I think I always did.
And then you said it.
The words that made my entire world crumble. My knees to buckle. My eyes to quiver. The words that made my heart split in two.
"You're such a child!"
I stare at myself in the mirror now, two weeks on. I'm still that immature, clumsy fifteen year old that likes to play spy and falls off of things. Last week I was walking around in an Ojama suit...
My hands grip the sink, the cold porcelain stinging my skin, but I hardly even feel it. This is why you've went off me, isn't it? Because I'm such a child and you're all grown up.
Great, now my eyes are burning. I'm trying to prove I'm mature and I'm sitting on the floor with my legs pulled to my chest with tears bubbling in my eyes.
You are a stupid bastard, Jaden Yuki, I hate you. I hate you for reducing me to this. I hate you for turning Chazz Princeton -the Chazz Princeton- Into a pitiful piece of crap.
I hate you for changing into a new person.
I hate that I'm in love with the old one.
"Fuck off" I tell you as you enter the bathroom, some vague, faint form of concern etched on your features. Obligatory concern, of course, you don't really feel worried.
"You okay?" You ask me. Dumbass.
"Fucking fabulous" I hiss in your ear as I push pass you, leaving you alone in the bathroom. Ooh la la, mature, Chazz.
I drag my feet lazily over the floorboards, wearing a withdrawn expression that matches my current state. I drift over to where you were lying on the bed and sink into the mattress, feeling your warmth. I hate the small smile on my lips as I nestle closer into the sheets, absorbing up your leftover body heat.
I frown as I hear a rustle, my arm brushing across something flimsy and papery as a pen jabs into my arm.
Oh, you were writing something. Probably homework. You'll have it all wrong, I'm sure, but I'm going to write in all the wrong answers for you anyway. Ha.
And suddenly my heart stops beating.
I feel sick. My stomach's churning, my eyes ache worse than ever from the burn of unshed tears, and my teeth chatter. In laymen's terms, I feel like shit.
You're writing to Mr. Incredible. Little Miss. Over The Rainbow. Skittle-brain.
I slowly sit up, lifting the letter, and just stay staring at it. My eyes don't hurt anymore. I'm too numb to feel anything.
"Chazz, what are you doing?"
I stiffly turn my head to face you, my expression dead and my lips pulled tight. Looking you straight in the eye, I tear the letter swiftly in half, the two separate pieces falling soundlessly to the floor.
"Bastard" I whisper, and I don't know who I'm talking about. Him, Jesse, Myself. Maybe all of us.
You're eyes narrow ever so slightly as you advance upon me in calm steps, but there's a dangerous aura radiating from you. Ooh, I'm shaking in my socks.
Oh, wait, I actually am. Well shit.
You sit in front of me, your back to my chest, and I doodle patterns over your spine with a languid finger. You shrug me off irritably.
"Why?" you ask, the slight tremble in your voice giving away your anger. I stick my tongue out at you from behind.
"Because he's an air-headed dip-shit that needs to get his own personality"
Woa-ho, bet that hurt, didn't it?
And now you're hurting me.
"Get off, you stupid bastard!" I shout as I squirm underneath you, your hands gripping my wrists tightly in a steadfast hold.
"Don't talk about my friends like that" You growl, a sound I'd never thought I'd hear coming from you. "Say sorry"
"Fuck sorry!" I spit out as I flail around under your weight, my legs wrapped around your waist as I futilely kick my shins against your back.
I've never felt so small; I've never realized how strong you are. How thin I am.
How weak I truly am compared to you.
It's frightening, almost.
"Stupid idiot" I whisper, and I hate how soft and inaudible my words are. I tip my head back into the pillow case, waiting for you to relinquish your grip. There'll certainly be bruises on my wrists tomorrow.
"Bastard" I hiss, or at least try to. It sounds like a pathetic whimper, so high-pitched I suspect only a dog can hear it.
You, being the stupid mutt you are however, apparently do. Your hold slackens, your eyes widening, your mouth gaping.
As you go limp above me, I slide out from beneath, padding across the room and literally throwing my self down in a corner. It hurts, but I don't notice, I just watch you.
Watch as you stand up and head for the mess drawer, of which you've cleaned. You easily select a pen from a neat packet you have stored, instead of having to rake around in there like you used to only a year ago. I always nagged you to clean that drawer. I always liked the fact that you had the guts to ignore me, though.
"I love Jaden" I say.
You regard me carefully, before your head bows and you break our locked gaze, guilt traceable in those oh so different brown eyes "Jaden loves you" you whisper, and I hear your voice crack.
I can't swallow the painful lump lodged in my throat as I ask delicately "And is he coming back?"
There's a tense, thick silence hanging in the room for several moments.
"Not that Jaden, no"
And suddenly the lump expands in my throat and I can't breath anymore.
So now, as you tear off another slip of paper from a notepad and sit on the bed, quietly working away on another letter for Wonder Boy, realization hits me.
The reason why you don't nag me for being too thin.
For my clothes not fitting.
And why you don't ignore my complaints,
Help me when my bag looks vaguely weighty.
Or why don't beg me to walk to class with you,
To bandage you up when you scrape your knees (not that mature you would)
And why you don't hold me in the night when I feel like screaming.
Why you don't tell me you love me.
It's all because...
You don't care.
You're not there anymore.
Where did you go? I want to find you again...
Because...
I love Jaden.
Not the mature boy sitting before me.
The one who doesn't care.
End Notes;- Season 4 sucks so bad...so did season 3 actually. And now GX is finishing to be replaced by dueling motorbikes...
I actually think the new Jaden is pretty cool, and it is a necessary step, of course. But if (like Chazz, cause it's sooooooo obvious) you're in love with Season 1 & 2 Jaden and he suddenly gets a personality transplant, you wouldn't be too pleased.
Also, Jesse being called 'fashionably challenged' is copyright ReaperRain -waves feeble at her- I hope she doesn't sue me...
Anyway, I wrote this in half an hour, which explains the probable OOCness and general suckyness of it.
Review?