disclaimer: nope, not mine.
notes: set during the duo's freshman year. sort-of au in that cameron also goes to school, but there's always the possibility that he goes back the villain thing. 'cal' is another name for berkeley.
other notes: light-hearted and no real point to be had. alsoalso, I have nothing against Cal...that's a made-up Wally thing. :D

"It's, like, fifty miles away. He shouldn't be here."

Artemis doesn't look away from the mirror. "Forty miles, and yes, he is here, so you have to get over it. Okay?"

She doesn't give him space to answer either, because by the time Wally has a good enough comeback that explains exactly why Icicle Junior shouldn't be allowed to visit his girlfriend, she's gone, leaving behind the smell of perfume.

Which is—worrying. Artemis never wears perfume. He should know, since he's gotten punched and aimed at for mentioning it.

"…I think I'm being dishonored," Wally says to his empty dorm room.

Naturally, he follows.

It's times like these, when Wally has to crouch behind an overflowing trashcan, that he misses the team's resources and his stealth uniform. But then he thinks about what Dick would do if he ever heard of this, and Wally throws away his regret rather happily.

He peeks around the edge of the trashcan to where Starbuck's outdoor tables are. Artemis is there, basking in the sun, cappuccino in hand. And there, beside her and a little too close, is Icicle Junior in a Cal hoodie that makes Wally want to barf.

Sure, Junior's given up the villain lifestyle—or so he says—and taken up the meager, humbling role of a college freshman, but Berkeley? He had to pick Berkeley, forty-miles-away-from-Artemis Berkeley, of all the schools in the world?

"Dishonored," Wally mutters.

He hangs around, watching as the pair finish their drinks and laugh and reminisce. It's disgusting and gets worse when a nearby girl coos over how cute the two are ("A long-distance relationship? Wow, that must take a lot of work, I'm so happy for you two!"), and Wally has to pinch himself to stop from charging over there and yelling about how it's so not impressive.

Eventually, he sniffs and gets up, knees cracking and legs tingling. Nothing's happened, he tells himself. The perfume meant nothing. Just a courtesy.

"…What do you mean he's staying."

Artemis shrugs. "I mean he's staying? He's got a long weekend so he's sticking around for a bit, wants to see the sights."

"Babe," Wally starts, pacing the length of her room, "babe, you two have history."

She snorts, but it's one of her more pleasant ones so Wally doesn't flee to Idaho just yet. "Yeah," she says, "we have history, as in it's in the past, as in it's done so you have nothing to worry about."

"Promise?"

Artemis rolls her eyes. "Promise."

And Wally would have left it at that—honest, he would have—but then he sees the Cal hoodie peeking out of Artemis's closet, and, well. It's not his fault he was born just a tad insecure.

Finding Junior is easy: follow the smell of coward, girlfriend-stealer, and water.

(It probably helps that Wally gets a text on his phone not too long after storming out of Artemis's room that names a hotel and a room number.)

Junior opens the door, looking just a little too smug for someone wearing a fluffy bath robe. "Nice to see you again," he says, stepping aside. Wally thinks he says something in return, but he's fairly sure it comes out as a growl.

"You," he says more clearly, coming to a stop in the middle of the room, "are—you're trying to steal her away."

Junior doesn't even try to look guilty. "Sure," he says, nudging the door closed. "Why not? Tigress and I" —he grins at Wally's grimace— "have a long, long relationship. Of course I want her to come to Cal."

"To you, you mean," Wally says darkly. He's not much of a fighter, really, but he's got his buttons and Junior is pushing every single one. "You can't have her."

"Obviously," Junior says with a dramatic sigh. "I'm not so conceited that I think I own her."

"…You're saying that I do?"

There's another grin on Junior's face. "You're here, aren't you? Doesn't that prove that you don't trust her?"

Wally has a retort ready—seriously, he does, it's not like before—but the door chooses that moment to bang back open (thankfully hitting Junior in the hip; he howls and hobbles over to the corner, swearing). Artemis stands in the doorway, hair hanging swinging around her head and curling into the Stanford hoodie she has on. Wally feels a grin of his own start to form on his face.

"Idiot," he hears her snarling, and then there's a flash of pain on the upside of his head.

Wally joins Junior in howling.

"Oh, suck it up," Artemis says, dragging him by the sleeve to the hallway. She looks over her shoulder to where Junior is now sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand pressed to his side. "You're next," she says loudly, and Junior blanches.

"Babe," Wally says weakly, seeing double, "why'd you do that?"

Her eyebrows jump up, and Wally hastily backtracks.

"I mean I'm sorry I ever doubted you, it'll never happen again." He waves his free hand around for emphasis, and the hard look in Artemis's eyes softens for a second.

"You're an idiot," she says, leaning against the wall. "A cute, jealous idiot, but an idiot."

Wally weighs the odds of her hitting him again—low, he hopes—so he says, "You were wearing perfume."

"And sometimes you were cologne to chem class," Artemis says. "Come on, Wall-man, don't tell me you freaked out over that."

"I—"

She pushes off the wall and comes to stand a step before him. Her eyes bore into his, and she says slowly, "I'm not going anywhere without you, okay?"

He feels himself nodding, and Artemis smiles.

"Good," she says. A minute goes by and Wally's just starting to enjoy the warm feeling in his stomach when Artemis turns around and reaches for the doorknob to Junior's room.

"What're you—"

"I did say he was next," Artemis says airily. She tilts her head, and adds, "I'm not really finished with you, either. I'm not a thing to be had, Wallace."

With that, she shoves the door open and strides in. Wally listens to Junior's muffled protests and the sounds of what must be a pillow smacking into flesh, and he decides that it's quite all right for him to break his rule and use super speed to get the hell out of here and into Idaho.

(For some reason, the warm feeling is still around—which Wally takes to mean that at heart, he must be some kind of masochist or something.)