There isn't really any spoilers for Civil War in here. I don't think there's any, actually, I wrote most of it before I saw the movie, so it's kind of AU.
Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own any of the characters :(
Steve Rogers loved him.
And he loved Steve.
That was real.
There was a mess in his head and in his body, but of that fact he was certain.
Everything had been coming back since the first day James 'Bucky' Barnes had seen Steve on the bridge. There had been hitches, and a thousand frustrations and he still didn't have everything back, but he had a lot.
Steve had chased him with relentless vigour, and after trying to evade him for almost six months, Bucky gave in and let himself be found. There were tests and psychologists and Bucky thought about running away more than once, but every time the thought came to his head, all he had to do was think about Steve, and it was enough to stop himself. Because even though he didn't have everything, he had Steve.
And he loved Steve.
He didn't fully understand it yet, but he knew he did.
There was something in his bones, this muscle memory, that told him he loved Steve, just like Steve loved him. That he needed to go back to Steve, to be with him.
Almost a year later, so eighteen months after he had first laid eyes on Steve—or Captain America, as his adoring masses chanted—he had apparently been declared fit for duty. Bucky wasn't too sure how he felt about it at first, but there was something comforting about being able to do what he knew he was good at. He felt like he was useful when he was out in the field, and he felt...He didn't exactly know how to describe what he was feeling when Steve would give him this soft smile and his blue eyes would glow when he had one of the Avengers backs, keeping them safe.
He lived for that.
For the first few months he was living on the Avengers base, sleeping in the tiny room that Steve and Tony Stark both told him that he didn't need to put up with. But it was good, it was small and unassuming, and it worked for him, didn't make him feel crowded or overwhelmed. But then Steve told him to move in with him, and Bucky couldn't say no.
And he was so glad that he didn't.
Because if he hadn't moved in with Steve, then they wouldn't be where they were today. Bucky didn't doubt for a second that his rehabilitation would not have been so successful if he wasn't living with Steve. And they definitely wouldn't be sharing a double bed; bulky, muscular bodies curled into each other, Steve's breath puffing out against Bucky's arm that was tucked under his head. Bucky growled out under his breath as Steve moved absent mindedly, grinding his ass back into the dark haired mans lap.
This was also something that had come back to Bucky because of Steve.
Touches.
Touches that weren't about hurting.
Touches that soothed.
That tingled.
That caused storms inside him.
It wasn't something that he had talked too much about, but it was definitely something that Steve had picked up on. It had started when they first moved in together and Steve would put his hand down on his shoulder and give it a squeeze, or when their fingers would brush against one another's when they were doing the dishes together. And then as they began to learn each others movements again, and Bucky became more comfortable, they would sit closer together on the couch, or walk right next to him when they were out in the public.
He had been touched plenty over the past seventy years. He really tried not to think about all of those times, because even on the few nights when it had been to get pleasure, it had all been a mess and rough and not at all careful or gentle.
At one point, he heard Natasha Romonova saying something about him being 'touch starved'. Bucky didn't really pay much attention to her, although to be totally fair, he didn't pay all that much attention to anyone who wasn't Steve. Even when they were all being briefed for their next mission by Director Fury or Phil Coulsen or whoever was running the meeting today, he didn't take all that much in. Steve seemed to realize that and always went over things with him afterwards, and Bucky liked that.
But Steve seemed to listen to Natasha, and then the touches weren't so fleeting. They weren't pressuring or harsh, or anything like Bucky had been experiencing. They were...They were Steve. They were the blonde mans hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly, or his hand clasping around the back of his neck in a way that was comforting, with his thumb brushing over his skin, or trailing his way absent mindedly down Bucky's back. It then graduated to Bucky almost sitting on Steve's lap when they were watching TV in the privacy of their own apartment, and then the dark haired super soldier was crawling into bed next to his friend.
The first time they kissed, it brought back a whole flood of memories that Bucky couldn't bear to do it again for a long time. Steve understood, just like he always did, without Bucky needing to say anything. He didn't try to kiss him again, but he didn't stop the touches, which Bucky was eternally grateful for. He would reach out and link their fingers together, or when they crawled into bed together, he let their legs tangle together. Sometimes Bucky would wake up in a cold sweat and he would be panting and confused, and no idea where he was, and Steve was right there to remind him that he was safe.
That he was loved.
They started kissing more often.
Sometimes it was rough and hard, and Bucky just needed Steve to feel his pain.
Other times it was so soft and sweet that it made Bucky's insides hurt with a whole other kind of pain that he knew he had felt before but couldn't quite pin point.
He knew that it had been to do with Steve, though.
The kissing had graduated to more, and a few weeks ago they had had sex for the first time. Once they had finished, and were laying on the sweaty sheets, Bucky had flashbacks to this happening before. Not a lot, but more than once. Steve made a few comforting noises under his breath as his fingers rubbed circles on Bucky's hip as Bucky stuttered through the memories, piecing together some times they had spent together before Steve had underwent the serum, and then also a couple of clumsy, quiet times in the camps. He got angry when he couldn't put it all together, but Steve had rolled on top of him and kissed him languidly, smothering his annoyance with those plush lips of his.
And that lead to where they were today. Bucky as big spoon with one arm thrown over Steve and one of his legs between the blondes. They had only actually been back for five hours. Just twelve hours ago they had been in Russia on a mission, and then they had been back to headquarters for debriefing, and then just after three in the morning, the two super soldiers had managed to stumble back into their apartment. Steve had fallen asleep the minute they had pulled off their clothes and tumbled into bed, glad that they had showered at the Avengers base just before the briefing. Bucky, as usual, found sleep difficult, and was still drifting in and out.
But that was okay, because he really didn't need all that much sleep. And neither did Steve, which is why after a solid five hours, he was already starting to stir. They didn't need to be anywhere until later that afternoon, and Bucky wasn't planning on getting up anytime soon, especially when Steve was doing this thing with his hips so that his ass was grinding up and down Bucky's quickly hardening cock. Bucky metal left arm touched Steve's hip, sliding around to rest on his lower stomach, fingers gliding over his lower abdominals. Obviously the arm didn't give him the same kind of feelings as when he was touching Steve with his flesh and blood hand, but there were still sensors, and Bucky could feel Steve's muscles quivering under his touch. Bucky breathed out, leaning forward so that he could brush his teeth against the shell of his lovers ear.
"Did you even get any sleep last night?" Steve asked, his voice rough as he slowly woke up.
"You're doing this with your ass and you're asking me about sleep?" Bucky tried to sound teasing as his left arm slid back around and grabbed his ass. Steve made a noise at the back of his throat but Bucky heard him swallow hard and pull away, rolling over so that the two of them were facing each other. He lifted his hand and brushed his thumb against Bucky's cheek, then between his eyes and massaging there lightly.
"You need to be getting sleep, Buck," Steve said quietly, ignoring Bucky's pout now that Steve had shifted his body away from his cock.
"I'm fine," Bucky replied shortly.
"We haven't slept in four days," Steve reminded him softly, his hand sliding around to cup Bucky's jaw, the tips of his fingers playing with Bucky's long hair. "You need your rest."
"I'm fine," Bucky repeated, but his voice was quieter this time, his body melting into Steve's touch. A pretty smile pulled the corners of Steve's mouth upward as he massaged Bucky's neck. Bucky would have forgotten all about the fact he was hard from Steve's earlier movements and just relaxed into Steve's touch, except the hand that wasn't around Bucky's neck reached down to touch him between his legs. Bucky hadn't been expecting it, and his hips jerked forward, a gasp falling from his lips.
"If I get you off," Steve's voice had that raspy edge to it again, but this time it was more from lust than sleep. "Then you need to sleep for at least the next few hours." Bucky made a noise at the back of his throat as Steve rubbed him hard, up and down, through the briefs he was wearing.
"Steve, I'll be okay..."
"No, you won't," Steve's tone was stern and he paused for a moment, narrowing his eyes. "Promise me that you're going to get some sleep. You need to look after yourself." Bucky licked his lower lip and quirked as he looked at the blonde.
"I don't need to when you're doing it, Stevie..." Bucky began to say, the nickname falling easily from his lips, as though they hadn't been apart seventy years. As though they were still those kids from Brooklyn. As though he had been saying his name every day they had lived. And he knew that it affected Steve when he did that, because Steve's bright blue eyes went all soft around the edges, and it was the best kind of feeling in the world, knowing that Bucky did that to him. The crazy hurricane of emotions that Steve always started was back, a mixture of squishy feelings in his head, and a whole lot of hot, tingly feelings in his nether regions.
"Well, someone has to," Steve murmured. Bucky felt a lump forming in his throat and tried to shrug it off, like he usually did.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he grumbled, giving him a lopsided smile and rolling his eyes. Steve laughed in response, easily switching between sweet to sexy to keep up with what Bucky needed.
"Are you saying you don't want me to get you off?" Steve's hand stopped it's motion an Bucky let out a growl, narrowing his eyes at the blonde who gave him a cheeky smirk.
"I didn't say that at all," he grunted, gripping his lovers hips and pulling him so that he was straddling him. Steve let out a laugh as he stared down at Bucky. There was this look in his eyes as he looked down at Bucky, and it was so intense and full of love that it made Bucky's body tighten and feel hot all over. Sometimes it was too much, and he had to bury his head in a pillow or in Steve's shoulder, but it wasn't overwhelming at the moment, so he let Steve hold his gaze before he jerked his hips upward and their cocks bumped together. "As long as you're getting off with me." Steve's eyes darkened and Bucky smirked before he reached up and smacked their lips together.
Sure, he didn't remember everything.
But he remembered enough.
He knew how he felt about Steve.
That was real.
Steve's teeth bit at Bucky's lips and he fitted his tongue over his lovers, moulding it with Bucky's and loving the way they fit together so perfectly, and it was that sort of thing that told Bucky they had been doing this for a long time. There were a couple of clashes of teeth, not because they weren't used to one another's movements, but because things always got a little urgent when they were both hard and undulating their hips together. And in all honesty, Bucky loved it, it just made up the whole beauty of the sparks and the mesh of their mouths as their tongues rolled over each others. Steve's hands carefully skimmed down Bucky's body before cupping his jaw and scratching at his skin. Bucky grunted into Steve's mouth as the blonde pulled off Bucky's shirt so that they were both naked except for their briefs.
"Fuck," Bucky bit out as he let his hands travel down Steve's defined back, and he heard a huff against his neck as Steve kissed and licked there, knowing he was probably holding back some retort about his language. Bucky usually teased him about it, but he knew that Steve didn't really mind, especially when they were in situations like this.
"Everything about you is so perfect," Steve's voice sounded almost pained as he murmured against Bucky's skin, and even though Bucky completely disagreed with the blonde, that look in his eyes and the reverence in his tone made Bucky believe him, even if it was just for a split second. "God, I love you, Buck," Steve's lips came back to cover Bucky's, not waiting for any sort of reply from the dark haired assassin. Bucky had only said those words back a couple of times, he wasn't as loose with them as Steve was, but he still tried to show how he felt in everything he did.
He needed Steve to know that he loved him, even if he couldn't say it.
Bucky could feel how hard Steve was through the briefs that he was wearing and even though they were only separated by a couple of scraps of material, it felt as though they were being held apart by constraints. His body was tense as their arousals continued to grind against each others, and when Steve's fingers scratched over his abdomen and finally rested fully over his cock, there was a jolt of heat that stabbed through him and his hips jerked upward, his back bowing.
"That's it, Buck," Steve cooed. He slipped his hand underneath the briefs and wrapped his hand around the throbbing cock, and Bucky let out a whine from the back of his throat. "C'mon, Bucky..." he pumped his hand up and down. The warmth of Steve's palm and the tightness of his hand around Bucky's cock had him mewling and twisting underneath him.
"I'm gonna...I'm gonna come, Steve," Bucky managed to gasp out as Steve rubbed his thumb over the head of Bucky's cock, catching on the frenulum and tugging ever so slightly, just enough to get a reaction.
"Come for me, Bucky," Steve whispered, his breath hot against Bucky's ear. He caught the lobe of his ear in his teeth, biting down lightly, before making his way down his lovers neck, flicking out his tongue over the hollow of his throat, just the way he knew that Bucky liked it, and that was enough for him. Bucky let out a growl, his flesh and blood arm circling around Steve's torso and holding on to him tight, while his metal arm gripped the sheets so viciously there was risk of them tearing. Bucky pulsed in Steve's hand, covering his lower stomach and the blondes hand with cum.
"Stevie..." Bucky sighed, a catch in his throat as he ascended into that post-coital haze. Steve rolled away from him after pressing one last kiss to his jaw, and wrapped his hand around his own cock. Bucky managed to pull himself together enough to roll lazily onto his side and join his hand together with Steve's. The cum already on Steve's hand from Bucky's orgasm mingled together with Steve's pre-come, and the two of them jerked him off together until Steve let out a grunt, his body tensing as he came over their fingers. The two of them let out heavy breaths as they lay side by side, Bucky's fingers still twined together with Steve's. Bucky's whole body felt sated and relaxed, and he knew that they needed to clean themselves up, but he just felt so tired right now. He was vaguely aware of Steve moving out of bed and then coming back with a cloth and wiping them both up, and then getting back into bed with him.
"Sleep now, Buck," Steve murmured as he curled himself into Bucky's side, throwing a leg over his thighs and one of his arms over Bucky's stomach. The Winter Soldier let out a contented sigh and pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead.
"I love you," he breathed out before promptly falling asleep.
Maybe he didn't have everything.
But when he was with Steve, it felt like he had the full puzzle figured out.
I SAW Captain America: CIVIL WAR LAST WEEKEND! Holy shit. Just as good as I had hoped. Couple of things I was a little iffy on but *sighs dreamily* it was very good. Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner all in one movie makes me very happy :) So if anyone is a Marvel fan and wants to fangirl, don't hold back! Especially if you want to fangirl about Stucky or Sebastian Stan talking in Russian or Wanda, who I absolutely fell in love with in this movie.
But especially Sebastian talking in Russian, that was like a spiritual experience.
Let me know what you think xx