Pairing: Kendall/Carlos, really minor James/Logan (you gotta squint to really see it.)
Rating: M
Summary: It's his party, but he couldn't get himself to enjoy it. Not with the jealousy he is feeling. The jealousy that he couldn't even explain.
"Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." – Unknown author
Birthday parties are meant to be fun, but fun is the last thing Kendall is having at the moment.
Kendall has insisted on a simple birthday, meaning no extravagant parties, no expensive presents, and certainly not this. He knows this is how Logan, James and Carlos celebrate their birthdays, but he doesn't want this. The bright flashing lights, the vibrations from the heavy beats of the music – all of it is a bit too much. Kendall understands that the guys just want him to have fun tonight, but everything, instead of giving him a thrill, is giving him a massive headache.
"Hey Kendall, having fun?" That is James, who Kendall doesn't even notice has taken a seat right next to his. Kendall tries smiling, he honestly does, but it comes out a wry grin and James couldn't help but scoff. "Dude, it's your party! Let loose a little bit will 'ya?"
"I am!"
"Hardly. Come on, you should go out on the dance floor."
"Please, you know that I can't dance." Kendall states, matter-of-factly.
"Like people care! Trust me, half the people out there right now don't even know how to. People are hardly dancing anyways. It's just a whole lotta grinding going on."
Kendall laughs as to how true he finds that sentence being. The dance floor is barely a dancefloor. It has become more of a…dry hump floor. It's a distasteful way to put it, but it's the best way to. Basically almost all the girls are hunched over and there is a guy standing right behind each and every one of them, his hands on her waist and both are simultaneously swaying their hips side to side. It seems that that form of dancing is what the generation has been reduced to, and it's sad but funny at the same time.
"I mean come on, look!" James points to a random couple 'dancing'. Kendall has to squint his eyes to get a better sight of who James is referring to. "Carlos seems to be having a good time. Definitely a better time than you."
Kendall's breath gets caught in his throat as he sees Samantha, slightly bent over, and Carlos behind her, his hands firmly at her sides and both their hips moving left to right in perfect sync, fulfilling all the requirements of what is considered grinding.
"See how much fun they're having? That should be you out there."
Kendall couldn't help but roll his eyes to avert his gaze from Carlos and Samantha. "Maybe that's your idea of fun. I would've preferred a traditional birthday party, thank you very much."
"But why? You're twenty-one years old! You've outgrown those backyard parties with birthday cakes and balloons and presents all gathered in a table and you're all wearing a party hat and your parents are videotaping everything and..."
"I get it James." Kendall interrupts.
"Then why not head out there and have some fun?"
"Because... I actually like those parties. That's how my family always celebrates birthdays and I don't see why it has to change."
He doesn't exactly see James scrunch his eyebrows, but he knows James did. "Stop being such a traditionalist! You're missing out, dude. I am telling you. You're the birthday boy! Just look for a girl who isn't dancing with anyone currently and I guarantee she'd want to dance with you."
Kendall gives a sarcastic chuckle at the inaccuracy of James's statement is. Kendall isn't exactly a smooth operator with the ladies. He would always come off a bit on the goofy side, which Kendall has grown to accept. Sure millions of girls would scream his name and squeal at the sight of him, him being famous and all, but with girls that aren't exactly his fans, his flirting skills definitely needs some work. So tonight he is sure his luck with girls wouldn't change, not that he needs it to.
Kendall catches Logan with the corner of his eye as the brunette approaches him and James, a bit fidgety and a look on his eyes that only spells out anxiety.
"James… Can-uhm… Can we talk?"
Kendall finds Logan's demeanor a bit strange. Why all of a sudden is he acting all…well that? He expects Logan to be hitting up the dance floor with a girl much like Carlos is, much to his dismay, but there Logan is, looking like a nervous wreck. Kendall looks at James and sees that he is completely avoiding eye contact with Logan. He isn't even turned to Logan's direction. He apparently has ordered some alcoholic beverage and is casually, or at least trying to act casual, drinking it, ignoring Logan's presence.
"James…please. I really need to talk to you."
Surprisingly, James gets up from his chair. With an exasperated sigh, he turns to face Logan, and says, "Fine." James then turns his head to face Kendall. "We're gonna head outside for a bit. Is it okay if we leave you for a little while?"
Hundreds of questions are running through Kendall's brain, but none seemed to run out of his mouth. It is agape for a few seconds until he managed out a "sure" and sees James and Logan walking away, Logan has his head bent down and eyes staring at the floor. As much as he wants to know what is up between the two, he feels like he has other things to worry about.
Kendall watches the dance floor once more, trying to spot a specific couple, the same couple James pointed out not too long ago. He easily finds them, not having left their original spot, and continuing the same actions as before.
The music abruptly ends, and the DJ starts talking. "Alright will the birthday boy please come up on stage. Mr. Kendall Knight, please come up on stage!"
Kendall isn't looking forward to delivering a speech or anything of the like, but he couldn't exactly get out of it, seeing as how it is his party and all. With no other options, he rises from his bar stool and heads toward the said stage. He makes his way up the small flight of stairs and grabs the microphone the DJ is handing him.
"Hey everyone!" Kendall starts, "I would just like to thank all of you for coming out and celebrating this day with me. I would like to thank my boys from Big Time Rush and Dustin and Ranel. You guys rock! Thanks for setting this all up for me. And for everyone else, I hope you're having a good time. And…yeah, I guess that's it."
Kendall scans the audience to look for the boys he had just mentioned. Dustin and Ranel are at a corner enjoying what he could only guess is beer in those plastic red cups. James and Logan are still outside, talking about…something. Carlos is in the large group of people that is dancing right before his 'big' speech. The Latino's hands are still wrapped around Samantha's frame and his head is snuggled on her shoulders, and he is holding a large smile. Kendall couldn't even force one out at the sight. All that ran through Kendall's body is a strong sense of jealousy. He quickly flees the stage and returns to the open bar, before anyone could notice the mood he is in. The DJ says a few words about him and the crowd gives a round of applause, then the music resumes, as does the dancing, or better yet the grinding.
Kendall couldn't believe it. Just now, then and there, he feels really jealous. And he isn't jealous of Carlos. He's jealous of the girl.
He has no clue how it happened nor why it happened, but all of a sudden, on one of the most random of days, Kendall had started seeing Carlos under a new light. He no longer saw him as just his fellow band member, nor just his best friend, and definitely no longer his brother. Maybe it was the time they went on a fishing trip and Kendall couldn't help but notice how cute Carlos looked. Or maybe the time when they were on set for their big movie and when Kendall lacked scenes with the shorter boy, Kendall couldn't help but miss Carlos. Or maybe it was just today, when each of the guys, Ranel and Dustin included, were giving Kendall their individual presents to him and Carlos surprised him with a limited edition Gibson acoustic guitar, something he shrewdly pointed out months before as something he wanted.
He couldn't exactly explain it, nor does he even want to, because it would mean he has to venture and look into this new found light he has found for Carlos, and Kendall isn't sure if he is quite ready for that.
Not that there is anything to get ready for. Is there?
Surely, he doesn't have feelings for the oldest member of Big Time Rush. Or does he? It is a very overwhelming question, because not once has Kendall even considered such a thing, not until recently anyways.
But it doesn't even make sense. He's always been into girls. Why all of a sudden would he like a boy? More specifically, why all of a sudden would he like Carlos? Not that Carlos isn't good looking or anything, it's just…there are so many things that makes Carlos one of the least compatible people for him.
First of all, he and Carlos are in so many ways the exact opposite of each other. Carlos is the neat and tidy one; Kendall could care less about the mess he makes. Kendall is overly competitive, while Carlos would let the other boys win on games on several occasions. Kendall is a bit of the talker, while Carlos had always lent an ear but never spoke up as much as Kendall did.
Second, Kendall feels as though Carlos is the most distant from him out of the three other members of the band. He would always hang out with Logan or James, and Kendall never realized how little time he spends one-on-one with Carlos. Sure there are some occasions where it is just the two of them, but those are rare compared to the times he had with Logan or James.
There is more to it, but those are the main reasons. And now Kendall could not stop thinking about them, feeling burdened. And the question still lingers. Does he actually like Carlos? Despite how different and distant they are from each other? Kendall sighs. He needs something, anything to get his mind off things.
"Rough night?"
Kendall looks up and stares right into the eyes of the bartender of his party, seemingly out of people to talk to on the bar except for the blonde birthday boy.
"A little bit."
"But it's your birthday, bro. What could possibly be bringing you down?"
Here we go again, Kendall thought. It is hard and annoying enough to have James tell him he should be having more fun, but even this complete stranger is now telling him off as well. He stays silent, refusing to talk about his…issue.
"You don't have to tell me. It's none of my business. But to help you out, I will…" the bartender pauses as he reached under the counter to fetch a small glass and then looks to his shelf to retrieve a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka and pours some into the glass, "…fix you a drink. On the house of course."
Kendall blinks at the concoction offered to him. "I'd rather not."
"You're at your twenty-first birthday party and you're telling me that you're going to reject a free shot of vodka?"
"Uhm, well I…"
Before Kendall could answer, he is interrupted by a certain voice, a voice that belonged to none other than the boy he is having troubled thoughts of.
"Hey, Kendall." Carlos greets as he took a seat next to the blonde.
"Oh, hey."
"I couldn't help but notice you acting a bit strange. Are you okay?"
Kendall is unable to respond right away. Carlos caught on to that? Seriously?Kendall thought he played off acting fine after his speech so well. Or maybe not. The bartender did catch on. And apparently so did Carlos. And he needs to say something before any more suspicion rose.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Well you don't seem fine."
Kendall gives a hearty fake laugh. "I'm fine, Carlos. Don't you worry."
Carlos has a look of unease on his precious little face. "Okay, whatever you say, Kendall. If there is something wrong or something's upsetting you, don't hesitate to talk to me about it. Samantha and I will just be sitting over there."
And there's that feeling of jealousy again, coursing through his veins, almost making Kendall snap. He doesn't even bother to look at where Carlos is pointing. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks."
"Alright," Carlos stands up, "take it easy, Kendall." Carlos gives the blonde a few pats on the back and walks away.
After about a good minute, Kendall takes a final look at the drink the bartender has made him, then seizes it into his hand and drinks it all, which isn't much with such a small glass.
The bartender witnesses everything, from Kendall's interaction with Carlos to Kendall suddenly drinking and he couldn't help but grin, thinking he had the blonde all figured out. "So I'm guessing you like the girl he's with don't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"The reason you're all down and shit… It's because you're jealous right?"
Kendall is starting to dislike this bartender, even if he just gave him a free drink. Well actually, it is his birthday, shouldn't he be getting free drinks anyways? "You hardly know me, dude."
"It doesn't mean I can't read you. You're pretty much an open book right now. At least to me anyway."
Kendall shoots the bartender a dirty, one-eyebrow-raised look before he demands, "Give me another drink," and taps on the counter with his glass.
"You know I have to charge you now right?"
Kendall keeps his 'are-you-kidding-me' face.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Lighten up will ya?" the bartender jokes, and pours Kendall another shot.
And then another. And another. Before he knew it, Kendall has already consumed around seven shots of Smirnoff.
But Kendall wants more. He still feels like he could think straight and the one thing he wants now is to simply get hammered and not think about Carlos and his possible feelings for him.
"I said I want another."
"Dude, I don't know if this is your first time drinking alcohol or not, but too much of this Smirnoff is not good for you man. It'll fuck you up," the bartender reasons.
"Does it look like I give a damn? I said I wanted another!" Kendall starts to raise his voice, anger developing within him.
"Whoa, take it easy Kendall!" Carlos is back near the beverage bar and has noticed Kendall's slight outburst and the number of empty shot glasses laid out in front of him.
"Don't tell me what to do Carlos!" Kendall is definitely yelling now. Carlos feels eyes shift their gazes to his and Kendall's direction.
"Kendall what's the matter with you?" Carlos tries to speak softly, as if to keep more people from watching them, but his voice comes out in a form of a loud whisper.
"Nothing! Leave me alone!" Kendall grunts and stands up, and heads towards the exit, startling not only Carlos but the bartender as well.
"Kendall!" Carlos calls for his blonde friend who is almost near the door. He mouths an 'I'm sorry' to the bartender, who simply shrugs his shoulders then returns to cleaning some glasses. Carlos makes a run for it, chasing Kendall, who is now out the door.
"Kendall!" Carlos pants as he exits the building and enters the poorly lit street. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Back to our suite."
"But that's your party in there! You can't just leave!" Carlos struggles talking as he tries to catch his breath.
"No one's even gonna notice I'm gone. I already made my speech and talked to people. I don't even like these kinds of parties. I'm going home."
"But, Kendall..."
"But nothing! Okay Carlos? Go back in there and continue your raunchy dancing with Sam. I'm done."
Carlos doesn't know how to react to that statement. All he knows is Kendall has started walking again, watching the frame of his body moving farther and hearing his footsteps patter on the concrete. The footsteps start to drone out until he couldn't hear them anymore, letting Carlos know that he is now alone. He wants to run again in Kendall's direction, ask him what the hell is wrong with him tonight and why all of a sudden is the blonde mad at him. Carlos feels like he didn't do anything wrong, but Kendall's angry disposition towards him makes him think otherwise. Maybe it is just the alcohol talking. Yeah, that's probably what it is.
It's just... Carlos firmly believes in the phrase, 'a drunk mind speaks a sober heart' and if that holds true for Kendall's case, why is he getting worked up over him and Samantha dancing together?
Carlos shrugs, the crisp night air giving him the shivers. He feels defeated and confused, and he lets out a heavy sigh as he turns back towards the party, a party held for someone who is no longer even in the premises, wanting to clear his head of what just happened, maybe talk to Samantha about it and hear her input.
Guilt is hitting Kendall hard as he lies down on the couch of their suite, just staring at the ceiling. He didn't mean to snap at Carlos, he truly didn't, but all that jealousy mixed with alcohol apparently results in bringing out his anger. And he regrets it. He also feels terrible for leaving everyone at his party, even if he still believes that no one had noticed him leaving, no one but Carlos. James and Logan would have noticed, but he doesn't even know where they went.
Kendall feels an unsettling headache coming on, making him rub at the sides of his temple. When it wouldn't work, Kendall rises from the couch and heads for the kitchen, grabbing a glass and retrieving a pitcher of water from inside the refrigerator. He downs two full glasses of water, suddenly feeling dehydrated, but his headache would not give.
The door of the suite opening catches Kendall by surprise, making his heart jump a little bit. He shifts to see Carlos walking in, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Shit Carlos, you scared me."
"Sorry." Carlos responds.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the party? Who's watching over the guests now?"
"I left Dustin and Ranel in charge. They said they'll handle it." Carlos starts walking towards the kitchen where Kendall is, a bit slowly, as if unsure what he wants to do or say.
"What about Samantha?" Kendall inquires with a slightly biting tone.
"I told her that you are acting strange and stormed off and I told her I needed to make sure you are okay."
"Well I'm okay, so you can go back to the party and have fun with her."
"Okay seriously, what the fuck Kendall?"
Kendall jumps a little at the word. Carlos hardly ever cusses–he'd only do so if he is really angry–and Kendall grows a bit worried at the thought of Carlos being mad at him.
"Why are you bagging on me and Samantha dancing together?"
"It's nothing…" Kendall answers almost inaudibly.
"No, it's not nothing. Don't stand there and lie to me."
Kendall definitely feels Carlos's anger now, making more guilt settle in. He hates it when Carlos is angry. He hates it more when he is the one responsible for it.
"Kendall," Carlos pauses, thinking of a way to say things correctly, "are you jealous of me?"
Kendall gulps. Carlos had the idea, even if it is completely wrong. Jealousy is involved, just jealousy over the wrong person. "I'm not jealous of you."
"That's a lie Kendall!"
"I'm not lying!"
"Then why are you making it sound like such a big deal that I'm with Samantha? Listen, if you're jealous of me dating her, then…"
"I am not jealous of you!" Kendall raises his voice even more.
"Then what is it? Because I don't see another reason why you're getting all worked up like this." Carlos retaliates.
"I am not jealous of you okay?" Kendall feels as though he is about to have a mental breakdown. All logical thinking is now thrown out the window, and words just wanted to flood out of his mouth. "I'm jealous of her…" Kendall's lips quiver, realizing what he just said and his gaze instantly leaves Carlos's.
"What?" Carlos asks in disbelief of what he just heard.
It is already out in the open, no use of denying it anymore. "I'm jealous of her, okay?"
Silence from Carlos.
"Seeing you dancing with her and being romantic with her, it just kills me. I don't know why or how but it just happened, and I started liking you, not too long ago too. But then you started going out with her and I sees how happy you are with her, and now I don't…I can't…I…"
"Kendall…"
"And I'm sorry that I put you through this but I couldn't help falling for you…" Kendall sighs shakily, trying to regain some composure, "…and I understand if you hate me and if you don't want to be friends anymore, that's fine…I…"
"I…I don't hate you…" Carlos approaches Kendall, ever so slowly, until he is mere inches away from the blonde. Carlos holds out his hand to place it on Kendall's chin, tilting the blonde's head until their gazes met again. Carlos sees that tears are about ready to fall from the corner of Kendall's eyes. Carlos retrieves his hand and places it on his side and stood there in silence, his brown eyes fixated on Kendall's green ones. It is a different kind of silence, neither awkward nor comfortable. It is something neither of them had experienced before, a silence that just seems to stop everything around them. It is calling for a form of action or some words to be said, but somehow the stillness and the way they stood there just staring at each other suffice. It's as if they are staring into the other's soul, formulating questions, searching for answers, but none would come, but it is still alright.
Carlos gulps, "So you're falling for me?"
"…yeah."
It happens in what seems like a split second, but Carlos is suddenly on his tiptoes and his lips are suddenly on Kendall's. It is a soft kiss, nothing more, just a pair of lips brushing against another. Kendall's eyes widen as he realizes that Carlos is kissing him. Carlos is kissing him. And it isn't needy and forced. It's gentle, and it's perfect.
Carlos breaks off the kiss and settled on his feet. Despite the softness of their kiss, Carlos is panting, as if he just experienced the most intense kiss ever.
"W-w-what is that for?" Kendall asks.
"I…don't know."
Carlos has the most innocent look on his face, and without much thought, Kendall takes the back of Carlos's neck with one hand and places his other one on Carlos's back and leans in, making their lips meet once more. It is a bit more passionate than their previous one, and it felt just as wonderful. Kendall is surprised when Carlos let his mouth open, granting Kendall the freedom to open his and make their tongues meet. The kiss lasts longer than their first, and they both have to withdraw to catch some air, both of them panting this time.
Their eyes meet once more, and they simply stared at each other again, only this time their bodies are much closer, basking in the heat of the other's. Carlos suddenly breaks off the eye contact and glances at something past Kendall. He has that unreadable expression again, as if he wants to say something but couldn't. Kendall looks behind him to see what Carlos is staring at. When he sees the Carlos is looking at the bedroom door, he instantly looks back at Carlos, shocked at what he thinks Carlos is suggesting.
"Do…do you want to?"
Carlos is unable to form words, so he simply nods. Kendall is amazed nonetheless, and is in disbelief that Carlos actually wants this. Kendall didn't even think that his night would turn into something remotely close to this, but now that it has and is about to turn into something even more, Kendall feels as though everything bad that has happened in his life, all the negativity that would enter his thoughts, he is liberated from and only good is in store for him.
Kendall peels his arm off Carlos and takes him by the hand. Kendall could feel that Carlos is still a bit shaken, most likely nervous of what they are about to do. Kendall tightens his grip on Carlos's hand and stares into his eyes again, asking Carlos for reassurance that what they are about to do is in fact what Carlos wants.
When Carlos nods again, Kendall smiles, intertwines his fingers between Carlos's, and leads him to the bedroom.
They stand facing each other, the width of the bed equal to the distance they are standing apart. Neither of them knows how to go about doing this, even if both of them want something to happen.
"I'll go first." Kendall says. He grabs his shirt by the top button and undoes it and worked his way, revealing his pale skin slowly to Carlos, who seemed to be mesmerized at the sight of more flesh coming into view. At the last button, Kendall says, "Your turn."
Carlos is caught off guard with Kendall's words, but as soon as he realizes what the blonde had meant, he gently takes off his own shirt, exposing his tanned body.
Kendall starts to remove his belt and quickly moves on to undoing the button of his jeans. He slides the denim material down his thighs and his legs until the pants are around his ankles, which he then kicks off, the pants landing somewhere in the room. Carlos imitates Kendall's actions until both of them are just in their boxers, and they marveled at each other's bodies, their hearts racing as though their naked bodies are so foreign to one another, and it caused excitement and apprehension at the same time.
Kendall licks his bottom lip, knowing what the next step is. He doesn't hesitate to slide his fingers through the waistband of his underwear and slowly push it down, exposing all of what he had. Carlos follows suit, all the while his jaw dropping upon seeing Kendall's semi-erect member. Now they are both completely naked, yearning to feel the touch of the other but still nervous on taking it further than what it already is.
"Umm, shall we?"
Kendall climbs on top of the bed on his knees and motions for Carlos to do the same. Carlos complies, and now once again their bodies are almost touching each other, feeling the warmth radiating off the other. Kendall looks down at Carlos with innocent eyes and gives the smaller boy another kiss, affectionate and deep, and Carlos couldn't help but let out a moan past his captured lips. Kendall takes the older boy in his arms again, closing in the small distance that remains between them, and lets his head fall to the pillow, Carlos landing on top of him, their lips still intact.
Carlos left Kendall's lips only to trace a line of kisses down the blonde's jaw and neck and then his chest and then finally his abdomen, and Kendall enjoys every second. Kendall lets out a small gasp when he feels Carlos's lips at the tip of his shaft, and the gasp turns into a moan when Carlos took more of the blonde in his mouth. Kendall just watches as Carlos's head starts bobbing up and down on his throbbing member, saliva slathering him up as he got closer and closer to his breaking point. He has to stop Carlos when he feels he is seconds away from finishing, not wanting this to end too soon. Kendall flips Carlos over, Kendall taking control now, but still knowing he couldn't rush things. Kendall finds one of Carlos's hands grabbing a fistful of his hair while the other settles on the nape of the blonde's neck. Kendall in turn starts placing tender kisses on the side of Carlos's neck, nibbling at tanned skin as he works his way down and back up.
"Make love to me." Carlos whispers softly into Kendall's ear, voice shaken. It makes Kendall's heart thunder in his chest.
Carlos spreads his legs, letting Kendall know that he really wants to do this. Kendall could not believe this is happening, or everything that's already happened for that manner. But he knows he couldn't stop now. Now that it has gotten this far. Now that Carlos is finally his. And Kendall thinks this is just a dream and he probably is just passed out on the couch from the alcohol he consumed. But he doesn't care. At least if this is a dream, he would wake up with a memory of what could've been. So he continues caressing Carlos's thigh and watching the Latino go crazy after every touch.
"Be gentle Kendall…"
Kendall already knows he had to be careful, not wanting to break Carlos and hurt him instead of please him. He carefully places a finger by Carlos's mouth, pleasantly surprised when Carlos instantly took the digit in his mouth, slathering it with his saliva. Kendall takes his now wet finger and traces a line down Carlos's neck, past his chest and stomach, until he reaches the smaller boy's entrance. He makes circles around the virgin hole before he pushes in the finger, feeling Carlos tense up as Kendall pushes the digit in further.
"Relax, Carlos."
Carlos's breathing becomes more labored, making Kendall a bit worried that Carlos would want to stop there when they've barely even started. "Keep going, Kendall."
"You sure?"
Carlos nods shyly. Kendall took a second finger to join the first one, stretching Carlos further, and the smaller boy whimpers.
"K-Kendall, I can't wait anymore…I…I…need you…now."
Kendall doesn't have to be told twice. He needs Carlos right that second as well. Kendall aligns himself with Carlos's entrance, first prodding the head against the tight opening, then finally pushing in, a gasp escaping both their lips at the action. Carlos is tight and Kendall winces a little bit, stilling his hips for a moment.
"Relax, Carlos." Kendall repeats. It must have been his nerves or his inexperience; either way Carlos would not relax and Kendall couldn't move.
"It hurts Kendall."
The words make Kendall a bit panicked. Hurting Carlos is the last thing he wants to do. "Are you okay?"
"Mm-fine." Carlos mumbles.
Kendall doesn't believe Carlos entirely, but he doesn't want to stop either. In an attempt to get the boy to ease up, Kendall captures Carlos's lips once more and Carlos kisses back with much intensity. Kissing actually worked its wonders, and Kendall becomes able to push in deeper, until he is fully inside Carlos.
"Are you okay?" Kendall has to ask a second time, just to reassure that Carlos hasn't passed out or cried from the pain.
"I'm okay, Kendall."
"I'm gonna…start moving, okay?"
Carlos pants some more before he gives Kendall an, "Okay."
Kendall starts to pull back, slowly, and then pushes forward again. It remains that way for a few moments until Kendall finds a steady rhythm to the movement of his hips.
"Harder…" Carlos requests with a coarse voice.
It surprises Kendall, but with a demand like that, he could not refuse, and he pulls out of Carlos farther and then pushes back in deeper and a bit more forceful. Kendall can feel a bead of sweat running down from his forehead as he thrusts harder into Carlos, and both of them could only moan from each pull and push.
Kendall slides completely out of Carlos and motions him to turn over. Carlos does so and supports himself by his knees and elbows, then glances back to see that Kendall is about ready to be inside him again. Soon enough, Carlos feels Kendall sliding through his entrance again, the new angle of penetration giving him different forms of pleasure. Carlos lets go of the support on his elbows and lets his face meet the bed sheets. Carlos' hands claw at the fabric while his teeth finds some of it to clench on because Kendall is hitting all the right places and it just felt so damn good. Kendall lowers himself so he is directly on top of Carlos and nibbles at Carlos's ear as he continues thrusting. Kendall takes his hand and runs it through Carlos's side until he reaches down and takes a hold of Carlos's shaft, gently stroking it rhythmically with his thrusts.
This time Carlos wants Kendall to pause for a second to whisper something in the blonde's ear. It is another request, and it astonishes Kendall again, more from the fact that Carlos wanted to basically go full out in their first night together. But Kendall isn't complaining.
Carlos positions himself at the edge of the bed and spreads his legs, needy of Kendall. Kendall hops off the bed and aligns himself again with Carlos's hole, ready to be enveloped in his tight heat once more. Kendall pushes in and it is much easier now, but still feels as good.
"Hold on to me, Carlos."
Carlos easily does what he is told. Kendall wraps his arms around Carlos's waist, still buried inside the boy, and lifts him up, holding Carlos merely by the adrenaline that coursed through his body. Carlos in turn wraps his legs around Kendall's waist and his arms around the blonde's neck, gasping when Kendall continues his thrusts into him. Kendall uses all the strength he could muster to keep thrusting into Carlos while he is standing. He could feel himself become a bit weak in the knees as he knows his release is approaching, and from the sounds coming from Carlos, Kendall could tell his is too.
"Nngh, Kendall!" Carlos shouts the blonde's name as he reaches his climax, reaching a complete state of bliss, coating his and Kendall's stomachs white.
Carlos finishing makes the walls of muscle that are surrounding Kendall tighten and soon enough Kendall too is shouting his lover's name and releasing within Carlos. They take heavy breaths, chests heaving with every intake of air. Kendall gently gets back on the bed and lays Carlos back onto the soft padding, the older boy's head right on the pillow, as he slides out of him. Kendall climbs onto the spot right next to Carlos. Carlos rotates to his side as does Kendall, so they both face each other, eyes fixating on one another yet again. Kendall places a hand on Carlos's cheek and smiles sincerely.
When Kendall wakes up, there is an absence of a certain boy beside him on the bed, instantly jolting him awake. He quickly finds the boxers he stripped off last night and put them back on, and heads for the door. His heart is racing again, but this time of fear, fear that Carlos has left because he realized that what happened between the two of them is not what he wanted.
When he finds Carlos in the kitchen fixing some breakfast, his shoulders slacken and his heart slows down some.
"Hey," Carlos greets with a heartwarming smile on his face. "Breakfast?"
"Sure." Kendall stutters and walks towards the kitchen. "I thought you uhm…I thought you…"
"You thought I what?"
"…you'd leave." Kendall fumbles his words.
"I'm right here, Kenny." And there's Carlos's smile again, to which Kendall couldn't help but smile back. It is real. It is all real. Carlos is there, and the boy is his.
Kendall joins Carlos in front of the oven where the raven-haired boy continues to cook his signature pancakes, making sure they are of a golden brown color before putting them onto a plate. Kendall slides his arms through Carlos's sides until his hands joined together at Carlos's stomach, and pulls Carlos closer.
"I love you." No instant response from Carlos, and Kendall starts to worry again. "Too soon?"
"What? No! Not at all." Carlos smiles. "I love you too, Kendall."
And with that, Kendall is content. He rests his head on Carlos's shoulder and both of them watch the pancake mix cackle inside the frying pan.
"Hey," Carlos says.
"Yeah?"
"Where do you think Logan and James are?"
Kendall blinks, completely forgetting about the other two members of Big Time Rush and not even noticing their absence from the suite. "I…I don't even know. They left like halfway through my party."
"What for?"
"I don't know, but I remember Logan being all nervous and James looking like he could care less. And maybe a bit angry."
"Are they gonna be okay?"
"I sure hope so…I mean I don't see why they wouldn't come back here."
Carlos smirks, and Kendall catches it with the corner of his eyes.
"What?" Kendall asks.
"Nothing. It's too out there."
"Tell me."
"Well I don't know. I was just thinking that…" Carlos pauses.
"Thinking what?" Kendall urges on, intrigued.
"Maybe Logan has a thing for James…" then silence fills the kitchen save the pancake mix being cooked.
Then Kendall and Carlos both burst into laughter.
They hardly consider it, seeing how unlikely it would be that the other two boys of the band would actually get together. Not when the two of them already have. But if they do, to Kendall it would not matter. What does matter is that he has Carlos to himself, and he is Carlos's. And they are laughing and enjoying the presence of the other.
Kendall knows he would always remember this, his arms around Carlos, the boy who he developed feelings for that he still couldn't explain. The boy who, mere hours ago, he hated for being with a girl instead of him. The boy who he is complete opposites with and the boy he would spend the least amount of time with, but he doesn't care because it feels right. He still can't elaborate more on the how's and why's, but with the way everything turned out, he just believes that no further explanations are necessary. It simply feels right.
A/N: This should've been up four days ago when it is Kendall's birthday but my AP Lit teacher just had to assign a big essay on the Heart of Darkness due Friday that took forever to write, thus delaying this. I couldn't even finish this last Friday because I had volunteering to do after school and I was too tired when I got home. Then I had a birthday party to attend to Saturday, then Sunday is homework day but I really wanted to get it done so it finally is and I know it's late. Anyway, that's enough venting.
Hope you guys enjoyed this! Originally this is supposed to be a drunk Kendall smut story, but it turned to this and I think this is way better than what I had in mind. And this is my first Kenlos one-shot and my first real attempt at a sex scene. I didn't want it to be smutty, but more sensual. And I'm not sure I pulled it off. I mean, I think I did. Tell me what you think. Oh, and when I reread this, I completely didn't even notice that the start of the sex scene is kinda like The Notebook's. I knew it sounded familiar while I was typing it! I didn't mean to, I swear. It just happened…
Sorry to bore you with a long author's note! But one more thing, I might write a one-shot sequel/companion piece to this, explaining the whole James and Logan thing. What do you think? Should I do it? Leave a review and tell me! Thanks in advance :)