Reinvent
(Author's Note: This story contains both spoilers and references to the games and the books.)
Geralt liked Beauclair now. When he had first come at Anna Henrietta's behest just over a year ago, he'd been reminded of bitter memories which he'd thought had died along with him in Rivia but clearly did not. The whole city, not to mention that there was a murderer known only as The Beast prowling the place, had made him feel irritable. He'd often found himself wanting to escape Toussaint during his hunt for The Beast, to go to Yennefer and just be with her. But he had stuck it out and done his job, and now, he was immensely glad that he did.
As he rode into the cobblestone-lined city, knights errant clad ludicrously in shimmering gold armor greeting him on their honor, he could not help but feel both appreciative and appreciated. Here, in this fairytale of a land, he had finally found a home – an ending for himself and Yennefer.
Geralt slowed his horse with a "Whoa, Roach," and the mare obeyed, curbing her gait to a trot. He was tugging on the reins to turn her toward the direction of his sword smith when he spotted a very familiar sight: A slim raven-haired woman in a lacey black and white dress was walking resolutely (Did she know any other way to walk?) toward the end of the street. Geralt was debating whether to call her name and ask what she was doing in town when Yennefer turned on her heel and marched into a tavern.
Curiosity got the best of him, though admittedly, he did not try to fight it in the least bit. Why hadn't Yennefer told him that she was going into town today, and more importantly, what was she doing in a tavern at midday? Geralt hopped off of his mount and walked softly toward the establishment that he had seen his love enter. He was still very far away and knew that he was not at risk of having his footsteps heard by Yennefer, but he decided to keep quieter than a cat anyway, lest… He didn't know, but he knew he wanted to stay out of her notice.
It took the slowly padding Geralt a while to reach the tavern window, but when he did, he immediately shot away. He hadn't quite known whom he expected to see Yennefer with – one of the women she'd met at a court festivity, or maybe a worker from the estate whom she'd taken a liking to, perhaps even alone just for a drink, or heaven forbid fucking Istredd come to proclaim his love for her again… The possibilities were many, but he was not expecting to see Triss Merigold.
Geralt had no clue how to process what he had just seen – the profiles of Yennefer and Triss sitting across from one another, each with a goblet of wine in hand, each scrutinizing the other's face – so he filed away the image and sped off in the opposite direction, toward his horse. Yennefer would tell him about it when she was ready, probably, so there was no point in him overthinking this meeting, probably.
He just wouldn't let on that he saw them. Something about those two women together always made him feel like he was in trouble.
"So why is it you've come to Toussaint, Triss?" Yennefer casually inquired. "And why is it you've called this meeting with me?"
"I'll spare you the details, but I'm here on Lodge business," Triss answered the first question quickly. She wanted neither to think about having to work with Fringilla Vigo nor to be the one to reveal to Yennefer that Fringilla was back in Beauclair. But it appeared that Yennefer already knew.
"I can't imagine it's easy working with her." Yennefer spat out the last word a little bit too forcefully.
"Yeah, well, it's the price of doing business."
"Yes, but to whose end, Triss?" Triss knew the mask of nonchalance that Yennefer wore was only temporary, and that it would shed at any moment to reveal the long-seated resentment that the two women had never resolved. "Are you certain that what benefits the Lodge benefits you, also?"
"Even if not directly, then at least as a means to an end." Triss started to go on the defensive. She was expecting Yennefer's attack at any moment now – accusations and long-buried grievances drug up and thrown in her face.
"And does Philippa know you're meeting with me?" Any moment now.
"No, although I'm not sure it matters. I'm not meeting with you as a representative of the Lodge, after all. Just as myself, and I'm still a free person." Yennefer, impressively, did not react to that final statement – something Triss had laid as a way to trigger the damn fight already.
Instead, Yennefer only let out a small sigh and stared at a spot behind Triss's head before finally speaking. "And why are you meeting with me of your own volition?"
There was a tinge of something in Yennefer's voice that Triss found foreign. Sadness? "I'm honestly not that sure, myself. I was in Beauclair, and I knew you and Geralt lived quite close to the grounds. So I sent a courier."
Yennefer sat for a while, fiddling with the star around her neck, not looking at anything in particular. Triss found the silence heavy but not awkward; she knew Yennefer had calculated the silence carefully and had planned the precise words with which to break it. Triss had rehearsed a few scenarios in her head and had prepared a handful of lines with which to retort. As Yennefer opened her mouth, Triss braced herself.
"I'm glad, Triss."
The only thing more unexpected than the words themselves was the sincerity with which they were spoken. Triss was at a loss. Yennefer didn't seem to notice or mind; she continued speaking.
"Firstly, and you must know this by now, although you'll be the first person that I've officially declared this to: I'm retired. I'm done. I'm out of it all. Really, happily retired."
"Retired from what, exactly?" Triss was genuinely curious; she knew Yennefer was no longer active in political matters, but one did not simply retire from being a mage. Magic was for life.
"From the bullshit." Yennefer said simply, taking a drink from her goblet. Triss let out a small laugh.
"I guess I understand," she replied. "It gets pretty taxing at times."
"Indeed, I can relate. I chose my path very early on, and I valued it dearly – my magic, my powers, my positions in court as in society. But after watching someone you love die and then dying very soon after yourself, only to be resurrected and given a second chance years later – let's just say that perspectives are wont to shift after such experiences."
The reference brought back a painful memory for Triss, but she pushed it aside. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I want to help you understand my perspective now, Triss. Despite what happened all those years ago, despite your choices and allegiance then, I bear you neither ill will nor grudge for them. I now see that you chose, then, to ally yourself with a purpose which you undoubtedly believed was the right one, the righteous one, even if the means were unsavory. And believe me, I am self-aware enough to know that I am not one to cast stones where unsavory means are called for to achieve the right end. So I understand, even respect, a little, your devotion to the Lodge at the time; even if it came at the expense of what I cared about, I understand your reason.
"On top of which, I'm sure your decision to put the Lodge ahead of me, Ciri, and even Geralt all those years ago has no doubt plagued you with guilt and regret. Your actions since have further demonstrated that if put in the same position now, you would decide very differently, much more humanely. Am I wrong?"
Triss lowered her eyes. She was afraid to answer Yennefer's question – partly to know the answer herself, and partly of Philippa somehow hearing that answer. That lady had ways.
"Therefore, my dear Triss, I forgive you. You once asked for my forgiveness, and I now, almost a decade later, grant it. I won't pretend to know what that means to you on a personal level, but I do know that you've been letting the guilt from those times mar your life for far too long, and I imagine you would like for that to stop."
"I'll admit…" Triss started hesitantly. Yennefer had been doing all the talking; Triss needed to say her piece, although she was having some difficulty formulating her words. Yennefer waited patiently, taking another drink of wine while Triss composed her thoughts. "I'll admit that even though I wasn't sure what to expect from this meeting with you today, part of me was hoping that we would finally fight with one another so we could get it all out in the open. And I wanted to win that fight, of course, but part of me also wanted you to destroy me so badly that I could feel like I've atoned."
"Fight and destroy each other… magically? With fists and nails? Or-"
"Words, Yenna. Nobody wields words like you – you know that. Maybe except for Philippa."
"Yes, well, I shall choose to take a bit of offense to that comparison, as I think Philippa Eilhart is a real bitch."
Triss cracked a smile, then immediately stopped herself. She still could never be sure if Philippa was watching her every move.
"I'll sum up my previous point, Triss, and continue to the next topic: Everything between Thanedd and Rivia is history. I forgive you. Now let's move on."
"Why do I have a bad feeling about this next topic?"
"Because you know what it is."
"Geralt."
The two women sat in silence again. This time, there was more edge, much more edge, in Yennefer's eyes. Triss once again braced herself for a verbal joust, although now, she was neither as confident nor as eager to engage with her former friend.
"I won't go so far as to scream in your face that he's mine, Triss. Not again, anyway. But stay the fuck away from our relationship. You only ever torment him with guilt, me with anger, and yourself with longing – and none of that will change, ever. It's best for all involved if you just stay out."
"I'm not coming after him, Yennefer," Triss defended. "If anything, watch out for Fringilla Vigo."
Yennefer's eyes burned for a brief second. Triss felt her own do the same.
"If Toussaint is a portrait of a fairytale," Yennefer intoned flatly, "Fringilla Vigo is the stain of shit smeared on its canvas by a drunk syphilitic urchin."
Triss did laugh at this comment. It felt good to have a common enemy.
Yennefer allowed a few beats to pass for Triss to insert her own jab, but Triss did not partake. Hate Fringilla as she might, they were both still fellow Lodge members. She could go no further than to enjoy the insults said by another.
"Triss, I'm honestly not worried about her," Yennefer supplied when Triss remained silent. "To be frank, I'm not worried about you, either. Geralt chose me, and he will continue to choose me, always. And what we have together now, you might not even recognize – but it's stronger than what a few former flames can shake."
"I'm glad for you," Triss said genuinely.
"Thank you," Yennefer accepted. "However, that does not mean I don't hold anger towards you for what you did with him when he lost his memory."
Finally. "He didn't remember you, Yennefer, and he was lost. He needed support, comfort, and love. I gave him all of those things when you were not around." These were words that Triss had rehearsed. She had more in her arsenal.
"I was 'not around,' as you say, because I saw the kind of support and comfort you were giving him, and it was quite impossible for me to insert myself then," Yennefer looked as if she bit back the words 'you whore' at the last moment. "And that you withheld memories of me from him for as long as you did – that is what I would consider a direct betrayal of my friendship, Triss."
"We haven't been friends for a long time now, Yenna."
Yennefer looked stung for a moment. Triss felt a pang of guilt but pushed on. She hated having to juggle so much guilt in her life.
"I loved him, Yennefer. And I believed I could give him the stability and the type of life that a man like that deserved. You were always hurting each other, always, over and over and over. I didn't want to throw him back into that vicious cycle he had with you when I knew I could provide better for him. So I decided to withhold those memories for as long as I could – to protect him, for his own good. In your words, unsavory means for the right end."
Yennefer pursed her lips, then closed her eyes, as if to steady herself. After a while, she smiled bitterly. "Though I know you are merely justifying what you know truthfully to be despicable actions, you do make a point. Had I not seen with my own eyes the type of life Geralt and I have built together here, I may even be inclined to agree with you. Our relationship, for too long, was toxic. Frankly, I, for too long, was toxic. And Geralt was plainly ill equipped to deal with a relationship, let alone a relationship with me. But things are different now; don't you worry yourself."
Yennefer and Triss both sipped on their goblets. Yennefer was not finished talking, but her tone softened slightly.
"I know you truly cared for him, Triss. Perhaps you still do, even now. And so I assure you, as someone who is deeply invested in his happiness, I am providing for him what you could never have hoped to. And that is no insult to you – it is a simple truth."
"I fucking know," Triss blurted in admission. "Even when he didn't remember you, I knew he loved you and could never feel the same about me. Geralt was always meant to be with you. And believe it or not, I'm not holding a candle for him anymore. I'm… with someone now – I won't get into it, but trust me when I say I have no intentions of going after your man. Geralt is a name that I'll remember with more fondness than longing now."
"Alright. I suppose that's settled, then," Yennefer said almost conclusively, although Triss detected a hint of hesitation in her tone.
"Wait."
"I'm listening."
Triss took a deep breath and steeled herself, willing herself the courage to speak her heart. "We haven't been friends for a long time now, Yenna," she rushed out before the words could catch in her throat or her pride, "but I'd like for that to change."
Yennefer appeared to slowly weigh the sincerity of those words. Triss wished Yennefer would say something, fast, because she had just left herself incredibly vulnerable to a woman whose tongue was infamous for cutting deep, festering wounds.
Instead, Yennefer did not use her tongue at all. She put a hand over Triss's and gave a gentle squeeze, then looked at Triss with a mix of defensiveness and something resembling elation.
"So would I, Triss." Triss sensed a 'but' coming, so she pre-empted it.
"I'm a bit weary from having to ask for your forgiveness so much, but I'll do it again because I know it's what's necessary for us to move on, and that it's necessary because it's the truth: I'm sorry that I hurt you when I kept Geralt from you. I justified my actions in many ways, a few of which I still believe hold a certain degree of validity, but it was a very shitty thing to do. I know it was." She breathed out a long sigh, then decided to discard the last of her defenses, daring to meet Yennefer's eyes fully and sincerely. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Yenna. I truly am. If I could do it again, I wouldn't."
"Thank you, Triss." Yennefer gave her hand another reaffirming squeeze, which Triss returned. She saw in Yennefer's eyes only elation now. Triss was sure her own expression was a mirror image. She broke the contact with her friend's hand to lift her goblet high. Yennefer did the same, and without words, they toasted to their slowly rekindling friendship.
The air felt lighter now. Triss let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. They confirmed their truce once more with a smile at one another, and Triss noticed that Yennefer's smiles reached her eyes now. Perhaps retirement really had been good for her.
"At the risk of ruining a sentimental moment, Triss, might I ask you a serious question?"
"Oh, shit?"
"No, it's nothing bad. Though when did you pick up the habit to curse so freely?"
"I've been holding back, actually."
"My, you really have changed, my prim and proper little Triss."
"Get on with it, Yenna. What's your question?"
"What you're working on with Fringilla – you've no need to divulge to me any details, though I'd like, as your new old friend, to know at least the length of your stay. But your business here: Will it impact my family?"
"Don't worry. The Lodge knows better than to provoke the mother bear." ("Excuse me, bear?") "What we're doing is not even that significant – more along the lines of strengthening political alliances."
"I see. And forgive my untoward forwardness, but I must ask: Can I trust you to warn me if the Lodge has my family of bears in their aim again?"
"You want a mole?"
"I want a friend whom I can trust."
Triss paused. Yes, Yenna, she thought forcefully. She knew Yennefer had heard her thoughts.
Thank you.
"I'll be in Beauclair for a few more days. Then I'm off back to Novigrad for a bit."
"Are the pogroms over, then?"
"They've died down significantly since Radovid bit the dust, but there are still some leftover Witch Hunters who believe themselves to be the harbingers of truth. They're backed by the Eternal Fire, and they've formed underground factions that continue to target the nonhumans and the mages, though it's now more assassinations than outright persecution. Stabs instead of stakes."
"Be careful, Triss. Stay out of the North for a while if you feel it too risky."
"Thank you, but I can take care of myself," Triss said as a reassurance rather than a retort. Yennefer seemed to accept it as such. "Now, you said you had a few things you wanted to talk about. What else was on your mind?"
Yennefer gave a quick but sincere smile. "Do you want the mood light or heavy?"
Triss groaned. "There's another heavy one in there? Light, Yenna. Go with the light one first."
Yennefer refilled their goblets, gestured for another toast, and drank. Triss followed suit, unsure of what was to come.
"So tell me," Yennefer spoke with deliberate pacing.
"What?" Triss was both agitated and amused by the glint in her friend's eyes.
"Who are you seeing?"
Triss laughed happily. This topic, she was glad to broach. "You'll never guess, but I sorta want you to." She'd missed their girl talks.
"So he's someone I know?"
"Yep."
"Well?"
"Well enough."
"Am I using the correct pronoun?"
"He's a man, yes."
"A human man?"
"Mostly."
Yennefer narrowed her eyes. "I'm not sure we have many mutual acquaintances who are quadroons."
"He's not a quadroon."
"A quarter dwarf?"
"He's not of mixed blood, although that wouldn't be an issue." Triss felt the need to state that last part.
"So he's a non-mixed human who is only mostly hum- A Witcher!?" The look on Yennefer's face was pretty priceless. "My, you certainly have a type!"
"Now, to guess which one."
"There aren't that many left, dear. Eskel or Lambert. Or Letho?"
"Oh, gods, no! He would tear me in half! Have you seen how thick his arms are?"
"Mmm, remember that I traveled with him briefly after the Hunt. I've seen him bathe. His arms may be thick, yes, but the part of him that truly matters would not so much tear you in half as it would give you a tickle."
The reconciled friends laughed openly, buoyed by wine and a shared happiness at finding each other again.
"So that leaves two. Triss, tell me it's Eskel. Tell me you didn't stir up drama with Keira Metz just to get to Lambert."
"It's Eskel, Yenna. Ew, Lambert. Ew."
"Hear, hear. And I'm happy for you. Eskel is a good man."
"Thank you." Triss felt a blush on her cheeks at the thought of her budding relationship. "I'm happy, too."
"I presume he treats you well," Yennefer inquired with a touch of gravity.
"He does. Very well. We're actually really good together."
"Good. I'm glad you've found that in your life. Although I must say, this revelation means that the lot of us are two trysts away from completing a thoroughly incestuous foursome."
"Ugh, I hadn't thought about it like that. I'd prefer not to think about it like that again, thank you."
"Mind if I tell Geralt?"
"Not at all. He'll be happy for Eskel."
"And for you. He still considers you a dear friend, Triss. As do I."
Triss blushed again at that – out of embarrassment and shame more than anything. She let out a deep sigh. "I'm so sorry, Yenna. I've ruined so many friendships and relationships with my ambitions. I wish I could go back and undo everything I've done."
"First off, stop apologizing. We're past that now. Second, please do not wish for any changes to the past – at least not to that of my or Geralt's. Everything that has transpired has led to where we currently are, and now that the wounds of my last regret – that I had lost a dear friend – are on the mend, I would quite prefer everything to be exactly as is."
"Fair enough." A beat of silence, then, "Do you think… Do you think that I can come see your house? I keep imagining what this retired life of yours might look like, and I'd love to see it in person."
"Where are my manners? Triss, please join us for supper. Marlene always makes too much food, anyway." ("You have a cook?") "And if tonight interferes with your duties, please choose a date and we shall accommodate."
"Tonight is great. I need a break from her, anyway."
"Tonight it is. I should probably warn Geralt so he doesn't blanch at the sight of us together."
"Poor guy." Triss snickered.
"Now, as I suddenly find that I have a slight schedule to adhere to, would you mind if I broach my final point?"
"The heavy one?"
"The very same."
Sigh. "Go ahead."
"Are you truly free, Triss?"
The question took Triss aback. She was afraid to answer. Yennefer must have read the look on her face like a book.
"Do not worry – there are no magical surveillances here. I've checked and reinforced. Nor are there any spies, and certainly not ones with loyalties to Philippa. She can't hear your answer."
Triss still was afraid to speak.
"Triss, I judge from the fear on your face that I have the answer to my question already. I understand that you have pledged your allegiance to a group founded on a worthy cause, but I question whether you have any say in how that cause is achieved. Or if you dare to raise your concerns against the methods of the group, whether you have any recourse from harsh punishment to silence your dissent."
Triss averted her eyes. Yennefer was hitting a very sore spot.
"Do not feel the need to respond. Do not, also, feel that I am pressuring you to act. I am merely expressing my concern for someone dear to my heart. I fear she is trapped and does not know how to escape. If I am wrong, I beg you'll forgive the ravings of a woman too long retired from issues of such a complex nature. However, should you agree with my assessment, should you moreover feel the need to confide, I shall see you at sundown at our estate – Corvo Bianco, just north of the Tournament Grounds. Otherwise, I shall still see you at sundown at our estate – Corvo Bianco, just north of the Tournament Grounds."
Triss nodded. "I'll be there."
"See you soon, Triss." Yennefer rose to her feet and touched Triss on the shoulder as she passed. Triss covered Yennefer's hand with her own. Then Yennefer was gone, leaving Triss to some troubling thoughts about her life.