A note from the writer
To anyone who stumbled onto this story without knowing anything about Richard Robert's 'Please don't tell my parents'-series I say: Are you sure you are in the right place? If the title or description of the premise caught your attention, you are likely in the right place. If you like superhero stories and are looking for a fun and awesome, if slightly childlike, interpretation of superhero society, you are definitely in the right place. If you have always wondered what it would be like to be a supervillain while in high school, you couldn't be in a place more fitting than this one. Yet even if any or all of these things apply to you, I would ask you to delay your delve into this story until you've read the source material. I hope to write this story in such a way that you can understand it even without reading it (even if most references will go over your head), but if this story is truly the right place for you, than those books are as well. So, read on if you are interested, but come back after reading the books if you are completely intrigued by this premise.
To anyone who is a fan of the adventures of the Inscrutable Machine I want to say: Welcome, fellow aspiring mad scientists and lovers of chaotic evil perpetrated in them most ridiculous way possible. Feel free to skip this paragraph if you've read all four books. If you haven't, I have to give a big fat SPOILER WARNING. This story takes place after the event of the fourth book (Please don't tell my parents I have a nemesis), and it gives away some big plot points right away, so STOP READING if you have any intention of reading the other books first. Don't say I didn't warn you.
The image I used as a thumbnail is an excerpt from a piece of art by a talented artist who goes by 'Incomprehensible Japery' on tumblr. All credit for it goes to the artist, not to me.
Finally, on a more practical note: I plan on updating this story at least once a week, and to complete it before the next and final book of this series releases. This first chapter will just be an introduction to the story, setting up the premise and the protagonist, and as such will be quickly followed by an actual chapter later this week. This story is aimed to be an alternative ending to this series (with an appropriate alternative main character), and maybe even a bit of a prediction on my part of how the series will end. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
Have you ever felt like others were holding you back? That you could do so much better if a certain family member or close friend would not talk you out of your greatest ideas right after you had them? Well, take that feeling and multiply it by a hundred, and you might get close to what my life has been like for the past eight months. You see, my plans weren't just you regular 14-year old girl's plans, plans about asking boys on dates, going to the movies with friends or anything lke that, no. Tthey were evil schemes that could rival the most maniacally terrifying plots ever conceived. But the person holding me back was... well me.
I guess an unfortunate side-effect of being born the daughter of superheroes is that you are brought up with a very jaded view of right and wrong. My father is a super genius who canfigure out how practiccally anything works, and then build it himself. That is rare as far as mad scientists go, because most don't even know exactly how their own creations work, let alone those of others. My mom uses statistics to calculate the optimal ways to defeat her enemies. That may sound underwhelming, but I guarantee you that it isn't. Having superhero parents has it's advantages and disadvantages. I inherited my father's ability to build practically anything, and some my mother's tactical and analytical powers as well, but my parents also made me a bit of a goody two-shoes. My middle name is literally Justice, for Tesla's sake.
I must admit that the last eight months di have their enjoyable moments – I broke into a superhero's hideout, stole an invaluable piece alien technology from a millenia-old demigod, blew up one of Jupiter's moons and unleashed an army of robots on the city, to name a few – but most of those fun times had either been intended to do good or unplanned accidents. I even had helped to undo the damage of those unplanned accidents, and stopped several disasters on the side. In short: I aimed to be a superhero. Imagine that: three thirteen year-old children form one of the most successful underage supervillain teams in years, and all their leader can think about is how to convert her supervillain status into that of a hero. Truly a waste of potential.
Whenever I found an opportunity to do something truly spectacular – after finding that piece of uranium, for example, or after that shock from Mourning Dove's ring gave me more control over my body than ever before – that kill-joy superhero part of my mind would always overpower me and squander the opportunity. Sure: that part of my mind liked to tell herself that she was a supervillain at times. She liked maniacal laughter, mad science inventions and fighting superheroes, but the truth is that she had too much of a conscience to be a real villain. She always pushed her real villainous ideas - my ideas - out of her mind.
Always, that is, up to now. Thanks to a very fortunate set of circumstances I managed to take my body for myself. The annoying part of me that dreamed of superheroics is safely locked away in a robot replica of me. I know, it sounds incredible, but it's not even the craziest thing I've done this year. It would be hard pressed to rank in the top five, actually. The important part is that I'm finally not holding myself back anymore: I'm ready to do some real villainy.
Some other stories might tell you that the part inside that robot is the real Penelope Ack. Those stories say that I am just the evil part of her mind, but I would implore you not to believe them. I am the one and only Penelope Ack, better known as Bad Penny, the most powerful mad scientist in the last two centuries. Anyone else claiming to be me – whether it is a robot with a steel heart and just one arm or anything with a literal heart of gold – is just an imposter, a wannabe, a poor copy of the real me.
Right now, I'm on my way to face my parents, who hopefully still don't know I am a supervillain. I have been coasting on the fact that me being Bad Penny is a statistically unlikely possibility. The fact that my parents didn't want that possibility to be true helped as well, of course. Unfortunately, little miss Penny Perfect had come up with a plan that would force her (or is it me? Us? Split personalities are weird.) to confess to them. This morning, she fought the robot copy of me that I mentioned earlier. Videos of the fight must be all over the internet by now. My mother would recognize that I'm not fighting Bad Penny in an instant, by analyzing our body language. Then the jig would be up and I would be forced to admit I am actually Bad Penny myself.
An unfortunate situation, as I don't want to reveal my supervillain identity anymore. At first it seemed like a good idea to confess anyway. To exploit some of the good reputation that my more boring half had acquired in my parents' eyes and reduce the punishment I'd get for being a supervillain. But then I wouldn't be able to be Bad Penny anymore. How would I get my fill of crime, explosions, and maniacal laughter without being Bad Penny? I'd have to earn an entirely new bad reputation under another alias. If I did that, I'd still have to keep that alias a secret from my parents, which defeated the point of coming clean in the first place.
So how do I get away with this without confessing? Well, I am certain I can figure something out. I am the world greatest teenage mad scientist, after all. So while I ride my bike home and come up with a scheme, I just ask you: Please don't tell my parents my plans for world domination, would you?