"So tell me," Kakashi began. "Why do you have so many tattoos?"
"Why the sudden inquiry?" Naruto shot back, rolling on his side to face his bedmate.
"I've just always wondered if there was a reason behind any of them. Especially that one…" Kakashi answered, trailing his finger down Naruto's chest at the end, stopping when it reached a tattoo of three crows right above Naruto's crotch area.
"I just thought they looked cool," Naruto said, looking away from Kakashi's mismatched eyes.
"You're lying. You always do that cute little thing where you immediately avert your eyes after you lie."
"It's not important," the younger of the two said, fully turning away from the older to face the opposite wall.
"Well, if it's not important, then why would you brand your own body with them?" Kakashi was determined to get the answer, knowing fully well that soon enough Naruto would crack and spill all his secrets. He grinned victoriously when he heard a small, defeated sigh fall from his young lover's lips.
"It's just… I have this weird thing where I like to get a tattoo of something that somehow symbolizes every guy who ever breaks my heart… It's stupid and chickish, I know, but I just-"
"So you're telling me seven other guys have been your boyfriend before me? Am I better than them? Please tell me I'm better than them," Kakashi cut him off, slight anxiety detectable in his voice.
Naruto laughed. "Definitely. You're honestly way better than most of them, Kakashi."
"Most of them?! Not all of them?"
"You're adorable when you're jealous," Naruto said, turning back around to place a short and chaste kiss upon Kakashi's worried lips.
"Seven, though…"
"Wait, you counted them?" Naruto suddenly asked.
"Of course. Naruto, I've long-since mapped out every inch of your body and memorized it."
"That weirdly turns me on."
"I like to think I'm pretty good at turning you on," Kakashi said with a wink.
"Eh. Sometimes," Naruto responded with a sluggish shrug.
"You know you love me."
"Do I really, though?"
"I should certainly hope so. I mean, after all the amazing things I did for you last night…"
"They were okay."
"Oh, shut up. We all know you loved it." Kakashi paused to chuckle briefly before asking, "So… Who do they all symbolize, then?"
Naruto internally groaned. He knew this was coming, but he really didn't like talking about all his exes. He sighed, about to answer, before Kakashi cut him off again.
"I'd first like to know who those damn crows represent and why the hell they get to be in the best possible spot."
Naruto laughed shortly at Kakashi's lingering jealousy before saying, "Uchiha Itachi."
Kakashi's eyes widened briefly before narrowing in suspicion. "And why does Uchiha Itachi get to be so close to your private spots?"
"He was my first and, up until you, the best," Naruto said.
"How did that one happen, anyway?"
"Well, long story short, I totally had a major schoolgirl crush on him a while ago. Sasuke and I were already besties back then so I saw Itachi a lot of the time when I'd go over to their place to hang out with Sasuke. It didn't take too long for him to figure out that I had a major heart boner for him and he screwed me one night when I went over. We never actually dated but we kept having little flings. I was totally in love, so I was crushed when he ended it saying that he didn't want his dad to find out he was doing it with a kid."
Kakashi raised a single brow. "How old were you?"
"Thirteen."
"Fuck, you were only thirteen when you were with him? How old was he? Seventeen? Wait, you were sexually active at thirteen? Damn, Naruto."
"Yeah, I know. That was a dark time. Anyway. We're moving on now. Which one do you wanna know now?"
Kakashi stared at him a moment longer, still rather taken aback, before letting his eyes scan over Naruto's bare body. "This one," he said a few seconds later, pointing to an illustration of a small flask of sand with some of its contents spilling out on Naruto's left bicep.
Naruto let a small smile slip out before saying, "Gaara."
"You dated the Kazekage?"
"Well, I did more than just date him," Naruto said with a sly look.
"I'm sure you did. How did that one go?"
"We dated in our first year of high school. We'd already been friends and knew each other pretty well. I don't really remember how it happened, but I think we just kinda fell into a relationship accidentally, but it was surprisingly great. But when he had to go back to his village to start his time as Kazekage, he broke up with me."
"Ouch. Probably better than attempting a long-distance relationship, though."
"Yeah, I guess so. Which now?"
"That one," Kakashi replied, splaying his fingers across a very large tattoo of a pair of white angel wings covering Naruto's back.
Naruto answered, "Haku. That was an odd one."
"Wait," Kakashi began, trying very hard yet failing at holding in his laughter. "You dated… Haku? Why the hell would you do that?"
"He didn't have any friends in school, so I became his friend. And I don't know, it changed! Man, he was surprisingly fantastic in bed…"
"I really don't want to hear my boyfriend talking about how good his ex-boyfriends are in bed," Kakashi said, cutting Naruto off for the third time that morning.
"Right. Sorry. Anyway. Haku broke up with me with the reasoning of loving someone else too much to continue being with me. I still think it was Zabuza to this day."
"You're probably right on that one. They had one freaky-ass relationship." They both shivered just thinking about it. "Now… that one."
Naruto looked to where Kakashi hand was. "Ah. Hyuuga Neji," he said, looking at the tattoo of a yin and yang symbol on his right bicep. "That was good for a while, but he started being a total douchebag. He was cheating on me for like a month. I knew almost the whole time, but I wanted to see if he'd have the balls to break up with me over it. He never did, though, so I broke up with him."
"Hm. Who was he cheating on you with?"
"Rock Lee. I think they're still together."
"That's an interesting pair. I suppose they have been great friends for quite some time, though." Kakashi paused for a moment to consider the two boys together. After a few seconds he selected another tattoo. "What about this one?" he asked, pointing to a picture of a hawk splayed across the left side of Naruto's neck.
"That one's for Sasuke," Naruto said. "I-"
"Wait wait wait. You dated Itachi AND Sasuke? Damn. Who's next, Obito?"
"Oh shut up and let me tell my tale, would you? Thank you. So as you know, me and Sasuke have literally always been best buds. Like, since we were actual babies. Probably even when we were in the womb. But anyway, in our junior year of high school, neither of us had dates for prom so we went together and basically got drunk at someone's after party and hooked up. After that night, we realized we were probably perfect for each other and went out for almost a year, until he broke up with me. He said the typical 'I think we should just be friends' and 'I know you can do better than me'. I didn't talk to him for a week and a half, but I eventually got over it when I got sick of him leaving obnoxiously cheesy notes in my locker and trying to break into my room through the window."
"So you're still friends now?"
"Of course!"
"Okay, good. Hmm… Now this one."
Naruto sighed lightly when he gazed at the tattoo of a paintbrush with a small pool of paint dripping off the tip of it on his right hip. "Believe it or not, Sai."
"Seriously? Sai?"
"Yep. He was my first boyfriend in college. We shared a dorm. We were kinda friends, but I found him a little creepy and emotionless, and never imagined we'd end up together. But when his pervy glances in the showers got kinda pleasing and his particularly… detailed drawings got kinda nice, I decided to ask him out. It was pretty decent up until I went to ask one of our professors a question and found them together in his classroom."
"So Sai cheated on you with a teacher? That's kinda kinky."
"Yeah. But I bet you wouldn't be thinking about how kinky that could be if you knew which teacher it was."
Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "Who was it?"
"Yamato," Naruto said with a glint in his eyes, smirking when he saw the horror spread across Kakashi's face. It wasn't long before the blonde burst out laughing.
"Oh dear God, that is not an image I ever needed to be in my head." Kakashi took a brief moment to compose himself before touching Naruto's final tattoo of a large pair of white fangs with a little red blood sliding off the edges on his upper chest. "And this one?"
"Inuzuka Kiba," Naruto said. "I met him at my first job after college. We hit it off right away and did it on the first date. I thought it was going pretty well up until his ex, Aburame Shino, told me to stay away from Kiba or he'd beat the living shit out of me. I didn't doubt it, so I ended it the next day."
"Oh. That one was kinda lame," Kakashi said, sounding almost disappointed.
"Yeah, I know. And here we are now, then, I suppose."
"Do you think I'll ever get a tattoo?"
"Only if you break my heart."
"I would never."
"Then you'd be the better than all of them."
"I totally already am, though, right?"
"I didn't move in with any of them, did I?"
"Nope, just me."
"I didn't spend two years and counting on dating any of them, did I?"
"Nope, just me."
"I didn't learn how to cook for any of them, did I?"
"Nah, just me."
"I didn't quit my job so I could be with any of them, did I?"
"Nope, just your handsome Hokage of a boyfriend."
"Is that enough for you?"
"No."
"What more could you need me to add to that list?"
Kakashi smiled. "I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'I didn't marry any of them, did I?'"
Naruto was then officially stunned into silence.
Kakashi continued, "I've been waiting for the right moment for almost a month now. It's already been two years, like you said, and I don't want it to stop there. I want you to keep cooking for forever, and I'll continue to make you proud with my Hokage duties just to be sure you don't regret quitting your job, and I'll find us a big, beautiful house that we can both move into. And lastly, I'll always strive to be better than all your exes combined." He reached into the bedside table and pulled out a small velvet box.
On the other hand, Naruto couldn't believe what was happening just before his eyes. It was so sudden, but it was oddly touching that Kakashi had chosen that time to do such a thing. He stayed quiet as Kakashi opened the box up in front of him with undeniable hope and anxiety in his heterochromatic eyes as he gazed up at his boyfriend. "Naruto… Will you make me officially better than all of them and marry me?"
"Kakashi… I-I…" Naruto wasn't even surprised when he found himself bursting into tears as he pulled Kakashi over to him and kissed him. When they separated he nodded like crazy, saying, "Yes. Yes. Definitely yes!" Kakashi couldn't help the uncharacteristically huge grin that instantly broke out across his face. He removed the golden ring from the box and slid it onto Naruto's finger. "Oh my God, I'm getting married!"
"I love you so much, Naruto. So fucking much," Kakashi said seriously before crashing their lips together again.
"You're definitely way better than all of them combined times seventeen plus three times twenty-one, Kakashi!"
"I don't know if I really followed that, but… Good!"
They kissed again before falling into an aimless banter.
"So I'm thinking 'Property of Kakashi' across your ass…"
FIN.